This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments demonstrate:
- Internal consistency in a nuanced personal philosophy about detransition.
- Personal history with specific, non-cliché details (e.g., binding for six years, using a specific bra, struggling with a male name).
- Emotional complexity that evolves over time, including uncertainty and conflicting feelings, which is typical of a genuine human experience.
The user identifies as a desister (someone who stopped identifying as trans without necessarily having medically transitioned) and their passion aligns with the expected stance of someone who has personally grappled with these issues.
About me
I started socially transitioning to live as a man when I was sixteen because I was deeply uncomfortable with my female body and wanted to escape my femininity. For six years, I used a male name and bound my chest, which felt like an authentic way to deal with my pain and low self-esteem. Through a lot of self-reflection, I realized my body didn't have to define my identity and that my issues were more about internalized ideas about women. I detransitioned not out of regret, but to stop seeing my body as a project and to focus on healing. Now I still use my male name and am learning to accept myself by focusing on my life and friendships, not my gender.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially during puberty. I hated developing breasts and felt like they connected me to a femininity I didn't want any part of. I think a lot of my feelings stemmed from internalized ideas about what it meant to be a woman. I saw women as being weak or lame, and men as powerful and cool. I also struggled with not wanting to be with men "as a woman"; the dynamic felt uncomfortable and, due to some past trauma, even felt dangerous at times.
I found a lot of this discussion online and ended up identifying as a trans man. I socially transitioned, and for about six years, I lived as male and used a male name. I also bound my chest regularly during that time. I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My transition felt like an authentic expression of my pain and my desire to escape the person I felt I was supposed to be. Fantasizing about changing myself was addictive and gave me a sense of hope when I was dealing with depression and low self-esteem.
Over time, my perspective began to shift. Through a lot of journaling and deep questioning, I started to dig into the real reasons behind my feelings. I asked myself why I didn't want breasts and what having them actually meant. I realized that my body didn't have to define my identity. Having breasts doesn't intrude on a masculine aesthetic or force me to be feminine; it's just a part of my body. This was a huge turning point for me.
I decided to detransition. For me, detransition wasn't about regret or wanting to become a "normal" girl again. I don't regret my transition; it was a necessary part of my journey that led me to where I am now. It got me to a point where I could finally learn to accept myself. The goal wasn't to change my body back, but to stop seeing my body as a project altogether. I learned to focus on things that actually improve my life, like my friends, my hobbies, and healing my underlying issues.
I still go by my male name because it's my name, and I'm not uncomfortable with it. It confuses people sometimes, but I don't really care. If nice people ask, I tell them I lived as male for a while but now I don't. I might change it back to my birth name one day, but maybe not. A name change puts a lot of emphasis on gender, and I'm trying to move away from that.
My thoughts on gender now are that you don't have to feel like a man or a woman. You are just yourself. I don't feel a strong connection to either group, and I've realized that most people don't spend much time thinking about "feeling" like their gender. My discomfort now comes less from my body and more from how people treat me differently when they see me as a woman. I’ve learned that it's not my fault for not "passing" as something else; it's society's fault for treating men and women so differently.
I benefited immensely from shifting my focus away from my appearance and toward healing my self-esteem. I don't think my transition was a mistake. It was a chapter of my life that helped me understand myself better. I am now focused on accepting the coexistence of my masculine and feminine qualities and building a life that isn't centered on gender.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started puberty, began to feel intense discomfort with my developing breasts. |
| 16 | Started identifying as a trans man and began socially transitioning. Started using a male name and binding my chest. |
| 16-22 | Lived socially as male for six years. |
| 22 | Began to question my transition through journaling and deep self-reflection. |
| 22 | Stopped identifying as trans and began the process of detransitioning. Realized my body did not define my identity. |
| 23 (Present) | Living as a woman but still using my male name. Focused on self-acceptance and healing. |
Top Comments by /u/longc4t:
I think labels are binding, but I sympathize with this line of thinking. I talk to my close friend (also detransitoned) often about being both trans & detrans. For me transition was a very real expression of feelings I still have. Now I'm dealing with that in a different way. But being trans was still me, and I can't imagine losing empathy for that part of my past. Maybe Crash is thinking along the same lines
Crash was one of the online figures that instrumental in my decision to detransition. For me that's meant being freed from a lot of pain. Their words have really helped me, and showed me an option for being myself that didn't involve tearing other parts away. I respect them a lot, and no matter what I hope this is good for them.
My heart goes out to you for what you’ve been through <3 I feel compelled to tell you that even though transition was your choice, being assaulted, raped, and all the pain you’ve been through as a result most certainly is not
no matter how you end up identifying, I hope you can find peace within yourself and that you have someone to talk to about what is on your mind. just like you I wanted to change my body as a solution to a deeper problem. it is a very confusing thing.
you say you don’t recognize yourself. i’m sure there’s a lot to that statement, but i hope thru confronting the deeper issues you will have a deeper connection to your body & yourself. personally, detransition did that for me.
sending my support
If you were to meet a trans man though you'd have no way to know he was trans.. So you're either a) saying trans men =/= real men or that you can "tell" b) would drop someone you found attractive purely because they're trans... Ahh I'm just fucking with you. What you said is totally sensible.
