This story is from the comments by /u/lacroicsz5 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "lacroicsz5" appears to be authentic and not a bot or a troll.
There are no serious red flags suggesting inauthenticity. The user provides a highly detailed, emotionally raw, and internally consistent personal narrative spanning several years. The account describes a specific timeline (starting T at 18, detransitioning at 19/20), shares a personal blog link, discusses the long-term physical and psychological effects of testosterone, and expresses a complex, evolving perspective that includes anger, regret, and deep personal reflection. This depth, consistency, and emotional resonance are extremely difficult to fake and are strong indicators of a genuine person sharing their lived experience. The user also demonstrates knowledge of internal community dynamics (e.g., "tucutes" vs. "truscum"), which aligns with an authentic history of participation in these spaces.
About me
I started identifying as a boy at 15 after finding a community online that seemed to explain why I felt so out of place. I began testosterone at 18, but after a few years, I became more depressed and realized I could never actually be male. I deeply regret the permanent changes and the years I lost trying to become someone I wasn't. Now I see my dysphoria came from not fitting female stereotypes, not from being born in the wrong body. I'm finally learning to accept myself as a female person and am working on my real mental health issues in therapy.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was around 15. I found a community on Tumblr and it felt like I had finally found the answer to why I always felt so out of place. I never really thought about being a boy or a girl as a little kid, but when I hit puberty, everything got confusing and painful. I started developing breasts and curves, and I hated it. I felt like I was failing at being a girl because I wasn't pretty, or bubbly, or interested in the things other girls were. I was loud, I had a crude sense of humor, and I preferred hanging out with guys because the friendships felt easier. But as we got older, that changed too, and I stopped feeling like "one of the guys." I felt completely alien.
This discomfort with my body got tangled up with an eating disorder I developed around 14. I now see that a big part of wanting to be skinny was to get rid of my curves and breasts, to look more like a boy. If I was thin enough, my periods might even stop. It was all about escaping my female body. When I learned about being transgender, it was like a lightbulb went off. I thought, "This is it. I'm not a failed girl, I'm actually a boy." I held onto that identity for five years, from 15 to 19.
When I was 18, I started testosterone. At first, it was amazing. It felt like a honeymoon period where all my problems were solved. I was euphoric. I moved away to college, got involved with the campus LGBT group, and fully embraced life as a trans man. But that high didn't last. After about six months, the depression I've always struggled with started creeping back in. I started to hate the face I saw in the mirror. It wasn't me. I was putting so much effort into passing—binding my chest, talking in a lower voice, wearing specific clothes—but I still felt like a fraud. I realized that no matter what I did, I would never be a biological male. I was just a female who was taking hormones to look male.
The breaking point came after about two years on testosterone. I was more depressed and suicidal than I had ever been in my life. I looked at pictures of myself trying to pose as masculine and I just cried. I had given up so much for this—I'd fought with my family, dropped out of school, moved states—and it was all a mistake. Admitting that to myself was the hardest thing I've ever done. I felt so much shame and embarrassment. I was terrified to tell my parents, but when I did, they were actually relieved. They had been scared for me all along.
Since detransitioning, my views on gender have completely changed. I don't believe in gender identity anymore. I think it's all based on stereotypes about how men and women should act. My dysphoria wasn't because I was born in the wrong body; it was because I grew up in a society that punishes people, especially girls, who don't fit into strict boxes. I had real, painful dysphoria, but transitioning made it worse. It was like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. Now, I'm learning to accept myself as a female who doesn't conform to feminine stereotypes, and that's okay. I still have moments where I feel envious of men, but they pass. Every day, I get more comfortable with just being me.
