This story is from the comments by /u/jilrepents that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic persona.
The comments show:
- Personal and varied engagement: The user offers emotional support, practical advice, personal reflections, and asks exploratory questions. The tone and content are consistent with a genuine, empathetic individual.
- Internal consistency: The user's perspective is consistent over time, focusing on themes of trauma, self-reflection, faith, and healing from a detransition perspective. They reference their own thought processes and learnings.
- Human-like nuance: The comments avoid robotic repetition, show empathy, acknowledge complexity, and adapt responses to different posts. The inclusion of personal details like religious beliefs and references to past relationships adds to the authenticity.
While the user is passionate and holds a strong viewpoint common in the detrans community, this does not indicate inauthenticity. The account behaves as a supportive, long-term participant.
About me
I never fit in with other girls as a child, and I later connected that feeling to my autism. When puberty hit, I hated the changes in my body and mistakenly thought that meant I was supposed to be male. I found a community online and started taking testosterone, but the feeling of being fixed was always temporary. I eventually realized my desire to transition came from trauma and a need to escape myself, not from being born in the wrong body. I've stopped hormones and, while I have permanent changes and regrets, I'm finally learning to be at peace as a female.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was really young. I never felt like I fit in with other girls. I was a tomboy and felt more comfortable playing with boys, but that made me feel like an outsider. I now see that a lot of this was connected to my autism; I just didn't understand the social rules and felt like I was failing at being a girl. I think I falsely connected those dots and thought that not fitting in meant I was in the wrong body.
Puberty was a huge shock to my system. I hated the changes happening to my body, especially developing breasts. It felt foreign and wrong. I felt a deep sense of discomfort and wanted it all to stop. I now believe this was a normal anxiety about growing up, mixed with some body dysmorphia, but at the time, I saw it as proof that I was supposed to be a boy. I was also dealing with a lot of trauma from my past, and I now understand that I was dissociating, trying to distance myself from my body and my story as a form of self-protection.
I found a lot of comfort and community online. The trans community gave me a sense of belonging and identity that I was desperately hungry for. It created an answer for all my confusion. I started to socially transition in my late teens, and it felt like a solution. I started taking testosterone in my early twenties. For a while, it felt empowering, like I was finally taking control. But the feeling didn't last. It became a constantly moving target. I’d achieve one thing, like a deeper voice, and then immediately focus on the next thing I wanted to change. It was like chasing a destination of happiness I could never actually reach.
I started to realize that my desire to transition was coming from a place of deep pain and escapism. I was trying to become someone else entirely because I didn't feel safe or comfortable being myself. I had low self-esteem and was using transition as a way to try and fix all my problems. I was influenced a lot by what I saw online and by the friends I had in the community. Questioning anything was not allowed; it felt cult-like, and you'd be shunned if you expressed doubt.
The turning point for me was discovering detransition stories online. Hearing other people talk about their revelations was like a lightbulb going off. For many, like me, their dysphoria was rooted in things like autism, trauma, internalized homophobia, or simply not fitting into narrow gender stereotypes. I began to do what I call "exploratory therapy" on myself, asking endless questions: Why did I really want to change my body? What was I trying to escape? Was there ever a time I felt okay as female? I had to unravel all the unconscious reasons my brain had found comfort in being trans.
I came to understand that my faith played a big part in my healing. I became religious during this time, and praying and reading scripture helped me immensely. Verses about being fearfully and wonderfully made by God helped me accept that I was created female for a reason. This was a huge revelation that brought me a lot of peace. Repenting and accepting God's grace also helped me let go of the immense guilt and shame I carried.
I stopped testosterone and began to detransition. It hasn't been easy. My hormones are all over the place, and some changes, like my deeper voice, are permanent. I have regrets about the medical steps I took. I put my body through a lot, and I'm now infertile, which is a deep sadness. I regret not digging deeper into the reasons for my feelings before taking such permanent steps. I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy—from questioning and exploring instead of just being affirmed.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's often more complicated than we're led to believe. For many, dysphoria is a symptom of other issues, not a cause. I don't believe someone can be born in the wrong body. I think we need to be able to question and explore these feelings without pressure. I'm finally learning to be comfortable in my own skin, as a female. I'm nurturing my femininity at my own pace, exploring styles and hobbies I enjoy without pressure. Some days are still hard, and I struggle with body image, but I'm building a life based on truth, not fantasy. I'm proud of how far I've come.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| ? | Felt like I didn't fit in with other girls as a child. |
| ? | Went through puberty, hated the changes and developing breasts. |
| Late Teens | Began socially transitioning. |
| Early 20s | Started taking testosterone. |
| ? | Began questioning my transition and discovered detrans stories. |
| ? | Stopped testosterone and began detransitioning. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/jilrepents:
Things you might not be told:
Puberty blockers will very likely mean puberty never happens and they are unable to orgasm/have children.
