This story is from the comments by /u/marshpie that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user, "marshpie," consistently identifies as a desister who never medically transitioned due to a fear of medical procedures and a later realization that their dysphoria stemmed from internalized misogyny and social pressures, not an innate identity. The narrative is highly personal, detailed, and spans several years, showing a natural evolution of thought. The account expresses complex, sometimes contradictory feelings (e.g., still feeling "trans" by some definitions but choosing not to transition) and discusses nuanced topics like the social vs. physical origins of dysphoria, which is consistent with genuine lived experience. The passion and criticism directed at both transgender and gender-critical communities align with the expected perspective of a desister who feels harmed by the prevailing narratives.
About me
I felt like a boy trapped in a girl's body from a very young age, and discovering the trans community online as a teenager made me believe that medically transitioning was my only solution. I lived as a man for eight years but was always terrified of the permanent changes and potential complications from surgery and hormones. A turning point came when I wore a dress to a wedding and realized my fear was mostly in my head, and I also realized I deeply wanted to have children someday. I now understand my discomfort wasn't with my body itself, but was rooted in internalized misogyny and the pressure to fit a feminine stereotype. I am a masculine lesbian woman who is finally learning to separate my interests from my identity and make peace with being female.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was just a kid, around 8 years old. I felt like I was born in the wrong body and that I was really a boy. I was a huge tomboy and loved sports, but I was constantly told that girls couldn't do certain things or play certain sports. I started wearing boys' clothes in secret and even drew on a beard when I was alone. I didn't even know what "trans" was back then; this was the year 2000, and it just wasn't talked about. People just laughed it off or called me a lesbian, which I eventually realized I was.
When I was 19, in 2012, I discovered the trans community on YouTube. I saw all these videos of shy, unhappy girls who transitioned and became handsome, popular, confident men. It seemed like an easy solution to all my problems. I wanted to be good at sports, be seen as strong, be taken seriously, and dating women would be easier if I were a man. I socially transitioned for about eight years. I used a male name, wore men's clothes exclusively, and even packed. The dysphoria was terrible. I hated my breasts and had severe genital dysphoria. I desperately wanted top surgery and bottom surgery.
But I never went through with medical transition. I was terrified of needles, so the idea of testosterone shots was a deal-breaker. I was also absolutely terrified of surgery, especially the risks of being botched. The thought of a phalloplasty with all its potential complications and lifelong maintenance horrified me more than living with the body I had. I kept thinking, what if I didn't pass? What if I ended up a bald, hairy man instead of the attractive, popular guy I saw in those transition videos? I wanted a very specific outcome, and I knew there were no guarantees.
A huge turning point for me was around age 27. I went to a family wedding and, against all my instincts, wore a dress. I was terrified of how I'd feel and what people would say. But nothing bad happened. No one mocked me, no creepy men hit on me, and I didn't feel like less of a person. It made me realize that a lot of my fear was in my head. Around the same time, I also suddenly started wanting children, which was something I never thought I'd want as a teenager. The permanence of transition and the high likelihood of infertility became a major reason I was glad I never started hormones.
My perspective on my dysphoria completely changed. I started to realize it wasn't really about my physical body. I never felt dysphoric just sitting on my couch or taking a bath. It always flared up in response to social situations: being told I couldn't do something "because I'm a girl," being compared to ultra-feminine women, or facing discrimination in sports. I realized my discomfort was rooted in internalized misogyny and homophobia. I had grown up being told there was only one way to be a woman, and if I didn't fit that narrow box, I must be a man. The trans community I found online reinforced that, telling me my dislike of stereotypes meant I was trans.
Learning from gender-critical spaces helped me a lot. They pushed the idea that being a woman just means being an adult human female, full stop. It doesn't matter what you wear or what hobbies you have. I started to separate my interests and clothes from my gender. I can love sports, wear men's clothing, and have short hair and still be a woman. I started working through my internalized misogyny, which is a daily struggle even now. Watching shows with strong female leads and playing women's sports helped me feel more connected to and proud of being a woman.
I also struggled with HOCD (Homosexual OCD), which is like a reverse version where, as a lesbian, I'd get intrusive thoughts that I was actually straight and had to be with a man. It made dating incredibly difficult. I think my obsessive tendencies played a role in latching onto a trans identity so firmly for so long.
Do I think I'm "really" trans? By most definitions, yes. I still have mostly male hobbies and wear men's clothes. But I've stopped asking "am I trans?" and started asking "would transition make my life better?" For me, the answer is no. The risks, the potential for unhappiness with the results, and the loss of my fertility weren't worth the small chance that life might be slightly easier. I don't regret not transitioning, but I do regret the years I spent hating my body and believing I was wrong for not being feminine. I benefited from therapy that wasn't just about affirming a trans identity but about digging into the root causes of my feelings.
I think transition can be right for a very small number of people with severe, lifelong dysphoria and no other mental health issues, but it's not the right path for most. The narrative that transition is the only answer and that everyone is happier afterwards is dangerous. I wish I had heard more desister voices like mine when I was younger, telling me it was okay to be a masculine woman and that these feelings could change.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 8 | 2000 | First felt I was "born in the wrong body" and began identifying as a boy in my head. Wore boys' clothes in secret. |
| 19 | 2012 | Discovered the concept of being transgender on YouTube. Began socially transitioning, using a male name and presenting as male full-time. |
| 27 | 2019 | Had a pivotal experience wearing a dress to a wedding without the negative consequences I feared. Began to seriously question transition. |
| 27 | 2019 | Realized I wanted to have children, solidifying my decision not to medically transition. |
| 28 | 2020 | Officially stopped identifying as trans and began identifying as a masculine lesbian woman. Started actively working on internalized misogyny. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/marshpie:
I kind of think it’s because women seem more likely to be gender non conforming in the first place. Tomboys or butch women are pretty much everywhere and you can see them in schools, at the grocery store etc. whereas I feel like I hardly ever see feminine men out in public.
