This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, internally consistent over time, and reflects the complex, nuanced, and often contradictory feelings typical of a genuine detransitioner/desister. They describe specific medical procedures (orchiectomy, HRT), personal struggles (dysphoria, borderline traits, IBS), and evolving perspectives in a way that aligns with a real lived experience. Their passion and anger are consistent with the harm and stigma associated with the topic.
About me
I was born male and transitioned because I felt trapped by society's expectations for men, believing becoming a woman would solve my problems. I had surgery and took estrogen for years, but it never fixed the deeper issues with my self-image and mental health. A psychiatrist helped me understand that my unstable sense of self, not my sex, was the real problem. I've since socially detransitioned, use a neutral name, and went back on testosterone for my health. I’m now learning to live as a man on my own terms, free from the boxes of gender, though I grieve the permanent changes I made.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing, painful, and full of mistakes I'm still trying to understand. I was born male, and when I was growing up, I really struggled with the expectations placed on boys. I got a lot of crap for not being masculine enough and for liking guys. I looked at the girls at my school and envied the freedom they seemed to have with how they could act and dress. I started to believe that if I could just become a girl, all my problems with myself and my place in the world would be solved.
I started taking estrogen when I was 18 years old. For a while, I really wanted to believe that this was the answer and that it would make me happy. It did make me feel more comfortable in my body in some ways, but it didn't solve the deeper issues. A few years into medical transition, I had an orchiectomy. Now, looking back, I have very mixed feelings about that surgery. Sometimes I cry when I think about it and wonder what kind of man I would have grown up to be if I had never done any of this. I took away my body's natural ability to find out.
After being on estrogen for almost four years, I started to socially detransition. I realized that a lot of my problems were actually about gender roles and self-image, not my sex. I hated the constant anxiety of wondering how people perceived me, if they were laughing at me. Socially going back to living as a man, even though I'm still on cross-sex hormones, made my life much more bearable. The constant anxiety and dissociation I felt in the middle of transition is mostly gone now. I'm more productive and generally feel better around other people.
I changed my name to a gender-neutral one, which was a great decision. It doesn't have the baggage of my birth name or the name I chose during transition.
A huge turning point for me was finally seeing a good psychiatrist. He was shocked that I had never had proper mental health evaluations before starting my transition. After a long session, he told me I display borderline personality traits and that while I do meet the criteria for sex dysphoria, my entire transition might have been a frantic attempt to get a hold of an unstable sense of self. That was really hard to hear, but it made so much sense. It made me realize that my issues were more about my mental health than my gender. I was also prescribed medication for depression, which has helped.
I don't think hormones changed my personality much, but they did affect my health. I developed IBS around a year after starting estrogen, with constant stomach pain, and I sometimes wonder if the hormones caused it.
Now, I'm trying to figure out what's next for my body. I went back on testosterone about two months ago because I was worried about my long-term health and wellbeing. My libido increased, and I have more energy, but it's been an emotional rollercoaster. I'm still scared of remasculinizing, and I still struggle with dysphoria, but I'm trying to do what's healthiest for me.
I don't believe in "gender" anymore. I think the whole concept is a harmful box that society tries to put people in. My problem was that I wanted to jump from one box to another, when the real answer was to realize that the boxes themselves are the problem. You can be a man and be whatever kind of person you want to be. You don't have to conform.
I don't have regrets about my entire transition because it led me to where I am now and forced me to confront these deep issues. But I do have a lot of grief for the time I lost and the permanent changes I made to my body without fully understanding myself first. My main regret is not getting the right psychological help before making such big decisions.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 18 | 2015 | Started taking estrogen. |
| 21 | 2018 | Underwent orchiectomy. |
| 22 | 2019 | Began social detransition, started using a new gender-neutral name. |
| 22 | 2019 | Diagnosed with borderline personality traits and depression by a psychiatrist. |
| 23 | 2020 | Started testosterone replacement therapy. |
Top Comments by /u/lenczi:
I did not. I found happiness (or rather, meaning) outside of it, once I started pushing myself to question what is it I really want from life and why. It turned out I made a mistake - transition wasn't really on the list, though I wanted to believe it was for quite some time.
