This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments display a highly consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative about their detransition from FTM, their struggles with internalized homophobia and misogyny, and their journey to accepting themselves as a gender non-conforming lesbian. The language is emotionally varied, complex, and contains specific, lived-experience details (e.g., being on T for a year, having a canceled top surgery, having Tourette's and ADHD) that are repeated and expanded upon over many months. The tone is passionate and often includes supportive sign-offs ("xoxo"), which aligns with the stated understanding that detransitioners can be emotionally charged about the topic. There is no evidence of scripted or copy-pasted content.
About me
I was born female and started identifying as a trans man as a teenager, thinking it was the answer to my depression and trauma. I took testosterone for a year and almost had surgery, but I was always pushing down doubts. I had a moment of clarity at 19, realizing my future as an old man felt wrong and that I was actually a lesbian who was just uncomfortable with sexist expectations. I stopped everything and detransitioned, which was scary but brought me immense relief. I’m now the happiest I’ve ever been, learning to accept myself as a masculine woman.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was a long and confusing one, but I’m in a much better place now. I was born female and from a very young age, I was extremely masculine. I never fit in with the other girls and always wanted to be one of the boys. I felt like I had to be a man to be taken seriously and to be allowed to have the interests and personality that I had.
I started identifying as a trans man when I was around 13 or 14. It felt like an answer to all my problems. I was deeply depressed and had been since I was a kid; I had a lot of unresolved trauma and anxiety. I also have Tourette’s and ADHD, which made me impulsive and feel out of control. Transitioning felt like a way to start over and take control of my life. I found a lot of support online, where I could be “he” and feel detached from my real self. It was a form of escapism.
I socially transitioned for about five years. I took testosterone for one year, starting when I was 18. I was even a month away from getting top surgery. While I was on T, I liked the changes at the time—my voice got deeper, I grew body hair, and I felt more androgynous. But I always had doubts. I would push them down because I’d read that having doubts was a sign you were really trans. A big turning point for me was realizing that my attraction to men vanished when I stopped identifying as a man. I think a lot of my transition was driven by internalized homophobia and misogyny. I’m a lesbian, and the idea of being a lesbian in a small town, dealing with family rejection, was terrifying. Being a straight man felt safer.
What really woke me up was a moment of clarity when I was 19. I was at work and had to picture my future. The idea of growing old as a man felt completely wrong and repulsive. But when I pictured myself as an old woman with a female partner, it felt right and peaceful for the first time. It was like waking up from a five-year dream. I realized I didn’t want to be a man; I just wanted to be a masculine woman who was treated as an equal. My discomfort wasn’t with being female, but with the restrictive gender roles and the misogyny I faced.
I stopped testosterone and detransitioned socially. It was scary to tell people, but the relief was overwhelming. My relationships with the people who supported me became stronger. I went back to my birth name because I realized how much I had missed it and what it represented to me.
I don’t regret my transition entirely. It was a part of my journey to understanding myself. I’m glad I stopped when I did, but I’m also happy with the permanent changes from T, like my deeper voice. I still have physical dysphoria, especially about my chest, and I bind sometimes. In an ideal world, I’d look completely androgynous. I’ve learned to manage these feelings through therapy, finding hobbies I love, and accepting that I can be a woman without being feminine. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been now, living as a gender non-conforming lesbian.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13/14 | Started socially identifying as a trans man (FTM). |
| 18 | Started testosterone (T). |
| 19 | Stopped testosterone and socially detransitioned (FtMtF). Realized I was a lesbian. |
| 19 | Cancelled top surgery appointment that was scheduled for one month later. |
Top Comments by /u/lez-dykawitz:
Here’s my advice: don’t. There is literally nothing to learn. When I first started detransitioning, I felt the same way, that I wanted to learn to do makeup and wear skirts and do things “like a girl.” It was a huge mistake. I was miserable, and dysphoric, and only more confused. It only enforces the same gender roles that pushed us here to begin with. A woman is just a woman. There is no way she has to act, or look, or walk. Act how you feel comfortable. Look how you feel comfortable. Walk how you feel comfortable. Performing femininity because you think you have to to be a woman is only going to hinder your personal growth. The only difference between living as a male and living as a female is... whether or not you’re male or female. Examine why you feel the need to wear makeup and dresses and train yourself to walk a certain way just to be a woman.
That being said, if that’s just a style that calls to you, I’d say just check YouTube. They’ve got a tutorial for anything
First, thank you for coming here. It means a lot that you would do so so respectfully, and no need to apologize. You're under a lot of stress that most of us can relate to. You're welcome here.
