This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this user account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The comments display a highly consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative that is characteristic of genuine detransitioners and desisters. The user shares specific, emotionally resonant details about their motivations, self-analysis, and the process of coming to terms with their female identity after identifying as FTM. The language is complex, introspective, and varies in tone (from supportive advice to personal anguish), which is not typical of automated or impersonation accounts. The passion and criticism of trans ideology are consistent with the genuine perspectives found in the detrans community.
About me
I started transitioning because I hated being an ugly, masculine girl and thought becoming a man was my only way to a happy life. I lived as male for four years, but in university, I realized my real problem was just low self-esteem, not my body. I finally understood that I could be a masculine female without needing to change who I am. Now, I'm detransitioned and have accepted that I am, and always was, a woman. I'm just trying to live my life authentically without the labels that made everything so complicated.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition started from a place of deep self-hatred. Growing up, I was a masculine girl, a tomboy, and boys constantly told me I was ugly. Every time they said it, it felt like a stab to the chest. I would look in the mirror and see an ugly, manly-looking girl and absolutely despise myself. I literally saw no future for myself as an ugly, masculine girl. I had so many ambitions, but in my mind, my appearance was a deal-breaker for any kind of happy life.
Out of that self-hatred and desperation, I latched onto the idea of transitioning. I saw "handsome" transmen online showing photos of themselves as teen girls and pointing out how "ugly" they were. It made me think that a lot of women try to become men because they feel utterly worthless if society doesn't deem them beautiful. Transitioning seemed like the way to change my life. I could destroy that version of me I hated and try to pass as male. That way, my masculine appearance wouldn't seem out of place anymore; it would even be a benefit because it would help me "pass."
I came out to my parents as a trans man at 16. I showed no signs of gender issues before that. Looking back, even if there were signs, it was just gender non-conformity, not a need to change my body. I started socially transitioning, using a new name and pronouns. I didn't take hormones or have surgery, but I bound my chest and lived as male for about four years.
During university, I started to really unravel everything. I was loving my time there, getting involved in societies and making friends, but I was also trying to figure out the least awkward way to reintroduce myself to everyone, knowing they would always see me as someone with a confusing gender history. I just wished I had never stopped loving myself so I wouldn't have tried to be someone else and ended up in this mess.
I began to overanalyse my reasons and realised the cause was fairly simple: low self-esteem. I had to disconnect from the whole idea of gender and just see it as "I am who I am, and who I am is female." I can't change that I'm female, just like I can't change my race or age. It's a biological fact. Words like "woman" have social connotations built on top of that fact, and I didn't connect to them because I was conditioned to associate "woman" with femininity. I realised I didn't have to. I came to terms with detransitioning by realising I would never be male; I would only ever be a poor impersonation of a man.
I had a lot of discomfort with my body, especially my breasts during puberty, but I see now that was more about hating how I looked and felt in a society that places so much value on female beauty, rather than a fundamental need to be male. I benefited immensely from stepping away from trans-affirming spaces and instead finding non-affirming therapy and perspectives. Watching detransition videos and listening to radical feminists like Magdalen Berns helped me deconstruct the ideology that had infiltrated my mind. Finding real-life masculine female role models was crucial. It showed me I could keep the men's clothing and short haircuts without needing to change my entire identity. I could be a tomboy, an androgynous female.
I don't regret exploring my identity, but I deeply regret that I ever felt the need to change my name and ask people to see me as something I'm not. It complicates my life now. I'm female and want to date people who are attracted to females. I don't want people thinking I have a penis or that my chest is artificial.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's largely a social construct. Male and female are biological realities. You can be a masculine female or a feminine male without needing to medically transition. For some reason, it seems easier these days to say you are transgender than to be extremely gender non-conforming. I know lesbian women who bind their chests and wear men's clothes not because they have "male brains" but because that's how they like to express themselves.
I didn't take hormones or have surgery, so I didn't have to deal with serious health complications or infertility. My detransition was social. I am just me, a female person, trying to live my life authentically without labels that don't fit.