Hey! I'm in a position somewhat similar to yours - born male, struggled with gender dysphoria, transitioned, and then detransitioned socially while remaining on cross-sex hormones. I'm still struggling with the identity part of it all. For now I call myself non-binary but only bring it up when directly asked, and I go by a gender-neutral name.
No matter what you decide on, one thing I can't recommend enough is therapy or even simple counseling sessions. It seems to me there's a lot going on in your head and I can empathize with that. Seeing a counselor regularly provided me with support and helped learn to understand myself better, a skill much needed when one's in the middle of making decisions as profound as (de)transition.
Although my situation is different than yours, having taken HRT for years now, I'm also in a place where I wonder if going back to testosterone would be good or not. On one hand I know I would probably be healthier but on the other, I'm scared of masculinizing. Perhaps we could talk on Discord?
Has anyone taken a third name when they detransitioned?
Yep! It took me months of going through lists of names to settle for a new one, but since I did, I've been sooo happy with my choice. My new name is gender-neutral, which I really like, and doesn't carry the emotional baggage associated with the one parents chose for me at birth. If you're considering it, I'd encourage you to not hesitate. :)
I mean, of course I've had watched it before, but I never made it a habit like lots of people (men?) seem to do.
I think the issues which led me to hate myself as a guy were centered around gender roles and self-image. Growing up I wanted to be more gender non-conforming than I could get away with in my social environment, and I also got shit for liking guys. I envied the freedom girls at school had concerning these things and started to believe I'd be better off once I presented myself to the world as one, too.
In addition, I wasn't and in fact, I'm still not particularly happy with sex-specific areas of my body but I now know I can work this through with therapy and not look at it as a strictly medical issue.
I know I came across as angry, I'm sorry too.
Sounds absolutely miserable and also perpetrates gender roles which are a motivating factor for some people seeking transition in the first place. Seeking one's place in the box assigned by society isn't the answer, the answer is for people to realize the box (gendered expectations) is wrong and unnecessary in the first place.
It wasn't until a year into taking estrogen that I was diagnosed with IBS, dealing with recurring stomach pain and other symptoms which didn't seem to be triggered by specific foods. Having been on e for almost four years now, it hasn't gotten any better. Maybe it has nothing to do with cross-sex hormones but sometimes I wonder whether I'd have this problem at all if I'd never started.
How do you deal with body sex and/or gender dysphoria?
I continue taking cross-sex hormones and try to practice self-empathy when I feel bad about my body, remind myself that though I may not feel it in the moment, nothing's wrong with me.
Which support networks helped you detransition?
r/detrans obviously. Apart from that, a mental health professional who finally diagnosed me properly and friends.
Did you take hrt and/or surgeries and how do you feel about that now?
I've taken cross-sex hormones for almost 4 years now and currently have no plan to go off them. They made me more comfortable with my body. ''
I also underwent orchiectomy. I have mixed feelings about it now - on the one hand I don't regret it, but on the other I keep thinking what kind of man I would grow up to be having not transitioned, and the surgery rid me of a natural way to find out about it.
Do you have autogynephilic tendencies and do you feel shame for that?
I don't think so, no.
For those who took hrt: Do you feel like a freak for looking like you a female and still having a dick? Are you afraid you are seen as a freak or others fetishize you? How do you feel about your gynecomastia?
I look like a young guy. The only thing I dislike sometimes is being infantilized, as people tend to take me for a teenager. No bad feelings nor regrets about how my chest looks.
How do you feel about the male gender role? Did you find back to it or do you try to live free from gendered expectations?
I don't care and don't conform to expectations of masculinity. Not a fan of gender roles in general.
Are you more comfortable with male or female friends?
Female, 100%.
Hey! Although my background is different, I'd gone through quite a bit of uncertainty and changes of heart before settling for testosterone. I still question whether I want to remain on it indefinitely but I try my best to remember why I went on it in the first place (better health and future wellbeing). If you'd like to talk, feel free to shoot me a dm. I might not be around all the time but I'll try to reply when I can.
I'll tell you how it is and you'll accept that without questioning anything, m'kay?
Yeah, no. And besides, that's not my point. What I meant in the original response was that it's pointless of you and people of your sort to come here, this space is designated for detransitoning/detransitoned folks to share their experiences and discuss issues around the very process they're undergoing. If you want "more respect in this world", taking over a place on the internet simply not meant for you is a poor means of achieving that.