This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments are highly personal, emotionally consistent, and reflect a long-term, nuanced perspective on self-image and desisting that is common in the /r/detrans community. The user identifies as a desister who never medically transitioned, which is a valid experience.
About me
I grew up feeling like a masculine and hideous girl, convinced my body was all wrong. I kept my deep unhappiness a secret, trapped by my own hyper-critical thoughts. I now realize my struggle was with low self-esteem, not my identity as a woman. Today, I am a mother who has found peace through self-acceptance, not by changing my body. I worry that today, my same painful feelings might have led me down a different path, and I believe for many the real answer is learning to love yourself.
My detransition story
Based on my own experiences, I want to share my story. Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn't feel like the other girls. I thought I looked masculine and hideous, and I had really low self-esteem. I was super self-conscious, especially about developing later than others and having a flat chest. My hair was a frizzy mess I didn't know how to handle, and I never got into makeup or fashion. I felt uncute and awkward, and I secretly wondered if there had been a mistake when I was made because I didn't fit my own idea of what a beautiful girl should look like.
I kept all these feelings to myself. I didn't have the internet to tell me that this feeling of being in the "wrong body" was something other people experienced. I just tortured myself with my own negative thoughts, constantly picking myself apart. I now see that a lot of my unhappiness was caused by my own mind. I was being hyper-critical of myself, and that caused a lot of distress.
I never medically transitioned. It wasn't really a known option for someone like me back then. I just struggled through those feelings on my own. Now, I'm a 39-year-old woman, married with three boys. I've come to accept myself. I still don't consider myself very girly—I live in shorts and tank tops—but I don't hate myself anymore. I've learned that the key is to stop trying to fit into a box. You don't have to be a "cookie-cutter female" to be a woman. You can just be you.
I benefited from realizing that the problem wasn't my body, but the way I was thinking about it. I had to calm those thoughts down and learn self-love instead of self-criticism. We would never speak to someone else the ugly way we sometimes think about ourselves. Life is so much more than obsessing over our appearance.
I don't regret not transitioning because it wasn't a path I went down. But looking back at my intense feelings of discomfort, I often wonder if I had grown up with today's internet culture, if I would have thought I was trans. I can't say for sure, but I worry for kids today who have the same feelings I did and are quickly led to believe that changing their body is the only solution. I believe for many, like me, the answer isn't transition, but working on self-acceptance and understanding that you can be whatever kind of man or woman you want to be, in the body you have.
Regarding other topics, I see now that my struggle was heavily tied to low self-esteem and anxiety about my appearance, not a true identity issue. I also want to say that from what I've seen, porn can create really unrealistic expectations and can hurt how people view real-life relationships and bodies, which might contribute to some people's discomfort.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| ~10-15 | Started feeling "masculine" and hideous compared to other girls. Hated my flat chest and frizzy hair. Felt like I was in the wrong body but kept it secret. |
| ~15 | Learned to manage my hair with tools, but still felt unfeminine and awkward. |
| Early 20s | Still struggled with self-image but eventually got married. |
| 32-34 | Finally attempted to wear makeup for my wedding but realized I disliked it and preferred a more natural look. |
| 38-39 (Now) | Have fully accepted my body as a woman. I'm a mother of three and have learned that self-love was the answer, not changing my body. |
Top Comments by /u/kahristee:
One thing I want to say about Porn is that it is not real life. I feel like people watch porn and are so used to the acting by perforers and need to realize an actual person- especially if its woman- they are dating is not going to act like that. Unfortunately your brain gets wired I think to expect that to want some of that performance. I think Porn can hurt real life relationships and real life attitudes towards sex.
I just want to say as a kid growing up in the 90s-2000s. I absolutely felt like I should have been a boy. I was not gay. But I felt uncute, and more masculine looking, especially compared to the other girls in my family. I kept all these feelings to myself however and I didn't have the interwebs to even know others may feel the same.
Anyway my hate for myself I believe was do to low self esteem and thinking I was hideous. I really didn't like myself.
Anyway now I'm married have 3 boys now. I still feel awkward and still don't know everything. I don't hate myself. I try not compare myself to others or be so hard on myself.
I don't know what thoughts kids today are having that makes them want to switch genders. I just wanted to share how I felt and I can't say if I grew up today if I would have tried to be trans or not. I don't think I would have the courage honestly. That is not an easy decision I'm sure.
Have the courage to be yourself and love yourself.
You do not look male at all. Try not to pick yourself apart. Give yourself some love and embrace your new journey to being you.
Hyper focusing on your looks is probably not going to make happy.
Anyway yes even first glance I thought woman. And a natural beauty. I hope you can see that too!
Stop beating yourself up over your body. Its ok! Stop being hyper critical of yourself. You are causing your own distress. Calm your mind.
You may be unhappy right now, but I'm sure there are women seeing your photos and wondering how in the world you are maintaining your lovely lean figure.
I was once that lean figure, lol. Ok so its me! 😆 enjoy your youth and fast metabolism. Dont worry so much how others percieve you. Do things that make you make happy. Like embracing what you love about yourself and even what you dont, bc you are the only you.
