This story is from the comments by /u/lenasiya that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, internally consistent, and emotionally complex. They describe a very specific personal journey involving the intersection of gender dysphoria, a diagnosed schizoaffective bipolar disorder, and the difficult decision to detransition for medical and personal reasons. The language is nuanced, self-reflective, and focuses on their own experience without pushing a broad agenda, which aligns with a genuine individual processing a traumatic and life-altering experience. The advice given to others is thoughtful, cautious, and emphasizes seeking professional medical help.
About me
I started transitioning because I felt a deep disconnect from being male, but my untreated bipolar disorder fueled that initial euphoria. The reality of living as a woman brought immense stress, public harassment, and a scary interaction between hormones and my psychiatric meds. I stopped HRT for my mental health, though coming to terms with detransitioning has been hard and filled with shame. I still feel gender dysphoria, but I’ve learned that medical transition wasn't the right answer for me. Now, I'm learning to accept being male on my own terms while managing my mental health.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been complicated, and a lot of it is tied up with my mental health. I’ve always felt a disconnect from being male, a feeling I now call gender dysphoria, since I was about 12 years old. But looking back, I realize that my bipolar disorder, specifically schizoaffective bipolar type, played a huge part in how everything unfolded.
I started my social transition first, and then began hormone replacement therapy (HRT) in 2021. At the very beginning, it felt like a euphoric dream. I felt so happy and outgoing, and I spent a lot of money on new clothes because of the manic energy I had, which was probably made worse by the medication I was on at the time, like Zoloft. For a year, I rode that high. People supported me, and that felt amazing because I wasn't used to that level of acceptance.
But after that first year, things started to feel wrong. The reality of transitioning set in, and it was nothing like the positive "MtF timelines" I saw online. I struggled terribly with voice training and makeup because of coordination issues. I started getting insulted by strangers in the street, which made me feel unsafe. I began to think about the future—what would I look like in 10 or 20 years? The idea that passing might get harder as I aged scared me. The daily struggle became overwhelming.
A big turning point was my bipolar disorder. My moods were unstable, and I felt that the HRT was interacting badly with my antipsychotic and mood-stabilizing medications (Quetiapine, Aripiprazole, and Lamictal). I lost all motivation and started taking my hormones at random times before I finally decided to stop cold turkey. I realized that during my pre-HRT therapy, my bipolar diagnosis was never properly addressed. If it had been, things might have turned out differently. I’m pretty sure my bipolar disorder fueled my drive to transition, and then also led me to realize it was a mistake.
Stopping HRT was a decision I made for my physical and mental health. Coming to terms with detransitioning has been hard. I feel a lot of shame and fear that people will see it as a step back or a personal failure. I was terrified to tell people at work, who had been so accommodating, using my new name and pronouns. But I have to remember this is a step forward for me, not backward. Those years weren't wasted; I learned a lot about myself, like being more outgoing, and I’ll carry those traits with me.
I still experience gender dysphoria. If there was a magic button to make me female, I’d press it without a second thought. But transition isn’t that magic button. It added a layer of stress and disappointment to my life that ultimately made my dysphoria worse. I’ve had to accept that transition wasn't the answer for me. Now, I’m trying to find other ways to deal with my dysphoria. I’ve accepted the irreversible changes from HRT, like some breast growth, as part of my story. I’m choosing to accept being male, but I refuse to stick to stereotypes. I just want to dress in a way that makes me happy, without overthinking labels.
Throughout all of this, my sexuality has been constant: I’m asexual and have always been repulsed by sex, which I think probably stems from trauma, but it’s separate from my gender issues.
