This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user writes with a consistent, personal, and nuanced first-person perspective spanning decades of lived experience (transitioning in the 70s, surgery in 2002). The comments demonstrate deep, specific knowledge of historical transition procedures, medical details, and the social dynamics of the time, which would be difficult to fabricate consistently. Their stated motive for being on the sub—researching for a memoir—is plausible and reflected in their inquisitive and supportive tone towards detransitioners.
About me
I was born male and my fascination with femininity started young, feeling like a magical escape. I transitioned decades ago and lived as a woman for over 23 years after having surgery in 2002. I now see that a lot of my drive came from a sexual fantasy, a form of escapism I didn't understand at the time. Living as a woman taught me both beautiful things, like female camaraderie, and harsh realities, like being dismissed socially and facing real danger from men. I don't have simple regret, but I believe the system needs more reflection and that we must be able to talk openly about experiences like mine.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started a long time ago. I was born male, but from a young age, I felt a deep fascination with the idea of being female. It felt like a different, magical world, a kind of never-never land of femininity that I desperately wanted to be part of. I transitioned a long time ago, in the 1970s, and had my gender reassignment surgery in 2002. I lived as a woman for over 23 years.
For me, a lot of my initial desire to transition was wrapped up in a sexual fantasy. I now recognize that what I experienced was autogynephilia (AGP). The idea of myself as a woman was incredibly powerful and all-consuming. It was a form of escapism from the person I was. I didn't have any trauma or sexual abuse in my background; my family was stable and loving. I just had this intense internal fixation.
Transitioning was a very different process back then. It was harder to access. You needed to live as your identified gender for a full year, be on hormones for at least six months, and get two letters from therapists. It wasn't as easy as it seems to be now. I was very involved in the trans community at the time and never knew anyone to be refused surgery for not "passing" well enough if they met those requirements.
Living as a woman was a complex experience. There were beautiful moments I truly cherished. I loved the unspoken camaraderie between women, a sense of safety and trust you could have with a female stranger that you often can't have with a man. The world was often kinder and gentler; people smiled more, men would open doors or offer to help. But I also quickly learned I had dropped a rung on the social ladder. My ideas, which were taken seriously when I was perceived as a man, were often dismissed or ignored. I became a second-class citizen in many ways. I also learned about the real dangers of being a woman. I was followed by men in cars and had to run to a gas station to get away from one. Another man followed me while I was walking home at night. The world is not always a safe place for women.
I also struggled intensely with my appearance, even though I was told I passed well and was never misgendered. I would constantly pick apart my reflection, searching for every flaw. I now understand this is a common experience for many women, both trans and not, who are pressured by society's unrealistic ideals. At the time, I thought it was just my dysphoria, but it was likely tied to deeper issues of depression and low self-esteem.
Hormones are powerful. They cause intense psychological changes. I actually went in and out of transition when I was younger because I wasn't prepared for how overwhelming those changes would be. Going on them, or going off them, is a real rollercoaster for your mind and body.
After 18 years post-op, I started spending time in detransition communities. I wanted to learn and understand. I'm writing a memoir and knew I had to include a chapter on detransitioning because it's a subject that gets silenced in the trans community. Just mentioning autogynephilia or detransitioning can get you attacked or ostracized. I think that's a shame. These are valid subjects that need to be discussed openly. The defects in the current system that allow people to get hormones and surgery so easily need to be addressed. Detransitioners should be welcomed and supported, not met with disdain.
Looking back, I don't know if I have one simple feeling about my transition. I don't live with raging regret, but I have a more complex understanding of it now. I see how my own psychology, my AGP, and my search for an escape drove me. I benefited from the stricter therapy of the past; it made me be sure. I worry that today's system doesn't provide enough of that necessary reflection. I am dependent on pharmaceuticals for life, though I know the risks of things like blood clots can be managed with bioidentical hormones like estradiol delivered via patches or injections.
My thoughts on gender itself are that it is incredibly complex. For some, transition is absolutely the right path. For others, like some of the detransitioners I've read, it was a terrible mistake based on other issues like internalized homophobia, trauma, or body dysmorphia. We need to be able to talk about all of this without fear.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 20s | 1970s | Initially transitioned (MtF) |
| - | - | Went in and out of transition due to the intensity of changes |
| 44 | 2002 | Had gender reassignment surgery (GRS) |
| 59 | 2017 | Began frequently visiting detransition forums to learn and understand |
| 61 | 2019 | 18 years post-op, began writing a memoir including chapters on AGP and detransition |
Top Comments by /u/karmictaragem:
Hormones can cause intense psychological changes, as I'm sure you know. Though the reverse is true--going off HRT can be a rollercoaster as your body changes back. I went in and out of transition when I was younger because I wasn't prepared for the intense changes. You said trans people had no future, which is not true. Sometimes it can be difficult transitioning to a new life. Passing can be a problem, but thousands of trans people do it (myself included).
