“If you don’t do ‘x’ I will kill myself” is emotional blackmail.

It’s especially effective if your child has self harmed, because they seem more likely to go through with things more drastic—suicide.

Still, that’s what it is, and it’s used to great effect by our trans identifying children, by health “professionals”, and anyone who jumps on the trans-train.

I’m not religious anymore at all. My family left Mormonism about 7 years ago. I think the messages towards women certainly are part of why my daughter believes she is transgender. There are probably plenty of other contributors like her depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder that her upbringing haven’t helped at all either. Be mindful of the messages your particular faith might have towards women and girls. Mormonism happens to be particularly damaging in that way for many (but not all) members.

For starters, your daughter is an adult. Sadly, there isn’t anything you can make her read or watch or consider. You’ll have to try have conversations with her, but as with my daughter, it likely won’t be productive.

You just have to love her and make sure she knows it. I’ve tried to tell my daughter, after she asks for my support, that I won’t lie to her about what I think about her decision. My way of “supporting” her is to tell her what I think if she asks. She pretty much doesn’t want to know.

She’s brilliantly talented with her voice and has won a national competition for how incredible she is. My biggest fear is that she will lose her beautiful voice on testosterone (this is almost a certainty). She will most likely never be able to be involved in musical theater again. I fear she will become suicidal in later years knowing what she’s done to herself and that there is no coming back from it —in terms of her voice most likely becoming like a pubescent boy. If she has “top surgery”, there’s a large chance she will have uncomfortable scarring and could lose sensation in her nipples (if they survive at all). She seems to not understand that the “gay boys” she is so enamored with don’t want to be intimate with a person with a vagina, just as a lesbian woman isn’t interested in sex with a trans-identified man with a penis.

If your daughter has a close or best friend (provided they don’t think they are trans or non- binary, etc) try to find out what they think of your daughter’s decision. I asked my daughter’s best friend what she though about all this—and she thinks it’s all crazy, can’t keep up with everyone’s pronouns in the friend group, their new names, their flavor of the day (depressed, suicidal, super “happy”, bitchy, sweet). She even said she thought she was trans in 9th grade and reasoned her way out of it—discovering how actually misogynistic the whole transgender movement is. She just is afraid to say anything and doesn’t want to be “that friend”. I’ve encouraged her to speak her mind. I hope she does. (What are the chances that out of five of my daughter’s closest friends, one is MtF, three are non binary (my daughter went from FtM to now non binary, trans-masc....whatever), her best friend previously believed she was a trans boy, too? It doesn’t get any more like a contagion than that!)

One word of advice—You’re making a mistake, in my opinion, by calling your daughter your son. Do not acquiesce to threats that “your child will die” if she doesn’t receive the affirmation she probably demands. You should not bend your reality to pretend for her. She’s your daughter. No matter what she does towards transitioning, you should insist that she not try to control your behavior or reality. This is NOT Never-Neverland. She is NOT Peter Pan. And no matter what she thinks of your refusal to go along with all the pronoun garbage, you are NOT the evil Captain Hook.

I’d write more, but need to get doing some other things now. Just know you need to read, read, read, read! Learn everything you can about this phenomenon. Try to find any angle you can to be able to have helpful conversations IF your daughter ever will speak with you about things. Most of all, love her, embrace her, but don’t praise her for “being brave”. Transitioning is no more than following the crowd trying to fit in and be loved and important—and also following medical or therapy advice which amounts to malpractice when handing out prescription for T, etc.—while ignoring her fundamental, deep psychological challenges.

I’m so happy for you that you had a friend willing to talk straight to you—and you listened! This sub is a fantastic resource with wonderful people, most of whom have been where you are and were able to come to the truth, as challenging as it might be. (I’m not detrans, just a mom hoping my 20 year old daughter will some day change her mind. Your post gives me hope!)