I deeply regret transitioning. I regret the permanent changes to my body, like my deeper voice. I regret the years I lost and the damage I did to my mental health. But I don't regret the lessons I learned. This experience forced me to finally confront my eating disorder, my low self-esteem, and the trauma of not fitting in. I'm in therapy now, working on the root causes of my pain instead of just covering it up. My life isn't over; in a lot of ways, detransitioning was the beginning of me truly finding myself.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 | Developed bulimia and began struggling with body image. |
| 15 | First identified as transgender after discovering the concept online. |
| 18 | Started testosterone therapy. |
| 19 | Stopped testosterone after nearly 2 years; began detransitioning. |
| 20 | Legally changed my name back to my birth name. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/lacroicsz5:
“My therapist once asked me to, for a period of time, stop calling the discomfort I was feeling dysphoria and try to find another word to describe the emotions I was having as accurately as I can. It helped me think about what I was feeling and actively find the cause of that discomfort and consider an alternative reason for that problem. Really helped factor out some issues that at the time I thought were dysphoria, that I was labeling them as such because I didn't want to address the actual pain.”
THIS! Such important advice.
Before I transitioned, I had some things in the back of my mind, like how much I was going to miss certain “feminine” things because I wouldn’t be able to do them and pass. I also was really scared about the genital changes that T would bring, and to this day that’s the aspect I can’t let go of.
Actually questioning my trans identity (that I had since age 15, started T at 18) didn’t start until a year and a half on T. When I first started hormones, life could not have been better. I was elated out of my fucking mind that I had started T, and would have literally bet my life that it was right for me. I continued being active in the trans community, and I made a lot of trans friends at my university.
After a fight with my parents, who didn’t support my transition, I ended up moving states away to start my new life. At this point, depression (that I’ve always struggled with) was starting to creep in after the initial honeymoon period. I didn’t like that the face in the mirror was so different. I never liked how I looked (always had bad self esteem and an ED that I contributed to dysphoria but now I know it was probably the other way around) but seeing this new person freaked me out. I avoided mirrors like the plague, and generally started dissociating from life. I began to ruminate on how my life was just fine before, I had mental health problems and delt with issues at school, and my parents suck, but at least I had myself. I started remembering when life was simple, before I found Tumblr, before I found activism, before I found trans identity to be the solution to my problems (insecurity, powerlessness, body dysmorphia, etc). I remembered what it was like to be normal. Troubled, maybe, but normal. I thought I was going to become the real me, love my body, and make a difference in the world. I was starting to realize not only the issues with my own decision, but the lies I had been told by trans activism (Marsha p Johnson did not even identify as transsexual, the word she would have used at the time. She described herself as a drag queen and non conforming gay man. The idea that she was trans is completely a post-mortem assumption and to me extremely insulting to a man who struggled like Marsha did because of being a nonconforming gay man).
After a few months of living in denial, upping my T dose to see if it would make me feel better, reading the countless of trans “positivity” pieces that assured me it would all be okay if I just stuck with it and got to the other side of transitioning, I broke down and admitted to myself I had made a mistake. This took MONTHS. I was so sure, had given up so much, had waited and prayed and begged the universe for the chance to be on T, and it was a fucking mistake.
Because I was never encouraged to explore my dysphoria. I just thought it meant I was trans. That feeling DEBILITATING dysphoria could have no other meaning, no other source, than the fact that I was a man on the inside.
So think. Think hard. Dysphoria, and the promise the mainstream trans narrative gives are SEDUCTIVE. Don’t think of it as “am I trans or not” think of it as “why do I feel this way?” I would give anything to stop someone from going through what I and the ever growing hundreds on this subreddit have gone through. It is brutal, traumatizing, and unforgivable. I’m glad you made the step to inform yourself by visiting us, but to see someone on the brink of no return is terrifying. Explore your dysphoria. Do not write people off as bigots for questioning trans activism. I used to be like you. Do not write people off as transphobes or unsupportive for being afraid for you. Be afraid for yourself. Your body will keep the score, and there is no turning back time.
I think the topic of dysphoria is oversimplified by a lot of people, by BOTH "gender critical" people and gender ideologists.
