This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts show a consistent, deeply personal, and emotionally complex narrative of detransition. The details are specific, nuanced, and reflect the kind of pain, regret, and ongoing struggle that is consistent with genuine experiences shared in the detrans community. The account expresses a range of emotions—from anger at medical providers to deep personal despair—that align with the passion and distress mentioned in your instructions.
About me
I started feeling uncomfortable with my female body as a teenager and thought that meant I was a man. I began testosterone at 18, but my journey was filled with anxiety, perfectionism, and a deep fear of needles that made the process inconsistent. I eventually realized my desire to transition was more about an identity crisis and internalized feelings about being a lesbian than actually being male. Now, I deeply regret the permanent changes, especially to my voice, and I struggle with how I look and how society sees me. I’ve been off hormones for over a year and a half, and I’m slowly healing, but I believe I was far too young to make such a permanent decision.
My detransition story
My journey started when I was very young, feeling uncomfortable with my body, especially during puberty. I hated my breasts and felt out of place. I thought these feelings meant I was supposed to be a man. Looking back, I realize a lot of this was tied to my low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. I was also diagnosed with OCD, but my therapist and I never really talked about how that might be connected to my feelings about my gender. I told her I wanted hormones, and she just sent the referral without any deeper discussion.
I started testosterone a week after I turned 18. I was so determined to pass perfectly as a male that I became obsessed. I watched a lot of YouTube videos that pushed this idea that if you didn't do everything exactly right, you weren't really trans. This led me to do some unhealthy things trying to achieve a voice and look that I thought was flawless. I was a perfectionist, and I thought being on T would make everything easier. But no matter how hard I tried, I felt like I could never be perfect because I couldn't change my DNA.
Being on T was hard because I have a fear of needles. I was supposed to do a shot every week, but I would put it off, sometimes for weeks. I was on T for about two years, but it was spread out over three years because of all the doses I missed. I’d skip until my period came back, panic, and then inject to try and stop it. I didn't understand how my own body worked. I later learned that was the wrong thing to do.
I started to distrust my doctors when I told them I wanted to stop T. They told me that because my T levels were so low, I needed to take a full syringe once a month. That seemed dangerous, so I only did it twice before quitting for good.
After I stopped T, I realized a lot of my desire to transition was related to an identity crisis, not because I was truly a man. I had become wrapped up in online communities and felt influenced by what I was seeing. I also struggled with internalized feelings about being a lesbian; I think part of me thought it would be easier to be a straight man than a gay woman.
Now, I deeply regret transitioning. My voice is permanently changed. It's deep and has a male undertone, and it cracks when I try to speak in a higher range. I’ve been trying to train my voice back, but it causes me so much pain and strain. I’ve been on a waitlist for a speech therapist for almost a year. I feel like I ruined my voice forever.
I also struggle with how I look. Even though people tell me my face is obviously female, I still see a masculine person in the mirror. I mourn the woman I was supposed to be and feel like I’ll never have a fulfilling life in this body. This has made me very suicidal, and I’ve attempted to end my life several times.
Socially, it’s been a nightmare. People don't understand my detransition. They often still see me as trans, or worse, they think I'm a trans woman. I'm terrified of being perceived as a man in a dress. My legal history with a male name will follow me forever, and I'm scared of being outed or discriminated against because of it.
I’ve been off testosterone for over a year and a half now. My body is slowly changing back; I’ve gotten some of my hourglass shape back, but my thighs still look flat and blocky to me. I’m hoping with more time, my body will continue to return to a more female pattern.
I’ve come to believe that 18 is far too young to make such a permanent decision. I wasn't thinking about the long-term effects. I was just excited to make my first "adult decision," and that made me feel like I couldn't back out even when I had doubts. If I could go back, I would tell my younger self to slow down and really explore my feelings without the pressure of online communities and perfectionism.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 18 | Started testosterone injections. |
| 20 | Stopped testosterone after approximately 2 years of inconsistent use. |
| 21 | Had blood tested; hormones returned to female range. Began seriously questioning my transition and started to detransition. |
| 22 | (Present) Still struggling with voice issues and body image over a year and a half after stopping T. |
Top Comments by /u/kickbugs:
i've had similar happen to me. ironically at a starbucks too. my birth name is a name that seems to be a popular choice for trans women. one of those names that is extra feminine but rather uncommon among cis women. i've had a handful of times telling people my name, and then getting the response "that's a good name!" in a way that comes off to me like they're praising me for coming up with it myself. maybe i'm just projecting, but it comes off as patronizing to me.
but your situation takes it much further, and im really sorry that happened. you have every right to be angry, imo. i thought there was an oft-spoken rule about not assuming someone's gender in the trans community. even if they were trying to be friendly, what if you were closeted and they just outed you? that's a very inappropriate thing to say to a stranger.
even 18 is far too young. i took my first T shot a week after my 18th birthday. it felt like making my first "adult decision" and that made me feel like i couldn't back out of it even when i had doubts. 18 year olds aren't thinking about their decisions longterm.