Therein lies the problem I guess: I don't think detransition should have a goal.
I think to detransition in a way that is not accepting yourself just as you are defeats the point of detransitioning. That's why I'd like to shift the way we discuss detransition. Like the whole reasoned I transitioned is to not accept myself, why would I want to repeat my mistake?
I think to make your body a project like that is unhealthy. Focusing on your appearance like that in my opinion has really negative mental effects on both communities.
You don't have to feel like a man or a woman. You are yourself. You were born as male and you transitioned so that sometimes people see you as female, but it doesn't say anything about you.
I get really bothered sometimes cause I don't feel like I'm male or female and I don't feel like I connect to either group, but when I'm feeling good I remember you're not going to click super well with most people you meet. And most women don't feel like women. Same with men. They just don't think about it.
Maybe if you try to find ways to meet new people/get involved with new goals and hobbies that are unrelated to gender you will feel better. Not to try to avoid or repress, but give some perspective.
I don't know much about anti-trans books, but I don't know how much it'd help. I think generally literature that speaks out against trans identities as delusions and stuff is unhelpful to healing (that's just my opinion though). Your dysphoria probably stems from concrete things that happened to you/you saw growing up. People internalize things they see and connect it to what gender means, and sometimes transition is a way to escape that. You probably need to reconnect & understand your past to move past the dysphoria.
I'd journal or talk to other people struggling with the same thing. Also, as someone said too, I think feminist books are not a bad idea.
I don't feel like most FTMTFs (people who used to be trans men) transition because they want to be attractive.
I think these are some more common reasons:
- Not being able to accept attraction to women.
- Not wanting to be with men "as a woman". You feel like you need be like a straight woman and that is uncomfortable.
- Being a woman feels dangerous because of sexual abuse
- Depression. Needing any kind of hope, so you hope transition will change your life.
- Fantasizing about changing yourself is addictive
- Sexism. If you live in the world it's hard to not internalize that women are weak & lame but being a man is powerful & cool. Even if you know masculine strong women exist, it doesn't feel 100% real.
Personally, I didn't think I could be a woman cause I thought it meant all these other things about me had to be true. I knew being cisgender would make my life a lot easier. But I couldn't be cause that would mean comfortable wearing women's clothes, acting feminine, liking she/her pronouns ect.
In reality I wear the exact same clothes, act the exact same way, and being treated like a woman still makes me uncomfortable. I just know now that it's not my fault for not passing, it's their fault for treating women different than men.
The safety regarding binding is exactly this: unknown. There's just not a lot of reliable information. People say safe for 8 hours, others say it's dangerous no matter what.
I'd say that it is a bad idea to gamble with your body, but sometimes you might not know what else to do.
If you don't already, I'd suggest journaling about your dysphoria. When I asked myself more why I didn't want breasts and what having breasts meant, I was able to deal with it better. I bound for 6 years and really recently I was able to do a 180. Dysphoria is still hard for me, but I always wear a bra to work now, and the thought of doing that even 5 months ago would've probably given me some kind of freakout.
Having breasts doesn't intrude on a masculine aesthetic. It doesn't connect you to femininity. It's just a body.
(I wear this bra from Daiso Japan with the padding taken out, and it's fucking awesome.)
Tbh being trans got me where I am. I was curious about gender and I learned about it in the way that was most popular at the time. I don’t regret it, & I dont think any of my experiences as a trans person were not... as a trans person. I didn’t feel like a hurting woman on the inside & I dont really see myself that way in retrospect. I don’t know if that makes sense. I still feel very connected to who I was during transition even if I’m living differently. Who I was then was authentic in a different way
I don’t regret any of it or wish that someone wouldve told me something to change my mind.
I wish someone would’ve told me that I’m not going to suffer forever and some day my body will be ok with me and I’d have all the happy moments hoped would eventually come. It would not have made me reidentitfy, but might’ve eased the pain to have someone there for me
Some people detransition to become a "normal" girl/guy again. The mindset becomes one of regret. "My transition was a mistake. I'm broken because of it. Why did I do this to myself?"
Other people try to accept the coexistence of their masculine+feminine qualities. "Transition was not the answer, but it lead me to it. Now I can let it go of the self indulgent pain and focus things that actually improve my life (friends, hobbies, healing underlying issues)."
I think we should encourage the latter, cause it makes people happier. Trans & detrans people need to stop encouraging each other with the hope they will eventually be able to look how they want. Focusing on your appearance like that is poison.