Psychiatry, and really all medical science, is not a hard science but an applied science. Meaning that we use our knowledge of hard sciences, such as chemistry and biology, and apply it to interpret the human body and mind, and that's medicine. Psychiatry involves much more interpretation by professionals than other forms of medicine, since the human brain is much more complex and much less well understood than other parts of the human body. So when we discuss a psychiatric condition, which gender dysphoria is, we have to first acknowledge that not only are we not professionals in this field, but that the professionals themselves are merely attempting to divine meaning from complex hard sciences to understand a set of symptoms that are commonly grouped together, which is basically what a psychiatric diagnosis is. As opposed to something like, lets say, coronary artery disease, which is a physical condition where we know exactly what is going on in the body and exactly how to treat it, due to literal millenia of medical research going back to ancient societies, gender dysphoria and other mental illnesses are simply sets of diagnostic criteria that form one diagnosis. So, when someone is diagnosed with gender dysphoria, its because they present with a set of symptoms that has been commonly observed together, rather than because doctors know exactly what is going on in the brain to cause the condition of gender dysphoria. Same goes for depression, anxiety, OCD, schizophrenia, anything, you name it. A doctor in a different specialty can draw blood, look at slides under a microscope, order an EKG, MRI, etc etc to diagnose and treat a condition but there are almost no psychiatric conditions that can be diagnosed this way.
So when we talk about gender dysphoria, we have to realize that no lay person on the internet can pass judgement on exactly what causes it and what the treatment is for it. Like I said before, psychiatric conditions are words coined to describe a set of symptoms. These symptoms, as described in the DSM 5, are as follows:
- A strong desire to be of a gender other than one's assigned gender
- A strong desire to be treated as a gender other than one's assigned gender
- A significant incongruence between one's experienced or expressed gender and one's sexual characteristics
- A strong desire for the sexual characteristics of a gender other than one's assigned gender
- A strong desire to be rid of one's sexual characteristics due to incongruence with one's experienced or expressed gender
- A strong conviction that one has the typical reactions and feelings of a gender other than one's assigned gender
If someone meets those criteria, they can be diagnosed with gender dysphoria. End of story. That is how psychiatric diagnoses work. Lets take major depressive disorder to compare:
- Depressed mood: For children and adolescents, this can also be an irritable mood
- Diminished interest or loss of pleasure in almost all activities (anhedonia)
- Significant weight change or appetite disturbance: For children, this can be failure to achieve expected weight gain
- Sleep disturbance (insomnia or hypersomnia)
- Psychomotor agitation or retardation
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Diminished ability to think or concentrate; indecisiveness
- Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or specific plan for committing suicide
So, if someone presents to a psychologist or psychiatrist with at least 5 of these symptoms over a 2 week period, they can be diagnosed with MDD. MDD, unlike gender dysphoria, has been heavily researched and the psychiatric field understands that it can be caused by biological predispositions, biochemical imbalances, trauma, or as a reaction to difficult, complex life events. Everything from a bad breakup to a genetic neurological disorder to a vitamin D deficiency can cause major depression, but it's still the same set of symptoms and thus the same diagnosis. Nobody (who knows anything about mental illness) tries to argue with a depressed person that their depression isn't real depression because they don't have a genetic serotonin deficiency. People understand that the human brain is complex and depression can be a response to a massive variety of bio-psycho-social stimuli. Part of this is because of the amount of research behind MDD as a diagnosis.
Studies have shown that exposure to higher levels of androgens in the womb can cause female humans to exhibit more masculine characteristics and preferences, so it's very possible that some people's gender dysphoria can be caused by this as well. But it's also true that things like childhood sexual abuse can make someone feel disgusted with their sex characteristics and develop gender dysphoria. We know the symptoms, but we don't have a good understanding of why they appear and why they appear together often enough to constitute a psychiatric disorder.
