This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "kindofusedtoit" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The comments display:
- A consistent, detailed, and emotionally nuanced personal narrative spanning several years.
- Specific, medically accurate knowledge about HRT effects and detransition.
- Empathetic engagement with others, offering tailored advice and sharing relatable struggles.
- A logical progression of thought and the use of casual, natural language ("lol," "❤️") typical of human interaction.
About me
I was a masculine girl who felt my body was wrong when puberty hit, and I thought becoming a man would fix my deep unhappiness from anxiety and trauma. Starting testosterone only made me more obsessed with my changing body and left me feeling isolated from everyone. I stopped after a year and a half, and my slow detransition back to living as a female was scary because there's no guide for it. Now, eight years later, I'm a confident mother who focuses on my life and hobbies instead of my gender. I see my transition as a symptom of my other struggles, not a solution, and I'm much happier having moved on from that mindset.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was a long and complicated one, and it took me a long time to really understand why I went down that path in the first place.
I was born female and as a young girl, I was very masculine. I was loud, confident, and made friends easily with both boys and girls. I never felt like I had to hide my intelligence or my opinions. The discomfort for me really started around puberty. I hated the development of my breasts and the changes that were making me look like a woman. It felt wrong and foreign to me.
I think a lot of my feelings were tied up in other mental health struggles. I’ve dealt with severe anxiety and CPTSD for most of my life, and I had a very low self-esteem. I also had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for a time. Looking back, I think I saw transition as a way to escape all of that. I thought becoming someone else—a man—would fix the deep unhappiness I felt.
I started my transition by identifying as non-binary, but that eventually shifted to identifying as a trans man. I began testosterone when I was 21 years old. At first, it felt like the solution I was looking for, but that feeling didn't last. Instead of relieving my dysphoria, being on testosterone only made it worse. As my body began to change—my voice dropping, some facial hair coming in—I became hyper-focused on every little detail. I wasn't satisfied with the changes; I just wanted more and more, thinking the next change would finally make me feel complete. It was a trap that kept me constantly unhappy with my body.
Socially, transitioning was isolating. I found it incredibly hard to navigate friendships. I felt like I had to act a certain way around men to be accepted as one of them, and I felt like I had to be overly careful around women so I wouldn't seem threatening. I lost the easy, natural way I used to connect with people. I had some friends who were also trans, but after a while, I realized that transitioning was the only thing we really had in common. I ended up feeling very alone and emotionally distant from everyone.
I stopped taking testosterone after about a year and a half, primarily because I was worried about the long-term health implications. Stopping the hormones began my detransition. It wasn't an overnight decision to go back to living as a woman; it was a slow process. First, I stopped the HRT. Then, I realized I would never fully pass as a male without being on it forever, so I slowly let that identity go. I started to feel like an outsider even in non-binary spaces. Eventually, I had to come to terms with the fact that I am female.
Detransitioning was scary and felt vulnerable because there's no real social script for it. I started by just being myself—no makeup, regular clothes, but I stopped binding my chest and kept my face shaved. I just presented in a neutral way. Gradually, I let my hair grow out and started buying clothes from the women's section again, though I still prefer utilitarian and neutral styles; I never became hyper-feminine. My goal was just to be seen clearly as female again.
I’ve been detransitioned for about eight years now. While I have my confidence back in a big way, I still deal with some lasting effects from the testosterone. My voice is less female, and I have some facial hair I have to manage. I’ve been working on voice training to sound more female, which feels awkward but is slowly helping. The most important thing for my mental health was getting trans ideology and the trans community out of my life. It was incredibly beneficial for me to move on.
I also had to completely reframe how I saw myself. I stopped centering my identity on my gender and instead focused on things I have true control over: my career, my hobbies like crafts and hiking, being a kind person, and being a good mother. I have a young son now, who is happy and healthy, and being his mom is a huge part of who I am. I was able to conceive him naturally about seven years after stopping testosterone, after a couple of early losses, which is a pretty normal experience.
