After a decade of transition with 9 years on HRT, I've called it quits. I passed fine, but it got more difficult with age. I kept having to add more layers to pass. Doing just a little more never felt like a big deal at the time, but that's the sunk cost fallacy. Getting laid off because of covid and not having to work in an office every day, I suddenly stopped doing all those things and realized I was actually feeling more at ease in social situations. Starting an anti-depressant was when I finally started to break free from harmful thought patterns. Since then, psychedelic therapy has helped me truthfully dig into my reasons for transitioning, and like you, as a feminine man, I found I did it because I thought it would be more comfortable socially. The judgement I thought others had towards me for being a feminine man was my own insecurity. People don't hate me for being myself, but they did hate me for trying to act like someone else.

Being open about this with trans friends, I'm finding that those who medically transitioned to try to achieve social conformity are also the ones that are unstable in their identity and consider detransitioning. Those who transitioned due to severe body dysphoria are the ones who are most stable. They consider themselves trans-sex, not transgender, and see transition as a medical event, not an identity... gender was not the issue, it was their sex. (i.e. transmed)

I'm convinced that transgenderism in most people is a symptom of more deeply rooted issues. Please, be honest about your reasons for wanting to transition and work on those issues. Medical transition is only a temporary cure if the cause is poor mental health... the high will eventually wear off. The fact that you're here asking about detransitioning tells us a lot.

The most important thing I learned is to understand other perspectives. An action or belief that may be a negative for you could be helping someone else move in a positive direction. There's a lot I disagree with on trans ideology, especially medically, but I don't blame anyone who goes in trying to improve their life. I just hope that we can do better in helping people understand the root of their feelings. Self acceptance is the only solution without problems.

A huge part of living day to day as a woman is being recognized as one without condition, and that's a tall hurdle for trans women. Every little way you're seen as less-than really takes its toll over time. It's an exhausting presentation to keep up and will not be the same as the life of cis women.

I think it's just the opposite. They lack the social skills to comfortably exist in reality, so the energy is turned inwards, in pursuit of crafting an identity that others will praise them for. The echo of praise exists in these already introverted online communities, reinforcing and encouraging the behavior. It's easier to control your appearance online, where you can proofread and edit your words to perfection. They're too adept at going inward, to a fault of not connecting to others in reality. I was one of them.

More than any change in political leaning, I'm now able to recognize black-and-white thinking. I'm willing to understand a differing view and find middle ground. Politicians are using rigid stances as currency to gain voters. I'll support whoever I believe has a genuine goal to do the most good. 

Your situation is really difficult, and I'm sorry that these are your options.

Psilocybin-induced meditation has been the most transformational thing I have ever done. After about 5 years of transitioning, I ended up in a situation (construction work) where it was more convenient to present masculine, and I started realizing that it didn't bother me anymore. It took another two years of questioning my transition and waves of intense depression to seek a more permanent solution than antidepressants. I took mushrooms with the intent to cure depression, which they did, but it also unintentionally broke me out of entrenched trans reasoning and lead me down a path of exploring what led up to transition. Seeing the roots of my journey simply as they were, rather than through an ideological lens, allowed me to recognize what I was trying to solve with transition. Trans ideology requires believing that your natural existence is wrong, which is no longer how I view the world.

I'm very happy to answer any specific questions you may have.

1. I use a 2 gram dose about 4 times a year. This is considered moderate, unlike a 4g+ "ego death" type of dose. It's enough to get meditative without totally losing touch... I can remember to take a deep breath if I need to return to reality.

2. Absolutely, and at times have felt hopeless over that distress. I've permanently made my life more difficult, and I've had to learn how to accept that.

3. No, my transition was mostly socially fueled. Prior to transition I came to be distressed by male aging, but that was preceded by and dependent on a belief of being trans.

4. I occasionally have thoughts that I previously would have called gender dysphoria, but now they're better explained by other framing.

5. Easy. Send me a message if you want the source I've used... I bought chocolate edibles and a grow kit, which took about a month to receive. I've also foraged some wild ones since then. FYI the spores are legal, so grow kits are very easy to get online.

There's a much higher incidence of ASD in the trans population... something like 20% reported. The studies thus far don't indicate whether one causes the other, or if other factors are involved that cause the two populations to overlap.

I haven't sought out a diagnosis, because it's not clear how it would be beneficial, but literature and AQ indicate I am. I always described my dysphoria as social, not physical. It was a feeling of never fitting in, and a sense that others perceived me as different. It felt like my presence was unwanted, even though logic should say that's not true because those same people are the ones inviting me. It was easier to socialize with women, and I was already gender non-conforming, so I explained my experiences as gender dysphoria. I later came to learn that those are better explained as autistic experiences. Transition doesn't cure autism, so when those feelings never resolved it forced me to question whether I was doing the right thing. Trying to understand social interactions through an autistic lens has given me more accurate context for when those awkward social situations occur. Gender isn't the problem; it's mostly my mis-interpretation of other people.

Trans identity requires affirmation to persist, because there's no verifiable scientific basis to confirm it's real. There's incentive for trans people to pull others into it in order to add legitimacy, and egg culture is a seemingly playful way to plant that seed. The ones doing it likely aren't thinking about it that way, but they can probably acknowledge the positive feeling they get by recognizing someone of their group (even if what they're seeing is misattributed). Claiming to be able to identify a trans person and affirming their existence solidifies their belief in trans identity.