This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "littlerat098" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally charged perspective that aligns with a desister's experience (e.g., discussing internalized misogyny, gender envy, and a personal history of identifying as transmasc). The comments show personal reflection, engagement in complex arguments, and varied emotional tones (from supportive to angry), which are not typical of automated behavior. The account's activity and the specific, lived-experience details strongly suggest it is a real person.
About me
I started believing I was a man as a teenager because I hated my female body and found acceptance in online communities. My journey made me realize my discomfort was actually from internalized misogyny and body dysmorphia, not from being trans. With the help of a good therapist, I worked through my depression and discovered I'm a lesbian. I regret my social transition but I'm grateful I never medically altered my body. Now I'm happily living as a masculine woman, and that feels truly authentic to who I am.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager, around 16. I was really uncomfortable with my body, especially when I started developing breasts during puberty. I hated them; they felt foreign and wrong on me. I spent a lot of time online, mostly on Tumblr and Reddit, and I fell into a lot of communities that celebrated being trans. I started to think that my discomfort with puberty and my body meant I wasn't really a woman.
A lot of my friends at the time were also identifying as trans or non-binary, and it felt like the natural thing to do. I think I was heavily influenced by my online friends. I also had really low self-esteem and was struggling with depression and anxiety. I now realize I was using the idea of being a different gender as a form of escapism from all those difficult feelings. I was drawn to masculine cartoon characters and had what people call "gender envy," and I mistook that for being a sign that I was a man. Looking back, it feels silly, but at the time it felt so real.
I started to socially transition. I asked people to use a new name and he/him pronouns for me. I even started binding my chest. I was deep in those online spaces for a couple of years, from about 16 to 19. I was so sure this was the answer to all my problems.
But things started to change for me. I began to realize that a lot of my feelings were actually rooted in internalized misogyny. I had this impulsive, icked-out reaction to masculine women because I had been taught that femininity was weak. Unpacking that was a huge turning point for me. I also started to see a therapist who wasn't just affirming everything I said. She helped me work through my depression and anxiety and my issues with my body, which I now understand was more like body dysmorphia. That non-affirming therapy really benefited me; it helped me see things more clearly.
I also had a major shift in how I saw my sexuality. I realized I'm a lesbian. I'm drawn to masculinity, but not to men or manhood itself. I'm now in a tremendously happy masc4masc lesbian relationship, and it feels more right and authentic than identifying as a man ever did.
I have a lot of thoughts on gender now. I don't believe that "feeling like a woman" is a real thing that can be defined without relying on sexist stereotypes. My experience in trans spaces showed me a real difference between people who were born female and those who were born male. I saw a level of entitlement from some trans women that really bothered me, often tied to never unpacking their male socialization. I never saw that same thing in transmasc spaces. I have respect for trans women who can acknowledge that their experiences are different from those of women who were born female, but it seems like a lot of people want to pretend there's no difference at all.
Do I have any regrets? I don't regret the journey because it led me to where I am now, and I learned so much about myself. But I do regret transitioning socially. I regret the years I spent thinking I was something I'm not and the damage that did to my sense of self. I'm grateful I never took hormones or had any surgery. I know my story could have been much more difficult.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started puberty. Felt intense discomfort and hated my developing breasts. |
| 16 | Spent a lot of time online, influenced by friends and communities. Began to believe I was a trans man. Started social transition (new name, he/him pronouns). |
| 16-19 | Lived socially as a male. Struggled with depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. |
| 19 | Began non-affirming therapy. Started to unpack internalized misogyny and understand my discomfort as body dysmorphia. Realized I am a lesbian. |
| 20 | Stopped identifying as trans and detransitioned. Embraced being a masculine lesbian. |
Top Comments by /u/littlerat098:
I recognize that mod. Has an extensive history of banning people on a whim. Trans woman, which call me old-fashioned but I have a very hard time trying to fathom how a trans woman could be a lesbian, let alone a butch lesbian, with all its rich history that stems from sex-based attraction and sex-based attraction.
One time they went on a rampage about how afab and amab people aren’t treated any differently in childhood and implying they are is transphobic and it made me want to tear my hair out because of how delusional that is.
I do too, and looking back I feel so silly that I let people convince me that this gender envy thing towards literal cartoon characters made me a man or at least not a woman. In these art styles the characters don’t really have the actual physicality of IRL men and do indeed look more feminine. I eventually came to realize for me personally I’m drawn to masculinity, but not men or manhood. I had a lot of internalized misogyny that made me feel impulsively icked out by masculine women, and I’ve now come a long way in being in a tremendously happy masc4masc lesbian relationship. I know you said you’re feminine so our experiences are different, but that’s my two cents.
Exactly! It’s like they think transitioning into a woman is a get-out-of-jail-free card for all the misogyny they’ve been raised with, vs. transmascs who have been more directly harmed by that. That isn’t to say that people sexed at birth as female don’t internalize misogyny, but it’s very different from the way a male does. I’ve never seen a trans man say they realized they’re trans via pornography like I do all the time with trans women, just as a single example.
I genuinely do not care. A transmasc person on T who feels happier and more comfortable in their own skin will always be “more attractive” than someone who hates others based purely off of appearances like yourself. This isn’t a hate sub. Get over yourself.
Definitely not. Tbh I don’t care for the opinions on trans people from people who have no experience with them themselves…But for people like you and I, these are informed opinions from personal life experiences. No one can tell you you’re a bad person for them.
This is exactly the way. I have my own feelings about the age-old bathroom debate but honestly in the end putting anything into legislation will indubitably hurt cis people and trans people; not to mention a lot of the legislation people suggest straight up makes no sense. I do agree gender-neutral bathrooms should be more readily available but a lot of times it just isn’t practical. In the end I guess I just…I don’t know, let people piss, and if it makes me uncomfortable I’ll get over it.
You’re being pedantic. Do you not hear the vitriol dripping off of this post? The fact that you still hang out around trans men and are silently judging them the whole time and thinking about how ugly they are? Plus the implication then that the detrans women here who are seeing this are ugly?
Thank you!!! I have utmost respect for trans women who are able to respect that sex doesn’t equal gender and the experience between cis women and trans women are a venn diagram, not a circle. Sadly the latter seems to be getting pushed by the loud sector of them who never unpacked their male entitlement.
Like, seriously. I used to think I was transmasc and spent a lot of time in those spaces, and very, very rarely have I seen the level of entitlement I could easily find within minutes if I went over to r / mtf right now.
I have yet to hear an answer to “What does feeling like a woman actually mean?” that isn’t misogynistic.