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Reddit user /u/love-starved-beast's Detransition Story

female
internalised homophobia
regrets transitioning
puberty discomfort
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic.

There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments demonstrate:

  • Personal, nuanced reflection: The user shares a detailed, evolving personal narrative with specific insights (e.g., the role of radical acceptance, body neutrality, and internalized misogyny).
  • Consistent, developed philosophy: The user expresses a coherent, consistent worldview that rejects gender ideology while acknowledging the complexity of personal struggle.
  • Empathetic and supportive tone: The comments offer thoughtful, non-dogmatic advice, encouraging others to be gentle with themselves, which aligns with a genuine desire to help based on lived experience.
  • Human-like variability: The tone shifts appropriately from analytical to weary to compassionate, reflecting a real person's changing emotional state.

The passion and criticism present are consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister's perspective.

About me

I'm a female who insisted I was a boy from a very young age and later identified as a transgender man for many years. I finally realized my aversion wasn't to being female, but to the sexist stereotypes and limitations forced onto women. I came to understand that my biological sex is a simple fact, not something I need to change, and that gender itself is just a set of arbitrary stereotypes. I now reject the concept of gender entirely, which has allowed me to finally make peace with my body and just be myself. I'm tired of the political fighting and am finally at peace, having found freedom in accepting that I don't need any label to be whole.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was really young. According to my mom, even as a toddler I would insist I was a boy. When I learned the word "transgender" as a teenager, it felt like an answer, and I held onto that identity for a long time, well into my adulthood.

For years, I had a deep, visceral revulsion to being called a woman or referred to with "she" pronouns. It felt like a burn. I now understand that this aversion was really an aversion to the gender role I felt was being forced on me. I hated the idea that being a "she" meant I was lesser or limited in the world; it was pure internalized misogyny.

My turning point came when I had a few big realizations. First, I accepted that my sex is immutable. I'm female. That's a biological fact, but it only has the meaning that I personally choose to give it. It can be something I embrace or just a footnote in my medical records, but it's not something I can or need to change.

Second, I came to see that gender itself isn't real in any material sense. It's just a collection of arbitrary stories and stereotypes imposed on us at birth. Since biological sex has no bearing on personality, almost no one fits neatly into one box or the other. I certainly don't, and that's perfectly okay. This understanding was a huge relief. Realizing that I, a female, could be as masculine as any man finally allowed me to feel comfortable embracing the feminine aspects of myself too. Rejecting the entire concept of gender altogether let me breathe.

Radical acceptance and focusing on body neutrality, rather than trying to love or hate my body, helped me finally reconcile with my female anatomy. I'm so weary of the politics around all of this. I feel like I'm just a wedge for conservatives who want to limit my rights or a shadow for progressives to box while they talk about things they don't truly understand.

For anyone struggling, my advice is to ask yourself why you feel you need a male or female identity at all. You are what you are, and you will always be yourself. You don't have to be a woman, you don't have to be a man. You don't have to fit into any box to deserve peace. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the room to explore without pressure. Your rational mind might understand, but your subconscious needs time to catch up. It’s okay to just be.

I don't regret my journey because it led me to these conclusions, but I regret the pain and confusion I put myself through by buying into an identity that wasn't necessary for me to be my whole, complete self.

Age Event
Toddler Insisted I was a boy.
Teenager Learned the term "transgender" and identified as a trans man.
Adulthood Realized my sex is immutable and began to reject the concept of gender. Embraced radical acceptance and body neutrality.

Top Comments by /u/love-starved-beast:

6 comments • Posting since March 11, 2025
Reddit user love-starved-beast (desisted female) explains her weariness with being a political wedge for conservatives who want to restrict her rights or a shadow for progressives to box while they pontificate on topics they don't understand.
32 pointsMar 14, 2025
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I'm so weary of binary politics. I'm either a wedge to be wielded by conservatives whose ultimate agenda is to put me back in the kitchen, or I'm a shadow for 'progressives' to box while they pontificate and virtue signal on topics they don't even understand.