i had a similar mindset after about a year on T. i was always called ugly growing up and i felt like becoming a man made me finally feel attractive, as now my natural androgynous appearance could be seen as this "prettyboy" aesthetic. i legit remember staring at myself in the mirror and saying to myself, "maybe all ugly girls should try testosterone, i look so much better as a guy!" of course, once the allure of transforming into a new person wears off, i started to notice all of the things that made me feel worse than before. but i was already a year on testosterone, how could i turn back?
this "just try it, you might like it!" sentiment is so predatory and nonchalant about the long term side effects. but that's not the goal. it's all about aesthetics. i saw a tweet a while back along the lines of, "all men have a predetermined cup size and they'll never know until they try estrogen!" as if it's just some silly science experiment. cool, you tried it and didn't like it. now what? well, that's your problem now.
i dont want this person to be unhappy with their body but it really just sounds like a "too late to turn back" situation that made me continue testosterone far longer than i should have. i remember when i noticed i was growing body hair i was disgusted by it, but i still told myself that this is a good thing, because it meant that i'm more of a man now. it sounds to me like they've had years of being told that all bodies are beautiful, so if they don't accept their own body then they are discriminating against other trans bodies.
i don't even understand where this idea of "detrans are just grifters" came from. i've heard it countless times and it's never been elaborated on.. it's like they think we're doing all of this for money or clout...? like this whole time we were playing a prank on the trans community by not being "TRULY trans" after all, even after medically transitioning. i thought we were over this whole "transtrenders are ruining the trans community!!" shit years ago. the term "grifting" comes off as them saying we're just hopping from trend to trend.. as if detransitioning is now some kind of trend.
i started testosterone a week after i turned 18, but it would have been 17 if the doctors weren't concerned about my history of migraines before proceeding with hrt. told me to get on migraine meds and come back. wish i wouldve taken that as a warning and backed out :/ sunk cost fallacy i guess
to tell you the truth, nothing has helped me cope with this. i'm very suicidal over it and have attempted to end my life several times because i feel like i will never live a fulfilling life in this body. ive tried copious amounts of therapy but the thought of "accepting and moving on" from something like this isn't possible for me. i want to have hope i can not deal with this anymore but time and time again i'm shown there really is no hope of me finding happiness or peace with this. because i cannot accept my voice, my appearance, my name change. every day i mourn the loss of the woman i was supposed to be but never will be.
thank you, i really needed to see this. i've gotten my hourglass shape back mostly but i can't help but feel like i look a bit blocky still. my thighs look more "flat" rather than round, like most women my size. im about a year and a half off T. i'm really hoping i'll continue to get my curves back.
just wondering, how was your diet between the first pic and the second? i'm on medication that restricts my appetite and i sometimes feel like i should force myself to eat more so that the fat redistribution has more to work with. i saw someone on here a while back saying that the fat will only distribute in a female pattern once its formed, and any fat i currently have isn't going to move location.
i also became wrapped up in that whole detransition kink thing. i've since realized that it was really just.. me being in denial, and not wanting to listen to my brain telling me i wanted to be a woman again. i was basically fantasizing about the way i wish i would look had i not transitioned. and punishing myself for making such a mistake.
firstly, id advise stepping away from the kink aspect. it's bad for your mental health to view detransitioning in the context of you being ftm and needing to return to f. id advise against placing any sort of label on yourself right now. when i was questioning detransitioning at the beginning of this year, struggling to latch onto an identity was the worst. you may flip-flop on your gender from time to time because this is very confusing and i'm sure you're in a vulnerable state of mind right now. but please don't try to force anything. if identifying as genderfluid is what's safest for your social situation, then i hope that you are comfortable labeling yourself as such. but don't cling to a label or let it define you.
i'm trying to choose my words carefully because i know that my experience detransitioning will not be the exact same as yours. i don't want to seem like i'm pushing you to detransition, but to me it sounds like you're coming to realize that may be what's best for you. take baby steps. it's good that you've played around with your gender a bit already, discovering that you like makeup and girly clothes. at the beginning of my detransition i did a lot of playing around with makeup and clothing, trying to figure out what made me feel the happiest to wear and what looked best on me. take the time to experiment with your presentation as a form of self care.
i don't know if your girlfriend calling you female pronouns is related to the detransition kink, but if not it seems like she's already supportive of you. i don't know about the rest of the people in your life, and i know it's easier said than done, but you need to put your own happiness over the approval of others. give them time and they may come back around if they don't at first, but it's okay to not be 100% sure about something like transitioning. a lot of people like to treat transitioning as a permanent, lifetime commitment, but for a lot of people it's not, just like anything else. you were very young when you started transitioning and you're very young now. we all make decisions we later regret in our teens and early 20s. we have plenty of time to grow and figure ourselves out. please be patient and kind with yourself.
so we're supposed to just sit around and wait for a cure that might not ever come? especially with how much trans people and doctors try to act like we don't exist? every day i feel like i'm praying for a miracle to happen. the inability to speak impacts everything in my life. doing anything that involves other people in person is impossible.
i've been trying. the ENT i saw referred me to a speech therapist and when i called i was told i'm on the waitlist and the wait time is typically 9 months to a year... so i called another speech therapist in the area but never got a return call. there's definitely something i'm doing wrong by self-training because it shouldn't be hurting this bad or be this inconsistent. it would be nice if i could see someone who could at least tell me what i'm doing wrong to avoid permanent damage.