This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The comments show:
- A consistent, multi-year personal narrative.
- Emotionally nuanced and specific experiences.
- Self-reflection and internal conflict, which is common for this topic.
- A plausible desister story (social transition without medical intervention).
About me
It started for me at 13 when a new friend from my middle school group assigned me a trans identity based on her Tumblr beliefs. For six years, I believed I was a trans man because I hated my appearance and thought transitioning would fix everything. I felt trapped by toxic friends and a partner who threatened to leave me when I questioned my identity. I finally realized my feelings were about low self-esteem, not about being male, and that changing my gender wasn't the answer. Now at 21, I'm just me, learning to accept my female body and understanding that my journey was about self-image, not identity.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was 13. A new girl came into my friend group in middle school, and she had learned all about the LGBT community from Tumblr. She decided to assign us all identities so we could be LGBT+ like her. If we didn't want it or said it didn't make sense, she'd throw a hissy fit and call us transphobic or homophobic. She's a big part of why I believed I was a trans man for about six years.
I never felt feminine and always dressed androgynously, so it seemed to make sense to me and all my trans friends that the non-girly, self-hating person would be trans. I thought changing my gender and taking hormones would solve all my problems. But looking back, I realize I just hated how I looked. I was overweight and covered in dark, thick hair, and I had a lot of negative self-image. I never ended up medically transitioning because, ironically, I never actually wanted to. The only thing I wanted was to change my body out of dislike.
This followed me into my early twenties. I had a lot of toxic friends who didn't support me questioning my identity. I even lived with some of them in college and felt trapped, like I couldn't get away from the bullying. I remember wanting to get an RA involved but feeling like it was impossible. My then-partner was also trans, and when I first confided that I might not be trans, he threatened to break up with me immediately because he "didn't want to be seen as straight." That put me right back into the detrans closet to try and save the relationship, which wasn't worth it in the end.
It took me a long time to realize that the answer to disliking your appearance isn't to transition. I'm 21 now, and I still don't necessarily like how I look. That negative self-image doesn't just go away overnight. But it does get easier. I wish someone had told me that sooner.
I don't have any regrets about exploring my identity, because it led me to where I am now. But I do regret the years I spent thinking there was something fundamentally wrong with me that needed to be fixed by changing my gender. I think a lot of my feelings were influenced online and by my friends, and they were really about low self-esteem and discomfort with my body, not about being a man.
Now, I just see myself as me. I don't really have a label for my gender, and that's okay. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a personal thing, but it shouldn't be pushed on anyone, and it definitely shouldn't be seen as a solution for other problems like depression or hating your body.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | A new friend assigned me a trans identity based on her Tumblr beliefs. I started identifying as a trans man. |
| 13-19 | Identified as a trans man for six years, influenced by my online community and friends. |
| 19 | Began to seriously question my trans identity. |
| 20 | Confided in my trans partner about my doubts; he threatened to break up with me, pushing me back into identifying as trans. |
| 21 | Fully accepted that I was not transgender and stopped identifying as a trans man. |
Top Comments by /u/mastersofthegalaxy:
That last bit really hit me in the face, because honestly I don't know if they are. I was going to defend them, my immediate mental reaction going "but they're wonderful minus the fact that they don't support my identity- oh... this person has a point."
It's always hard to make that decision to leave friends, even toxic ones. It would be really awkward simply because two of us actively share a living space. I might cut contact after this semester is over since I won't be coming back to this school for various reasons, if they can't take me seriously. It just sucks overall.
Thanks for that wakeup call though.
exactly what happened to me, and all my friends, in middle school. a new person was brought into our group, and of course she had "learned" all about the lgbt community from tumblr, so she decided to assign us all identities to be lgbt+ like her, and if we didnt want it or we said it didnt make sense, shed throw a hissy fit and say we were transphobic or homophobic.
shes part of why i believed i was transgender for about 6 years, but thats besides the point
i cant say for certain whats become of any of those friends now, of course, but i have still spoken to this girl i mentioned. uh, she believes 'kinning' is a gender. but, anyway...
This is personal experience, so take it with a grain of salt.
I'm 21 now, and I thought I was a trans man from age 13 to 19. Why? Because Tumblr said changing your gender and taking HRT would solve all my problems. I never medically transitioned, because ironically I never wanted to. The only thing I wanted to change was my body because I hated how I looked. I was never by any means feminine, I've always dressed androgynous and never liked "girly" things on/for myself, so it seemed fine to me and all my trans friends that the non-girly self-hating person would be trans.
I still don't necessarily like my appearance. I'm still overweight, and my entire body is covered in dark thick hair. That negative self image is not something that just goes away overnight, unfortunately, and I wish I could take that away for you. However, it absolutely does get easier. I promise you. I wish someone told me that sooner, because the answer to disliking your appearance is not to transition.
You already tried it out and found it wasn't for you, and that's wonderful you experimented and decided what was right for you in the end, but it going back to it will not fix anything.
You should not suffer in silence. Find people you can talk to about your self image. Whether that's a trusted friend, family member, or possibly a therapist if that's something you would want. You deserve to be and see the best version of yourself.
Yep. When I was first considering that I may not be trans and I confided in my then-partner (also trans), he threatened to break up with me immediately because he "didn't want to be seen as straight". Put me right back into the detrans closet so to speak to try and save us, which was not worth it in the end.
If your partner cannot fully accept you as you are, then you deserved better. It's for the best your ex left. You truly deserve someone who will accept everything about you.
I do absolutely want the hell out, I really hate it here because you're 100% right about the bullying, but unfortunately they aren't allowing us to move rooms this semester due to pandemic concerns. Which is fair, but they even said any roommate conflicts will just have to be dealt with by the residents. Even getting an RA involved has been impossible (way before the pandemic, even. Talking to our RAs about roommate problems has always been pushed as an absolute last resort... Why even have an RA if we can't talk to them, in my opinion?) My only options unfortunately are stick out the semester or drop my classes (in person) and go home several states away.