My biggest regret is that my underlying mental health conditions weren't taken more seriously before I started medically transitioning. I don’t regret the journey itself because I learned from it, but I regret that I had to go through such a difficult process to find out it wasn’t the right path for me. My thoughts on gender are that a lot of it is social pressure and stereotypes. The physical dysphoria, though, feels like a type of body dysmorphia that would probably exist even without those stereotypes.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12 | First experienced gender dysphoria, a disconnect from being male. |
| 2021 (Age not specified) | Began social transition and started Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Experienced initial euphoria and mania. |
| 2022 (Age not specified) | Struggles with passing intensified (voice training, makeup). Faced public harassment. Started fearing the long-term reality of transition. |
| 2023 (Age not specified) | Stopped HRT cold turkey due to negative interactions with bipolar medication and loss of motivation. |
| 2023 (Age not specified) | Began the process of social detransition, telling friends and family. |
| 2 months after stopping HRT | Noted that libido had returned but breast growth remained. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/lenasiya:
For the context, I (MtFtM) was diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar disorder, which interacted with HRT and made me feel unstable for two years.
I have already stopped HRT cold turkey. I was taking it at random times before that because I had lost motivation.
I don't know when I will post that message on Facebook, I need to announce it to my parents and my roommate first.
This is why I'm reluctant to posting my timeline, even though I know how encouraging it can be for others to see this kind of content.
I don't want my picture to be associated with things I have not said, things I would never say and so on. This is scary and makes me uncomfortable.
Like you said, if I was contacted for an interview, heck yeah I would do it and might even provide pictures for illustration. It depends on the publisher though... obviously.
When you can have medical support, use it. Hormone imbalances can bring a lot of problems, especially with puberty blockers. Tell your doctors about your concerns and will for detransition and ask for a safe way to stop the treatment. Avoid doing it on your own.
How long does it take for you to return to normal (libido, hormone levels, energy levels, fat redistribution, mental fog)?
The timing varies from one person to another. Libido came back pretty quickly for me, I don't know about my hormone levels but I have read that we need to give it some time (6 months). Then, get your blood levels tested if possible, to check if everything is on the right path and you have no imbalance.
Mental fog is tricky for me since I'm bipolar, so my experience is irrelevant to yours.
How long does it take for breast growth to go away?
It might never go away fully, honestly. I'm overweight so they just look like the average fat moobs, but so far, 2 months in, I didn't notice a lot of change.
Some people are lucky and lose them completely.
Did anyone else suffer from overheating and excessive sweating while on HRT?
I didn't notice anything like it. I suffered from it last summer, but it might have been related to a medicine I was taking at the time.
TLDR; Make sure to talk to a doctor if possible.
I'm asexual and detrans. The questioning never truly ends, I'm terrified to be making a great mistake by detransitioning as much as I'm terrified that transition is not the answer to my problems.
It's a bit silly, but the philosophy of Doctor Who helps me in times of doubt. I am torn between "I don't wanna go" (keeping transition going) and "I let you go" (accepting my agab). Then, I'm reminded that change is sometimes the greatest thing that can happen. What changes am I looking for? It's a question that can lead to deep understanding.
I've accepted the irreversible changes of medical transition on my body. They are part of who I want to be. I am terrified of surgery too anyway and don't want to medically detransition.
I've accepted my assigned gender at birth but in the same time, refused to stick to the stereotypes. "I don't understand our obsession with gender" to quote Doctor Who once more. In the end, detransition to me means delabelization. Freedom from labels. I used to love microlabels, but you never find what suits you best because they get so specific.
So, I accepted the cards I was given and will definitely try to cheat my way through gender related issues. Maybe I'll dress androgynous sometimes, without putting much thought in it except "Heck, I like my looks".
As for asexuality, I'm pretty sure most of us asexuals originate from trauma. I don't think it's necessarily linked with gender, though. As cis, as trans and as detrans, I've always been asexual and pretty much repulsed by sex.
I hope my experience can be helpful.
I personally think that transition can partly teach you some traits of personality you never thought you had. I definitely learnt a lot on myself in my transition years, even if it didn't turn out to be the answer to my gender dysphoria.
