I STRONGLY advise that you cancel or postpone your surgery. Just know that you shouldn’t feel any shame or guilt for changing your mind. You own your body, no one else, not even your doctor. The fact that you’re thinking it’s probably trauma related is a major red flag and should be a flashing indicator that you probably shouldn’t be making those kinds of decisions yet. Breast reductions are always an option, and much much less invasive…I’m not trying to tell you what to do or what you should do, but it sounds like to me that this surgery will do the opposite of benefitting you given what you said. This surgery is permanent and it seems that doctors/surgeons do not highlight this enough…Again, you have plenty time in the world to think about everything, it’s perfectly OKAY to have doubts. It’s better giving yourself time to find yourself, even if it takes forever, rather than dealing with immense grief of a total loss that cannot be restored. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself time to figure things out.

I had a total hysto just over a year ago. I came to terms with my regret not long after I had it done. I pretty much spiraled because I worried about long term health, feeling like I’m not a man anymore but too late to go back to living life as a woman. It takes time though, to address these feelings. Let yourself grieve. That’s one of the first steps. Stop associating body parts with gender. You have female chromosomes, after all. There are women who never transitioned, and had to get hysterectomies for other reasons, though they are still women. As far as health problems, the chances of health issues rising related to hormones, are low as long as you continue taking some kind of hormone. You can still live a fulfilling life as a woman. This is your life and your journey. Some parts of this hurts, but it’s part of the process. There are women out there with severe PCOS and have to deal with unwanted facial hair, or an abnormally deep voice, but they are still women. I hope none of this comes off as harsh but rather encouraging.

I don’t think transitioning would benefit you in your case. You mentioned you had sexual related trauma. If you transition, you would be expected to interact with men still, use the men’s bathroom, changing rooms, etc. Even if you refuse to use them, you may find yourself wanting to isolate simply because you don’t want to deal with those possibilities and other possible scenarios. I really don’t think those things would “help” with your feelings but rather worsen it. You also mentioned that being a lesbian is “lonely and miserable”. Well think of it this way, if you transition into a man, less women would want to approach you, it’s the truth. You would have to relearn social norms, and “guy codes” because overall these are just things you can’t avoid when you’re dealing with some people. Without a doubt, you WILL find yourself in uncomfortable situations especially in the beginning but that is up to you on whether you want to take that as a learning experience or a solid indicator that this wouldn’t be right for you. But given off what you’ve mentioned I really don’t think this would be a right path for you. On top of that, there are also men who fetishize trans men. There’s probably a fetish for well…almost anything. Though I understand that your trauma doesn’t let you process that fact very well and that’s understandable. I think a good therapist could help you through your traumas, help you unwind, show you how to deal with men who make you uncomfortable, and overall navigate through adulthood. To me it sounds like you are perfectly fine as a woman I don’t think you should transition.

Don’t do it dear. Majority, if not all people transition due to deeper, rooted problems that mostly become undetected until it’s too late. I would suggest a therapist and NOT a gender therapist as they will often push the agenda on you. If you’re an attractive man, then why would you want to ruin your body? Who said you would become an attractive woman? No one. It’s all in your head. I’m a detrans woman, so I was actually on hormones and had two, very regrettable surgeries. Chat with me if you would like.

Oh my god you explained exactly how I’ve been feeling the past couple of months, as a detrans female. This is how I said it, “I murdered my past self, and the man who I thought I was also died”. Felt like I was grieving two people. Consider this a new journey, now with more clarity. Allow yourself to grieve, it takes time. The good thing is you found yourself and now you can move onto better things waiting ahead.

I learned that transphobia doesn’t exist, rather, facts exist. If I say that it’s impossible to change your sex, I’m transphobic? Most detransitioners are not “hateful” but are trying to warn others. Nothing hateful about that. Maybe you need to grow the fuck up and accept that you can’t change your gender. This community is nothing but love and accepts REALITY for what it is. If you’re not ready to accept reality then perhaps you need therapy and not need of medical mutilation and chemical treatments. The lack of empathy towards the victims who are left permanently damaged in fault of misdiagnosis and indoctrination shows that people like you are narcissistic and require extensive therapy.

I feel exactly the same but the opposite, I envy men. I feel like men just have it better. Their lives are easy, men are respected more, just everything, from boyhood to manhood. Idk, up to this day I still envy men who are attractive and successful. Or just successful. I see no shame in being a man.

I don’t think him making you promise him is shady or weird, if you have reduced lung function and all the other things you have mentioned, I think your doctor, in his right, is just trying to protect you from something risky and not promised. I know the news may seem extremely devastating, but breast reconstruction is indeed more risky than I’d say a mastectomy. Technically all surgeries are risky, but a breast reconstruction that includes expanders, can take a huge toll on the body. I would also research breast implant illness, it’s something that could happen, and with the health issues you already have, if BII were to occur, it would seriously bring down your quality of life. I personally chose not to opt for breast reconstruction, simply because I’m pretty content with my flat chest, I’ve learned to love it and accept it, even embrace it. Not having a chest does not make you any less a woman. I am sorry that the news wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but in your best, I’d say research safer alternatives. Breast forms are something that you can experiment with, or just wearing something like an underwire bra which is something I do sometimes when I’m dressing fem. As far as the scars go, I think there’s still a possibility that those scars can be addressed, there are various laser treatments BUT you should consult first.

One thing many doctors don’t really explain is that transitioning won’t magically give you every feature you wish for. Their job is to affirm your gender, but they don’t always talk about the emotional side, like how you might feel even after your transition is “complete.” Some people feel satisfied, and others don’t. That’s something you have to prepare for.

It’s important to remember: you’re not a cis man — and that’s okay. Being different doesn’t mean being less. Being transgender is valid, and your goal shouldn’t be to erase where you came from. That’s part of why gender can become such a deep focus — because you’re trying to make peace with who you are. Learning to love your body and your uniqueness is step one.

Step two is understanding that gender expression is flexible. You don’t need to fit every stereotypical box of what it means to be “masculine” to be valid.

Speaking from my own experience — I stopped hormones for a year and took time to really reflect. I used to always think about gender, that it became extremely overwhelming for me. During that time, I explored my identity and expression — including trying out more feminine clothing. Eventually, I realized I was suppressing my masculinity, and that didn’t feel right either. I accepted that I’m a cis female, and that was okay, too. Giving myself space to explore gave me clarity and peace.

Now I’m back on hormones, but I do regular blood work and feel more balanced. I’m no longer ashamed of who I am or afraid of people knowing. Trying to “go stealth” just to erase your past can become an obsession, and it’s not always healthy. (Of course, being stealth for safety is a different situation.)

My point is: take your time. Explore. Question. Understand yourself. There’s no single right way to do this, just your way.

I absolutely relate, and I’m still trying to unwire all the tangled bits that tangled up with my sense of just being able enjoy things without thinking about gender vs. all the things that I forced myself to obsessively connect gender and masculinity with. The way I look at it (and this may or may not help) but I try to remind myself that I’m female, and nothing can change that. I can still enjoy all the masculine things like men clothing if I want. This can be more difficult and complicated for someone who was already a masculine female before transition. Don’t put thought into gender anymore, only do what YOU want to do, free as you please. You don’t have to force femininity and wear heels and makeup to embrace it, it’s okay to be masculine and female, and it’s okay to switch it up and be feminine and present it however you want. But I would honestly try and drop thinking about what’s masculine and what’s feminine as it’s a pretty similar mindset to obsessing over gender. I know this sounds a bit gibberish but I hope it makes sense somewhat, as I’m still working with myself on this. Feel free to message me.