This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. The user describes a highly specific, personal, and medically complex detransition experience involving self-harm, sourcing illegal testosterone, and resulting physical complications. The narrative is emotionally charged, self-critical, and contains nuanced, contradictory feelings that are difficult to fabricate consistently.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The passion and anger are consistent with a genuine detransitioner who feels harmed.
About me
I started identifying as trans as a teenager because I wanted to feel special and different, not because I had a deep discomfort with being female. After waiting years for medical help, I was denied care and ended up using illegal testosterone that permanently damaged my body in strange and uneven ways. I also caused myself severe harm with a self-surgery attempt, leaving me with scarring and a loss of sensation. I left the trans community because I could no longer support what I saw happening to children, feeling like I had been part of a predatory cult. Now I'm left with a body I don't recognize and a lot of regret for the pain I caused myself and my family.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager. I was born female, and looking back, I think a lot of my desire to transition came from a deep need to feel special and different. In the online circles I was in, especially in the early 2010s, there was this huge trend of identifying as something other than straight. It felt like an oppression Olympics, where being gay or bi got you points, but being trans was the ultimate way to be special and unique. I think that's a big part of why I latched onto it. I wanted to be part of that group, to not just be a "boring straight woman."
I never had what I would call classic dysphoria. I didn't deeply hate my body from a young age or feel like I was born in the wrong one. Me and my friends who identified as trans back then were mostly nondysphoric. We didn't care much about pronouns or passing as the opposite sex. For us, it was just about being happy and tolerant, living our lives without labels. It was an identity based on a feeling, not a medical condition.
I tried to get medical help for transitioning. I applied to a gender clinic online in 2014 when I was 15 and was put on a waiting list. I waited for five years and finally got an appointment when I was 20. They basically told me I wasn't ready for any medical transition and kicked me out. I was then put on another waiting list that was supposed to be 6-8 years long. I got incredibly frustrated with the system. After three more years of waiting, I ended up sourcing testosterone illegally through a drug dealer who knew my cousin. This was a huge mistake.
The T I got was bad. I’m not even sure what was in it. I never got the typical changes like a voice drop or bottom growth. Instead, I only got patchy facial and body hair, and it changed my muscle and fat distribution in a weird, uneven way. When I stopped taking it, my body didn't snap back. The muscle turned into loose, empty skin flaps in strange places. It left me with a body I don't recognize and that I'm deeply ashamed of. I feel like a cryptid.
I also caused myself serious physical harm. I took a knife to myself in an attempt to perform a surgery I should never have tried. Between that and the unknown chemicals I was putting in my body, I’ve been left with permanent damage. I have scarring, and I’ve lost all sexual sensation. I also have a rectal prolapse that causes me a lot of issues. I’ve tried to get medical help for it, but doctors have been useless; my gynecologist and gastroenterologist just kept referring me to each other, refusing to look at the problem.
My detransition wasn't because I suddenly felt like a woman again. It started because I could no longer support what was happening to kids. I saw stories online about very young children, even as young as two, getting surgeries. I saw a news article about a lesbian couple who amputated their son’s penis at birth to have a daughter. When I tried to talk about this, people would call me a liar or tell me to stop watching Fox News, which I never did. I was learning this from regular sources. The normalization of it all felt like a form of grooming. I felt like I had been part of a predatory cult that I joined consensually, knowing it was wrong, and now I was facing the consequences. I don't see myself as a victim; I feel like I got what I deserved.
Now, trying to detransition, I'm more confused than ever. People tell me that to detransition, I just need to stop calling myself trans and keep acting the same. But that stresses me out. If it's just a word, then what am I when I'm alone? I feel like there has to be more to it than that. I'm struggling to find a new therapist after ditching the useless one I had for years, but I keep getting ghosted after intake calls.
I have a lot of regrets. I regret ever seeking out transition. I regret sourcing illegal hormones and the irreversible damage I did to my body. I regret the pain I caused my family, who fought me, sometimes physically, to stop me. My thoughts on gender now are that it became a social trend, a way for lost kids to feel special. For me, it wasn't about a true inner identity; it was about escapism, low self-esteem, and wanting to be part of something. I don't regret detransitioning, but I am living with the very difficult physical and emotional consequences of the path I chose.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 15 | 2014 | Applied to a gender clinic online and was put on a waiting list. |
| 20 | 2019 | After a 5-year wait, attended the clinic appointment and was denied medical transition. Put on another 6-8 year waiting list. |
| 23 | 2022 | After 3 years on the second list, began sourcing and taking illegal testosterone from a drug dealer. |
| 23 | 2022 | Stopped taking testosterone. Began physically detransitioning and dealing with the severe physical consequences. |
Top Comments by /u/meatflapsnapper:
Not this again.
I’m talking about representation of the LGBT community as a whole. And the “it’s cool to be special/oppression olympics” club. In the 90s it was mostly revolving around ethnicity, the big thing was claiming to be 1/16 Indigenous or Japanese, then it suddenly switched to gender/sexuality in the 2000s. The natural progression is that kids start out claiming to be gay/bi as they learn what it means so they can sound special, then they hear of trans which is even MORE special and gets EVEN MORE oppression points so they switch over to that. Can guarantee this is what happened to me. Anything to be special and sooo oppressed and not a boring straight woman.
