This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, this account appears authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it's a bot or inauthentic.
The user's posts display:
- Personal, detailed narrative: They share specific, emotionally complex experiences with hormones, surgery, and identity over time.
- Internal conflict and nuance: Their thoughts show genuine confusion, regret, hope, and self-reflection, which is consistent with the difficult process of detransitioning/desisting.
- Consistent story: The timeline and details (e.g., dosage, time on T, surgery 2 years ago) are consistent across posts.
- Emotional resonance: The language conveys real, raw emotion that aligns with the passion and pain often found in this community.
About me
I'm a 23-year-old who started living as a guy at 15 because I was so distressed by my developing female body. I was on testosterone for years and had top surgery, which I was happy with at the time. Just recently, my entire world shattered when I suddenly realized I might actually be a lesbian woman, so I stopped my hormones. I'm now struggling with regret and confusion, worried my flat chest will stop people from seeing me as female. I'm moving forward by trying to find comfort in who I am now, hoping to finally feel at home in my own skin.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing, and I'm still figuring it out. It all started when I was a teenager, around 15. I hated getting breasts the second they started to develop; they felt wrong and distressing on my body. That discomfort was a huge part of why I first thought I might be trans. I ended up living as a guy for over eight years, from age 15 to 23, and for most of that time, I felt very sure it was the right path for me. I identified as a bisexual man.
I started taking testosterone when I was 19. I was on it for multiple years, but I was on a low dose—25mg a week—which gave me low-normal hormone levels and very slow changes. I was always worried about the changes, freaking out that my voice would get even lower or that I’d grow more body hair. I didn't want things to go too far. About two years ago, when I was 21, I got top surgery to remove my breasts. At the time, I was really happy with it. I liked having a flat chest and never regretted the surgery until very recently.
Everything flipped upside down for me just a few days ago. I’m 23 now, and I’ve just stopped taking testosterone. Tomorrow will only be my second missed dose. It feels like my whole world has been shattered. I went from being sure I was a bi dude to questioning if I’m actually a lesbian, almost overnight. It’s a massive shock to the system after being so certain for so long.
Now, I’m struggling with a lot of regret and confusion. I don’t regret the top surgery in the sense that I still hate the idea of having my original breasts back—the thought of that still upsets me. But I’m now worried about how other people see me. I want to be seen as a woman, but I’m afraid my flat chest will stop that from happening. My voice is just androgynous enough, and I dress in men’s clothes, so I sometimes get called "sir" or "buddy." I’m short and have a feminine face, and my hips stayed bigger than my waist even on testosterone, so I think people mostly see me as female, but I’m not sure.
To help, I just bought some breast forms online. I’m hoping that having the option to wear them and then take them off at the end of the day will be a good middle ground. It’s weird to want a chest now after hating it for so long, but it feels like it’s about being perceived correctly.
Looking back, I think I needed to live as a boy to become confident in myself. I don’t know who I would be if I hadn’t transitioned; there’s no version of me as a girl from 15 to 23 in my head. I was just me. I will always struggle with having done this and with my gender and sexuality, but I can’t go back. The only way is forward. Hearing from others who have gone through this and come out okay on the other side gives me hope. I feel like I owe it to myself to try and find happiness and comfort in who I am now.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15 | I first started thinking I was trans, largely because I hated the development of my breasts during puberty. I began living socially as a boy. |
| 19 | I started a low dose of testosterone (25mg/week). |
| 21 | I had top surgery to remove my breasts. I was happy with the results at the time. |
| 23 | I stopped taking testosterone and began questioning my entire gender identity, realizing I might be a lesbian woman. This is when I started to detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/kittypurrly:
I appreciate the advice but I don't think you can really compare estrogen and testosterone like that. 25mg/week of T is not crazy low or anything but it's on the low end and has given me consistently low-normal testosterone levels and very slow changes.
Unfortunately my endo isn't available until november so I think I'll just have to deal with it :( But thank you for the recommendation!
I am really hoping you are right! I keep freaking myself out that the next few months will keep having changes, I guess I will just have to see :( I don't want my voice to go any lower or any more hair to develop. I am hoping since it is such a small amount after nothing for a few weeks that it will not make too much difference.
Thank you very much for the thoughtful and detailed reply, I really appreciate it <3
I actually just bought some breast forms on amazon and will hopefully get them tomorrow, so I will see if that helps. It's so weird, I like having a flat chest now and always hated my breasts, but now I feel like I can't be seen as a girl without them. I am 2 years out from surgery and never regretted it until this afternoon, so I feel like it's just a 'being seen as a woman' thing. Maybe being able to take the boobs off at the end of the day will be a happy middle, at least. If you're comfortable answering, can I ask how you use them??? I have a padded sports bra and am planning on cutting a little hole and inserting them into the pocket the pads are in, but maybe there's a better way?
I am really close to the start of this process, like tomorrow will only be my second 'missed' dose of T, so I am really hoping I am just hormonal and scared and that it will get better. I think I got off pretty easy for someone who was on T for multiple years and I'm just trying to hold onto that even though it makes me feel like an asshole. Like, I think you're right in that people do perceive me as female; I am short and have a feminine face, and my hips have stayed way bigger than my waist the whole damn time I was on T, but my voice is juuuust androgynous enough now and my clothes are just 'male' enough to get a few "sir"s. But more realistically I get "buddy" lol.
I am truly sorry that you have felt this pain too, but it does make me feel better to know that you and so many others have come out the other side ok. I hope that time and reconnecting with my femininity will heal me too.
I think you hit the nail on the head for me with the idea that you'd still hate your boobs if you had them. When I think of having MY boobs in particular back it makes me very upset, I found them distressing the second I started getting them. That was actually a huge part of why I thought I was trans, now that I really think about it. I guess now I am more worried about other people not finding me attractive for it, but hey, it's done and ultimately I think am glad I have the option to just throw a shirt on and go out without a bra. I ordered pretty small ones, I am hoping I will be happy having just a tiny bit of something there, and maybe one day when I'm more comfortable I will just go back to the flat chest.
It makes me feel a lot better to know this will get easier, at least somewhat. Right now I feel like I'm living in a nightmare and my whole world has been flipped upside down — I went from believing I was a bi dude to (maybe?) a lesbian pretty much overnight, and it's a real shock to the system after 8+ years of being very sure in my identity. I think I will always struggle with having done this and I will always struggle with gender and sexuality, but I can't go back so I suppose the only place to go from here is forward :)
And no worries, I really appreciate having someone to talk to about this! Getting your perspective has been really reassuring honestly.
It's true, I have no way of knowing how I would have been like if I hadn't done this. Like, I don't have a visual in my head of girl me from ages 15-23, I was just... me. I guess I will still just be me :) As much as I am regretting it now, I also don't know how I could have gone through life as a girl for those years. I think I needed to live as a boy to become confident in myself.
And I guess ultimately I don't want people in my life who can't accept the journey I had to go on to get here. It makes me happy to hear others who are farther along on their journeys now being happy and comfortable in themselves, it feels impossible now but I feel like I owe it to myself to at least TRY to get to that place before giving up. I feel a lot more hopeful hearing people say this is possible.