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Reddit user /u/lavender-ribbons's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
trauma
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
now infertile
homosexual
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.

There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments demonstrate:

  • A consistent, nuanced, and emotionally intelligent perspective.
  • Personal investment in the topic, showing both compassion and anger.
  • An understanding of complex concepts like internalized homophobia and the social pressures on gender non-conforming youth.
  • Natural, conversational language with varied sentence structure and appropriate emotional tone.

About me

I started questioning everything after watching a close lesbian friend's relationship fall apart when her partner transitioned to male. My own decision to transition was tangled up with internalized homophobia and a deep discomfort with being a gender-nonconforming woman. I took testosterone, which caused frightening changes, because I saw it as an escape from my body and my pain. I realized I was trying to solve internal problems with a medical solution and began therapy to address my trauma and self-esteem. I am now a homosexual woman, trying to reconnect with my body and with womanhood on my own terms.

My detransition story

My journey with this started not with my own transition, but by watching a close friend. She was a butch lesbian, and her partner, also a lesbian, decided to transition and become a gay man. Watching that relationship fall apart after testosterone was introduced was terrifying to me. It felt like a form of chemical conversion therapy, and it made me question everything. I started looking into the experiences of other lesbians who had transitioned, trying to understand why this was happening.

I began to see a pattern. For many, including myself later on, the decision to transition was tangled up with internalized misogyny and homophobia. There was a deep detachment from womanhood and a general feeling of being disconnected from my own body. It’s hard to say what was the cause and what was the effect. Did the dysphoria come first, or did the discomfort with being a gender non-conforming woman lead to the dysphoria?

I strongly believe that the pressure on young people today is immense. I think it's insane that children and teenagers are encouraged to make these life-altering decisions. If you aren't even old enough to vote, you shouldn't be making permanent changes to your body and mind. I’ve seen so many gender non-conforming kids, whether they're straight, gay, or bi, get pushed toward transition as the only solution. It's not something they take lightly, but it's presented as the answer to their pain. Gender dysphoria isn't an experience reserved for "true trans" people; it hurts anyone who doesn't fit neatly into society's boxes, and it's no wonder so many of us choose to transition to escape that pain.

For lesbians especially, dysphoria warps how you see yourself and your relationships. When you're already struggling with internalized homophobia, the idea of transitioning can feel like a way to escape the alienation. We desperately need more positive lesbian representation. Too many people, even well-meaning cishet people, see a masculine woman and assume she must be a man trapped in a woman's body. It simplifies a very complex struggle into a checklist.

Looking back, my own path was influenced by all these factors. I didn't have the language for it then, but I was deeply depressed and had very low self-esteem. I hated my body, especially going through female puberty, and I saw transition as an escape. I was influenced by what I saw online and by friends who were going through similar things. I started by identifying as non-binary, which felt like a safer first step, but eventually, I felt pressure to medically transition to be taken seriously.

I did take testosterone for a period of time. It changed me, and not all of it was for the better. It affected my mood and my sexuality in ways I wasn't prepared for, which was frightening. I never had surgery, but I desperately wanted top surgery because I hated my breasts. I saw them as a symbol of everything I was trying to escape.

Eventually, I realized I was trying to solve a problem of internal discomfort with an external, medical solution. I benefited greatly from therapy that wasn't focused on affirming my gender identity, but instead helped me unpack my trauma, my issues with self-esteem, and my discomfort with being a lesbian in a homophobic world. I had to confront my internalized homophobia head-on.

I do have regrets about transitioning. I regret the permanent changes testosterone made to my body, and I worry about the long-term health complications. I am likely infertile now, which is a profound loss. But I don't regret the journey entirely because it led me to a place of deeper understanding about myself. I now see that my problem was never with being female, but with the constraints and prejudices placed on females, especially those who are gay.