I still have problems defining who I am, even today, on my detrans journey. Part of my "transitioned-me" will definitely stay, not everything was a bad experience. I will remember the original euphoria back in 2021, how I became outgoing for a while, how I learnt to be a better person in general. Those are things I learnt during transition that I definitely want to keep as personality traits.
So, as a conclusion, even if "being closer to oneself" is a vague, unreachable concept, I feel like transition and detransition enable you to learn more about what you stand for or against.
Do you think gender roles is a social construct?
Largely, yes, for the reasons you have explained; people are expected to do things according to their gender. Most likely, their biological gender or sex is what conditions the expectations.
Would transitioning still exist without gender roles?
Your question boils down to "What is dysphoria exactly?". Dysphoria would still be here since it is mostly based on physical appearance rather than gender roles (although gender roles can be a part of the dysphoria). It's a specific type of dysmorphia. So, people would still be trying to transition, to try and find a solution to that dysphoria, in my opinion.
Do you think the male and female brain theory is true or false? Are there any mental differences between the sexes, or only physically?
I truly don't know. I feel like my brain has been forged by outside stereotypes and expectations to be male. I don't think it has a basis in biology, rather in the experiences you have in life. Yet, even though I was expected male things (and kind of adhered to it), I still transitioned MtF.
There is for sure the physical difference, but the mental differences would be the result of social pressure.
Is it discrimination, social expectations/pressure or biology?
Part discrimination (I often see Assistant or Receptionist positions gendered female only, or construction worker jobs as male), part pressure. It's the same as rich kids doing STEM and poor kids doing technical jobs, summed up pretty quickly but you get the idea.
Why are one gender often overrepresented in some crimes in crime statistics? Are some people more likely to be caught/reported? Is it a social construct or biology?
Even after studying criminology, there is no answer to that question. Part of it could be biology but assuming it's only biology can lead to eugenics, and we don't want that. To find an example about social pressure and crime, think about gang wars. Men are pressured into joining gangs and hating each other. Theft is also socio-economic. I believe there are as many men as women committing theft, for instance.
To support the biological theory, you need medical conditions that can lead to crime, for instance crimes that are linked to a certain paraphilia (child molestation crimes are largely assumed to be carried out in majority by males) or psychotic crimes, etc..
If people could do what they wanted to regardless of gender, would gender dysphoria and transitioning still exist? Would people still change their bodies?
Again, for the physical aspect of dysphoria, probably, since it is a subtype of dysmorphia.
My psychiatrist asked me if I wanted to have "gender dysphoria" written down next to my schizoaffective bipolar diagnosis, in my disability status application.
Back then, I said no. He let me choose even though in France, since 2010 it has not been considered a mental illness (just like many other western countries).
If I could modify my answer, that would be great. Gender dysphoria brings a lot of anxiety and can be sometimes debilitating, and transition added a layer of stress and uncertainty in my life, that ended in complete disappointment and further dysphoria. I'll address this with my psychiatrist even though he won't be able to modify my disability status application, but I think he will understand my point. I hope so.
Gender dysphoria happened before my meds, and still hits sometimes.
My meds are antipsychotics (Quetiapine and Aripiprazole) and an antiepileptic (Lamictal).
I do have trauma too.
And yeah... Zoloft also made me hyper manic at the beginning of my transition. Spent like 1600 euros on clothes in one month.
It is difficult because it can be felt as a personal failure, a step back. Admitting regret is not easy, especially about something that is as important as transition - it has an effect on many aspects of your daily life.
Then there is the way other people will see you. You never know and having them sit through a coming out for the second time is stressful, it's a whole new level of uncertainty.
However, you are doing it for yourself. Insist on the fact that it is not a step back, that those years aren't lost, they were definitely part of your experience as a human being. That experience turned out to be negative, which is rare, but not necessarily to be forgotten about.
These are the things people need to know. It's stressful, shame is a dominant feeling in detransition.