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Reddit user /u/kuoriv's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 26
female
low self-esteem
regrets transitioning
trauma
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
homosexual
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user "kuoriv" shares a detailed, emotionally complex, and internally consistent personal narrative about detransitioning and re-identifying as a woman. The language is nuanced, uses self-deprecating humor ("Oh how the turn tables"), and references specific, believable life experiences (e.g., family dynamics, a "chosen family" of "queer trustfund punx," moving countries).

There are no serious red flags suggesting this is a bot or an inauthentic account. The passion and criticism align with the expected perspective of a desister who feels harmed by their experience.

About me

I moved away from home and became convinced I was trans, but I cut off my family because I was sure they'd reject me. Instead, I found a new "chosen family" of friends who ended up kicking me out, which was a painful but necessary wake-up call. I moved back home and was shocked to find my real family was always loving and accepting, despite our differences. Now, I see my discomfort came from poor mental health and a toxic environment, not from being in the wrong body. I'm finally healthy and happy, embracing being a woman again after realizing I needed to fix my life, not my gender.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender started when I was living far away from my family. I was convinced I was trans, but I never actually told my parents. I had this idea, fed by media stories, that they would disown me for it, especially since they were already a bit confused by me being bisexual. So I preemptively cut them off. I moved to a different country and drastically reduced our communication. I told myself they were just bigoted, narrow-minded boomers and not worth my time. Instead, I attached myself completely to a new "chosen family" of local queer punk friends.

That turned out to be a huge mistake. That group, who I thought were my real family, ended up kicking me out. It was the same rejection I was so afraid my blood family would do. The hypocrisy of it all was a massive wake-up call. It forced me to take a hard look at myself and my life. I realized I had been in a really bad place—a hormonally imbalanced, obesogenic, and maddening environment, being manipulated by people who called themselves my family. I had severe depression and anxiety, and my self-esteem was non-existent.

Being cut off from that group was painful, but it was the best thing that could have happened. It made me see that I needed to work on accepting myself for who I really am, and focus on what I could actually control: my physical and mental health. I moved back to my hometown and slowly reconnected with my real friends and my actual family.

It was a revelation. We have our differences of opinion, but they are not deal-breakers. We truly love and accept each other as we are. I discovered that my family would have loved me even if I were trans. We're not the kind of family that disowns people. I have gay, lesbian, and bi cousins who are fully accepted and adored by everyone. One of my second cousins is even married to a trans woman who is fully respected by the family. It turned out my conservative-ish, working-class Catholic family was far more loving and tolerant than the "chosen family" of white queer trust-fund punks I had left them for.

Once I was free from that toxic environment and back with my real family, my health improved tremendously. I was able to embrace being a woman again. I see now that a lot of my discomfort was tied to my mental health and the bad situation I was in, not my body itself. I also had some trauma from past relationships with men, which I think confused my feelings about my own identity and sexuality for a while. I used to say I was "gay" but attracted to "anyone but cis men," which was a messy way of dealing with that hurt.

Looking back, I don't regret the journey because it led me to where I am now, which is a much healthier and happier place. But I do regret the pain I caused myself and my family by pushing them away based on a false assumption. I regret the years I lost to depression and being influenced by a group that didn't have my best interests at heart. My thoughts on gender now are that it's okay to be a feminine man or a masculine woman; we don't always need to medicalize discomfort. Sometimes, what you really need is to fix your environment and your mental health.

Here is a timeline of the main events:

Age Event
Early 20s Moved to a different country, cut off family, and became deeply involved with a new "chosen family." Began identifying as trans.
25 Was kicked out of the chosen family group. This was a major turning point that led me to re-evaluate everything.
26 Moved back to my hometown and began reconnecting with my biological family and old friends.
Present (late 20s) Fully reconnected with family, mental and physical health greatly improved. No longer identify as trans and have embraced being a woman.

Top Comments by /u/kuoriv:

5 comments • Posting since December 22, 2023
Reddit user kuoriv (desisted female) explains that her detransition was due to escaping a toxic, hormonally-imbalancing environment and manipulation from people who posed as family, which allowed her to embrace her womanhood again after reuniting with her real family.
15 pointsFeb 15, 2024
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Because I'm a woman who lived in an hormonally imbalanced, obesogenic and maddening environment, being manipulated by people who called themselves my family and wanted me to cut ties from my real family. One I was free from those people, away from that environment and back to my real family, my health got better and I embaraced my womanhood again.

Reddit user kuoriv (desisted female) explains that a woman's identity isn't defined by her womb, advises focusing on mental and hormonal health, and encourages adoption or considering women who've had hysterectomies.
12 pointsDec 22, 2023
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Sending you tons of love. Focus on your mental health first. And your hormonal health, which is extremely connected to your mental health. If you later want to have kids once you're in a more stable situation, you can always adopt. You're still a woman with or without womb. Otherwise, older women who had hysterectomies because of their health wouldn't be women either. They are, and so are you. You did your best with what you knew, even if the information you got was rushed and wrong.

Always remember this pain is temporary. You can always sort out your health. Death is permanent, and if there's an afterlife, you will forever regret all that you could've done and been. Stick around.

Reddit user kuoriv (desisted female) comments on the irony of replacing trauma from cis men with trauma from trans women.
9 pointsFeb 19, 2024
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When I was deep in the gender hole, I used to say I was "gay" but attracted to "anyone but cis men" just because I still missed the d but had trauma from relationships with cis men. And now I have trauma from relationships with trans women.

Oh how the turn tables.

Reddit user kuoriv (desisted female) comments on the tolerance for effeminate men in Far East Asia, contrasting it with Western assumptions that they "must be trans."
5 pointsFeb 3, 2024
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Far East Asia with all its prejudices and stuff does seem to have a lot more tolerance towards effeminate men. Rather than "celebration" or "they must be trans then". They just let them be. I've seen a lot of effeminate/androgynous men featured in Japanese street style IG accounts like TYO Media (https://www.instagram.com/tyo.media) and the comments are not "you're an egg", just "cool clothes".

Reddit user kuoriv (desisted female) explains how cutting off her conservative Catholic family over fear of rejection backfired, leading her to a toxic "chosen family" that ultimately disowned her, prompting self-acceptance and a loving reconciliation with her supportive biological family.
3 pointsDec 22, 2023
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I never openly came out as trans to my parents. I had the idea that they would hate me and disown me for doing it as the media clichés would show, so I preemptively kept myself away from them and didn't tell them anything, specially as they were confused by my bisexuality. They were dark times. I lived in a different country and reduced our communication. I was convinced they were bigoted narrowminded boomers and not worth keeping too much in touch, instead staying pathologically close to my "chosen family" of white queer trustfund local punx.

Dumb stuff happened and they kicked me out of that chosen family - just like I imagined my blood family would do, lmao. The hypocrisy helped me open my eyes, accept myself for who I am and work on changing what I actually can change/control like my physical and mental health. Through this true acceptance, I moved back to my home town and reconnected with real friends and family. We have a lovely time. We have our differences of opinion and such, but they're not dealbreakers and we truly love ourselves and each other as we are.

Now I know they would still love me even if I were trans, which I'm not. We're not the kind of family that disowns people. There are a few gay, lesbian and bi cousins who are also very nice people, committed to their families, adored by the kids, etc. and they bring their partners to family events where they are very lovely and cordial to their in laws. One of my second cousins is actually married to a trans woman and everyone respects and accepts her, calls her by her pronouns, and so on.

Turns out, the queer punx were a lot more bigoted and narrowminded than my conservative-ish working class Catholic family.