This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or not a real person.
The user's perspective is extreme and highly ideological, but it is consistent, emotionally charged, and reflects a specific, well-documented viewpoint within the detransition/desister and gender-critical communities. The comments display personal experience (desisting, losing friends), nuanced (if harsh) opinions, and a sustained, passionate argument style that is characteristic of a genuine, highly invested individual.
About me
I was born female and began identifying as male in my early twenties to escape the pressures of womanhood. I lost all my friends when I realized it wasn't right for me and stopped my social transition. Through that process, I came to fully accept myself as a lesbian, which was the real source of my previous discomfort. I am now secure and comfortable living as a woman, but I am deeply concerned about the loss of lesbian spaces and the aggression I've seen from some males in our community. My journey taught me to be true to myself, even when it feels lonely.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender was really complicated, and looking back, I see it was tangled up with a lot of other issues I was dealing with. I was born female, and as I got older, I started to really hate being a woman. I think a lot of it was internalized misogyny. I saw how hard it was to be a woman in the world—the constant pain, the monthly struggles, and having to fight for your own worth all the time. I thought that if I were a boy, I would have a kind of security and permission to be strong. It felt like an escape from all that.
I started identifying as a boy and transitioned socially for a while. I didn't take any hormones or have surgeries; I just changed how I presented and asked people to use different pronouns. During that time, all of my friends were trans or non-binary. It felt like I had found my place.
But eventually, I realized it wasn't right for me. I desisted, which for me means I stopped identifying as trans because I had never medically transitioned. The fallout was immediate. I lost every single one of my trans and non-binary friends. It was really hard at the time, but later I realized they were toxic and weren't my real friends. My true friends and my family stuck by me, and they were just happy I was being true to myself.
Through all of this, I was also coming to terms with my sexuality. I'm a lesbian, and I think a lot of my discomfort with being a woman was also linked to compulsory heterosexuality. I had to learn to accept that I was gay, and that being a lesbian is okay. It’s a part of who I am, and trying to be someone else wasn't the answer.
I don't regret exploring my gender because it helped me understand myself better in the end. But I do have strong feelings about the broader community, especially based on my experiences as a lesbian. I've seen lesbian spaces disappear. When I was in my early twenties, there were several lesbian bars and events, like the Michigan Festival of Music for Women, where I felt truly safe for the first time in my life. Those are all gone now, invaded and destroyed, and it feels like women's safe spaces are being erased.
I am very suspicious of males who identify as women but are attracted to women and want to keep their male anatomy. To me, that sounds like autogynephilia, a fetish, and not a true transgender identity. These individuals often act like straight men, becoming aggressive and violent when lesbians won't date them, calling us names and threatening us. It’s frightening. I have no issue with trans women who have had bottom surgery and exclusively date men; I actually feel sorry for them because they seem to be getting erased too in all of this.
The whole experience made me see how society still protects men, even when they dress as women. It’s heartbreaking to see the LGBT community splintered and women turning against each other. I had to leave online lesbian communities because they were overrun with these kinds of posts and there were no actual lesbians left. It’s a lonely feeling, but I’m more secure now in who I am: a woman and a lesbian.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early 20s | Socially transitioned to male. Had a social circle entirely of trans and non-binary friends. |
| 23 | Realized my male identity was wrong and desisted. Lost all my trans/NB friends. |
| 23 | Fully accepted myself as a lesbian woman. My true friends and family supported me. |
| Present | I am now comfortable living as a woman and have a clear understanding of my lesbian identity. |
Top Comments by /u/leavingforireland:
Lesbian here 🙋♀️ There’s actually no such thing as lesbian bars anymore. I know some spaces try to market themselves like that, but they’re overrun with males so I almost never go. The few bars that tried to remain women born lesbian only have been graffitied and destroyed, because ya know: males get violent when they don’t get their way.
Things have gotten worse for lesbians and women, not better. Our safe spaces are being invaded and our sex and sexual identity is being erased. There’s a term called “non woman” —makes me gag because it’s literally woman erasure and a gay man never in a million years would identify as a “non woman.” Never never. That’s how you can tell it’s just misogynistic jargon design to shame women born women.
I had to leave the lesbianactually sub because there actually were no lesbians, just autogynephilics posting hideous photos of themselves begging for validation that they pass. Or a lot of “omg I kissed a girl am I gay now?!?!!!” posts from straight women begging for attention.
I personally will never trust a male claiming to be a woman who happens to be sexually attracted to other women. The cool fact is most autogynephilics would NEVER consider dating another trans woman, but they love to sexually harass lesbians and call them transphob1c and t0rf for not wanting to date them. As far as I’m concerned they’re exactly like straight men in dresses and makeup. They’re also hypocrites being that they openly say all the time how they prefer “cis lesbians” yet they’re never called out.
The LGBT community doesn’t see it. We’re splintered, all by straight men who want to wear dresses.
And yes, it’s really all because they’re males. Society in general is misogynistic and inherently sexist so of course these males are getting exactly what they want and given excuses made for them when they act violently towards women.
It’s heartbreaking to see women born women hold up signs that say “death to all t0rfs” not even realizing all they’re really saying is “death to all women.”
