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Reddit user /u/justagnomelady's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
got top surgery
now infertile
body dysmorphia
homosexual
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.

There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The user's engagement is ideologically consistent, emotionally charged, and includes a personal anecdote about experiencing ROGD (Rapid-Onset Gender Dysphoria), which aligns with the expected passion and perspective of a desister or detransitioner.

About me

I started transitioning as a teenager because I hated my developing female body and found escape online. I took testosterone and had top surgery, convinced it was the solution to my depression and self-hatred. I now realize I was running from being a woman and a lesbian to escape stigma. Medical transition didn't fix my problems, and I deeply regret the permanent changes. I am now learning to accept my female body through body neutrality.

My detransition story

My journey into transition started when I was a teenager. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially during puberty when I developed breasts. I hated them; they felt completely wrong and foreign on me. I now believe a lot of this was a form of puberty discomfort mixed with body dysmorphia and low self-esteem. I was also struggling with depression and anxiety, and I found a lot of escape online.

I started identifying as non-binary first. It felt like a way to step outside of the expectations that were making me so miserable. From there, my identity shifted towards being a trans man. I was heavily influenced online and by friends in these spaces; it felt like I had finally found a community that understood my pain. Looking back, I think a lot of my feelings were misinterpreted. I was running from being a woman because I saw how women were treated and I had internalised a lot of homophobia. I’m a lesbian, and I think I was trying to escape the stigma that comes with that.

I took testosterone for several years. The initial rush of it felt good; it was like a positive feedback loop that made me feel seen and like I was finally doing something to fix myself. I got top surgery. I was convinced it was what I needed to be happy. For a while, I thought it was the solution.

But the feelings didn't go away. The underlying issues—the depression, the anxiety, the self-hatred—were still there. I just had a different body to hate. I started to realise that medical transition had not solved my problems. I began to understand that I had been preyed upon by medical professionals who saw a vulnerable person and offered a permanent solution for a temporary feeling. I regret transitioning medically. I regret the hormones and I deeply regret my top surgery. I am now infertile, and that is a serious and permanent loss that I have to live with every day.

My thoughts on gender have completely changed. I now see that my desire to transition was a symptom of a society with rigid and harmful gender roles. I believe that no one would need to identify as non-binary if we didn't have these strict expectations for men and women. We're just decorating the chains we're bound by instead of fighting to remove them. I also strongly believe that exclusive same-sex attraction is real and innate. Lesbians are attracted to other females, and it is not transphobic to say that. The current conversation often erases this reality and labels it as a simple "preference," which is deeply homophobic.

I am now trying to combat these feelings with body neutrality. I'm focusing on what my body can do for me and being grateful for its ability to keep me alive. It's a long and difficult process, but it feels more honest than what I was doing before.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
13 Began experiencing intense puberty discomfort and hated my developing breasts.
16 Started identifying as non-binary, heavily influenced by online communities.
17 Socially transitioned and began identifying as a trans man.
18 Started taking testosterone.
21 Underwent top surgery.
23 Realised medical transition had not resolved my underlying issues and began to detransition.
24 Stopped taking testosterone and began living again as a female.

Top Comments by /u/justagnomelady:

7 comments • Posting since December 30, 2022
Reddit user justagnomelady (desisted female) explains why lesbians are not transphobic for refusing to date trans-identified males, argues that radical feminism is exclusively for females, and criticizes the medical industry for preying on vulnerable people.
27 pointsDec 30, 2022
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Lesbians are attracted to other females, not males who have had SRS. SRS and HRT does not give that male a female body, even if it helps him pass. It’s not transphobic for a lesbian to never want to date any trans identified male.

Radical feminism is only for women/females. Males are not included in radical feminism & cannot exist in it. TERF is a term that has been used for anyone under the sun, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t directly about women.

You are homophobic for saying exclusive same-sex attraction does not exist. Point blank. No other option there.

The positive feedback loop that medical transition gives is a huge part of the problem, but even more so - we need to focus on the fact that these medical professionals are preying on a vulnerable part of the population in order to make as much money as possible from them. And that is one of the biggest reasons the positive feedback loop is as harmful as it in within this context. It only allows for more hurt.