Reddit user love-starved-beast (desisted female) explains her journey from identifying as a transgender man to rejecting the concept of gender entirely, finding peace through radical acceptance and body neutrality.
25 pointsMar 11, 2025
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According to my mom, I would vehemently insist I was a boy when I was a toddler. I learned the term "transgender" as a teen and identified as such well into adulthood. Then, I realized the following:

(a) My sex is immutable, but it carries only as much meaning as I personally choose to give it. It can be something I embrace and celebrate, or it can be nothing more than a footnote in my medical records—but it is not, and never will be, something I can change.

(b) Gender isn’t real in any material sense. It’s a collection of arbitrary, made-up stories imposed on us at birth. It’s binary because sex is largely binary, but since biological sex has no bearing on personality, most people don’t fit neatly into one box or the other. I certainly don’t, and that’s okay.

Radical acceptance and body neutrality helped me reconcile with my female anatomy. Rejecting gender entirely let me breathe. Once I realized that I, a female, could be as 'masculine' as any man, I became far more comfortable embracing the 'feminine' aspects of my personality.

If I were in your shoes today, I’d ask myself why I need to have a male or female "identity" at all. You are what you are, and you will always be yourself.

Esther is a fine name.

Reddit user love-starved-beast (desisted female) explains that while brains are "sexed" by chromosomes, their plasticity means activity can align with the opposite sex, making someone a feminine male or masculine female, not the opposite sex.
20 pointsMar 18, 2025
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Brains are sexed in the sense that their cells are encoded with the same sex chromosomes which occur in every other cell of our bodies.

Brains are also plastic and reflect usage. I believe there are men whose brains show 'feminine' activity (and women whose brains show 'masculine' activity) but in that doesn't make those men female, it makes them feminine males.

Gender is a construct. There is only sex.

Reddit user love-starved-beast (desisted female) advises a distressed user to focus on grounding themselves, stating they don't have to define themselves as any gender to deserve peace.
14 pointsMar 13, 2025
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I can see that you're in a lot of distress right now, and I don’t think you're in a place where a discussion about this would actually help you. When you’re this activated, it’s hard to think clearly or explore where these feelings are coming from. Right now, the best thing you can do is focus on grounding yourself and finding stability—you don’t have to solve everything all at once.

More importantly, you don’t have to be anything. You don’t have to be a woman, you don’t have to be a man. You don’t have to fit into any box at all. Be a single-celled organism, be a droplet of water, be the void if that’s what feels safe right now. You don’t have to define yourself to deserve peace.

Reddit user love-starved-beast (desisted female) explains how her aversion to being called a woman was rooted in internalized misogyny, not biology, and advises exploring the feeling without forcing it.
11 pointsMar 29, 2025
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I used to have a visceral revulsion to being called a woman. It burned.

Aversion to pronouns, sex dysmorphia, and etc are all just extensions of this aversion to a gender role. I found peace when I really, truly, internalized that being a "she" or a "woman" meant nothing more than a footnote about my biology.

I think you need to sit with "she" for a while and really explore why it feels so aversive to you. It's just a world that describes your biology. Personally, I hated being "she" because it meant I was lesser and limited in the world, which was just internalized misogyny.

That said, you don't need to force it if it's too soon. Someone with arachnophobia is not well served by being forced into a box full of spiders. Be gentle with yourself and stay thoughtful and analytical about your experiences.

Reddit user love-starved-beast (desisted female) explains how subconscious patterns, not rational arguments, shape identity and suggests consuming detrans content to help internalize a female identity.
5 pointsMar 29, 2025
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This makes a lot of sense to be based on my understanding of the subconscious mind.

I can consciously understand that I am a female and therefore a woman with she/her pronouns. I can rationally understand that these designations describe nothing more than a medical fact. However...

My subconscious mind can't pivot like this. It responds to patterns and repetition rather than to reasoned arguments.

This is why it's so hard to quit harmful substances like alcohol or sugar. Our rational minds know better, but our subconscious has been inundated with messages that getting drunk or eating sweets is normal and fine and fun!

What helped me quit sugar was literally creating YouTube playlist with hours of talks on the detrimental effects of sugar and listening to that on repeat for hours a day while I worked.

I think you need to give yourself grace. You clearly understand your situation, but your lizard brain hasn't caught up yet, and that's natural. If I were you I'd keep consuming detrans and (genuine, non-right-wing) gender critical materials while giving yourself room to digest and breathe.

You don't need to have *any* pronouns for the moment. This is *your* life, *your* identity. You don't need to stuff yourself into a box. You have room to explore, so take it.