**I got no problem with trans women who’ve had bottom surgery and exclusively date men. I feel sorry for them because believe it or not they’re being erased too.
Tbh the only trans women I believe in are the trans women who identify as straight, are only interested in dating men and have bottom surgery. Any trans woman who wants to “keep her penis” and identify as a “lesbian” to me is just an autogynephilic or an incel who went fake trans to gain access to women only spaces.
These so called women act exactly like straight men when I tell them I wouldn’t consider dating them. Same old “you haven’t met the right one” sexual harassment and of course I’ve heard the “you’re just a trf” or they just resort to violence…just like a man. Lesbian spaces have been destroyed and people are saying it’s “women on women violence.” It’s actually just men dressed as women calling “death to all trfs; or death and violence to lesbians/women who won’t f*ck me/don’t feel safe around me.”
“but I keep giving up because I feel that being a woman is better.”
Why do you feel that way? (I’m a woman and tried to be a boy once to literally escape it, so I’m always curious to hear the argument “being a woman is better” from someone who has not ever been a woman. I’m a lesbian, so I’m even more lonely than the average woman, but aside from that being born a woman is just pain month after month and constant arguing for your own self worth.
Try this: dress to conform to your birth given gender and go volunteer some of your free time at a battered women’s shelter and then come back and tell us that “being a woman is better”
Also, if you’re sexually attracted to women then you’re likely not a trans woman, you’re an autogynephilic and there’s therapy and support to help you out of that trap as well as drag queen nights locally everywhere.
I thought that must be it. I lost every single one of my trans and NB friends after I desisted, but after time I realized they were toxic and not really my friends after all. My true friends stuck by me. My family was just happy either way. I hope OP has more support.
Your experiences and fears are valid, but as a lesbian, I recently read a post from another lesbian claiming she was going to force herself into a heterosexual relationship in order to “have an easier life” and “it’s easier in society and to have children.”
Your response sounds similar and it’s not healthy.
It’d be one thing if you said “I don’t really feel trans and personally just feel like I’m more suited to live my life in the sex I was born with.” That’s not what you’re saying though.
I’m saying this as gently as I can, please really consider what you really want for yourself and not how the world treats you. Consider therapy if you’re not already doing it. Hope this helps and best of luck to you.
We disagree. I think all trans identified males who want to “keep their penis” are just fetish, autogynephilics or outright incels.
I also hear these types make the claim that they respect and admire women, when in reality they think being a woman will somehow give them permission to be weak. They fail to see their own hypocrisy and misogyny in this. I thought being a boy would give me a kind of security, permission to be the strong one, until I realized I was dealing with my own internal misogyny. And yet even when I identified as a boy I’d never dare harass straight women or try to pressure them into dating me by calling them transph0bic.
Also, I saw on the post secret site, someone wrote “I’m a trans man and I was rap;d by a trans woman” and I wanted to cross it out and write “I’m a woman and I was r*ped by a man” because anyone with a brain can tell that’s honestly all that happened. So what they were dressed as the opposite genders, doesn’t change anything. More of the same: violence against women at the hands of men, but it actually smacks harder because these males are claiming to be one of me, claiming they’re safe when without the dress, lipstick and the wig they’re literally just straight men. Only scarier because now they have the access they always wanted to what were once safe spaces and if I dare question then I’m literally putting my life at risk; they attack or label me as a t0rf.
The crowd sadly cheers them on because society still inherently prefers and protects men. All while I’m stuck watching women turn on each other, the LGBT community is splintered, lesbian and women only spaces are being invaded, destroyed and erased all to make males feel better.
I thought desisted meant “I identified as trans but took no hormones or life altering surgeries, just transitioned socially but I know now I was wrong and that’s it.” And detrans means one actually took hormones and/or surgically transitioned in some medical way.
I’m in the US, I grew up in the 90s and I’m shocked that in my early twenties I had FOUR completely girls only lesbian bars to go to and now I have zero. I also had the Michigan Festival of Music for Women, and that got shut down by TRAs too, so now women don’t have their own festivals anymore and it was really a one of a kind thing. I’m so thankful I got to experience it, and I’ll forever mourn it. It’s the only time in my life I felt safe walking alone at night. Only time I ever felt safe in general actually.
Another thing I’m upset over is gay men do have their own exclusive bars and events and they’re totally left alone about it. Literally has a FtM ever gotten violent because they felt excluded by gay men? Do FtM shame gay men for their sexuality and accuse them of being transph0bic because they won’t accept their “boy pussy/man vadge” and claim the male sex is a spiritual concept, not a scientific fact?
Is there even a male version of the word “t*rf”?
Okay, well that response sounds pretty gay to me so I think you’re good and just need to practice more self acceptance. I know lesbians who’ve divorced whole marriages after kids and everything after finally coming to terms with the fact that they’re gay, and their descriptions of sex sounds exactly like yours. As long as it’s clear you were suffering comp het, which it really seems like you were. The reality is actual lesbians never really talk about men or sexual history out of respect for each other since comp het and SA are so unfortunately frequent; we like to focus on women and each other. We just don’t like it when bi women say stupid shiz like “I’m a lesbian but I still hook up with guys sometimes uwu” or any nonsense like that. Hope this helps and best of luck to you.