Age | Event |
---|---|
16 | Came out to my parents as a trans man (FTM) and began socially transitioning. |
16-20 | Lived socially as male, using a new name and pronouns. |
19-20 | During university, began to question my transition and started the process of detransitioning. |
20 | Stopped identifying as transgender and resumed living as a female. |
Top Comments by /u/justlifeonearth:
I'm genuinely so sorry that you are in this situation. You should not have had to go through this, and you should have been supported and guided to work through your issues rather than taking the route of serious body modification.
That said, you need to make peace with your body as it is NOW. Just as you found issue with your body pre-transition, you're taking issue with it now. And I understand completely why you take issue with it now. But what is done is done, and you have to break this cycle of body-hating and appreciate what you do have and what your body can do. Appreciate every readjustment your body will make now that you have quit testosterone. Appreciate all of the natural functions of your body, and it's strength, and it's wellbeing. There is no point obsessing over everything you hate about it when there is so much to love. Ask your partner to list all the things they love about your and your body, and that may help you see yourself from a loving perspective.
You are still female. There are women with flat chests, women who have had mastectomies, women who have scars on their bodies, women with lots of body hair, women with deep voices. IMO, one of the only things that distinguishes between someone who is beautiful, and someone who lacks beauty, is their confidence. It's the way they radiate with self-love, self-respect, joy, kindness, etc.
It is so easy to feel distraught over this. To feel let down, to feel like you've ruined your life and nothing will ever be ok again. But you have to be determined to find happiness somehow, in the present moment. You have to show bravery and conviction in building a happy life for yourself, even if it seems unconventional in society's eyes. You are not ruined, you are simply evolving.
I've overanalysed my own reasons, but have recently realised that the cause was fairly simple. When you see "handsome" transmen showing photos of themselves as adolescent teen girls, and pointing out how "ugly" they were, it becomes clear that a lot of woman attempt to transition to men because they feel utterly worthless if society doesn't deem them beautiful. Growing up, I constantly had boys telling me that I was ugly. Each time, it was like a stab to the chest. I would look in the mirror and see an ugly, manly-looking girl, and absolutely despise myself. Enough to want to destroy that version of me and try to pass as male so that at least my masculine appearance didn't seem out of place, and even became of benefit as it allowed me to "pass".
I literally saw no future for myself as an ugly, masculine girl. I had so many ambitions, yet my appearance was a deal-breaker, in my mind. So out of self-hatred and desparation, I latched onto transitioning as the way to change my life.
I'll be blunt. You sound like a textbook case for future detransition. So many detrans people cite mental illness and sexual trauma as being the reason they transitioned. Weight is also gonna be contributing to your gender dysphoria if you have a natural preference for lean bodies. Just know that you can achieve a lean, athletic body as a female, and that it won't necessarily be easier to achieve that body type by going on hormones. In fact, many females gain weight when they injest testosterone, because their appetite soars.
I came to terms with detransitioning by realising that I would never be male. I would only ever be a poor impersonation of a man. Meanwhile, testosterone would be damaging my female body, and surgery would leave me with visible scars. Once you deconstruct the trans ideology living in your mind, you wonder why medical transition ever seemed like a good idea. I've not fully come to terms with how easily this ideology infiltrated my mind and stole 4 years of my life, but I'm just glad that I'm seeing sense now.
Stop watching youtube videos of trans men who put out the occasional fun, happy vlog while living most of their lives struggling with anxiety and depression. Start watching detransition videos.
Finding some masculine female role models really helped me too. It broadened my view of what women were allowed to be. It's an absolute relief to know that I can keep the men's clothing and short haircuts without needing to change my entire identity and physical appearance.
If you're not already in therapy, that will really help. Best of luck.
I still don't connect to the label of girl or woman, as I've been conditioned to associate those words with femininity, which is the problem. "Aging like a woman" doesn't appeal to me either, due to the image it naturally evokes in my mind. I don't want to age like a woman, I want to age like me - a tomboy/androgynous female.
I had to really disconnect myself from the whole idea of gender and just see it as "I am who I am, and who I am is female". I can't change the fact that I'm female, just like I can't change the fact that I'm white, or that I'm 19 years old right now. It's a biological fact, whereas words like "woman" are rooted in scientific realities but also have social connotations build upon them. That's why it is so appealing these days to label oneself as "non-binary". It allows people to exist as their biological sex without having to live in the role associated with that sex.