I never took T, wasnt a thing i even knew of in the 90s. And i always felt i had a more boyish frame and who knows how much time i wasted picking myself apart. No one was causing me harm, it was me and my thoughts that i did not appear feminine enough.
Anyway maybe I didn't help at all, but I hope you find some serenity and find the good keep on keepin on!
I guess you know the consequences, do you not want to become a mother one day. You won't be able to breastfeed. And do you think having no breasts and a scar instead will make you happier with your body. I guess you have already seen pictures of what that would look like.
Are their any baby steps you can take to become more comfortable with the body you have now.
My only worry is what if in the future you change your mind and regret your decision.
Any way I wish you luck on making the choice that is right for you.
As a 38 year old woman who grow up without the interwebs for the most part or at least without trans internet 😅. It is always soo crazy to see how many youth today are having the same feeling of -there must be something wrong. I must be in the wrong body.
For me, I know I was super self conscious felt hideous and more masculine looking. I also developed super late it felt like.
Anyway I never told anyone I felt like that and I had no idea others have the feeling of being in the wrong body.
I wonder what causes this feeling. I see soo many posts like this. And I feel for all of you bc I tortured myself with my own thoughts.
We would never speak to someone in the ugly way we think of ourselves in our head. I don't know how to spread self love and acceptance. But I wish I did.
You are the only you. Be you how you want to be you. Its Ok. Take care😀
Lol I feeeeeel alllllll of this! Or I did when I was younger. I'll be 39 tomorrow.
I felt I looked masculine, had a pretty much flat chest and was subconscious of that. And was maybe 32-34 A when I was a young adult.
I never got into makeup and my hair was a frizzy mess that I didn't know how to control till I was 15 or so when my grandmother gave me one of those blowdryer and brush in one. And then later found a flat iron for 7$ at target. Any way, before that I had to wear my hair in a pony tail every day bc my hair was a poof ball.
I never felt as cute as any other girls, super self conscious of my body. Worried what others thought.
Here is what I learned. We put so much pressure and worry about our appearance from ourself. We think terrible things about ourself which leads you to feeling down, maybe unsocial. It is not healthy!!
Do not dwell on these things. Just act, dress and do things that make you happy and don't think about what others may be thinking.
Don't make yourself feel bad.
I am 39 tomorrow. And I still to this day wouldn't consider myself very girly. I actually do like" girly" things and colors. But I'm not a fashionista. I'm Usually in shorts and tank top bc that is what like lol.
I finally attempted makeup before I got married (after I was proposed too) so I got myself a mighty fine man even as girl who wasn't into makeup 🤣.
I was not fan of makeup. I did it for a little while Foundation, powder, blush mascara.
I didn't like the first two or that they covered my freckles. So now, I wear only a little mascara, blush if I'm feeling fancy. And unfortunately from over plucking my brows into non-existence in Y2K I have to fill in my eyebrows bc hair decided to stop growing in some spots🤣 . Eye liner in a blue moon but never Foundation or powder.
I Just want you to know, we all see faults in our bodies and are self conscious. But you can't let those feelings consume you. Life is so much more than that. I, to this day, am sure I could go on a downward spiral if dwelled on all of the things I wished I could change.
I keep saying in this group there needs to be more self love instead of picking our selves apart.
All the unhappiness with our bodies is all in our own heads. We need to calm those thoughts down.
We are pushing all the unhappiness on ourselves.
Be happy and love yourself ♥️
-mom of 3 boys who thought as a teen there must have been a mistake when I was made because I didn't look like what I perceived as beautiful and have come to accept myself.
I guess my thought is you don't have to be anything. You don't have to fit in a box. In my opinion, no one fits perfectly into any box. Take yourself out of the box. You wont be happy if you keep trying to be what you think other people expect. And you may even find that it's not that big of a deal to others if you do something you perceive as out of the norm.
Everyone is multifaceted. Don't stress, be you. Maybe start by dipping your toes in with little changes at time that bring you joy.
Just remember you don't have to be a cookie cutter female. You can be woman and be yourself.
Just remember it's okay to be you in the body you were born with ♥️ as far as the worry in making the change back. I can totally see that! But it's either start the detranstion or dread what others will think and live a lie or live in way that doesn't bring you joy.
Part of this gender journey is discovering what makes you happy and who you are. It's OK to change your mind. Some may not understand it or agree with it. But they are not living your life.
Didn't Demi Lovato change her mind and some people change their pronouns on the daily.
Anyway that first step will be scary and hard, but it's the first step to live your life the way you want.
I see on here sometimes that after detransition they don't feel they are woman or man enough.
Please know, there are no check boxes you need to hit be a woman. No one gets tell you what being a woman is. You just are and you don't have do any certain thing or act or dress any certain way.
Be you and love yourself. Don't dwell on things you can't change. Remember to find joy.
Anyway I have said too much.
Good luck on your journey whatever you choose. Just remember to choose you.