I am a GC female, full disclaimer -- but more importantly, I'm a massive homo, and let me tell you, my father's rejection of my lesbianism was a MAJOR factor in my obsession with transition. I was 100% sure I was a lesbian, and I was very outspoken about it, until I stumbled onto the trans community. It became a convenient way for me to escape the (very stressful) reality of being gay. I turned everything into evidence. I wanted to be a boy growing up, I never fit in with 'the other girls', I saw myself in a masculine role during sex (probably more penis envy than autoandrophilia, but I digress). I took every gay/non-comforming thing about me and turned it into me really being male, and I ran with it, because at least then, I wouldn't be a lesbian. This wasn't something I knew I was doing until I was five years into being 'him', a year on T, and a month away from top surgery -- it hit me like a bag of bricks. I really had no idea that this was a coping mechanism until I just woke up one day.
It's AMAZING how far we'll go to convince ourselves that we aren't gay, even when the alternative seems just as stressful. Even when you thought you knew it for sure. Especially when you're brought up in a tiny town, especially dealing with family rejection, and ESPECIALLY when you already have such overwhelming anxiety and depression. I'm so sorry that you're in this position -- it's confusing, it's upsetting, it just sucks. I wish I could give you a definitive answer, but only you know you. I can say pretty confidently, though, that your situation looks an awful lot like mine, and I would really, REALLY recommend exploring internalized homophobia. You want to be a boyfriend, you want to be a dad -- you want to be a happy guy. I think your trouble isn't that you're not really a guy, but that you're not happy. Get past the 'what could be'. Focus on the 'what is,' and the 'what there will be', because I think you have the potential to be an incredibly happy guy. I transitioned because I never thought I'd be a happy girl -- but I got through the root of all that muck, and I have to say, I'm fucking ecstatic. Regardless of where your journey takes you, I wish you peace, love, and clarity ahead. Xoxox.
Honestly I really struggle with this from an emotional standpoint. I feel like I spent five years in a coma, dreaming about being someone else and having a whole other life, and then just woke up one day. And I’m myself again, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ll never get those five years back, or know who I could have been with them. But I very firmly believe we can find physical and emotional recovery. I’ve been off T for a year and am already really feminized; my best friend is a detranser and was on it for at least four or five years. Looking at her now, you’d really never know. There is progress to be found, there is recovery, and you’re definitely not alone. Xoxo
Seriously! And I hate the popular rhetoric that just because someone is cis, it means they must be perfectly happy with their body and gender roles. The backlash I got when I re-came out was almost entirely from trans people who took it as me coming out as privileged and happy... instead of the reality of me coming out as a lesbian who had spent years struggling with suffocating depression, internalized homophobia and misogyny, severe PTSD, and such deeply embedded self-loathing that I literally constructed a whole other person to be. I still bind my chest (despite it having given me rare traumatic rib arthritis, if that tells you anything), I have to go by an androgynous name, I still have dysphoria — but fuck cis people, right? They could never understand what it’s like to dislike your body or sex. Cis gays and women could never understand what it’s like to be forced into oppressive gender roles by a society that doesn’t support you. /s 🙄🙄🙄
Childhood dysphoria is pretty common with people who are gay and lesbian, and many of us grow out of it, especially around the 20s. Being a gender non-conforming child is super confusing in a world that constantly reinforces that interests (and attraction) have to correspond with your gender. I’m in the same boat, I started transitioning around 13/14 and didn’t realize I was just a masculine lesbian until I was about 18/19. I obviously can’t tell you who you are, but if you’re really fantasizing about being a gay man and you strongly prefer the experience, it’s worth exploring further. Either way, it can be a stressful journey and I wish you the utmost luck on finding yourself. Xoxo
Society also really hates masculine women. Please don’t devalue that, I’ve spent my entire life being abused, harassed, and belittled for being a masculine woman. There are women on this earth still who lived through raids on lesbian bars, being arrested and raped by police for wearing men’s clothes. It’s not easy for ANY gender non-conforming person. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been threatened, called a dyke, a faggot, etc.
Honestly, I’ve never been this happy in my life. It took me eighteen years to find, accept, and love myself, but I’m so glad I did. The five of them I spent transitioning did me a lot of harm, but I can’t help but feel grateful for the insight they gave me. I feel like I’ve never really known myself until now, and getting to know myself and learning how to support and love myself has been an immeasurably meaningful journey. I still have a lot of rough patches, granted, but they’re so much easier to manage, and unrelated to my transition. I love the process I’ve made these last couple years and I’m so excited to see what the future will bring.