There are many known and unknown risks to cross hormones.
Sometimes children want to be the other gender because of simple reasons. One example is admiring a parent so much, to want to be like them. Another is from watching a tv show (ru Paul drag race). Kids can get ideas on a whim and run with them. It is not always dissociation because of trauma, it can be like those reasons above.
There is “exploratory therapy” to explore where the ideas come from.
You may already know these things, just sharing if it helps.
”My identity as a man is not shaky like it was when I was trans. It is firm, because it is based in reality.”
That’s an interesting observation to make.. Like it doesn’t matter what someone says because the truth is such a good anchor to find stability jn..
You feel uncomfortable in your body. I’m so sorry you’re suffering.
Exploratory therapy can help work out the underlying reasons for dissociation or Dysphoria.
Better to cancel the appointment than do something permanent.
Proud of you for reaching out on here. Never make a permanent decision when unsure.
You can work through this and I can see from what you wrote, you are reflective and can see something doesn’t feel right, along with noticing your feelings of mourning your kid body because puberty.
I remember someone else’s story being the similar. They didn’t want to grow up for several reasons. But I hope you get your answers that set you free. Keep digging, you’ll get there.
Please don’t get hurt about it. It’s hard though, isn’t it. It.
You can’t have any nuanced views or deeper questioning or anything without being called a name. Like previously said, it’s a cult and you’ll get shunned.
There’s only a small percentage of people that have not such a black and white view and are more safe to interact with.
Sorry it’s happened so much to you. Please see it as a reflection of them and their lack of understanding, rather than you.
Female. Your facial bone structure is very feminine. (Men and women’s facial features/bones/skeleton are very different in their face (not just pelvis and femur differences, there is facial differences too.. This is why you can generally tell when men have facial gender reassignment surgery) Your skin is feminine too. Your style (hair and clothes) are more androgynous though.
Yes, this is a pattern that happens often. The goal post that keeps shifting out of reach. Also a bit like “Destination Happiness” which is “I’ll be happy when..” But you can never get there because the solution is not there.. This is what happened to “Shapeshifter.” Essentially for him, it’s more like body dysmorphia and no amount of surgeries, hormones, etc etc work. Just chasing happiness, but the answer is in Exploritory Therapy and healing trauma or just making sense of things. “Shapeshifter” has since detransitioned, but has regrets over all his surgeries.
There’s someone that will be proud of you for what you’ve overcome and who you are. You will still be loved. Just don’t end up with a narc, cos that’s what I’ve done after childhood stuff too and that broke me. You’ll notice they are a narc if they falsely accuse you an turn any argument into a way to flip it on to you (gaslighting, as you’d know) Just mentioning because childhood patterns can repeat in love life and I don’t want you to go through that on top of what you’ve been through.
Trust there’s good people out there though, that will be proud of you.
You’re in my prayers, be gentle in yourself, you deserve so much love and kindness and I’m proud of you for all you’ve gotten through and how far you’ve come. It’s a big thing to be where you are and how far you’ve come. To be as used by the system and let down/abused by mother/parent - you were just an innocent kid and didn’t deserve any of that. You deserve freedom and love and you’re certainly making good choices for yourself despite the hand you were unfairly dealt. Keep shining. Proud of you 🙏
Often it’s a form of dissociation due to unconscious reasons. It can be trauma related, or other things like autism. Many reject their identity and find comfort in a new one, then realise later that it didn’t heal the underlying reason and left them chasing an impossible dream. Doing “exploratory therapy” instead of “affirmative therapy” can pinpoint reasons why the dysphoria is there and help heal it.
I think the truth scares them. And they reject quickly to dismiss it. Sorry for what you’re going through. It’s disappointing to learn how shallow relationships can be. You’re in good company in this reddit group and well done for you and your healing journey. You’ve done so well to get to where you are :) Proud of you :)
You’re still worthy of that kind of love. Please watch some of the YouTube videos of other detransitioners that have found love and live a normal life. Your person is out there. Someone else who has lived a unique story and finds comfort in your story too.