So, to answer your question, I think the assertion that anyone who detransitions was "never trans" in the first place is akin to telling an anorexic in remission that she was "never really anorexic" or a depressed person who recovered that they were "never really depressed" because their symptoms didn't persist through treatment. Of course, there are people who's anorexia or depression are in fact extremely treatment resistant, but that doesn't define them as the only people who truly have those disorders. If someones dysphoria is so treatment resistant that even after a well rounded theraputic approach (clinically proven therapies like CBT, DBT, or trauma/analysis therapy), they still have persistent discomfort with their biological sex and desire to transition, that's just the way their dypshoria has manifested. That doesn't mean, however, that if someone has gender dysphoria, spends years in therapy unpacking that dysphoria, and then enters remission and no longer has those persistent obsessive thoughts, that they did not in fact have gender dysphoria. That makes no sense from a psychiatric perspective. It simply means they are in remission. It could very well be that there is a genetic/biological component to gender dysphoria, and that those people have more treatment resistant dysphoria, but that doesn't mean that that theoretical presentation of dysphoria is the only genuine one. Until we have evidence that conclusively determines gender dysphoria is a biological condition, no one person, especially a non-expert via subjective experience of their own dysphoria, can claim that another persons dysphoria was not real gender dysphoria, because if they meet the diagnostic criteria then its just the reality of the situation that they have gender dysphoria.
Sorry this was so long, but it's a complicated topic and I hope this helped.
I think you are going through a LOT mentally and emotionally, and to focus on gender identity and transition before things like self esteem, healthy sexuality, and other aspects of your mental health is a huge mistake. You will never be happy “as a woman” if you don’t take care of yourself first. It seems like your sense of identity, relationship to sex and your body, and self esteem are suffering tremendously. To make life changing decisions on identity or your future (ie. Transition) before growing more as a person (ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU ARE 19.) could be tragic for you. Im just being honest. A lot of us went through our own twisted version of these types of mental health/emotional problems, and ended up focusing on gender instead and transitioning and hugely regretting it. Then you will not only be left with navigating the clusterfuck you started out with, but the DEVASTATING effects that transition and detransition would have on your psyche and daily life as well. A lot, lot, lot, lot of us transitioned out of self hatred, confusion, and sheer ignorance of ourselves due to our young age, and gender identity gave us a temporary place to store our problems. Please think about your motivations behind transitioning, and the reasons why you feel dysphoria. Transition is not the only treatment for dysphoria, and sex stereotypes, internalized homophobia, trauma (if you have some form of it) and low self worth could be major causes for your dysphoria, which transition would ultimately not resolve. Good luck with this tough situation, my thoughts go out to you friend.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t name a worse feeling than what you’re going through right now. But it will heal, I promise.
My breaking point was after a long time (months?) of ruminating on how disappointing my life had gotten. I had a fight with my parents over their “transphobia” so I dropped out of college and moved a couple states over, went from a depressed but relatively content upper middle class girl on the right track to dirt poor, abandoned trans guy who could barely function. I got really depressed, started abusing weed and alcohol and isolating myself. I couldn’t talk to other people because everything felt so... fake. This wasn’t my life, what was I doing? Who was this person in the mirror? Changed by hormones I bought without really considering the true impact, during a time when I was extremely mentally fragile.
So one day my partner surprised me with a video of a bunch of pictures of us/me and as I sat there and watched all the pictures of me faking a smile (or trying to pose in a way that would make me look more masculine, with stupid haircuts and stupid outfits I felt uncomfortable in but wore because I thought I would pass better...) I couldn’t stop crying because I was seeing exactly what was wrong with everything and I just couldn’t fathom that I had destroyed my entire life for the sake of transitioning. And for what? I still felt like shit. Way worse if you ask me, than I’ve ever felt in my life. I finally let that creeping feeling of doubt that I’d been suppressing for months wash over me and I realized I had made a HUGE fucking mistake. The rug had been ripped out from under me and I was falling fast. It was so hard to accept because 1. I had identified as trans and wanted to transition since I was 15 2. I’d lost so much (family, friends, school, mental health....) in my quest to transition. I banished everyone from my life who questioned me until I was all alone. I just wanted transitioning to work out so that all of it could be worth it, but it never would be.
