This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or not a real person.
The comments show:
- Consistent, nuanced perspective: The user expresses a coherent, personal worldview about detransition, focusing on self-acceptance and skepticism of medical transition.
- Personal engagement: They offer specific, empathetic advice (e.g., managing intrusive thoughts, dealing with doctors) that reflects lived experience.
- Natural language: The writing is conversational, includes personal asides ("edit— I forgot to say"), and shows a natural flow of ideas.
The passion and directness are consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister who is invested in the topic.
About me
I was born female and my deep discomfort with puberty led me to believe I was meant to be male. I started testosterone, but it only made me feel more disconnected and a doctor pushing for surgery scared me into stopping. I realized my female body wasn't the enemy and that my problems were rooted in mental health and self-hatred, not my sex. I learned to see my dysphoric feelings as intrusive thoughts I didn't have to act on. I am now infertile from the hormones, but I'm finally learning to accept myself as the woman I am.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated, and it took me a long time to untangle my own feelings from what I was being told I should feel. I was born female, and from a young age, I felt a deep discomfort with puberty and the changes my body was going through. I hated developing breasts and my wider hips; it felt like my body was betraying me. I now see this was a mix of puberty discomfort and internalized issues. I had very low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety, and I now believe I was on the autism spectrum, though I wasn't diagnosed at the time. My thinking was very black-and-white.
I found a lot of my initial feelings and community online. I was heavily influenced by what I saw on social media and YouTube, where it seemed like every discomfort with being a girl meant you were probably trans. It felt like an escape from my problems and my self-hatred. I started to believe that my female body was the source of all my pain. I began to socially transition in my late teens, asking people to use a new name and male pronouns. It felt like a solution at the time, a way to finally fit in somewhere.
I eventually went on testosterone. I took it for a while, but it never gave me the peace I was looking for. Instead, it felt like I was layering a new problem on top of my old ones. My thinking became more clouded, and I started to feel even more disconnected from myself. An endocrinologist I saw was pushing me to get a hysterectomy and top surgery, which terrified me. It was a major wake-up call. I realized I was being rushed into permanent changes I didn't truly want by a medical system that wasn't asking the important questions about my mental health.
I decided to stop testosterone. It was a scary decision because I felt like I was failing or going back on something I had committed to. But deep down, I knew it wasn't right for me. I had to learn to see my dysphoric thoughts for what they were: intrusive thoughts. They were just negative, repetitive ideas passing through my head, not truths I had to act on. Learning to stop policing my own thinking was a huge step for me. Techniques like focusing on my breathing or distracting myself with a good book helped me get out of my own head.
I came to understand that my body is not my enemy. It is me. It's the only way I get to experience life. I realized that being female doesn't mean I have to fit into a specific box; I get to decide what being a woman means for me. A lot of my struggle was with internalized misogyny—I had absorbed so many messages about what women should be that I thought if I didn't fit that, I couldn't be one at all. Letting go of that ideology was freeing.
I don't regret exploring transition because it ultimately led me to a deeper understanding of myself. But I do have regrets about the medical interventions I started. I am thankful every day that I stopped before getting any surgeries. I am now infertile because of the testosterone, and that is a permanent consequence I have to live with. My journey taught me that my problems were never about my sex, but about my mental health and my inability to accept myself. I had to learn to fight for myself and understand that I am worth the effort of finding real, non-invasive solutions.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14-17 | Experienced intense puberty discomfort, hated breast development and hips. Felt deep anxiety and depression. |
| 18 | Heavily influenced by online trans communities. Began to socially transition. |
| 19 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 20 | Realized it was a mistake after an endo pushed for surgery. Stopped testosterone. Began the process of detransition. |
| 21 | Learned to manage dysphoria as intrusive thoughts. Worked on self-acceptance as a female. |
Top Comments by /u/learningtoquestion:
I think you’re definitely posting this in the right place and I just want to say that, reading your post, I am impressed that (1) you reached out and posted (it takes a lot of courage to reach out) and (2) in spite of all your problems, you are trusting your intuition and you are not completely accepting the whole pro-transition movement at face value.
I find it very hard to do things like trust myself and stopping to question things when I’m suffering, so I want to commend you for that.
