This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user expresses nuanced, personal opinions, shows empathy, and shares a detailed, first-hand account of dealing with OCD. The language is consistent, emotionally resonant, and reflects the expected passion and personal investment of someone in the detrans/desister community.
About me
I started transitioning because I hated my developing female body and thought becoming a man would solve my depression and anxiety. I took testosterone and had surgery, believing it was my only path to happiness. I eventually realized I was using transition to escape my deeper mental health struggles and trauma instead of healing them. Now, I deeply regret the permanent changes to my body and my lost fertility. I am working to accept myself as female, focusing on the therapy that finally addresses my real problems.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition started because I was deeply uncomfortable with my body during puberty. I'm female, and when I started developing breasts, I hated it. It felt wrong and foreign to me. I also struggled a lot with depression and anxiety, and I had very low self-esteem. I didn't feel good about myself or my place in the world.
I spent a lot of time online, and that's where I was first introduced to the concept of being non-binary and then transgender. It felt like an answer to all my problems. It seemed like a way to escape the discomfort I felt and the person I didn't want to be. I started identifying as non-binary first, but that quickly shifted to me believing I was a trans man. I think a lot of my feelings were tied to an internalized issue I had with being a lesbian; it felt easier to be seen as a straight man than a gay woman. I also have OCD, and looking back, I see how a lot of my obsessive thinking patterns latched onto this new identity as a solution.
I ended up taking testosterone. I was convinced it was the right path for me, and my healthcare providers affirmed that without really digging into my other mental health struggles. The changes happened fast. My voice dropped, I grew facial hair, and I felt a sense of change that, for a little while, felt like progress. But that feeling didn't last. The deeper issues—the depression, the anxiety, the OCD—were all still there. I just had a new set of problems on top of them.
I eventually got top surgery. I had a double mastectomy. At the time, I was sure it was what I wanted. I hated my breasts so much that I thought removing them would finally make me feel at peace with my body. For a short time after the surgery, I did feel a sense of relief from that specific discomfort. But again, it didn't fix me. My underlying problems were untouched, and I soon started to feel a new kind of distress about what I had done.
The realization that I had made a terrible mistake came on slowly. I started to see that my transition had been a form of escapism. I was trying to run away from myself instead of dealing with my trauma and mental health. I began to regret transitioning deeply. I regret taking testosterone and I profoundly regret having top surgery. I am now infertile because of the hormones, and that is a loss I grieve every day. My body is permanently altered, and I have to live with that.
I don't believe in gender identity the way I used to. I think I was a woman who was deeply uncomfortable with the social and physical expectations placed on me, and I mistook that discomfort for being born in the wrong body. I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy after I detransitioned; a therapist who helped me work through my trauma, my OCD, and my body image issues without affirming a trans identity was what actually helped me start to heal.
I am now trying to accept myself as a female, and that includes the changes to my body that can't be reversed. It's a daily struggle. I have serious regrets about my transition, but I don't regret detransitioning. It was the first step toward actually dealing with my real problems.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
13 | Started puberty, began to intensely hate my developing breasts. Felt general discomfort with my body. |
16 | Spent increasing time online, discovered non-binary and trans identities. Began to identify as non-binary. |
17 | Socially transitioned to identifying as a trans man. |
18 | Started testosterone therapy. |
21 | Underwent double mastectomy (top surgery). |
23 | Began to seriously question my transition and regret my decisions. Stopped taking testosterone. |
24 | Officially began my detransition. Started therapy focused on underlying trauma, OCD, and body dysmorphia. |
Top Comments by /u/maplegal:
Thank you for sharing, you do amazing work as a mod here and I’m glad that your life changed around for the better. The conversation about being intersex has become really warped these days especially with gender theory, but I’m happy that you chose to stay, the world is a better place with you in it! ❤️
Hey! I have OCD as well, and when I was younger I suffered from HOCD, and it was very similar to what you’re feeling right now. I think it’s important to know that if you’ve never felt genuine distress/dysphoria with your body, and that these thoughts are suddenly appearing making you upset & uncomfortable, it’s likely definitely just OCD.
I think a big tell-tale about OCD vs genuinely coming to a realization about gender/sexuality is the distress that comes with these possibilities - it’s taken me years but I realized that if I was freaking out and having OCD pattern thoughts (such as you “justifying” using reasoning as silly as having a song stuck in your head) it wasn’t internalized homophobia stopping me, just the OCD speaking. It’s hard to differentiate especially in the middle of an OCD spell, but there is a difference if you look for the patterns and signs, and trust yourself.
I hope I explained that well, and I’m sorry that you’re suffering right now. It sucks and I know it firsthand. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you!
I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this. I’ve seen how this sub is a really important place for people who realize transition wasn’t right for them, and detrans individuals deserve a space to safely talk about their issues and concerns. It’s cruel to target a group that provides so much support and love.
I think it’s okay to not completely agree with everything GC. Radical feminism is good and useful, and modern gender theory deserves critique, but like any movement, there is always some people who end up co-opting it for their own bigotry and aren’t actually feminists. These people just come off as mean or hateful, but there was many many people who were kind and never violent. I’m also in the same boat of not at all agreeing with TRAs but also not completely supportive of GCs, so I just wanted to say that I know what you mean. I think this is the type of issue where complete polarization just causes more conflict and it may actually be better to be at a middle ground.
I’m very sorry this happened to you, thank you for sharing your story. It’s unfortunate that your healthcare providers failed you, a child, and rushed you into a life-altering medical decision. I hope your detransition goes well, the people in their group are always here for support if you need it I’m sure!