This story is from the comments by /u/lurker_number_69 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "lurker_number_69" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The user consistently identifies as a desister (a cis female who questioned her gender but did not medically transition) and provides a detailed, personal, and emotionally consistent narrative about her experiences with gender nonconformity, internalized misogyny, and endometriosis. Her comments show a deep understanding of the community's nuances, offer thoughtful advice, and engage in complex, multi-faceted discussions. The language is natural, with varied sentence structures and personal reflections that are difficult to automate. The user also demonstrates a clear, sustained interest in the topic over several months, which is typical of a genuine participant.
About me
I was a total tomboy as a kid and felt like one of the guys, but puberty hit me hard and I hated my developing female body. I was convinced my pain was gender dysphoria and that I must be a trans man. I later realized my feelings came from the physical agony of endometriosis, trauma, and the belief that being a woman meant being less. I never medically transitioned, and I'm grateful I questioned that path. Now I'm at peace as a woman who just doesn't fit stereotypes, and I've made friends with the body I once saw as my enemy.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a kid. I was always a tomboy. I hated dolls, dresses, and anything pink. I preferred playing in the dirt, video games, and roughhousing. I always hung out with boys and felt like I was one of them. When I played pretend, I was always a male character. I remember a few of the boys even told me, "you sound like a dude!"
Things got really hard when I hit puberty. I started growing into a female body and I hated it. I couldn't keep up physically with my guy friends anymore. I hated getting my period. I hated my breasts and having to wear a bra. I hated that I couldn't stand to pee. I hated looking in the mirror and I hated being called "pretty." It felt like my body was betraying me. A specific moment that stuck with me was when my brother and I did the same quick favor for someone, and he got $20 while I only got $10 "because she's a girl." That hurt deeply and reinforced my feeling that being a woman meant being less.
If transitioning had been as mainstream back then as it is now, I absolutely would have jumped on that train. I believed my discomfort was gender dysphoria and that I was probably a trans man. I wanted to rip my organs out. I felt trapped.
Over time, through a lot of introspection, I realized my feelings weren't about being in the wrong body. They were about hating the negative experiences that came with being female. I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis, which made my periods incredibly painful and debilitating. I also experienced trauma in my female body, and I lost male friends who started to see me as a sexual object rather than just a friend. I had internalized the idea that women were weaker and less valuable. My interests being stereotypically male made me feel like I didn't belong anywhere.
I came to understand that my "dysphoria" was a mix of physical pain from a medical condition, emotional pain from trauma and social rejection, and internalized misogyny. I learned that not liking stereotypically feminine things doesn't make me less of a woman. I worked on connecting with my body through exercise and better health habits, and I limited screen time because I found it made me dissociate from my physical self. I stopped seeing my body as the enemy and started working with it.
I never medically transitioned. I am a desister, not a detransitioner. I benefited from questioning my feelings deeply instead of just accepting the first explanation that came to mind. I don't regret not transitioning; I regret that I ever felt that was my only option for peace.
I believe that for many people, especially young people and those who are autistic or have other mental health conditions like OCD, the current approach to gender can be a trap. It encourages people to interpret normal discomfort with puberty, trauma, or social rejection as a sign of being transgender. Online communities can become echo chambers that discourage any critical thinking or alternative solutions. I saw this firsthand and it broke my heart.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social construct, and we are all just human first. You don't have to love every aspect of your sex to accept it. It's okay to be a woman who likes "guy things" or a man who likes "girl things." The most important thing is to be honest with yourself about where your feelings are really coming from.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood | Felt like "one of the boys," preferred male activities and roles in play. |
| ~12-13 (Start of Puberty) | Began intensely hating developing female body, periods, and the social changes that came with it. |
| Teen Years | Felt intense "dysphoria," wanted to be male, believed I was trans. Hated my breasts, wanted a hysterectomy. |
| Late Teens / Early 20s | Through introspection, began to understand my feelings stemmed from endometriosis pain, trauma, and internalized misogyny. |
| Late 20s | Fully accepted myself as a gender-nonconforming woman. No longer experience dysphoria. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/lurker_number_69:
It sounds like you're afraid of what others will think of you if you detransition. That tells me that you are influenced by peer pressure and would probably have no issues stopping hormones if others wouldn't be "disappointed" in you.