Part of this could be that masculinity is more accepted and kind of considered the norm. Men aren’t really encouraged to like feminine things and when they do some people get violent. Wearing pants, playing sports, and diy projects are the norm (in USA at least) so it’s not uncommon for women to do “manly” things on a daily basis. Which can lead to a feeling of disconnection from their gender roles. Whereas men still can’t really wear dresses or paint their nails in public.
So I don’t think that women are more likely to be detrans but that they are more likely to be non Conforming in general which leads to more detrans.
I don’t think that I’m “not a man.” Because by most definitions I’m still trans given that I like men’s clothing and stereotypical activities better.
I just no longer think that there is an issue with how my brain/ body is mapped. The issue is more with how society perceives masculine/ feminine things.
For me, it wasn’t worth the risk of medical complications to transition. I only wanted to be a certain type of man, and if I didn’t meet that, it wasn’t worth the time and energy.
I don’t know if the question “am I really trans or not” is the best question to ask. It seems like “is transition right for me” would be better. Because there is not test on who is actually trans or not and people that are “more trans” don’t really seem to detransition less than those who are “less trans.”
If you’re into sports, try following athletes. For some reason seem less likely to transition. Probably because we’re a bit more health conscious than the general population and not wanting to affect performance or have to be bumped up to the men’s side. Although there have been a few professional athletes that transitioned to men and cannot compete anymore.
Animals don’t have strict gender roles so if my female cat wants to go roll in the dirt and my male cat wants to spend 2 hours grooming no one looks at them as not their biological sex.
I’ve always though gender dysphoria to be mainly a social issue, but can manifest physically. As in the physical symptoms are real but it stems from social issues.
I’ve always thought there were similarities between the two. Because it is a very preeminent solution to something that can be temporary and a part of normal development. If you haven’t yet, You should watch “ratched” on Netflix. It’s about a nurse working in a mental hospital in 1947 that performs lobotomies on patients. Some of the people are there for teenage angst, homosexuality, and grief. Some of the people did have severe mental illness with very low functioning. For those people lobotomies probably did improve their symptoms, yet today we can treat mental illness with medication and therapy. Surgery should be a very last resort.
Transgender surgeries I think can be beneficial in rare instances where the person has such severe dysphoria and low functioning that the only option is surgery. Hormones and surgery should not be the first option. And I don’t mean conversion therapy, but people who are questioning should first transition socially and speak with an experienced gender therapist. A boy who paints his fingernails once and a girl who is playing soccer shouldn’t qualify for surgery or HRT. They might at some point, but not after 1 or 2 appointments with the therapist.
This explains why I don’t think it’s a coincidence that most trans people are teens. Not that I think teens are dumb, necessarily, but because everyone feels lost at 13-19. And most of the time it is just because of puberty changed and not some huge identify crisis. See why no one is goth after high school.
And identifying as Transgender/ non-binary or even queer can give teens a concrete reason why they feel so crappy all the time. Those videos only depict the attractive young trans men with good results. Searching the dark side of YouTube you can find the older trans men that are experiencing health issues and hair loss. But of course no one really watches those videos so the downsides of transition are somewhat hidden.
This is interesting to me because I was already out of high school by the time tumblr became popular, but I’ve seen a lot of teens describe exactly what you are. Not sure how old you are but am assuming you were a teen in 2013 when you found tumblr. I first thought I was born in the wrong body at age 8 in 2000. But trans wasn’t even a thing back then so I never really pursued it further. Surgery and hormones weren’t really ever talked about, but I knew there were men that would dress up in women’s clothing.
I first heard about transition in college (probably around 2012-2013). I didn’t really do tumblr in particular, but on YouTube There were all these shy girls that blossomed into handsome, popular young men. And I wanted to become that. Being trans made sense, it was an easy cop out for my attraction to women and insecurity issues I was having. A few years later on the “dark side of YouTube” I found videos of horrible side effects of long term testosterone on the female body. It was such a stark contrast from the smiling young trans guys with perfectly flat chests and beautiful girlfriends.
So, not tumblr specifically, but I think social media in general did have a big impact on my thoughts to transition. But I did think I was born in the wrong body way before tumblr was a thing.
I think any type of mental condition needs to be treated prior to transition. Even some cases of bipolar and schizophrenia can cause dysphoria/ identity concerns in general. I don’t think that people with trauma shouldn’t be able to transition but that they shouldn’t be in an active period of mental distress while undergoing permanent changes.
Wow. I hadn’t looked at twox for a few months after getting downvoted for saying I generally feel safe walking outside. I get that there are a lot of women that don’t, but just weird to downvote someone’s personal experiences. Especially when one of the main goals of feminism is for women to safely walk outside.
I checked it today and it does seem to now primarily transition timelines. I also think trans women should be supported on that sub. Which really isn’t what sub’s focus was. It is frustrating when you want to discuss something related to cis men or women but can’t because it excludes trans people.
Phalloplasty is one of the main reasons I didn’t transition. Not because it looks bad, but because I don’t have to deal with any maintenance or complications from my current genitals.
I don’t want to say srs will never be indistinguishable, but with current technology, there are quite a bit of limitations. Maybe someday transplants will be a thing. But until then, I think it’s harmful to promise that srs will provide cis looking and feeling genitals because it leads to a lot of disappointment even with good results.