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Reddit user /u/kararkeinan's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
regrets transitioning
influenced online
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
only transitioned socially
bisexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it's a bot or an inauthentic actor.

The user's perspective is highly consistent, emotionally nuanced, and deeply personal, focusing on their specific experiences with misogyny, gender expectations, and dating as a bisexual woman. The language is natural, and the arguments are complex, which is not typical of bot behavior. Their passion and anger are consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister who is critical of gender ideology.

About me

I felt pressured to become a man because I was tired of the sexism and rigid expectations placed on women, especially in my career. I realized my problem wasn't being female, but the boxes society tries to force us into. My journey taught me that my self-worth isn't defined by femininity or a gender identity, but by being my authentic self. I am a woman, and my interests or style don't change that. Now, I'm in a happy relationship and finally comfortable just being me.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender wasn't really about my body, but about the boxes society tries to put people in. I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My experience was entirely social and internal, and it was mostly about figuring out what I actually believed, separate from what everyone else was telling me.

For a while, I wondered if I was trans. I felt uncomfortable with what was expected of me as a woman. I hated the pressure to look and act a certain way. I saw how men were treated with more respect, especially in my career field, and I thought maybe if I could be seen as a man, I could escape all that. I think a lot of this was low self-esteem and being influenced by online spaces where people were quick to label any discomfort with gender roles as being a sign of a trans identity. People even used to call me an "egg," meaning they thought I was a trans man in denial.

But I eventually realized I wasn't fed up with being a woman; I was fed up with the misogyny and the rigid gender expectations. I understood that true freedom wasn't about switching from the "woman" box to the "man" box. It was about destroying the boxes altogether. I am a woman because I am biologically female. My interests, my style, and my personality don't change that. Liking things that are stereotypically male doesn't make me less of a woman.

I have a lot of thoughts on how toxic gender expectations are. I see it in "girl boss" music that pretends to be feminist but just sexualizes women for the male gaze. I see it in the way I'm treated at work when people find out I'm a woman after a great email exchange using a gender-neutral name. The whole performance of femininity—the makeup, the hair removal, the expensive clothes—feels like a burden, a way to be judged instead of being valued for my skills.

This connects to my experience as a bisexual woman. I've faced a lot of prejudice, even from within the queer community. I've had dates walk out on me for being bi, and I've been accused of being transphobic. It's been much harder to find a committed long-term relationship with a woman than with a man, not because of my preference, but because of the dating culture I've encountered. I refuse to lie and say I'm a lesbian just to be accepted. My partner now, a man, loves me for who I am, regardless of how my weight changes or how I look. Finding him happened when I stopped trying to conform to what I thought others wanted and just focused on being myself.

Looking back, I don't regret exploring my gender identity because it led me to a stronger understanding of myself. But I do regret that I ever felt pressured to change myself to fit in. I'm glad I found my way to a place where I can just be a woman on my own terms, without all the stereotypes. My journey taught me that my self-worth doesn't come from femininity or from any gender identity. It comes from being authentic.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:

Age Event
Teenage Years Felt intense discomfort with feminine gender expectations and societal misogyny. Started to wonder if I was trans, influenced by online communities.
Early 20s Socially explored a non-binary/transmasculine identity to escape gender roles. Realized the issue was the roles, not my sex.
Mid 20s Fully embraced identifying as a woman, rejecting the idea that interests or appearance define gender. Focused on improving my own mental health and self-esteem.
27 Found a supportive partner who loves me for who I am, reinforcing my belief in being authentic.

Top Comments by /u/kararkeinan:

11 comments • Posting since May 27, 2022
Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) explains how the incel argument that "women have it easier" is becoming acceptable in woke circles, comparing it to the misogyny of erasing women's hardships and the racism of saying Black kids have it easier due to scholarships.
78 pointsOct 9, 2022
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Have you noticed that the classic incel argument that women have it easier and better in life is becoming an acceptable thing to say in “woke” circles?

There was literally a post here yesterday saying almost exactly that. That women don’t have to die looking ugly (lmao what, older women are so devalued and tossed away by society) because they don’t grow bald (millions of women go bald).

It is so misogynistic and completely erases the hardships women have faced for millennia.

Imagine saying black kids have it easier in the US because black-only scholarships exist? That is so horrible. Why is it acceptable to say that about gender?

Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) explains that their transition was driven by misogyny and heteronormativity, arguing that cultural norms wrongly link body parts to gender roles.
47 pointsSep 16, 2022
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Because it was ultimately misogyny and heteronormativity. This culture tries to convince us that you have to have x body parts to do x things.

Peeing sitting down is normal in other cultures. That has nothing to do with gender identity. Just more toxic masculinity doing its thing.

Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) explains how rejecting gender expectations, not being transgender, led to their feeling of freedom, arguing true liberation means destroying identity boxes altogether.
20 pointsMay 27, 2022
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That is how I have always viewed gender. I once wondered if I was trans but I realized I was actually just fed up with gender expectations.

I am a woman because I am biologically a woman and wanting to do something that is not “expected” of a woman does not mean I am an egg the way people told me growing up.

True gender liberation is destroying the proverbial identity box we stand in rather than switching it for a new one.

Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) explains why she refuses to lie about being a lesbian, detailing discrimination from partners who walked out on dates, accusations of transphobia, and the extreme difficulty of finding long-term commitment with women compared to men.
19 pointsJan 16, 2023
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Speaking from experience, I’ve had dates literally walk out on me mid-date because I was bi and not lesbian. Lots of people also accuse bi women of being transphobic like you mentioned.

Of the ones who haven’t walked out on me, only one of them was interested in a long-term relationship and not just this endless cycle of casual hooking up that seems to be the overwhelming norm in my queer dating experience. I don’t know why it’s so fucking hard to find commitment but it’s a lot easier with men in my area.

Bi women don’t end up with men most of the time because they’re mostly straight; it is simply easier to find a male long-term partner than a female one.

It is FUCKED UP that I have to lie about who I am and my past just for some lesbian women to be willing to date me. I refuse to say I’m lesbian if I am not. I don’t think your suggestion is a good one at all.

Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) explains their dislike of "girl boss" music, arguing it is degrading, perpetuates toxic gender expectations, and ultimately serves the male gaze despite being framed as feminist.
16 pointsSep 11, 2022
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I fucking hate “girl boss” music. That hyper sexual stuff is honestly so degrading. Everyone pretends it’s feminist but it just perpetuates toxic gender expectations for women. That music ultimately only serves cis straight men, they’re being sexual in very specific male gaze ways.

Remember, for all that “independent sexual woman” music, there are like 10 straight cis male producers in the background.

Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) comments on the potential for astrology to perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes and roles, while acknowledging OP's personal strength found in it.
14 pointsOct 14, 2022
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I think more power to you if you found strength in astrology but astrology has a history of perpetuating harmful gender stereotypes and gender roles. It sounds like you are able to distinguish that sort of thing but I know many people who have further entrenched their views on gender expectations using astrology.

Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) explains why a comment belittling a minor's dramatic feelings about gender was unproductive.
10 pointsOct 7, 2022
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Kids tend to feel emotions much stronger than adults to and for them, it can feel that way even if it seems like silly wording to us. It’s a child, let them be dramatic.

There are much gentler and productive ways to communicate to a child that what they are feeling is not permanent. Instead, the comment I replied to was rude and was belittling a kid.

Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) explains how non-conformity to gender roles, not internal identity, causes dysphoria, critiquing both liberal and conservative gender expectations.
8 pointsNov 15, 2022
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People assume I’m a lesbian a lot but I’m bi with a male partner. I think it’s because we don’t conform to gender role boxes both ways.

I think that a lot of current Dem lib ideology is just as gender-coded and obsessed as traditional conservative gender roles. I’ve never felt like I wasn’t “one of the boys” when hanging out with my male friends because we have similar interests. That’s why they’re my friends! Those interests don’t make me any less of a woman or any more of a man.

I have more trouble relating to women who talk a lot about makeup because I don’t wear makeup. That doesn’t make me less of a woman.

I think these feelings wouldn’t exist if we didn’t live in such a gender-toxic world. The role and expectations of the “girl” in a relationship isn’t universal within even the same country, let alone century or culture.

These feelings are consequences of cultural structures rather than something inherently inside you.

Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) explains how focusing on self-improvement and authenticity, not conforming to others' expectations, led them to a supportive partner who loves them regardless of their appearance.
6 pointsJun 6, 2022
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I think my weight has changed drastically 4 times since I started dating my current partner and despite all my insecurities about it, they still love me. They smile when I walk into a room, they’ll randomly say they think I look beautiful and I know they mean it.

Most people aren’t like that. Most people are pretty shallow. The right person will love you no matter what you look like contrary to popular belief. People like that are rare. Be yourself and be patient.

I found my supportive partner when I stopped trying to find someone and just focused on improving myself and my mental health. I stopped trying to conform to what I thought other people wanted me to look like. That’s a recipe for being miserable. We are happiest and most confident when we dress, groom, coiff ourselves for ourselves. That’s kind of why I don’t really believe in online dating; you’re starting off on the wrong foot.

Reddit user kararkeinan (questioning own gender transition) explains how femininity is a burden and manhood is a shield, detailing the discrimination she faces when her gender is known.
6 pointsOct 9, 2022
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My self-worth doesn’t come from femininity which is ultimately just a gender expectation to distinguish women from “neutral”. Makeup and wigs don’t magically keep women from dying ugly deaths. It’s also very common for men to use both.

Manhood is a shield. The way I get treated when people assume I’m male online versus when they find out I’m a woman is horrible. When I apply for a job using a gender neutral nickname and I have an amazing email exchange only to show up in person and get treated like a dumb piece of meat instead, when men in my field reward other men who have accomplished less than me, when men tell me my field is too hard, when men tell me that women aren’t as good at certain skills, when men judge me on my appearance instead of my accomplishments, when men hush up and change the conversation when I walk in because I “wouldn’t like the topic”, when men expect me to shave and dress and do my hair and makeup like porn stars, when I am expected to look like a pubescent little girl at all times even though women are naturally hairy or otherwise I get treated like a crazy radical just for existing, the absurd amount of money I have to spend on even one outfit to meet men’s expectations from makeup to razors to expensive haircuts… these are the moments that remind me that femininity is a burden.