I couldn’t believe it. Sometimes I still can’t believe it a year later. This thing (transitioning) was the sole purpose and goal of my life for SO. LONG. And it was a mistake? How is that possible? But now I can see all the places where I was mentally fragile, hurt, vulnerable, weak, and it makes sense. It’s infuriating. For months all I could do was grieve. I thought about suicide. I thought there was absolutely no coming back from this, it was my ultimate shame. But now it’s nowhere near that painful. I’ve found so much strength, and understand so much more about myself. It’s all about finding other people like you so you know you aren’t alone and it’s not your fault.
I feel like at some point it’s inevitable that /someone/ does but at the same time, the psychological toll of building your whole career on being trans and having thousands of adoring fans love you for that reason and all the influence you’ve had on other people choosing to transition... I can’t imagine lol. We think it’s hard to tell our parents imagine what it would be like to be a popular trans YouTuber.
Your english is just fine!
I'm glad I could give you a different perspective. It's an important one.
I'm glad you're beginning to reflect on the role of your mental wellbeing in your life and in relation to gender issues. I'm only 20 now, and still I'm only in the very beginning of understanding the complex ways my mental health influenced my decision to transition.
I think the point I'd most like to bring across to you is that that feeling of stress, panic, and discomfort is gender dysphoria. It's the way your mind is processing a discomfort with your body and the oppressive sex stereotypes forced upon you your entire life. Gender dysphoria is not something were born with, and it doesn't come out of nowhere. It's a level of discomfort we acquire as a result of negative messages we internalize throughout our lives from our families, our friends, our romantic partners, and society at large about our bodies, personalities, and gendered expressions. This is something to explore as someone who was raised male, with a male body, who has been inclined towards femininity and non-conforming sexuality since a young age. This isn't something to overlook, gendered messages, both positive (positively reinforcing conforming behavior) and negative (punishing non-conforming behavior), are some of the very first messages we receive, and they do not go away. Even when someone transitions, they have still grown up since birth with gendered messages that frame their world view and relationship to themselves and their surroundings.
I'll share with you my story on gender dysphoria. This will be long, but hopefully it can explain (albeit from a slightly different POV as I'm a woman) how sex stereotypes and toxic gender roles can slither their way into the very depths of your psyche and result in severe gender dysphoria. As you read, think of all the messages you could have internalized that you were born wrong, and that if only you were female, or at least passed as female, all those "wrong" things would be right.
Here ya go:
Growing up I was always friends with a lot of guys, I have a crude sense of humor, love to goof around, am super loud, opinionated, and loved being active and getting my hands dirty. Up until puberty, this really wasn’t an issue. I never thought of myself as a girl or boy, it just didn’t cross my mind. Girls seemed really catty to me, as I grew older, and I preferred the easy going joke-based friendships I had with my male friends. I was the class clown type, and just generally was obnoxious to my teachers I’m sure. As I started growing up and hitting puberty, it was made very clear that girls are supposed to care about their appearance, settle down, be “mature”, get good grades, be seen more than heard. I started getting bullied by other girls, and my friendships with a lot of guys started getting awkward because I was... a girl. Guys started being interested in girls romantically and sexually and I was no longer “one of the guys”. I had breasts, started getting curves, and had seen some pretty demeaning porn and my male friends laugh about it. I started mainly focusing on my weight and developing an eating disorder. If you don’t know much about EDs, it’s VERY COMMON for girls to want to achieve a male body type by losing weight (even if they don’t know shit about trans people), because it makes breasts and curves smaller, as well as causing infertility and stopping menstruation in some cases. That all progressed to sex dysphoria. I started getting obsessive, binding dangerously, and being deathly uncomfortable with every part of my body that was female. I would literally cry envying the male body, and I sometimes still get those feelings. I (still) feel like a “guy trapped in a girls body,” but I have to ask myself “why do you have to classify those parts of you as male? What makes that male?” Those feelings eventually lead me to transition, which made my mental state so much worse as I had never thought about what caused my dysphoria, just knew I had it and transitioning was the answer. After 2 years of transitioning I knew something was horribly, horribly wrong. “Passing” wasn’t enough, I wanted to be a real male. So I had to really dig deep and I’m glad I did. It's amazing how utterly blind to yourself you can be at 18, 19, or 20. Even though I still experience dysphoria, now I can challenge and cope with it in healthy (for me) ways instead of chasing the impossible. Though I still have dysphoria I no longer, in general, wish I was a man. Every day I grow more proud to be a non conforming woman, it’s really dope to not fit in. I have to learn that there are infinite ways to be a woman and that it isn’t my fault that all this happened to me. It’s the fault of society for making it that kids who don’t fit in with peers of their sex feel so fucking terrible.