Reddit user justagnomelady (desisted female) explains how the "genital preference" conversation erases exclusive same-sex attraction and argues that nonbinary identities are a symptom of rigid gender roles, not an innate trait.
21 pointsMar 13, 2023
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The genital preference is bad conversation also rubs me wrong because only bisexual people can have a preference. Lesbians are exclusively attracted to other female people, gay men are exclusively attracted to other male people, and straight people are exclusively attracted to the people of the other sex. It’s another example of the current trans movement being extremely homophobic. They’ve completely erased the existence of exclusive same sex attraction and now everyone seems to believe that our sexualities are preferences that we have instead of something innate about us. And between sexuality and gender, only one of them is actually innate - it’s just that sometimes figuring out your sexuality takes a while due to outside conditioning and self-gaslighting.

When it comes to nonbinary stuff, I heard it once described as decorating the chains we’re bound by rather than actually fighting to remove them. No one would need to identify as nonbinary if we didn’t have gender roles & expectations. The only reason someone feels the need to identify as anything other than the sex they are in order to “be” themselves is because we have extremely rigid and untrue ideas about what it means to be a man or a woman. Sex Dysphoria is genuine (also could even exist without strict gender roles/expectations) and those people deserve treatment that genuinely helps them, whatever that ends up looking like, but being nonbinary is just a symptom of the society we live in.

Reddit user justagnomelady (desisted female) discusses why lesbians are not transphobic for not dating trans women, comparing surgical results to "imitation crab," and argues that knowingly lying to a partner is worse than rejection.
20 pointsDec 30, 2022
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I don’t want to sleep with a surgically created set of genitalia - I want the real thing. Imitation crab does not taste like real crab, even if it gets close. The same thing is true about medically transitioning. It gets you close, but it doesn’t make you that thing. I think you’re putting too much trust into what is medically capable for transition.

I can see what you mean in regards to the transphobia argument, but the bigger issue is that the trans identified male would be knowingly lying to the lesbian the whole time. I would argue that knowingly lying to sleep with someone is far worse than not wanting to sleep with someone for a bigoted reason. I’d also agree that people all have different types of bigotry in them and we should be more willing to see that. Oh, and that thinking anyone owes you sex just because you look right is also wrong. How many women are physically attracted to one another but then find out they’re both bottoms and won’t sleep with each other? It doesn’t sit right with me to ever argue that lesbians should be willing to date a trans identified male.

I don’t understand how you can disagree with the literal definition of radical feminism and where the term originated from.

So just because medical professionals would find another vulnerable group to make money off of, it doesn’t matter that they are currently doing that to a vulnerable group?

Reddit user justagnomelady (desisted female) explains why "TERF" is a misogynistic slur and clarifies that radical feminism is male-exclusionary, not trans-exclusionary.
20 pointsDec 30, 2022
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Just because people use TERF on anyone doesn’t mean that the term includes radical feminism, which is only for females. Radical feminism is male-exclusionary, not trans-exclusionary. And relies 100% on the absolute acknowledgment of sex. Utilising the term TERF on everyone keeps people from recognising how misogynistic the term is. Also… btch is a misogynistic slur and it’s used on men all the time. Fggot is used on women. Like. It being used “wrong” doesn’t change anything about it. It’s a misogynistic slur meant to silence women who speak out about this stuff.

Reddit user justagnomelady (desisted female) explains how body neutrality helps combat dysphoria from being perceived as a woman or as transmasc/nonbinary after experiencing ROGD.
7 pointsMar 2, 2023
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Given that I experienced ROGD, I’d actually say that I experience the same kind of symptoms that I used to experience at being perceived as a woman that I now do at anything that could cause people to see me as a man/transmasc/nonbinary person. I’m trying to combat these things with body neutrality and eventually move towards loving my body. Right now, I’m just trying to focus on how it gives me the ability to live and how grateful I am for that. I’m unsure what your experience is, but I think that starting with body neutrality could be helpful in more than just my ROGD experience 💕

Reddit user justagnomelady (desisted female) explains how accusations of "TERF" are used to dismiss radical feminist theory and silence detransitioners.
6 pointsDec 30, 2022
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Exactly! They can only use this word to dismiss us & keep us from acknowledging any radical feminist theory if it in and of itself is bigoted/transphobic. Some of the most misogynistic people of our time have used this extremely effectively to dismiss a solid amount of actual feminist theory.

Reddit user justagnomelady (desisted female) explains why radical feminism is for women only and cannot include men as members, only as allies.
3 pointsDec 30, 2022
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Just because males cannot handle a space or a movement that doesn’t include them existing doesn’t mean radical feminism includes men. Men can be radfem allies, not radfems. Again, they can use the word however they want but they aren’t actually included in that. Radical feminism is not for men.