This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's comments are highly personal, emotionally nuanced, and span a wide range of topics (personal history, medical advice, philosophical musings, cultural references). The narrative of being a 65-year-old MtFtM detransitioner who transitioned in the past is consistent, detailed, and complex, including specific timelines and lived experiences that would be difficult to fabricate convincingly. The writing style is unique, discursive, and shows a clear, consistent personality. The passion and occasional anger align with the expected sentiment of someone who has experienced the harm they describe.
About me
I transitioned because I felt I could never live up to being a man, and I lived as a woman for twenty years. I was treated completely differently, but I ended up feeling used and realized I never truly believed I was a woman inside. I detransitioned in my sixties, but I still take a low dose of estrogen because the full remasculinization was unsettling. Now I'm an older man who has made peace with my unique path, even with its complications. I've found a quiet kind of freedom, dressing how I want and finally feeling at ease with my long, strange journey.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition is a long and complicated one, rooted in a deep discomfort with the expectations placed on me as a man. From a young age, I never felt like I measured up to what a man was supposed to be. I saw my father, who is the finest man I've ever known, and I felt I could never be half the man he was. I think I was jealous of the way he loved my mother; I wanted to be loved by a man in that same way. I didn't want my father's life, and I hated what I felt I was being groomed for as a teenage boy.
This led me to transition from male to female. I passed quite well and was astounded by how differently I was treated. As a man, my life experience was one of being invisible or treated as a threat. Any girls I tried to befriend would give me short, uninterested replies, like they thought I was hitting on them. God forbid a woman had a crush on me and I couldn't read the signals; I'd be treated like a piece of shit for being "arrogant," which also made my professional life difficult. That all stopped when I transitioned because women no longer treated me like a man. I was no longer the enemy.
I lived as a woman for about 20 years. I had my facial beard removed with electrolysis in my 30s and never needed implants; I was very pretty. But my life wasn't what I hoped it would be. I was what "tranny chasers" wanted; they wanted to use me. When I was younger, I didn't care, but as I got older, I started hating the chasers and wanted a real relationship. I learned that was never going to happen. I couldn't do the gay male thing because that wasn't me either. I realized I had let other people in the trans community convince me I was a woman in the wrong body, something I never truly believed deep down. I should have just come out as gay back then, but it was a different time, and I feared I might have been killed.
I detransitioned in 2006. When I quit estrogen after 20 years, my body started remasculinizing after about six months, which actually creeped me out, so I went back on a very low dose. The dysphoria has never gone away, and I expect it never will; it's part of who I am. I'm in my 60s now. My breasts are very dense and firm, so I can't bind them, but I've learned how to dress to hide them. I will never give them up. I have all my hair, which I've dyed white, and I wear whatever earrings I want. People sometimes ask me if I'm a rock star.
I don't regret my transition because it was a path I had to walk to get to where I am now, but I do see the things I might have done differently. I benefited from looking inward, from asking profound questions about the true nature of the self. I think one of the biggest piles of crap our culture sells is that we need to love ourselves before we can love others. I've moved more toward a idea of self-indifference—that the real "I" doesn't need me. My consciousness is an illusion; my self-awareness is what persists. Now, after detransition, I'm mostly invisible again, a 65-year-old man of modest means, but I'm at peace with the long and strange journey I took to get here.
Age | Year | Event |
---|---|---|
30 | ~1984 | Had facial beard permanently removed via electrolysis. |
~30s-50s | ~1984-2006 | Lived full-time as a woman (MTF transition). |
62 | ~2016 | Retired from my career in I.T. |
~60s | 2006 | Detransitioned (MTFtM). Stopped full-dose estrogen. |
~60s | After 2006 | Resumed a very low dose of estrogen for personal reasons. |
Top Comments by /u/mebf109:
I don't know who you are but if I did I would get you help. Please call a suicide prevention hotline. Right now. Nobody is going to haul you off to a hospital against your will. You owe it yourself and to me to get help. I am not qualified to give advice, but may I suggest that you posted here because you want help. You were right to make your post here. Please take the next step towards feeling better because you will feel better. I know you will because I did.
Yeah, but think about the money! What about the money? Think about the celebrity. This could lead to a great franchise opportunity! We could watch him grow up in 3D! Little tiny drones can document everything like the Truman Show. Oh the money!!! The fan mail! The hate mail? The rise and the inevitable decent into alcoholism, drugs, and, if the sponsors are really lucky his eventual redemption followed shortly by his brutal murder and his canonization to sainthood. Profits in perpetuity!!!