I don’t really have regrets about transitioning because it led me to where I am now, but I see it clearly as a symptom of other problems—my anxiety, trauma, and low self-esteem—rather than a solution. I benefited greatly from therapy that wasn't affirming of my transgender identity, which helped me challenge my negative thoughts. My thoughts on gender now are that it’s one of the least interesting things about a person. We are so much more than our bodies.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 21 | Started testosterone (HRT) |
| 22 | Stopped testosterone after ~1.5 years |
| 22-29 | Gradual social detransition |
| 30 | Gave birth to my son |
| 31 | Present day, 8 years detransitioned |
Top Comments by /u/kindofusedtoit:
I strongly recommend seeing a therapist for body dysmorphia— CBT to challenge negative thoughts/thought distortions could be really helpful. I am not sure how long you’ve been of T either, but that can definitely make a huge difference with a couple years. Of course, the more important thing is psychological wellness at this point and surgery is unlikely to bring that as effectively or with as much longevity as GOOD therapy.
I agree with this completely. Many people with spastic CP, which this person appears to have, are of average intelligence regardless of how they appear. While I disagree with transition broadly, I think it’s a leap so say this person did not make this decision independently and does not have autonomy.
I also noticed you posted in certain subs in the past regarding mental illness— my mom had that mental illness and I know that it can fuel/amplify any existing thought distortions. If you are not currently working with a med manager, that may be worth considering…
Ah, noted. Same said about a GOOD therapist, ideally one specializing in CBT or ACT could address the dysmorphia and help you seek medical care. Wanting to be rid of pain is normal, but the deep hatred you expressed here isn’t. Do you mind me asking how long you’ve been off T?
It’s also worth noting that FGM survivors often experience severe lifelong pain from nerve damage. I only say that to help put this feeling/want in perspective for you— the way you wish to manage the pain, while not only illegal, is likely to cause much more significant pain. It is not the out you want it to be.
No—not that it’s really relevant to me because I’m happily married. Getting trans ideology/ the trans community/ everything that comes with it out of my life has been incredibly beneficial for my mental health and I really wouldn’t want to risk getting sucked back into that, no matter how compatible I hypothetically am with an individual trans person.
Stereotype threat is soooo real. Not only are we hindered by other people’s perception of us, but also by our presumption of other people’s perception of us. When we’re in predominantly male spaces/fields, our sex becomes more salient, which siphons cognitive energy from the task we are supposed to be performing/demonstrating.
My heart really goes out to you. I have a lot of lingering dysmorphia around my voice, but at least I’m not in pain.
I really don’t say any of that to make you feel bad or anything by the way, but because sometimes when I get bad ideas in my head like that it’s helpful to get more information. Pump the brakes, you know?
Hi! I had my son a little over a year ago! I hope you’re holding up ok, I remember those first few months as being so tough in so many ways, even though I was so grateful for a healthy baby. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need advice or just to chat ❤️
I think a big part of it for me was that I didn’t want people to see me and assume I was male. I didn’t really do makeup or even shave, just started wearing shirts and pants from the women’s section and wearing my hair longer. So definitely not hyperfeminine or anything, but an attempt to look more clearly female.
Hi, I detransitioned after about a year and a half on T, and while everyone’s bodies react differently to it (you could have had more masculinizing effects after a shorter period of time) I am now socially recognized as female 99% of the time.
I found it easiest to just go out as myself at first, meaning no makeup, regular clothes, but with no binder and close shaven face. Like a pretty neutral look rather than trying to go “full femme” (which was never me anyway) right away. Yes, that was a little uncomfortable at first, I felt like I was drawing more attention than I wanted, but it was easier to get used to. I mainly just grew my hair out and gradually wore more feminine clothes—still fairly utilitarian and neutral color, but with women’s cuts from the women’s department. This might be an easier transition for you than immediately going in full make up, etc.
I think transition tends to be a very rushed/abrupt process where the goal is to look as male as possible as soon as possible, but detransition, by it’s nature, tends to be more gradual. Partly because the physical changes happen much slower (fat redistribution, any voice changes, facial hair thinning or removal, etc) and are much more subtle, and partly because there isn’t a social model for detransition, so it feels much more vulnerable. I’ve been detransitioned for almost 8 years now and it definitely took the first few years to get comfortable with myself/my presentation, but, like I said, there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.
Having friends I could talk to about this (outside the trans community, who were gc or just knew me really well/had known me before I transitioned) was a big help. I also found that it was really helpful to refocus my identity not as male or female, but based on things I enjoy and am proud of (finding a career that I’m really good at, hobbies like crafts and outdoorsy stuff, being compassionate and smart, etc.).
Sorry for the big rant, it might not be entirely coherent lol. Please feel free to reach out with any questions or anything and I’ll do my best to help.