This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "largemargo" appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments demonstrate:
- Deep personal reflection on complex topics like trauma, dysphoria, and gender theory.
- A clear, evolving personal narrative about considering detransition after several years of identifying as trans.
- Internal consistency in their worldview, which blends gender-critical analysis with religious and philosophical reasoning.
- Emotional authenticity, expressing confusion, pain, and a genuine search for answers, which aligns with the stated passions of the detrans community.
The user's perspective is complex and niche, but it reflects a consistent and believable personal journey.
About me
I started hormones at 20 during a manic episode, hoping becoming a woman would help me finally fit in and find the deep friendships and romance I craved. After five years living as a woman, I still felt out of place and realized I hadn't escaped the male socialization I was trying to leave behind. I came to understand my dysphoria wasn't innate but was a response to trauma and a society that hates feminine men. I concluded that transitioning wasn't beneficial for me and that changing my body wasn't the solution to a broken social system. Now, I'm learning to embrace being a feminine man and building a life where I can be myself without medical intervention.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I’m only now starting to make sense of it. It all started for me back in 2018. I was 20 years old and had just transferred to a new college, far away from everyone I knew. I was in what I can now recognize was a manic episode. My partner at the time had already been calling me by a female name in private for about a year, and that October, I started hormone replacement therapy (HRT).
Looking back, the influences were there long before I took that step. My sister went to a liberal college in 2015, and I was exposed to her very queer friend group, including people who identified as non-binary and transmasc. I was always more drawn to that perspective. I never felt like I fit in with most men; I found them emotionally closed off, cruel, and bad at listening. I preferred the company and conversation of women, but I always felt othered, like there was a wall between us. I thought that if I were a woman, that wall would come down and I could finally be “one of the girls.”
A huge part of my desire to transition was also about romance. I’ve always been attracted to masculine women, who are often lesbians, so I thought transitioning might make a relationship like that possible. I had this idyllic fantasy of a deep, loving romance that I felt was impossible for me as a man. I also hated the social role expected of men. I didn’t want to be loved in the way straight women typically love men; the whole dynamic felt off-putting. I saw femininity as a way out of a role I felt I was failing at. Girls didn’t like me, men didn’t respect me, and I didn’t feel confident.
For five years, I lived as a woman. But the things I wanted—deep female friendship, that specific kind of romance, a sense of truly fitting in—never really materialized. I realized that even after all that time, I still felt othered in groups of women. The locus of how I connected with people hadn’t fundamentally shifted. I also started to see problematic patterns in the trans community that bothered me. I noticed a lot of misogyny among some trans women and felt that many, including myself, hadn’t done the work to unlearn our male socialization. I began to think that my dysphoria wasn’t some innate thing, but was rooted in a deep desire to fit in and escape the pressures of a patriarchal society that hates feminine men.
A major turning point for me was reading "The Will to Change" by bell hooks this year. It gave me compassion for men and helped me understand the emptiness and lack of emotional outlets that lead to their behaviors. I saw aspects of myself in it and realized I had never truly escaped masculinity. I started asking myself the hard questions: Was transitioning really the best solution? Was it serving me? The answer was no. My life felt harder and more confusing than before. I saw that many trans people, even those who pass well, are still deeply unhappy, still dysphoric, and their lives are often a mess from the internal stress and social stigma. It seemed like the "cure" wasn't working.
I’ve come to believe that my dysphoria was a response to trauma and a broken gender system. I’ve met so many trans people who are autistic or have trauma histories, and I’ve started to connect my own feelings to past experiences, like wanting to be nothing like my dad. I think we’re canaries in the coal mine, showing how messed up gender roles are. The solution isn’t to change bodies, but to change society. I’ve benefited from thinking of it as a desire, not a biological imperative, and asking pragmatic questions: What do I actually want? Can I get it as a trans woman? Could I get it as a man? Which path is easier?
My faith has been a big part of this re-evaluation. I believe in a God where there is no male or female, where social categories are destroyed. The Bible says "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." I’ve had to seriously ask if transition was beneficial or constructive for me, and I’ve concluded it wasn't. I don’t regret the journey because it brought me to this understanding, but I regret not asking these questions sooner. I’m now trying to imagine a good future for myself as a feminine man, to "man up" in a new way—by being brave enough to be myself, wear a skirt if I want, form deep emotional connections, and reject the toxic parts of modern masculinity.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 17 | 2015 | Exposed to queer community through sister; first encounters with non-binary/transmasc identities. |
| 19-20 | 2017-2018 | Partner began using a female name for me in private. |
| 20 | 2018 | Transferred colleges in a manic episode; started HRT in October. |
| 25 | 2023 | Read "The Will to Change" by bell hooks; began seriously questioning my transition. |
| 26 | 2024 | Decided to detransition after 5-6 years of living as a woman. Realized my goals were not being met and my dysphoria was rooted in social factors. |
Top Comments by /u/largemargo:
Couldnt tell you why with assurance (male socialization is always too easy of an answer) but I was shocked recently to see a post going around on twitter of trans women complaining how they dont like cis women or struggle to befriend them. I mean seriously why would you want to become a woman if you dont like them/ don't get along with them?
A big influence on my wanting to transition was always having prefered the company and conversation of women especially as I matured past male friend groups in late HS (or they practically de-matured it felt like). At any rate the trans community hasnt been conducive to fostering more of those types of friendships in my life.