You have to do what's right for you. If that means stopping hormones, you should stop taking hormones. It's your body and your health. You didn't start taking hormones to please everyone else, right?
I am a desister. Never went through with medical transition, but once believed I was a trans man. I wanted to abandon my body, my name, and everyone around me.
I don't think anyone could have said anything to convince me otherwise. I had to learn for myself through reflection and introspection. I had to learn why I hated being a woman and come to terms with it rather than trying to bury it.
The reason varies among other women like me. For some it is internalized misogyny, or holding beliefs that women are inferior which causes distress for being a woman. For others, it is a physical distress such as bad periods (I have severe endometriosis for example). Some women were abused at a young age and it makes them feel trapped in the body that experienced the abuse, causing dysphoria. Others have huge self esteem or body image problems and feel as though their body's appearance is why they aren't happy.
I'm sure there are other detrans people and desisters who can provide you with other reasons.
Your child needs a psychiatrist or therapist to help work through their reasons for this.
I'm sorry you two are going through a difficult time.
No need for trigger warnings here. You can speak your mind as long as you're not personally attacking others.
I can relate to you. For a long time, my life was run by my period. Severe pain, heavy bleeding, life put on hold. I lost my (male) friends because they began to see me as something to fuck. I hated that I was the weaker sex and could easily be taken advantage of by any male who wanted to. I wanted to rip my ovaries out. I wanted to be a man, and believed I was a trans man.
I later was diagnosed with severe endometriosis. By that point I was in constant pain year round. It's not hard to see why I hated being female. If I wasn't female, I wouldn't have lost years of my life to this disease as doctors told me "periods can be painful, take some Tylenol."
Now, I remind myself that I didn't choose to be female, and I can't change that aspect of me. But I don't have to let it be the defining feature of me either.
I haven't experienced dysphoria in years. I connect with my body through physical activity. Screen time increases my mind/body dissociation, so I limit that.
You shouldn't punish your body just because it's female. Work with it to become the best you can be.
I hope you feel better. I'm sorry you're hurting so much.
Holy shit that is terrible.
Do you notice that this kind of mind trap of "are you transgender" uses the same psychological trick as zodiac sign fortune telling? It's called the Forer Effect.
Hi.
I don't think all detransitioners regret their transition.
A lot of us aren't ashamed, but we are silenced or looked down upon by the rest of the trans community. There are some who look at us as an inconvenience and accessory to gatekeeping. Something best swept under the rug.
Thank you for thinking of the overlooked.
This is terrible, and I feel the same way about it. I know a person who is dead set on getting SRS sometime this year. They feel as though a vagina will solve all of their problems.
I've contacted them a few times and tried to get them to stop this medical version of self harm, but I realize that this is something they want. Nothing I say can change that.
If you're reading this, please take a few steps back and think about all the actual problems that you have, which will be put on the back burner while you are stuck dilating for a year.
I'm sorry.
Don't bother. This person just posted a thread in a trans sub about how transphobic, anti-science and hateful this sub is. As soon as they hear something they don't want to hear, it's all over. If they want to ride their own confirmation bias and take the plunge to transition, it's their call.
I'm a desister and was told "desistance is a myth" by several people in a pro-trans sub.
I guess I'm a unicorn.
I've also been told that discussing the possible negative consequences of our available treatments for gender dysphoria, is "fear mongering."
The world can be scary, but it's not very smart to ignore all the possible cons of anything. We'll never improve our treatments if this is continually swept under the rug.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm happy to hear that you're finally living for yourself and free of your nightmares.
I too had problems being a woman. I lost several (male) friends who saw me as something to fuck. I hated being stuck in the body that I was traumatized in. I hated being the physically weaker sex. I hated that my period ruled my life. I am also gender nonconforming, so the idea floated around in my head for a while that I was transgender, before I dissected my "dysphoria" and found out what it really was.
It's ok to keep your thoughts to yourself for now. You don't owe everyone in your life an explanation for choosing your own path.
Thank you for being real and taking the time and energy to write this out, despite your PTSD. What you're going through is exactly what I am worried of today's youth going through because they are gender nonconforming and think transition would help them.
It takes so little to qualify as "transgender" right now. A significant number of "trans" people also happen to be autistic. They fixate on and overthink the concept of gender and get pulled into it.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.