This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user demonstrates a highly personal, nuanced, and emotionally raw exploration of their gender identity, trauma, and detransition/desistance considerations.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic account. The writing is complex, self-contradictory at times, and deeply introspective—all hallmarks of a genuine person grappling with a difficult and painful experience. The user's passion and anger align with the expected emotions of someone harmed by their experience with gender ideology.
About me
I was a feminine boy who was bullied and shamed for it, which made me believe transitioning was my only way to be accepted. I took estrogen briefly but stopped because I was terrified of losing my fertility and potentially shortening my life. My dysphoria comes from watching my body masculinize with age and feeling like an ugly man instead of the feminine person I am inside. I'm trying to heal from my trauma and learn that my problems are with society, not my sex. Now, I'm working on seeing myself as a beautiful, feminine male who can challenge what it means to be a man.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been a long and confusing battle with myself. It started from when I was a little kid. I was a very feminine boy, and that was seen as a problem by almost everyone around me—my mom, my uncles, teachers. They thought forcing me into masculine activities would "fix" me, and I was bullied really badly for it. I internalized this deep shame about who I was naturally.
I think a huge part of my desire to transition was a trauma response. I felt so much shame for being a feminine male that I inverted it. I created a strong, protective feminine persona almost as a rebellion, to make the world feel the shame instead of me. It was my way of fighting back against everyone who made me feel like my natural self was wrong. I started to believe that the only way my femininity could be accepted was if I was actually a woman, because that's the only time society celebrates femininity—in beauty or motherhood.
I did take estrogen for about a month when I was 19. I stopped because I was terrified of losing my fertility. The idea of not being able to have a biological child one day was a huge wake-up call for me, especially since my mom passed away young from a heart attack. I had this intuition that being on HRT might shorten my life, and I didn't want to put my sister through that kind of grief. My fertility still hasn't fully recovered.
A big moment for me was a conversation with a trans friend. She was drunk and told me, with so much sadness in her eyes, not to get bottom surgery. That really stuck with me. I've always known that surgery is incredibly invasive, doesn't function the way people say it does, and is something I would never consider.
My dysphoria is mostly about the physical changes from my natural testosterone. I hate watching my face masculinize—my jaw widening, my brow bone getting more prominent, my hairline changing. I look in the mirror and see an ugly, scary man staring back, and it doesn't feel like me. The person inside feels feminine and androgynous. I resent that male aging seems so unkind to beauty, and I'm terrified of getting older and looking even more masculine, which might cause a worse wave of dysphoria later.
A lot of this is wrapped up in my sexuality. I'm attracted to men, but it feels impossible to find love. Gay men aren't interested in me because I'm too feminine, and straight or bi men aren't interested because I'm still male. The men who have been interested often treated me like an object, which hurt my inner child so much. He just wants to be loved for who he is. I've found that masculine women are often attracted to me, and that feels healthier, but it's complicated.
I use a lot of escapism to cope. I listen to artists like Ethel Cain and Arca because I feel understood by them, but I know it sometimes feeds the delusion. It's easier to escape into the fantasy of transition than to confront the reality that I have to live in this male body. I've done shrooms, and it gave me a weird perspective; I felt how the male body has a certain phallic, imposing energy, and I envied the innate, grounded connection to femininity that females have.
I struggle a lot with internalized misandry. I resent men and masculinity because of the trauma I experienced from masculine men growing up. I have a deep fear of them, but I also crave male energy and connection. I'm trying to work on humanizing men by imagining their inner children, but it's a process.
