No? Bare minimum because I, as an everyday person, don’t want to be involved in your fetish. That’s my personal stake in this- it’s no different than you showing up in full bondage gear to work. I didn’t consent and don’t want to be involved.

On a personal level no because it will both destroy your sex drive (notorious side effect of HRT and many who have had bottom surgery struggle to have sexual pleasure) and because there’s more to life than sex. If you can’t see that right now I’d suggest looking into porn addiction groups and maybe a therapist versed in it and making an appointment.

I want to make it clear that this comment isn’t a response to you personally, it’s a response to this sentiment. I understand why you’d reply with this and I want to make it clear that I do empathize with dysphoric people as a whole regardless of sexuality. Straight people are a majority, I’m well aware that’s why these spaces have become full of them, and I do not blame individuals for struggling with dysphoria or speaking about it.

With that in mind this is exactly what I’m talking about. Anything I do as a dysphoric homosexual is always in reference to or has to be mindful of the feelings of heterosexuals. My point is I do not have a space where my concerns can be voiced, understood, or appreciated. At the end of the day I don’t care why a community has shifted or I am no longer a voice relevant to it, I only care that I do not have an alternative. As you mentioned those experiences differentiate wildly from mine. I do not have a space where I can speak freely about my struggles without having to consider the feelings of straight people, even with a seemingly “common” link. Even here, where I am technically an intruder or not fully a community member, I have to confront sentiments from straight people and consider them.

Again, this isn’t personal. I get why you made this comment and I’m happy that you’ve found satisfaction with yourself, and that you continue to have empathy for others. My only point is that I’d like a community where I can talk about my issues without having cater to these types of concerns.

Nah stuff like this isn’t talking over- realistically dysphoria doesn’t discriminate and I’m fine sharing spaces with people regardless of sexuality, I’m just fed up (like you are) that those voices became centric to the “community”. Instead of a community of dysphorics that actively sought out to divorce ourselves from those roles and stereotypes it’s a community that now caters directly to them, and pushes anybody who dares question it out entirely. It’s promising leaving the trap of the female gender role while actively pushing the same sexist and submissive behaviors back onto us, just in a “kweer and progressive uwu” way

Dysphoria will always be with you, transitioned or not. It won’t cure your dysphoria, and neither will anything we can offer you. That doesn’t mean it can’t be mitigated or dealt with, just that any illusions you have that either “side” will solve your problems is exactly that: an illusion.

If you choose to work through the pain then you get to live unrestricted. You’re not bound to an endo until the day you die, you won’t have to go under the knife or deal with bad results, and you can go to bed feeling whole. It’s also a much slower form of healing. It’s tiresome. It involves a lot of soul searching and therapy and genuinely radical self-honesty. Very brutal self-honesty.

Transitioning will seem to solve your problems at first and feel like that quick fix you were hoping for, until it isn’t. It’s never “enough” and it never supplies you with the tools to maintain feeling “fixed”. It’ll also leave you needing to hide. To cover your tracks and feel like you’re running. You never get to stop running.

Both suck shit because dysphoria is a hard hand to be dealt. My advice is to start by accepting that no matter what choices your future holds you were born female and will die that way. How much you want to honor and make peace with that is ultimately up to you

You have a whole life ahead of you. A few years of mistakes, no matter how grievous, is not enough to deny you a lifetime of happiness. I’m not in the same situation as you, and it would be inappropriate for me to comment on my own state in relation to yours, but in terms of an entire life I can assure you this is nothing more than a very small piece.

You will go on and still be able to have a partner. A job. A fulfilling future with even more adventures and some mistakes and even more successes. This does not define you and will not define your future as long as you don’t let it. Get into therapy for depression and start working through what led you here. I’d be lying to you if I said your next few years will be easy, but I can promise that it gets easier day by day. You’re not alone.

This sounds more like TOCD than sex dysphoria. You mention HOCD so the dollar store therapist in me wonders if this is the next evolution of that.

Have you considered a more intensive therapeutic program? It sounds like you’re struggling a lot right now, I’m unsure if there’s any you could find in your own language but it sounds like this is something you might want to touch on more frequently than a standard therapist might be able to offer

Nail + head & all that.

It’s not an issue that they exist, it’s an issue that I don’t have any community with similar experiences. I want it to be a community of (or centering) masculine, dysphoric, and homosexual women and have a hard time accepting that that’s not what it is. The only spaces I really see beyond the “trans” ones are the “detrans” ones, which I’d be imposing on because I’m not detransitioning, just desisted.

got kinda triggered because out of nowhere a woman flirted with me yesterday and I had to juggle sexuality guilt with transition guilt with criminal awkwardness unexpectedly. I’ll get over it pretty soon, it’s just rough feeling isolated

Only a theory but I think it’s the allure of being feminine in a way that’s celebrated and seemingly subversive instead of expected and criticized. When men are feminine it’s seen as a statement, and comes from a place of power, whereas women’s femininity is under constant scrutiny. It’s hard to exist even as a gender-conforming woman because no matter what you’re never the “right kind” of woman.

I think a lot of women struggle being just like other girls. They see other women who are feminine and think “but I’m not like her! I’m different!” and fail to realize the same is true for the women they’re comparing themselves to. By claiming a male identity but performing those same roles they get to live the fantasy of “proving” they’re not like the other girls. Their femininity is subversive and intentional through this lens, not the result of social conditioning.

Again, just a theory

Yeah you’re right- I think it gets under my skin far more than it should because admittedly it’s not my community, but neither is communities of detransitioned women. I still rely on that language as a way to describe my experiences and have a lot of anger towards the associations it creates. Most of it is probably because the idea of “trans” I had as a teen was a lot different from what gets sold today, and I want to have a point of reference but feel like that was “taken” from me. It’s really not an issue of other people existing and more so a perceived loss of ways to identify/ quantify my own experiences. Human tribalism and all that.

The solution is, as always, touch grass and stop interacting because nothing good is going to come of it and most people aren’t terminally online enough to care. I was just dumb and opened up the part of the internet I should ignore

It’s less about a homosexual-exclusive space and more about simply not having to cater to heterosexuality. The fact is I am not welcome in modern butch spaces as again, I am desisted, not detransitoned. Many of them cater to trans women and the ones that do welcome dysphoric butches are not only difficult to find but frequently reject the fact that I do not plan to detransition. I have no intentions of intruding on those spaces, and respect their reasons for rejecting transitioned women even if it stings.

My frustration, as somebody who has lived in this limbo for years now, is that I do not have a space where I am not expected to cater and bow my head to straight people as a default. Trans spaces used to be this way, and the influx of heterosexual dysphorics has changed this, where I am again forced to exist perpetually in relation to heterosexuality and cater to those feelings. I’m not asking for a gay-exclusive space. I just don’t want to have to coddle straight feelings every time I need a space to exist as a transitioned female.