Also some people transition because they want to be a lesbian/gay man due to how much homosexuality is romanticized in media and they can’t take that they aren’t the right gender for that. Many “trans men” are young girls who enjoy gay anime porn a little too much and want to BE that. Many “trans women” are men who enjoy lesbian porn and want to be that.
Agreed. Not to mention if you do a quick Google search for “youngest trans” you get results for
-a 5 year old “model” who has allegedly had and fully healed from bottom surgery, and since healing from that takes years it can be implied they received their surgery around age TWO.
-a news article regarding a lesbian couple who amputated their son’s penis at birth so they would instead have a daughter.
And even more. I have told people on the sub to do this and they blatantly lie and say these things aren’t real.
That’s what I’ve said in the past, they just tell me to stop watching Fox. I have never in my life watched Fox. I’m learning this shit from regular sources!
The only reason I detransitioned was because I could not support the child abuse. But then everyone on this sub bombarded me saying that surgical modifications were not happening to minors when a simple search even on LEFTIST media says they are, and lots of them.
This is the biggest thing I’m struggling with as well! When I identified as trans, I and all the other trans identifying people I knew, were nondysphoric, did not care deeply about pronouns, did not care much about “passing” as the opposite sex or following gender roles, and had little desire for surgery. We just wanted to live our lives however we were happy. It was about being happy and tolerant, not caring about what other people thought we were or labeled us as. That’s what trans meant to me back then.
But now attempting to detransition, I constantly hear from people on this sub that detransition is the same thing as my definition of transition! And it stresses me out to no end because how do I detransition from that?
People tell me “do exactly what you’ve always been doing, act the same, just don’t call yourself trans” but then what happens when I’m not talking to someone else? What am I when I am alone and not speaking? Is detransition only a word? Because I feel like I could call myself a cat or a toaster and that doesn’t make me those things. So there must be more to it than a word. It just confuses me and distresses me to no end.
The worldwide exposure/normalization should be considered a type of grooming on its own. Many of us were 90’s-early 2000s kids and can attest to not being able to escape the popular songs playing on the radio like “I Kissed A Girl” or “Born This Way”, or seeing characters in TV or movies who were implied to be that way, etc. there was no way to escape its influence even then and it’s even worse now.
Yes, that’s exactly the type of thing I grew up with. People around me calling themselves stargender, foxgender, etc. I never identified with that stuff personally though.
They just want to be different and want to be pitied/victims. The bi/gay/trans trend took off at the same time as the Twilight craze where people were claiming to be real vampires/werewolves and that should be proof enough it needs therapy.
I have had an (apparently) very unusual experience in gender clinics though, I applied online in 2014, was put on a waiting list for 5 years with nothing gender related in the meantime, then finally went to the appointment after those years (at this point I was age 20) and was promptly told I was not ready for any medical transition and essentially kicked out, then was put on another waiting list that was supposed to be 6-8 years long and then after 3 more years of that, ended up sourcing T illegally through a dealer who knew my cousin basically. It was unbelievably difficult for me to get any gender-affirming anything, and I am thankful for it now but it does make it kinda hard for me to understand how/where people are walking into gender clinics without a waiting list and immediately getting put on shit/operated on.
I was getting T illegally from some drug dealer who was friends with my cousin. No one to sue.
I also don’t want to blame anyone but myself for this tbh. The scars, genital/rectal damage, and low weight are all 100% my doing and are most of the problem, and it was me choosing to source the body modifying chemicals from such a dubious source (or at all) when I knew better) Plenty of people go on and then off T and DON’T turn out looking like this. This is my issue specifically but I don’t even know what happened.
Oh it’s very fucked up. Shortly after I posted that one of them asked me if I “wanted them to call the waaa-mbulance” (apparently this means crying, which I wasn’t doing) and that they should hit me with a hammer so I know what actual suffering is like lol.
But like, at least I’m no longer willingly choosing to put myself through something that makes my family hate me (transition).
I get really uncomfortable being referred to as a “victim of a tragedy”and I don’t like it. I don’t see myself that way. I joined a predatory cult consensually, knowing it was wrong and taboo, then changed my mind several years in and tried to back out, and am now reaping the consequences. I think it takes away from the many ACTUAL victims to consider my disgusting self a “victim” of a “tragedy” when the way I see it, I was an aggressor, now facing well deserved karma.
I have actually considered reporting the gastro doc before for other things. Every doctor I’ve seen has been incredibly useless. Therapists as well. I’m currently looking for a new therapist after ditching the unqualified social worker I’d been seeing since I was a teen, who was actively making me go backwards mentally, and keep getting ghosted by every single one after the intake phone call.
Not sure at all, in fact! I never had voice changes or bottom growth, and only got certain areas of facial/body hair growth. It basically only changed the muscle/fat distribution in my body which is why, when I stopped it, that all turned into empty skin flaps in places no other human has skin flaps. But beyond that I don’t know and am too ashamed to get help.