That said, it sounds like you could benefit by talking to someone (if you can find one who has gender identity experience and will take a neutral stance).
Best of luck to you!
I'm writing a memoir and am including chapters on the 'two taboos' in the trans community: autogynephilia and detransitioning. They have created a rift in the community and sometimes all it takes is mentioning either one to be attacked or ostracized. That's sad because both are valid subjects that should be considered on their merits, not silenced.
I transitioned in the 70s and I can assure you the concept of transgender existed, though we were referred to as transsexuals. Christine Jorgansen brought transsexualism to the forefront in the US after she had her surgeries in Sweden in 1951 and 1952. John Money of Johns Hopkins hospital was a pioneer in transsexual studies. The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care is a consensus opinion on transsexual treatment by medical and psychological experts began in 1979.
The claim that all gender dysphoria is the result of sexual abuse is outdated, not supported by the vast majority of research and consensus, and simply ignorant. There are many stories of trans children growing up in loving, stable households without abuse. I'm an example. There was no sexual abuse in my family.
Here's what you said: "My partner tells me I look 100% female. I never get misgendered. I’ve never experienced discrimination for being trans. I worked really hard on my voice too and never get misgendered on the phone or raise an eyebrow when I talk. I even get hit on by men when out and about fairly frequently."
It sounds like you pass very well (though a pic would be helpful) and when you look in a mirror you're trying to find all the flaws and imperfections in your features, as I do (I'm MtF post-op) and the majority of transwomen and natal females do! I know I pick apart my reflection all the time though I'm virtually unreadable.
Have you considered depression is distorting your view of yourself and causing you to consider detransition? If you've been dysphoric all your life and don't doubt you're transgender, then you're TG. Have you tried therapy and/or antidepressants?
All the best to you!
Whether you're transitioning or detransitioning you have to put yourself first. Over time families can heal. It's important for them to realize, no matter your gender, you're still the same person and should be loved and respected no matter how you present. We all make mistakes and if you truly did by transitioning, so what? Who in your family hasn't made mistakes throughout their lives?
I'm MtF post-op for 17 years. Blood clot risk can be reduced by taking bioidentical hormones (estradiol). Injections and patches are the safest routes of administration. Unless there are other indications in your health that you have a higher than normal risk of blood clots and you're taking safe dosages the risk is low. Pharmaceutical dependence is a fact of life for trans people and an ochi or GRS will obviously allow going off of antiandrogens and likely lowering your estrogen dose.
I really had no expectations. When I was living as AMAB being female was a whole different world. A never, never land of femininity. I had no idea what it would be like. There are many nice things that happen when you're perceived as a woman: having doors opened for you, people of both genders smiling more, men offering to help, etc. Overall, the world is kinder and gentler to women. Another thing that delighted me was there's an unspoken camaraderie among women that says I know you're safe and I can trust you, even if you're a stranger. They can't do that with strange men and sometimes have to be on their guard when around them.
On the other hand, I noticed I'd dropped a rung on the social ladder, with white males on top. Whereas my ideas used to be taken seriously, as a woman they weren't even though they were just as valid and I sometimes wasn't listened to by men. This is a major gripe among women! I was now a second-class citizen.
If you're attractive the world can be more dangerous, too! I've had men follow me in their cars. Once I had to make a beeline to a well lit gas station to evade someone! I also had a man approach, then follow me while I was walking home, at night, carrying a guitar. He likely was just trying to pick me up, but he could've just as easily had nefarious intentions. I was very relieved to get home!
I agree. I'm trans (post-op 18 yrs) and have been coming to this forum for several months to learn about detransitioning and read the first-hand accounts, some of them heart wrenching. I'm writing my memoir and will be including a chapter on detransitioning. I'm hoping the "pro-trans" theme of my book will attract readers, both cis and trans, and educate those who never heard of detransitioning, or have only heard the trans advocates' side. I also frequently peruse quora and any posts about detransitioning are usually met with disdain or refusal to believe detransitioners actually exist in any numbers and originate from "transphobic" sources. That's a shame. If anything, detransitioners should be welcomed by the trans community, supported and the defects in the current gender identity healthcare system that allows so many people to easily obtain hormones and surgery addressed.
Is this an assumption or have you actually asked a representative sample of natal females?
Women, particularly young women, are usually very aware of their bodies and how they compare with the "ideal" that's been set by photoshopped images in fashion magazines and carefully made-up and hair-styled women on TV and can develop body image disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, etc. Females most certainly look for flaws in their appearance, sometimes too much.
I speak from living and being accepted as a female for 23 yrs. Some natal females accept their bodies as they are, some don't, particularly young females who are pressured by society and the media to meet certain expectations. As for the OP I suggested it was depression that caused her distress in her appearance.