You should know that among men being a Man something you are expected to earn and defend all your life. Being a male isn't enough. Women will hold you accountable. Men will judge you. You can't possibly be prepared for that. It's much easier for MtFs. To women you will be suspect and to men you will be compitition. Oh yeah and remember "There's no crying in baseball!!!" (Tom Hanks - A League of Their Own)
I am a detrans MtFtM...I guess I'm supposed to say that. I can't talk about what I learned about myself? I was told by trans people that what I thought I was isn't legitimate and like an asshole I let them convince me that I was a transsexual and really a woman in the wrong body. I never really believed that deep down. So many taboos...I. went along with that bullshit. That is why I am here.
Strike, thanks for sharing that with me. I no longer practice electrology. Laser put many out of business. It was great while lasted. But spending your days bent twisted over a treatment table takes a toll. I don't miss it. I spent the rest of my working days in I.T. I retired at 62.
It's odd that I felt the same way about women when I was I lived as a younger man. That stopped when I transitioned because women no longer treated me like a man. That was on me, not women. I should have just come out as gay, but back then. I might have been killed. Women are nicer to gay men, IMO.
The fact that you are doing well most of the time demonstrates that you are coping but have periods of intense stress, so give yourself some more credit. What helps me is to remind myself that I am free to reverse course any time. That is an option that is always there for you but up till now you have chosen not to take it. Remind yourself why you haven't and know that lifeboat is there if the ship is really going down. I am a MtFtM since 2006 . I still take a bit of the E as a reminder that my if I wanted too, all I have to to is change my clothes. I lived en femme for 20 years prior to detrans. The dysophoria has never gone away. I expect it never will. It's part of who I am. You will die soon enough so forget suicide, though I should cop to the fact that I have never considered it an option. Hang with us and see how the story ends. Suicide is a spoiler 🤔
I once bought a book titled "Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight." It is about Autism, but I liked the title. At the risk of sounding callous, but maybe it might make you smile just a little bit. We all are going to die someday. That's the only thing that is really on anyone's bucket list. Don't kill yourself. Death will come soon enough.
Think of ALL the shoulda/coulda things. Every moment of your past is full of them. There are an infinite number of possible outcomes for every coming second of your future. An infinite number of butterflies flapping their wings. Right now, something is happening somewhere that will affect your future and it might be pretty cool.
I went to bed one day and didn't get up for a year. Anxiety, despair, misery, all those feelings are being felt by billions of people all over this sad little planet right now. We're all in it together. Does it help knowing that you are not alone? Probably not. But it sure is interesting.
Staying grounded? Can't help you there I'm crazy. It's only gravity that keeps me grounded.
You will always be you. You were you before the war. No soldier who comes back is ever the same. But YOU survived. YOU know what war I am talking about. You are a veteran baby. There a lots of us here on this sub. We know the horrors of the battlefield. We survived, but we'll never be the same.
I love you little sister. That's no bullshit. I really do love you. We fought together, we happy few, we band of brothers/sisters.
No no no! Give it a chance before we start talking about changing it. My anxiety level about posting certain things here has already gone down. Parents tend to post comments that have nothing to do with parenting, just out of wanting to be helpful.
Thank you volatile type. I am surprised by all the down votes. I suspect that there are many like myself among the nonop MtFtMs. I was what all tranny chasers wanted...wanted to use. I didn't care when I was younger but after awhile I wanted real relationship. And I learned that was never going to happen. Makes me wonder sometimes if I should have been a prostitute. As I got older I started hating the chasers. I couldn't do the gay male thing because no way I could fuck a Man you know where...and every gay man I ever knew wanted that. Even the chasers wanted that, but I could always refuse and I did refuse. Then I got old and gave up.
Thank you for your insights. I didn't like what I perceived men to be and what I believed I was being groomed for when I was a teenage boy. I never wanted my father's life and my father was/is the finest man I have ever known. Had I had the confidence that I could ever be half the man he was/is things might have been different. But when I looked inside myself, I never found those qualities in me. Sometimes I think I was in love with my daddy and jealous of mommy. That's some weird shit I know. I wanted to be loved by a man the way my father loved/s my mother. Thanks again.