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Reddit user /u/jobydo's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 16
female
hated breasts
depression
influenced online
puberty discomfort
had religious background
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's posts show:

  • Internal Consistency: A clear, evolving personal narrative about gender dysphoria, family conflict, and cautious consideration of transition.
  • Complex Emotion: Nuanced feelings (e.g., anger at a parent's approach mixed with a desire for understanding) that are difficult to fabricate.
  • Specific, Personal Details: References to unique life events (sports team sign-up, specific conversations with their mother) that point to a real person's experience.

The user identifies as someone considering transition, which is consistent with the concerns of a genuine desister seeking alternative perspectives.

About me

I started feeling a deep discomfort with my female body when I hit puberty, especially with my chest and hips. I spent a lot of time online where I was convinced that wanting top surgery meant I was trans. My mother's strong religious opposition to hormone therapy made me want to rush into it, which forced me to step back and think more carefully. I realized I needed to address my depression first instead of blaming everything on my gender. Now, I'm focusing on my mental health and learning to be comfortable as a masculine female without making any permanent changes.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender has been confusing and difficult, and it's taken me a long time to sort through my feelings. It all started when I hit puberty. I began to feel really uncomfortable with my body, especially my chest and my hips. It wasn't about how I dressed; even when I wore the men's clothes I liked, I was still painfully aware of my female shape. I hated my breasts the most. I would spend a lot of time trying to find outfits that concealed my chest because the sight of it bothered me so much. I also felt uncomfortable with my voice. I tried lifting weights to change my body, and I saw some results, but it didn't get rid of the deep discomfort I felt about these specific parts of myself.

I spent a lot of time online in trans communities, like r/ftm, looking for answers. I saw a lot of people saying that if you question your gender, you're probably trans. The reasoning was that a cis person wouldn't even think about it. For a while, that logic felt convincing to me. My biggest goal was to get top surgery, because I believed that would finally relieve the distress I felt about my chest. I also thought about testosterone, but I was scared of it causing new problems, like genital dysphoria, which I didn't have at the time.

My relationship with my mother became very hostile because of this. She has a strong religious background and believed that God would "free me" from my dysphoria one day. She framed it as a phase I would grow out of and then thank her for being right. This made me feel like she didn't understand me at all. Her complete opposition to me even considering hormone replacement therapy (HRT) made me feel like I had to rush to do it as soon as I turned 18, just because it was being made into such a forbidden thing. I knew that if it were a more open topic, we could have had healthier conversations.

But I also knew I needed to be careful. I was dealing with severe depression and had stopped going to therapy. I realized I needed to go back to therapy to really understand myself before making any permanent decisions. Reading comments from people in this detransition community was helpful because it made me see that medical transition should be a last resort, not a first step. I was actively looking for perspectives that weren't just validation; I wanted to be real with myself.

I started to question if I was just a gender non-conforming female. I know women can be strong and masculine, but for me, the problem was that I didn't want to look like a masculine woman. The biological reality of my body was the source of the discomfort, not just the clothes. On a day-to-day basis, I was often perceived as male by strangers, which felt good, but I knew that wasn't a solution in itself.

Looking back, I never actually made any decisions to medically transition. I'm still figuring things out. I don't know if I regret anything because I didn't go far enough to have regrets. My main takeaway is that I needed to work on my underlying mental health, like my depression, before blaming everything on gender. I'm trying to develop my own style and find comfort in my own skin, whatever that ends up looking like.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on my comments:

My Age Event
Around puberty (approx. 11-12) Started feeling intense discomfort with my chest, hips, and voice as my female body developed.
16 Was actively questioning my gender, spending time online in trans communities, and considering top surgery and testosterone. Was often perceived as male by strangers.
16 Had a hostile relationship with my mother over my gender questioning. She opposed HRT on religious grounds.
16 Decided to seek therapy again for depression and to explore my feelings about gender more cautiously before making any medical decisions.
16 Concluded that medical transition should be a last resort and focused on understanding myself better without rushing into anything.

Top Comments by /u/jobydo:

12 comments • Posting since September 20, 2019
Reddit user jobydo discusses their mother's belief that a religious miracle will resolve their gender dysphoria, contrasting it with their own belief that self-understanding and caution are the true path to resolution.
15 pointsSep 21, 2019
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I'll be honest, reading your comment did make me tear up a bit. I think one issue I have with my mother not supporting is her attitude torwards the possibility of me growing out of this. Her claim is that when God "frees me" of my dysphoria, I'll go back to thank her, tell her she was right, and apologize for not believing her. I think that if I do reach a happy conclusion, it won't be because of any sort of miracle, but because I put in the effort to understand myself more and be more cautious about how I move forward. It's a bit sad to know that she wouldn't recognize that.

I'm very glad your daughter has come closer to a conclusion and that you've been supporting her. The world really does need more parents/mothers to be more understanding and supportive. That doesn't exactly mean giving in to all of a child's desires, but listening and trying to understand does really go a long way.

Thank you very much for your comment and for your cyber hugs

Reddit user jobydo comments on a detransitioner subreddit, explaining that as someone considering transition, they benefited from the view that it should be a last resort and will explore other options first.
14 pointsSep 21, 2019
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I also agree with your statement. I'm someone considering transitioning and I think I benefited from hearing that a lot of people here think it should be the last option rather than the first. I'll try to see if there are other things I can do for myself and transition medically if it really comes down to it

Reddit user jobydo explains their plan to seek therapy for gender dysphoria and expresses hope for a commenter's strained relationship with their daughter.
10 pointsSep 20, 2019
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I'm going to look into therapy as well, I was in it almost a year ago for some severe depression, but I stopped going at some point. Although I'm no longer severely depressed, I do think I need therapy right now more than I ever have. But yea, I'll try and see a regular therapist.