I don't think I will ever fully regret exploring transition because it helped me understand myself better, but I know that medically transitioning wouldn't solve my problems. My issues are with society's expectations and my own trauma, not my sex itself. I'm trying to learn to see myself as a beautiful, feminine male—a peacock of the human race. I want to own my androgyny and challenge what it means to be a man, rather than try to become a woman.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 5 | First experiences of bullying and shame for being a feminine boy. |
| 19 | Took estrogen for one month. Stopped due to fear of infertility. |
| 20 | Had a pivotal conversation with a trans friend advising against surgery. |
| 20 | Current age, working on self-acceptance as a gender non-conforming male. |
Top Comments by /u/lillailalalala:
This also made me realise that growing up, my mom, school officials, uncles, all elders, essentially saw my femininity as a problem to be solved. That forcing me to be around and do “masculine” activities would change me, now I’m resentful of men. Also I was heavily and very traumatically and viscerally bullied, and I think internalising the intrinsic feeling of being a problem to solve has led to inverting myself and creating my feminine persona who I honestly still have love for because she represents being strong and firm in my femininity, not allowing men to dictate how I should exist, and almost rebelling against the shame of feeling like I had to hide my femininity. It feels like flipping the tables and making men feel the shame instead of me, but I recognise that’s just two sides of the same coin. And I’m sick of spending that fucking coin.
Makes me so sad because it’s even disrespectful to the actual experience of having dysphoria. Thinking about your gender expression means you’re trans is crazy. And they’re being awful examples for a minority of transitioners whose lives are impacted because of grifters like this
I’ve noticed many MTF who transition before puberty have zero sex drive. They can pretend to. But it’s not that deep human sex drive we all have. It’s like a shadow of it, or what I assume they think we are like. Think Kim Petras. Suuuuuper sexual but she gives virgin vibes still. Like talking all this shit and you can tell she has no clue what it’s actually like and is just appealing to her extremely horny gay male audience
It’s definitely not healthier than without for sure. But some people live to 70+ on HRT (I think, at least they look and are trans feminized), and others die young. There is no research. You are the research. Especially starting so young it will be interesting to see how it fares, especially if it wasn’t your own body lol. Like I think of Alex consani and hunter and stuff.
Also I had a conversation with a trans girlfriend of mine and I have to say the sadness in her eyes as we were drunk and she told me not to get SRS is forever burnt into my memory, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more empathy. Because that could’ve been me or any other little boy like me, and it just made me feel like wow why can’t we all be more understanding, we’re all united by experiencing dysphoria you know and it just made me feel so much for her. But yeah I just think SRS is absolutely a number one no and I’ve always said if I ever end up on HRT and I start to get those thoughts it’s a wrap. Because it’s just such an invasive and extreme surgery, and it doesn’t even function how they sell it, and the fact that they sell it…
My love, either way you will still be seen as a feminine male. With so much love you’re gonna have to accept that whether you’re medically transitioning or not. I think it’s beneficial to romanticise feminine males. What helps me is seeing us as peacocks of the human race. We literally are just the most beautiful males, and that way u don’t have to feel that pressure of being at the bottom of the “women” totem pole. I think you have to allow yourself to create that new category and thrive and own it. Even though I don’t care for them personally I think Blaire, Jeffree, Ethel Cain, Arca etc can be very inspiring when seen in the male category as feminine males. It’s actually really cool to think that you have what all those men have and look gorgeous for a male on top of it. Promise you can get closer to this! 🫶🫶🫶
T is extremely harsh on the female body. Like generally it’s not a hormone that cares about how you look and for sure not at all about female sex organs. That’s why I told my female friend like no babe T will not make you an attractive man automatically. It’s not a hormone that cares about aesthetics as much as function.
Honestly some of them are too weak in their own identities and will feel like you represent doubt in them they’d rather not confront. It’s not personal. Do what you want to do, if you get that vibe let them go with love. If they’re down to stick around and grow alongside you and embrace how complex this experience really is then bless them!
You wouldn’t be female either way babe. You have to truly viscerally understand that. You would be a feminized male and a trans woman. That’s not a bad thing to be. I think we try to escape our sex but you can’t, and unless you can accept yourself as a trans woman I’d say it would be a life of suffering.
You and I both know it’s a thing you’ve been going to in your mind (since it started) when things in life get tough. Instead of facing the thing underneath it, it’s easier for our mind to place the emotion into a different thought than the one that’s truly tooooo painful to confront