I'm sorry but it is not your past. It is your now. We are all a sum of our past and our present. A neovagina isn't a vagina, no matter how close it is. The reason many are recommending that you consider seeking out other trans people is not because they think you should be part of a cult. This sounds quite transphobic, as do the generalizations you've made about other trans women like yourself. It is because the mainstream "cis" world has done you a disservice in not being honest about how they view trans people. Even the most fervent trans allies will see you as your biological gender for dating purposes and see you as a trans woman. There's nothing offensive or wrong about this - that is what you are and it is your lived experience. If lesbians and straight men are not interested in dating trans women, that is their prerogative and you should respect that and seek out those who are interested in you for who you are.

I am very sorry for what you are feeling right now, but I feel the need to clarify this - to many, breast implants and a neo vagina on someone born male is basically the equivalent of a faux fur tail. These are artificial appendages or parts. They are not found on biological males. Someone born male who walks around thinking they are female is to many walking around thinking of oneself as a rabbit or a dog. It is not so, and those around you perceive this artificial identity as you've noted. I do not mean to be harsh and I do hope you find solace, but I also think you need to be a bit more honest with yourself (as others here have advised) before you'll find a resolution. This is only further indicated by your question if you should just not tell your new love interests the truth.

How is that disrespectful? What have I been asked not to do?

This person was born a male and is a male. Fat distribution doesn't make someone female. I could have a male fat distribution and still be female. Manner of dress doesn't make someone female. I can wear "male" clothes and still be female. I can dress androgynous and still be female. A male dressing in female clothing is still male. Why would this be objectionable to anyone? I am respectful toward anyone and don't question or take issue with their chosen manner of personal expression but that doesn't change inalienable realities.

So many straw mans here. No one said you lived a privileged life. I just told you I didn't need to be educated on oppression or marginalized populations - and by the way - you being the child of recent arrivals to the US, regardless of color, doesn't really change anything for me. You actually don't have any knowledge whatsoever of the period during which systemic marginalization was legalized and codified beyond that of any American.

You can consider what I did dehumanizing. But you'll be wrong - OP is very human. As human as me or anyone else. He is just as valid. His existence is what it is and he can express himself however he chooses and I welcome that because one need not look or dress a certain way, period. He just isn't a woman. Changing his fat composition or how he dresses won't change it and me perceiving him as a man or a male is no different than someone perceiving me as short. Being short has cost me job opportunities and earnings and has resulted in me receiving less respect and being in physical danger on multiple occasions, several of which ended in violence. I doubt that's any less severe an outcome than whatever you've experienced because you're trans, and the fact that you make assumptions otherwise is problematic. You're guilty of exactly the behavior you're criticizing me for.

I don't want to be called short... but I am short. I wouldn't walk up to this person and say "hey, you're a man." But I do see them as a man, just as most people do. And I accept that most people perceive me as short. If someone walked up to me and called me short - I'd find it slightly rude but I would deal with it and wouldn't label said individual "short-phobic" or a bigot. I would not feel invalidated as a human being or disrespected.

Being born a male equates to being a male. It absolutely equates to not being a woman. One can be respectful of other's expression while disagreeing with the veracity or validity of said expression or self-identification, and still maintaining their own opinions, perceptions, and beliefs.

You need not lecture me on what it is to be marginalized - I'm a woman of color and a descendant of slaves in the US. That isn't an identity I grew into or one I can turn on and off. I couldn't spend 4 years contemplating it - it's the only suit I wear out into the world and always has been.

As for being short - there's plenty of data surrounding how short stature impacts not only others' perceptions of you, but also lifetime earnings, overall maturity and seriousness, etc. You do not know what that experience is like for me or any other short person or know that it is different. And I don't need you to or to tell me I'm actually not short because it bothers me to be short, just as someone who feels non-binary shouldn't need me or anyone else to indulge or validate that perception or lived experience or tell them they are whatever they believe themselves to be.

This person asked others to comment on their identity. I did so. At no stage did I suggest they're less than human. The term "dehumanizing" is so abused at this point by people like you that it's become neutered of all meaning. This person is wholly valid as a human being - but they're not a woman. Being not a woman doesn't make someone less human or less valid. And Had they not invited that commentary, I wouldn't have shared my opinion. Simple as that.