Also, I hope that your relationship with your daughter is okay. I know that this situation has caused me and my mother to have a very hostile relationship. I just hope she understands the motives behind what you do, or else it could escalate to her having bad feelings for you

Either way, thank you for your advice

Reddit user jobydo discusses their gender dysphoria, the pressure to start HRT at 18, and plans for top surgery and voice coaching instead.
9 pointsSep 20, 2019
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Thank you, your comment was extremely insightful. It was about the level of insight I was looking for.

I think you're right about the trans community affirming everyone who claims the label. I often see reasoning such as, "Well, would a cis person question their gender?" followed by "No, so you're obviously trans". I haven't personally experienced it but the reasoning that anyone who has any sort of doubt is likely trans is quite prevalent.

It's good to hear that a lot of females have top surgery without any regrets. It's my biggest source of dysphoria and has been for the longest time, ever since puberty started. My voice comes in second, which is why I think top surgery and voice coaching might be positive for me.

Increasing genital dysphoria does seem to be a common issue with people on T. I don't have genital dysphoria, but I would hate to go on T and begin to want surgery.

As I've stated in other comments, I'm going to look into surgery and see what I can get out of it. I truly don't want to be a person who quickly jumps into HRT without thinking about it. The way my mother has been framing HRT - that she would under no circumstances allow me - has made me feel in the past as if I should proceed as soon as I become 18. If she made it less far from my reach and made it seem less taboo, we could probably have some more healthy and productive conversations.

Sorry for that abrupt conclusion, but again, thank you for your comment.

Reddit user jobydo explains their search for honest feedback over validation, stating they avoided r/ftm to escape an echo chamber and that their dysphoria stems from unchangeable features like voice and hips.
7 pointsOct 21, 2019
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In a way I was looking for the opposite of support/validation. I'm trying to learn to be more real with myself and I know that the subreddits I read (r/ftm) would be sort of an echo chamber of, "Of course you can pass as a short guy; transitioning outweighs most insecurities" etc. I do see how this isn't the best post to make though. As for looking how I'd like as a girl, it's been a challenge. Most of my discomfort stems from things that I can't control - voice, hips, etc.

Thank you for your comment though, it's very thoughtful

Reddit user jobydo comments on developing a mature personal style despite their mother's preference for feminine clothing, and plans to get a job to buy their own clothes.
6 pointsOct 21, 2019
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I do know that, but I thought using adult trans man or something of that sort would be a little redundant :o

Haha I usually don't wear that to most places. Old t shirt, shorts that are way too big (I made a belt out of the shorts themselves), and flip flops aren't fitting for most places. I'm trying to develop my style into something more mature that I can enjoy, but it's difficult when my mother desires for me to wear only pink ruffle skirts. I'll get a job soon though so I should be fine.

RIP my cool shirts with math memes

Reddit user jobydo comments on the perceived aggression of a phrase, clarifying its informal British definition and interpreting it as a threat.
5 pointsOct 22, 2019
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That sounds pretty aggressive

Clock: informal, British

hit (someone), especially on the head.

I know what definition you're using (which I believe is only recognized by perhaps Urban Dictionary), but both the length and phrasing of the sentence make it sound like a threat

Reddit user jobydo clarifies they are not making any decisions about transitioning and rejects assumptions about teenage certainty.
4 pointsOct 23, 2019
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You don't understand. I haven't made any decisions. If I thought I had it all figured out like all teenagers, I wouldn't be posting here, but I have. Multiple times. Please get over yourself and stop trying to feed me the same stuff that everyone thinks applies to every teenager considering a transition.

As I said before, no decisions have been made.

Reddit user jobydo challenges a medical doctor's advice, arguing that telling a young person to wait until they're older to "deny their sex" is a backwards and illogical argument.
3 pointsOct 22, 2019
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The only thing you targeted towards me as to the crazy activity I'm engaging in: "denying your own sex"

Obviously this isn't an active doing such as drinking, having sex, doing drugs, etc. As such, would you not imagine that a young person would be more likely to engage in it, if it is as crazy as you say it is? Telling me to wait until I'm older to do (or think, in this case) crazy stuff is completely backwards and shows that at some point, there was something you misinterpreted.

Who are you blaming - me or leftists? It seems that you couldn't put much blame on me so you resorted to blaming others.

You seem to have based your entire response upon me being a "victim", which I do not care for, nor is it in any way related to your original comment.

Do you realize that the essence of your initial argument is "Ugh wait until you're not a kid before you start thinking childish things"? Most people would not find any sense in such an argument.

I'm not impressed by your last sentence. You being a medical doctor has no bearing on this is if the rest of your response is unsound.

Reddit user jobydo explains their body dysphoria, stating that even when wearing preferred clothing or building muscle, they remain deeply uncomfortable with their chest, hips, and voice.
3 pointsSep 20, 2019
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I don't really know about the gender noncomforming thing. I feel like the answer would be much more simple if that was the case. I would actually prefer it quite a bit. I know women can be strong/masculine. The issue is that I don't want to look like a strong/masculine woman. In terms of clothing, if I were the clothes that I like, I still get uncomfortable by things like my chest and hips. Very uncomfortable, to the point where I try to find an outfit that conceals it and spend quite some time on it.

I've been lifting for some time and seeing results, but it doesn't rid me of my issues with my chest, hips, voice, etc.