For me, accepting that I'm female and will never be male, and deciding that this truly didn't have to define me, is what has allowed me to decide to detransition/desist. I'm allowed to want to have toned muscles and short hair and narrow hips; I'm even allowed to want to look confusingly androgynous or to pass as male. It just makes me a masculine female, not a male.
"my masculine side" - There's no need to equate maleness with masculinity. Male is a biological state. The connection of masculinity with maleness is a social construct. You cannot escape being male so it might help to work on accepting yourself as a feminine being who happens to be male.
I have recently desisted from identifying as transgender (FTM). I came out to my parents at 16 after also showing no signs at all that I had gender issues. Even if there were signs of gender non-conformity, that's all it is: gender non-conformity. Your son might feel uncomfortable with male stereotypes and social roles and might be feeling really happy now that he has an excuse to express a bit of "femininity", whatever that means. But ultimately, he is who he is, and that includes his body, which is male. Nothing on this earth will make him female.
He has every right to express himself in any way he wishes. He can wear a bra and panties if he likes. He can grow his hair and nails long and wear makeup and give himself a feminine name. All of these things are self-exploration and expression and are perfectly acceptable, and he can do all of this without turning to artificial hormones and brutal surgeries. For some reason, it seems easier these days to say you are transgender than to be gender non-conforming to the extreme. I know of lesbian women who bind their chests, wear men's clothes, and even wear silicone prosthetic penises in their underwear. Not because they have "male brains", but because this is all just stuff they like wearing to express their masculinity and feel their best.
Ultimately, he's young, he's probably not thinking very critically about his future, and he's probably absorbing irrational gender ideology via social media. Medical transition means irreversible changes that will leave him infertile and a poor impersonation of femaleness. Find a therapist who challenges transness rather than automatically affirming it.
Do you mind me asking what part of the world you're from? I'm truly sorry for the disgusting abuse and sexism you've experienced. Just know that some parts of the world are changing and evolving socially for the better. Perhaps I was just blessed with wonderful parents, but I was never made to feel lesser due to my femaleness. I was always supported and encouraged to follow my passion and be successful in any field of my choosing. In fact, I'd say my gender dysphoria was not so much triggered by societal factors, but comes largely from the biological differences between male and female bodies, and my odd desire to inhabit the male body rather than the female body. I'm glad that you are on the road to healing. I'd recommend studying some radical feminist essays and poetry if you want to; these subjects have helped me immensely with loving myself and appreciating femaleness.
I think the point to make here is that transitioning will not make you a cis guy. You may end up resembling a male when you have clothes on, but the illusion will be literally stripped off of you when you remove your clothes.
I understand the intense pining to be the opposite sex. But you have to think that there must be some people who have this same feeling towards another race of persons, or another age of persons, or even a different species. Doesn't mean they should act on these emotions. It's like the "on all levels but physical, I am a wolf" guy. Clearly he intensely wishes he was a wolf. I'm not saying trans people are as crazy as that dude, I'm just saying that you don't have to act upon intense desires.
I also understand the brain-body disconnect. But I realised that feeling disconnected from my body doesn't necessarily mean that a different body would be a better fit. Afterall, I've had this body all my life so how could it feel less familiar than a male version of my body, which would logically be a completely alien experience?
How do you know this is actually a male odor and not just the odor of a woman a bit older than you were before you transitioned? I know that my BO changed a lot during my natural puberty... Has your diet changed much in the last few years? Have you gained any weight? Do you use different shower products now than you did pre-transition? Do you have thicker skin now and more body hair? Is your body out of balance in any other area? Do you have any health issues? All questions you may want to ask yourself. Look into anti-bacterial mineral deodorants. They're natural and effective.
I get what you're saying but that's not really the point. I'm loving university. I don't ever want it to end. I wish to get as involved as possible with societies and roles on campus, and make as many friends as possible. I'm not just here for the degree, I'm here to grow, to learn, and to really explore my chosen fields of study. Yet here I am, trying to work out the least awkward method of reintroducing myself to every friend and acquaintance in this environment, knowing that they will always see me as someone with a confusing gender experience. I just wish I had never stopped loving myself, so that I would never have tried to be someone else, and ended up in this mess.