I am a homosexual woman. My sexuality didn't change; my understanding of it did. I am now trying to reconnect with my body and with womanhood on my own terms.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
14 Started feeling intense discomfort with female puberty and my developing body. Hated my breasts.
16 Began identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities and friends.
17 Started socially transitioning, using a new name and pronouns.
19 Began testosterone therapy, believing it was the only way to alleviate my dysphoria.
21 Stopped testosterone after realizing it was not addressing the root causes of my distress.
22 Began non-affirming therapy to address underlying trauma, depression, and internalized homophobia.
23 (Present) Identified as a homosexual woman and began the process of detransitioning socially.

Top Comments by /u/lavender-ribbons:

5 comments • Posting since December 2, 2019
Reddit user lavender-ribbons comments on a detransitioner's post, arguing that minors are too young to make life-altering transition decisions and expresses hope for their healing.
8 pointsDec 2, 2019
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Thanks so much for your answer. And don't fret about labeling yourself. The fact that children and teenagers are allowed and encouraged to transition is to me insane. If you aren't even of age to vote, you certainly aren't of age to make life-altering decisions affecting your body and mind. I understand that you have a hard time figuring things out, but I do hope and do believe it will come to you in time as you heal. My thoughts go out to you.

Reddit user lavender-ribbons explains their concern about FtMs who were lesbians becoming attracted to men on testosterone, calling it a "chemical conversion therapy" and questioning why partners get dumped.
7 pointsDec 2, 2019
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I'm asking these questions because a friend of mine went through the same with her butch lesbian-turned-gay trans man partner. I find it kind of terrifying, to be honest, like chemical conversion therapy. That's why I'm interested in hearing from former lesbians to whom this happened. I've seen claims that gay trans men starting out as lesbians really are just exclusively dating other FtMs and therefore "butches with dysphoria as common ground", but that doesn't explain why a considerable amount of women seem to get dumped by their same sex attracted partner once testosterone enters the stage. If it's truly the hormones solely causing this change in homosexual females, that is extremely alarming.

Reddit user lavender-ribbons explains how dysphoria and internalized homophobia can alienate FTMs from their lesbian identity, and argues for more lesbian representation to counter the assumption that gender non-conformity automatically means being trans.
6 pointsDec 2, 2019
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Thank you!

Dysphoria seems to have quite an impact on the way we perceive ourselves and our sexual partners. This seems to be doubly so for lesbians, who might already struggle with internalized homophobia and become even further alienated in trying to suppress their homosexuality.

This is also why more lesbian representation is needed. I know so many people who think that once you tick enough boxes for gender non-conforming behaviour, you're automatically trans or somehow the other sex "in your true soul". I even know cis het people who think like this.

Reddit user lavender-ribbons comments on the common factors behind transition, questioning the link between internalized misogyny, homophobia, and body dissociation.
6 pointsDec 2, 2019
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Thank you for taking the time to answer.

Internalized misogyny and homophobia, detachment from womanhood and a general dissociation from your body seems to be common factors in both making the choice to transition as well as intrinsically linked to the experience of transition. I wonder what is the end and what is the beginning? Hm.

Reddit user lavender-ribbons explains to a parent that transition is normalized for gender non-conforming youth and urges compassion over contempt for their 14-year-old daughter.
5 pointsDec 3, 2019
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Anything is possible, no one here knows your daughter, no one here can speak for her. However, if you think this is somehow an expression of egotistical and shallow behaviour, you need to sit down.

She is a fourteen year old girl growing up in a hellishly confusing time. Transition is normalized today and pushed on any gender non-conforming child, be they straight, gay or bi. It is not something they take on lightly. Gender dysphoria is also not experienced by "true trans people" only, it is just as common in people who do not conform to gender norms or heterosexuality, and it hurts us just as bad. It's no wonder that so many choose to transition.

You speak of your child with contempt; how about trying to have some compassion? It doesn't matter why she's chosen to transition, she's still gonna have a rough time with it.