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Reddit user /u/lydiadovecry's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 17 -> Detransitioned: 24
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
got top surgery
now infertile
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user expresses consistent, passionate, and emotionally charged opinions that align with common detransitioner experiences, including feelings of betrayal, anger at medical practices, and criticism of trans community dynamics. The language is personal, varied, and lacks the repetitive, formulaic patterns typical of bots. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is inauthentic.

About me

I was a deeply unhappy young woman who started transitioning online at 17, believing it was the only way to fix my pain. I took testosterone and had surgery because my online community praised me for it and shut down any doubts. The changes didn't cure my depression, and I eventually had to face the truth that I had made a huge mistake. I lost friends and my fertility, which is a profound regret. Now, I'm learning to live as a woman again by finally dealing with my real mental health issues.

My detransition story

My journey into transition and back was a long and painful one, and I want to share it honestly so that maybe it can help someone else. For me, it all started with a deep unhappiness and discomfort with myself that began in my teenage years. I never felt like I fit in, and I hated the changes that puberty brought. I developed a lot of anxiety and depression, and I had very low self-esteem. Looking back, I think a lot of this was just the normal, but difficult, process of growing up and trying to figure out who I was.

I found a lot of my initial community and ideas online. The trans communities I found presented transition as the only path to happiness and self-love. It was a very "toxic positivity" environment, where any doubt or questioning was shut down. I was influenced heavily by friends I made online who were also transitioning; it felt like we were all in this together, finding this amazing solution to our pain. I now see that this was a form of escapism for me, a way to run away from my deeper issues by creating a whole new identity.

I started my transition socially, changing my name and pronouns. The immediate acceptance and praise I got felt incredible; it was like a drug. It made me feel special and seen for the first time. This pushed me to pursue medical transition. I took testosterone for several years. I was so obsessed with the idea of becoming a new person that I ignored the people in my life who expressed concern, like my family. I now realize those were the people who cared for me the most, but I was blind to it at the time.

The medical side of things felt less like healthcare and more like a money-making scheme. I wasn't encouraged to explore my mental health deeply before making irreversible changes. I ended up getting top surgery. I had hated my breasts, and I thought removing them would fix everything. For a little while, it did feel like a relief. But the underlying problems—the depression, the anxiety, the feeling of not being good enough—all came back. The surgery didn't cure my mind.

I began to detransition after a period of intense self-reflection. I had to face the hard truth that I had made a huge mistake. I had to admit that maybe I was the problem, not my body. Leaving the trans community was a whole different story from joining it. The friends I thought I had, who promised unconditional support, completely abandoned me when I started to question things. They judged me and cast me out. It was a very lonely time.

I don't believe I was ever truly transgender. I think I was a deeply unhappy and confused young woman who was influenced by a powerful online movement that offered a simple, but false, solution. I used transition as an escape from dealing with my real problems. I have serious regrets about transitioning, especially the permanent changes to my body, like my voice and my infertility. I am now infertile because of the hormones I took, and that is a profound loss that I will have to live with.

My thoughts on gender now are that it is not something that can be changed medically. We need to be able to talk about this honestly without being called names or shut down. I benefited from stepping away from affirming-only therapy and finally dealing with my underlying issues, like my low self-esteem and depression. I know who I am now, and no labels or words from others can change that.

Age Event
14-16 Began experiencing intense puberty discomfort, depression, and anxiety. Felt like I didn't fit in.
17 Found and was heavily influenced by online trans communities. Began identifying as non-binary.
18 Started social transition (new name/pronouns). Began taking testosterone.
21 Underwent top surgery.
23 Began to seriously question my transition and detach from the trans community.
24 Stopped taking testosterone and began the process of detransition.
26 (Present) Living as a woman, focusing on healing from the underlying issues that led me to transition.

Top Comments by /u/lydiadovecry:

11 comments • Posting since November 23, 2020
Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) comments on the importance of speaking out about detransitioning experiences, even in the face of opposition, to help others and gain self-respect.
64 pointsNov 23, 2020
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we all grow and learn with life, and even posting this for others to read is so important. but we all need to stop remaining silent, and tell others about this. not just here in this subreddit. even if you're hated, standing up for what is right, you'll have more self respect and feel better about yourself. its rough, but its so worth it. even if you can help 1 person, its worth it.

You're amazing for being rational and thinking deeply about this. This is real growth. <3

"(Turns out these were the people who cared for me the most but I was so obsessed with transitioning I couldn't see it)" -- this made me smile, not for your pain, but for you realizing that those people loved you the most. you're wonderful OP.

Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) encourages self-forgiveness and discusses the difficulty of self-reflection after detransitioning, noting that personal growth often comes from questioning one's own behavior.
22 pointsNov 23, 2020
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Don't be embarrassed about your truth. We ALL cringe about teen years or something silly we did to impress a crush etc, and so on. (NOT comparing yours to those, just stating). I understand your pain, but please know you are not alone. Teen years and even the 20's are a motherfucker (obv speaking for myself here). I wasn't comfortable with who I was until into my 30's. There is hope. Patience and forgiveness to yourself are important too!

It's incredibly hard for anyone to face their own behavior and recognize that "holy shit, maybe I am being the jerk here?!" It's so difficult, but what comes with that is massive internal (and to me, spiritual) growth.

I'm happy for you, you have a great noggin' on those shoulders from the little I have read. Your self reflection is everything. Question everything, and in turn you'll only learn from it. :)

Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) explains that being accused of being an AGP pretender is a manipulative ploy to pressure someone into unwanted sexual acts.
18 pointsDec 29, 2020
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it sounds like the classic "i heard shelly won't suck your dick, haha! what a loser shelly is".....its a shitty ploy to get you to do things you'd never dream of doing. people have fetishes for folks who have transitioned, and this is classically a "you aren't showing enough, prove it!!"

disgusting. don't fall for this shit.

Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) explains why the described friends are toxic and should be dropped, arguing that a true conversation requires mutual dialogue, not psychological cornering or shaming.
16 pointsDec 8, 2020
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Those don’t sound like good friends at all. I would drop them ASAP. I’ve never had friends that would corner me psychologically like that. A honest convo happens when both sides get to talk, not when one side berates the other and shames them into submission. That is not okay, nor is that friendship.

Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) explains how trans social media's "toxic positivity" is a malicious lie that hides a dark reality.
15 pointsNov 24, 2020
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its a big malicious lie, i dont know why or how this started but its very deep and dark. my friend called it toxic positivity and i've never heard something more real in my life. isn't that sad, its gotten to a point that faking being positive and happy is toxic. rule of thumb; if something presents itself as ONLY happiness, cheery, love, unity, etc....its NEVER that, it always indicated something laying deep within that is the polar opposite. I have real life experience to back this up.

Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) comments that transition-related care is a money-making scheme, comparing it to medical quackery and human experimentation that exploits young people without prior psychological evaluation.
15 pointsNov 29, 2020
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I think it’s become a money making scheme for these “medical” quackery companies to exploit young people into their malpractices and human experiments. I hope law suits will start to pop up because too many lives are being wrecked only for apparently money. That’s the only reason I can see them not seeking mental/psychology first before deconstructing a body and doing irreversible damage.

Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) explains a shocking finding in transgender movement paperwork, highlighting a call to remove the need for a medical diagnosis to change legal gender.
12 pointsDec 11, 2020
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its in the transgender movements paperwork: *"no need to obtain a professional or medical diagnosis to change legal gender. "*

It's shocking when you read and I mean REALLY read and dissect this document. It's incredibly devious.

Source + IGLYO_v3-1.pdf

Page 17.

Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) comments on the lack of support from the trans community after leaving, contrasting it with the promise of friendship and love made during transition.
11 pointsDec 1, 2020
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This 100%. Unlike the trans community of which will cast you out even tho they promised friendship and love when you became trans, leaving the trans community is a whole different story. How many are still friends with anyone from the trans community and not judged? There is support and love - sometimes it may take some searching to find it.

Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) discusses how to combat misinformation, advising self-education and refusing to be silenced by name-calling and false accusations like being called a "TERF."
9 pointsDec 6, 2020
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I'd say don't pay them any attention as hard as that is. There will always be the opposite side trying to wreck the truth. I think its important to speak out for what you believe in if attacked. Wherever you can. You likely will not convince the ones that are doing the lying anytime soon because they are surrounded by echo chambers (extremely dangerous way to live). Try not to give the hateful truth stompers any light unless you are mentally, scientifically backing, truth and fact checking ready. Educating yourself (& NEVER stooping to their hateful pits of despair and anger) will become the tool to combat this.

You cannot fight logic with made up things, example: "Why is it that ftm de-trans individuals are the terfs?" -- how absurd is that? All I've seen is that these people are wonderful at calling other people names, made up names, historical references (Nazi, Genocide), and often times they aren't even aware of what those terms mean.

I won't be offended by terms I know are not what define me. I know who I am. No words can puncture through to who I know I am. They do this tactic as an attempt to silence you immediately, stand up, and don't remain silent. Speak/type plainly and simple. You know who you are, no one else does.

Reddit user lydiadovecry (desisted) explains the common tactic of dismissing the book "Irreversible Damage" as transphobic to shut down conversation.
4 pointsDec 8, 2020
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100% this. I find most folks who have not read the book will say this copy paste reply to the book. "its transphobic"...and every time I question if they have read it, I never get an answer. Always press people to have a conversation instead of "that shit is TERF/transphobic" etc. This is a common tactic to shut down conversations, don't fall for it.