I know not everyone’s situation is like mine, but I think at least right now in our world there’s WAY more people like me than anyone wants to admit. I had and still have real sex dysphoria, and transitioning made it worse. It wasn’t caused by some mystery gene or a “male brain”, it was caused by repetitive conditioning by my family, society, and peers that I was somehow misplaced, and didn’t belong, and would have been better off had I only been born male.
Hopefully you read all that, and you can really think about how this all relates to your life. The number of people detransitioning, feeling like their lives have been completely destroyed by their choice to transition without first understanding the root of their dysphoria or resolving mental health issues, is growing. Just in the last few months, this sub has doubled in subscribers, when its been around for 2 years. Good luck with this, where you are at is an incredibly painful and incredibly pivotal place to be. I hope I was able to offer even more of a new perspective, and I wish you the best. :) <3
You probably know about these sites but I recommend 4thwavenow.com and transgendertrend. They have a lot of information for parents on how to handle this situation in the most tactful way possible. I personally know the women behind 4thwavenow and they’re incredible human beings.
Sasha Ayad and Lisa Marchiano are two therapists who talk about these topics extensively as well.
Unfortunately she’s going to have to find her own way through this, you can’t force anything she isn’t ready for and it might drive a wedge in between you. I know it goes against every instinct you have, but you have to let her find her way through these feelings and just be a constant source of acceptance and love. Stay strong 💜
I heavily relate to your family member. Identified as trans 5 years, transitioned for 2/5, and detransitioned feb 2018.
For me, part of what was so intoxicating about the trans movement was that it was a way to compensate for my insecurities. I could rebel against my parents, put my feelings first in every situation, and be impulsive and headstrong and NOBODY could tell me shit because I had the full force of the trans community behind me. Parents don’t want me to transition? Stop talking to them because I have (fake and toxic) support elsewhere. Professor doesn’t want to use neo pronouns? Rile up the campus trans community and force him. Don’t like someone? Find a way to label them as transphobic and everybody relevant to me would stop talking to them. I could do anything I wanted, without ONCE having to stop and analyze what I was doing or why I felt the way I felt. No one could tell me shit, and that’s irresistible to a teenager who feels insecure, misunderstood, or like they have no voice.
I wouldn’t say all of these people are capital N Narcissists, though some of the major voices they look up to might be, but there’s certainly a narcissistic attitude many of them adopt, and part of detransitioning for me has been unlearning that, and the MASSIVE victim complex I developed. Try to remember that your loved one isn’t a “bad person”. They may be acting in a selfish or entitled way, but that isn’t who they are in their core.
A few months after I detransitioned, I was still identifying as non-binary and feeling really bad. I was starting to get tired of the trans positivity and refusal to allow anyone think and I ended up stumbling upon r/GenderCritical even though it made me really uncomfortable. I basically posted my freakout and got like 150 comments saying things that were so accepting and caring, but also stuff I never thought about. I realized I had been wrong about gender critical people or “terfs” and what they believed, so I started looking into it more and boom.