Hi, detransitioned FtM (bio female) here! I transitioned for about five years socially (13-18) with one year on HRT and a (now cancelled) surgery scheduled. While I don't have Asperger's, I do have Tourette's and severe ADHD that manifest similarly, and was struggling with major depression/anxiety at the time surrounding my transition as well as some pretty debilitating self-esteem issues. It was extremely overwhelming. Transition became a way for me "start over" and just be someone else, even if I didn't realize it, and as I've seen said around here before, it was almost a way to inject positive change/development into my life in a time where I had none. My mental and emotional progress was a huge push towards the alleviation of the worst of my dysphoria, and -- while this may not be your child's case -- my eventual "wake-up call."
Whether they are really trans or not, the absolute BEST thing you can do for them is get them to a healthy place mentally. This will be great for them regardless, but also, yes, probably in the context of dysphoria, too. The second, almost equally absolutely best thing you can do is take it slow. They probably won't like it, but transition needs to be treated the same as any other major life choice, and especially a permanent and medical life choice at an age where you really don't have a grasp on what permanence is. I strongly recommend holding off on hormones until they're a legal adult. You have every right to be scared, they're a serious medical step with little long-term study and some very tangible risks, especially for minors. Plus, think about everything you were positive you knew about yourself or wanted to do with your life when you were sixteen -- personally, I wanted to marry Jake Gyllenhaal and move to Manhattan. Now I'm a grown-up lesbian shopping for schools in Florida, and I know I would have been miserable (sorry, Jake, you seem great), because I made those plans when I was sixteen. I almost let myself get sterilized for transition, because I knew I didn't want to have kids. Now I'm extremely grateful that I still can -- of course I didn't want kids when I started, I was sixteen. Hormones, surgeries, etc, they're huge choices. Let them know you're taking it slow because you love and care about them, not because you don't believe them, or are trying to invalidate them. My mother helped me start HRT as a teenager, and as much as I love her for it, there are days where I really wish she hadn't. Medical transition is serious.
Lastly, and more lightly, what do they like? Hobbies, interests, things you can do together, shows you can watch? I've learned that getting to know myself, my interests, and the world around me outside of the context of gender and dysphoria was a great way to make peace with myself and my body. Give them things to think about and learn and love besides gender politics and theories. Keep them happy and engaged. It'll help with mental health and dysphoria, and it'll be good for you guys' relationship, too. You sound like a wonderful parent -- wishing you both luck, peace, clarity. Xoxo
I can’t speak for you obviously but this at least sounds VERY similar to my realizing I was a dysphoric/GNC lesbian. It’s not all that rare for women to not identify with womanhood and especially women who aren’t straight — womanhood is extremely restrictive and often painful, if not traumatic, and traditionally very male-centric. I may be a woman but I don’t really identify as/with anything because of this. I do still experience dysphoria and in an ideal world I’d be completely ambiguous. I do, however, have that pull/identification with my biological sex, since it affects my material reality in a very real and deep way. I was only “into men” while identifying as one but also found my “attraction” vanished almost immediately when that identity did. Like I said, I can’t say whether or not this is your situation, but it would be worth exploring. No matter what you decide, detransitioning/even just questioning can be really stressful and alienating, and I wish you the best of luck with your journey and some peace to come. Xoxo
When I was transitioning I was the same way, I really lost all sense of self in how focused I was on being read as male. I always told myself that I would never be effected by internalized homophobia or misogyny, that I had a good family, it couldn’t be that — but it was.
There is no one way that a woman thinks. Women are people. We are people like any man is a person. Our thoughts and interests and personalities are as varied and complex as any other person’s. Testosterone withdrawal will make you miserable, but once it’s over, if you’re feeling better and you really don’t want to go back on it, you probably aren’t trans. It’s crazy how deep internalized lesbophobia and misogyny can go. I always felt like “one of the guys,” and was pissed that I wasn’t treated like one. It didn’t mean I was one — it meant I wanted to be treated like an equal. I wanted people to see me as someone who didn’t think like a woman. But there is no one way a woman thinks. We are people.
You can live in denial for years and years and years. You can convince yourself of anything to keep your head in the sand, and you may not have any idea that you’re doing it. I know this because I did, and it took me years to realize. But the moment you accept that you don’t have to be any way, that women AREN’T any way, that your dysphoria IS socialized, that you can live as whoever you want... It’s extremely liberating. I have never known or been as happy with myself than I am now. Don’t live a life you don’t think you want just because you don’t want people to be annoyed or think it’s “shitty” that you’re going back. It is your life. It is your body. It is not a prison. If you make it one, you will never be happy.
Sending love, peace, clarity. No matter the outcome good luck on your journey. Xoxo