Madame XX’s comment is right on. You are a target for these people. High school is rough. I certainly struggled there much like you are. I never really felt like I fit in. Maybe you can seek out who you want, maybe even someone at school who you think looks lonely, too, and can certainly benefit from real friendship and not cultish behavior (since you clearly know how to recognize it). Also, if you can get involved in choir or band or a positive club, you will find friends.

It’s tough, I know. But remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can get through this!

(Maybe reach out to your parents, too. It’s ok to be friends with them, even though they’re your parents. )

The good news is—you ARE a girl! There’s no need to think about it. You just are. Nothing you do to dress differently, or grow facial hair, or have a low voice would change that basic fact anyway.

I hope you move forward more confidently as the girl/young woman you are! Good luck!

It is highly unlikely, even after transitioning, that you’d be able to “overpower” a natal male. Even the strongest female athlete, those who use steroids and trains religiously, are not stronger than most men who work less hard at it. Also, natal men have better fast twitch muscle response typically as well as the bodily legacy of their male hormones for their entire youth on up.

I’m sad that the one person who responded to you in the other thread basically pushed you towards transition. The website the person posted is disgusting and predatory.

Please seek help from a therapist who can help you through the challenges of being a developing teen.

I can't imagine you'd receive anger from this post. It really was a great read. It's good to see that people can figure out a better way than transitioning to be something they can't actually BE. So much better to just accept one's biology, get real about why we feel the ways we do, and get on with living a productive life.

Thanks for taking the time to write this up and share.

Plenty of girls aren’t feminine. Though I’m not transgender (only a mom of a young person who believes she is) I never was particularly feminine as a young teen. Frankly, now in my 50s, I still do and wear plenty of things that are more masculine. I wore my hair short for about 40 of those years, from toddlerhood till 39. I look better with short hair, frankly, and it suits me better to have it off my face and shoulders and out of my eyes. No nonsense!

I was pretty much socially awkward and had only a couple of friends throughout Jr high and high school. I’ve always thought periods are a pain and I don’t know any woman who actually enjoys them. My breasts weren’t important to me then either.

I have quite a few brothers and no sisters. I never understood why girls acted the way they often do; catty, gossipy, jealous, sometimes fake and often selfish and full of themselves. I couldn’t even pretend to be that way. I never “fit”. Due to my short hair, that I loved, I had people assume I was a boy. Kids asked me rudely on quite a few occasions if I was a boy or a girl. I sure wondered.

Had I the information you have had, learning about transgenderism at a young age like you did (and with all the Tumblr memes and other social media hype surrounding the issue) I believe I would have thought that described me.

But now, after nearly three decades married and with children of my own, I’ve figured out much more about myself, why I struggled to fit in and feel “normal”. Depression, low self esteem (due mostly to an absolutely damaging religion I’ve since left) and most likely being somewhat on the autistic spectrum are major things I’ve learned to deal with in a healthy way. It took a lot of introspection to see why I was hurting and feeling “off”. Thank goodness I didn’t have anyone pushing me to be anything other than what I was born as.

I think it’s also best to understand transitioning will never make you be male. It’s impossible. It most certainly won’t make your discomfort about aspects of yourself and your life yourself go away.

I hope you can figure things out. I truly do.

“But I’m not sure if I AM male”—this is the first problem you need to work through. Not whether or not you ARE male, rather that you AREN’T male.

You ARE female. Nothing you do to your body will change that fact.

Consider that there are most likely deep seated reasons you feel this way. It could be something or things as small as male siblings getting more attention or wanting to DO more traditionally male activities, or many in your friend group are “trans” and you see how much attention and praise for being “brave” and “amazing” they are getting. It could be something or things quite more drastic that are making you want to reject that you are female. Abuse, trauma, maybe you are on the autism spectrum and just feel “off” because of it, and on and on. Spend several weeks on this sub regularly and read about the various reasons others felt the way you do now. It will be enlightening and maybe save you a lot of pain and heartache.

But remember, in the end, you ARE female. Anyone who makes you believe otherwise (that you can be male) is selling you a lie and wants you to live that lie for the rest of your life.