I think maybe there is a lot of resentment in certain trans women for not feeling accepted. I probably experienced some of this myself, wanting to be 'one of the girls' and feeling left out. But i think I didnt always act like 'one of the girls'. A lot of trans women dont put very much work, if any, into changing their behavior including thier (if youll allow me to use thier terminology) internalized misogyny. They project this misogyny outward and this is offputting obviously... then they internalize the rejection and use it to fuel more negativity against women.
Then transmascs if you ask me tend to have a sort of "not like other girls" attitude. But i cant really speak on that compassionately since im not of that experience. Its too easy to judge from the outside.
But yeah i havnt made that many close female friends in the trans community. Overall its probably hindered my progress on unlearning male socialization which i beleive, going foreward, will be much more effective for fostering close friendship with women.
Transition is some form of subconscious soft eugenics. People who are able to fix their problems grow out of it and realize they actually have something to pass on. Others stay ineffectual, depressed, poor, unhealthy, and Toxic, and child free. The whole child free movement comes from people who view the world as wretched and the source of their problems. They Intuit that their kid would inherit those problems, either by the nature of the world, genes, or thier inevitable bad parenting. And they're right to an exent.
Transgender people are overwhelmingly unhappy and neurotic, are victims of trauma, are autistic then transitioning makes it all 100 times worse. Being in community helped me realized there was a bigger problem. They chalk the unhappiness up to transphobia and "dysphoria" (which even the more passable good looking trans people still manage to complain about often) and ok sure, but if you've transitioned for like five years and still have dysphoria...it didn't work!! That these girls can be 5ive, ten years out still with the symptom that this was supposed to treat??? And lives that are usually a huge mess to boot due to internal stress, social stigma, constant self assessing and worries over how their perceived, workplace biases etc. the fact is life is transphobic, you'll never be the opposite sex, people will never fully acknowledge you as it, unless you're a really good liar and actor
Why bother proving womanhood. It just plays into the gender game just like anything else. Trans or detrans people will both tell you that you need to conform to opressive gender roles in order to be acepted as the gender you are. You have to play the game, and the only way to win is not to play. But yeah if you want to be validated in your "womanhood" or whatever then you might have to conform more. But really whats the point?
Im seeing this a lot more after moving back home to a larger city. Especially in my adult years ive prefered the company of cis women and meeting more and more misogynistic trans women has been very strange. They do travel in packs I guess for the ""validation"". I generally gravitate more to transmascs but lately that has even felt a bit isolating. Not really sure what to make of it all as of yet.
One of the misogynistic transmedicalist trans women I met living in the small town I transitioned in called me a transtrender (after I wouldnt sleep with her and told her the idea of male and female brains felt antifeminist). Kinda a microcosm of my continued experience I guess. And I guess she was right! Im glad I had the tools to get out of that weird spiral, and as for her well it seems shes probably too far gone. I hate being judgemental but its such a knee jerk reaction nowadays especially as things get increasingly bleak with intercommunity discourse.
Oh to be anything at all
People on the internet are fucked up. Things really changed since I started my transition and there's so many pervs and deviants now. Maybe I was blind before but I just don't remember it like this. This isn't the impetus for my detransition but I definitely don't mind not being associated with these freaks.
And I still have compassion for trans people. I dont think the trans community is much more (and unfortunately maybe not much less) misogynistic as the culture its formed in. But obviously the stark contrast of hating women, while wanting to be one or to not be one has a shocking emotional impact.
Im only considering transition but I wish someone had asked me to make a detailed list of what I want to get out of transition and try to assemble some reaserch to determine if transitioning will be able to bring me what I desire/ considder if there are alternatives that can bring me those same things. I think its also important to ask, "where do you feel your dysphoria comes from" for an individual to determine how best to overcome it. Once I found out for myself on a personal level my approach to transition shifted drastically and has been shifting ever since.
Yikes. Honestly tho if they were AGP they'd probably put more effort into passing I would think... Plus AGPs usually are adamant about not being AGP, while social transitioners are more likely to identify with it imo, are more often autistic, outcast or ostracized, seeking to either emotionally terrorize the public for revenge or wanting to fit in (probably the former here). In my view AGPs usually appear strongly dysphoric because thier drive to become a woman is driven by a strong sexual force therefore there's a lot of power behind it and also a larger focus on beauty.
I say focus on delving into social factors like isolation and ask them to consider what social benefits they want to achieve. Easy to do because of social construct language being so embedded.
I relate so strongly to this, i wish I had the answers but im just starting to consider detransition. Being a feminine male sucks so hard either way and I dont think ill ever pass because well, i dont wanna do that stupid voice haha. But seriously, im sorry that we have to go through this. I think my path foreward is going to involve connecting deeply with my disphoria and thinking about what it is rooted in (most likely past and present trauma from a patriarchal society that hates feminine males) and thinking about realistic solutions.
Beauty for instance (esp feminine beauty) can be tied up in what types of people we want to attract and ehat we assume they want. I always wanted to attract masculine women most of whom are lesbians so I thought transition might do the trick. But it dosnt work like that in my experience. Do I detransition and accept that most of the women interested in me will be feminine and thus not of my preferance behaviorally? Do I just need to find a straight woman who is masculine and wants to play a male role?
Outside of romance too, will I be accepted for who I am? Will I be loved and understood.
When you are seen as not right as a man, and as having not right desires for a man you start to think: Well If I was a woman I wouldnt be having these problems right now. And sometimes youre right.