Like others have said, you can’t be “bad at acting female”, no matter what people say (and they will continue to say ignorant insensitive things for the rest of our lives, it’s just a part of being human).
We absorb thousands of little messages from multiple sources, our entire lives, telling us what we should be, when the truth is—your body is yours. It is you and it wants to live and be taken care of and is the only means by which you get to experience life. Luck of the draw has determined that yours is female, which means that your body tries to produce ova. That’s it. That’s all it means, no matter what people try to tell us, no matter what societal bullshit we’ve absorbed. Beyond that, YOU get to choose what being female means. You get to decide what your version of female is. When I realized this, it was a big help for me and I hope it can help you too.
Everyone struggles with self-hatred and it is possible to overcome. This is generally speaking, whether you are trans or not. And you’ll have moments when it will creep back into your life and you’ll have to fight again. But this is normal, this is life. No one is perfect, everyone has weak spots in their self-esteem. You have to develop strategies for yourself and a group of people you can reach out to.
Please keep fighting for yourself. The fact that you are still pausing at the solutions of others for your problems signals to me that inside you somewhere is someone who believes she’s worth the effort.
edit— I forgot to say: someone once posted here saying that they now consider their dysphoric thoughts as intrusive thoughts. It took some practice but this was also a big help to me. Little strategies like this are sometimes all you have the strength for but end up being the most effective.
You hate your body (aka: yourself)* because it is female.
This is what you have just described by your sentence that starts with “I loath my hips”.
This is what is meant when people say “some deep internalized misogyny”.
I would definitely check out the resources and comments others have left, but for the most part it sounds like you thoroughly believe in the ideology that sex is a state of mind one can feel—rather than a holistic biological reality, which is what most people here have realized as their truth. So, I’m not sure if anyone here can give you the answers you want to hear.
I respectfully disagree with others here regarding red flags. I don’t think there are any. What I’ve seen happen is that people realize they can’t change the sex they were born with no matter how many body modifications they go through.
I would also like to point out to you that the sentence “I identify as male because I am a boy” is redundant. It also doesn’t make sense beside your statement that you are female (“i’m a young ftm”.)
I hope this message didn’t come off as rude. I’m just trying to engage with your statements while having a worldview that now differs very much from yours, and since you are probably going through with this you have to make sure that your logic behind it is very solid.
I wish you the best in your journey, wherever it may lead.
*unless you hold spiritual beliefs that your “true self” is something like a soul, and is separate from your body, and that soul has a sex that is different than your body.
Seeing the other comments and having researched more on the web, it looks like this endo is not giving you correct information. And the fact they are pushing you to have surgery, which is the opposite of what you want, just confuses me and makes me distrust them.
Stay off the testosterone. Do not have surgery. Do not see this person again.
It will take some time for your body to get used to being off T. Read what others have said here and reach out to those who have gone through this.
If you can afford to book flights to go see other doctors to ask them what they think, and need to do that for your own peace of mind, go for it. And yes, feel free to come post in this group and let us know how you’re doing! It’s here for you.
Please be kind to yourself and take things one step, one day at a time. You are not the first person to have gone through this.
hello there, I am not an expert at all but still wanted to reach out. Of course you’re feeling scared and defeated after such meeting. Christ.
From what i’m seeing from my own searches, it seems the problems the endo was talking about happens in individuals who have already had the two surgeries she has given you a referral for. (Did you ask for those referrals? I didn’t understand that part.)
You’re welcome :) If you ever need more support, you should try posting here again.
About the intrusive thoughts: For me, what happened was that the thoughts don’t “mean” anything anymore. In a way it’s learning to stop policing your own thinking. They’re just dumb negative thoughts passing through. Once you realize that, then you change your focus with whatever technique works for you (for me: focusing on my breath aka breath meditation, flipping through one of my favourite books, talking orally with someone.) Whatever involves your body and takes you out of your head.
It takes practice. I wish you all the best in your fight for yourself. Once again, whenever the going gets rough, please feel free to reach out here again. This group is here for you.
I think she means the people who strongly believe and immerse themselves in the ideology. These people often spend their lives on social media, watch loads of youtubers, believe in all sorts of sexualities with a flag for every one, call everything transphobic, etc.