This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user demonstrates deep, personal engagement with complex detransition topics, uses consistent first-person experience (identifying as a detransitioned male with autogynephilia), shows nuanced understanding of community dynamics, and expresses a coherent, passionate, and emotionally charged perspective that aligns with the expected views of someone who has experienced this specific trauma. The writing style is consistent and human-like, with no signs of automated posting.
About me
I was born male and realized I was gay, but I tried to escape that by becoming a trans woman. I lived as a woman for ten years and had surgery, but it only led to heartbreak and made me feel completely alone. I finally realized I had been lying to myself and that my identity was not natural. I detransitioned and now have to fight my compulsive attraction to the idea of being a woman every single day. I am learning to accept that I am, and always will be, a male.
My detransition story
My journey into being trans and then detransitioning was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. It all started for me because I was trying to escape being a gay man. I was born male, and from a young age, I knew I was attracted to men. But growing up, that felt unacceptable. I think there was a lot of internalised homophobia. It seemed easier, more acceptable somehow, to be a straight woman than to be a gay man.
A huge part of my identity was wrapped up in something called autogynephilia (AGP). This is a compulsive, sexual feeling where you get arousal from the idea of yourself as a woman. For me, it was an addiction. I led myself into believing I was a woman because it was a way to cope with my sexuality and other deep-seated problems. I immersed myself in online communities that reinforced this idea, and everyone around me just played along, telling me I was a woman. It felt like a way out.
I lived as a woman for years. I took hormones and eventually had sex reassignment surgery in 1997. I thought it would fix everything, that my life would change drastically. But it didn’t work out that way. After the surgery, my love life completely fell apart. When I had a penis, men were attracted to me because I was a “girl with a penis.” But after the surgery, that changed. Men didn’t want a woman with a “fake vagina”; they’d ask why they should be with me when they could be with a woman who could give them babies. I fell in love three times, but it never lasted. I was cheated on for women who had penises. It was devastating and made me feel completely alone.
I also faced a lot of danger. As a trans woman, I had dangerous encounters with men. The whole process was a kind of self-torture—constant hair removal, trying to sculpt my body into something it could never naturally be. After about ten years of living as “Andrea,” I started to think, “this is not natural.” I realized I had been lying to myself. The identity was false. I had to accept that I am, and always will be, a male.
Detransitioning was even harder than transitioning. There is almost no support for detransitioned males. The gay male community often operates on a “no fats, no fems” philosophy, so I didn't feel welcome there. The radical feminist or “gender critical” communities were more helpful to me than the trans community I left, which now hated me. Some of the women there really supported me, even though I know some people in that community have a deep hatred for males. It was a lifeline when I had nowhere else to turn.
Coping with AGP is a lifelong battle. Specialists have told me it takes about three years to rewire your brain from addictions, and this is no different. It’s a compulsive, addictive behavior that I have to fight every day, like an alcoholic fighting the urge to drink.
Looking back, I don’t think I was a failure. I was failed. I was failed by the medical community that promised to do no harm. I was failed by therapists who pushed gender ideology instead of helping me with my real problems. I was failed by the government that made this all legal. I was failed by my friends and family who enabled the delusion. The only thing I failed at was not realizing the truth sooner.
I have serious regrets about my transition. I think it was wrong for people to automatically “support” my wish to be trans without asking the hard questions. I’m passionate about this now because I have younger siblings, and they’re being taught about this in school. I worry their minds are still developing, and they might make permanent changes to their bodies that they’ll later regret, like I did. I can't have children naturally now, and that’s a profound loss.
My thoughts on gender are simple now. It’s an identity, not a biological reality. Healing means stopping the lies, accepting your body, and working on the underlying hurts that made you want to escape in the first place. Every time I thought I wasn’t male, I had to remind myself that I am, and that it’s okay.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Young Adult | Realized I was a homosexual male, but felt it was unacceptable. |
| Early 20s | Began identifying as a trans woman ("Andrea") to escape being gay. Started taking estrogen. |
| Approx. 30 | Underwent sex reassignment surgery (1997). |
| Approx. 40 | After 10 years living as Andrea, began to detransition. Realized the identity was a lie and not natural. |
| Present | Living as a detransitioned male, coping with autogynephilia as a lifelong addiction. |
Top Comments by /u/messengerfromhades:
It's never a good idea to allow people to lead you into things, something most trans identifying people are guilty of. The way out works the same way. The only person who's going to have to live with your decision is you, so you should decide this question based on your situation and what your conscious tells you.
Forgive me. I forgot that males are tough and how they never cry, and how they're the stoic figures of strength right up to the point of attempting or completing suicide, which happens at a rate several times higher than females.
I'm a detrans male and I need help.
To say the GC/radfems offer nothing isn't a fair statement. What they do offer is education about understanding behavior such as how trans people employ sex stereotypes as a transition and credibility tool. "See, I'm wearing a dress. I played with Barbie dolls and hung out with the girls as a kid, so that makes me a female." You can learn a lot about your behaviors as a male by listening to what they say about us.
That said, you are somewhat correct. The GC community is "women centered." And some of the lesbians just have a seething hatred for all things male. I've seen that and been on the business end of it. FTMs are able to get much more help and support than a MTF. But the MTF desisters get much more media visibility in my opinion.
The GC community is also very diverse and fractured. Example, some in it are fine with trans bathroom use and transition, but others want the whole thing trans eradicated.
But males also have a very different problem. FTMs get painted as going into being trans for reasons that are more socially acceptable than males. If you were sexually abused as a female, that's much easier for society to digest than if you were a male because it makes you look weak. There's also the sexual component of it for males who transitioned because they're autogynephilic. Who wants to admit that and where do you get help for it?
People of faith and their organizations are willing to offer help to both male and female desisters, but understandably it's a tough thing to accept after having them as your enemy while you were trans. Plus, they're often anti-gay as well. But if you get past those two things, they really will embrace and support you.
So you are correct that there's nowhere near as much help for a detrans male, almost none in fact. It's an area that has to be built and it needs people willing and able to become leaders to make that happen.
The only visible males I know of offering support are Walt Heyer and Third Way Trans. If someone knows others please share the info.
Sorry if it's paywalled, I got into it via Google News.
This article is a quote factory:
"Critics say still-maturing young people are immersed in a world where many parents, teachers, clinicians, friends and social media are captured by emotive promotion of trans status, while activists try to suppress scepticism or inquiry as “hateful transphobia”.
Dr Kenny said she believed gender dysphoria was in part “a social construct … propagated through the processes of groupthink and social contagion”.
Quotes from Dean:
Dean, 28, from Sydney, is among those who come to regret going trans.
"After 10 years as “Andrea”, dangerous encounters with men and the “self-torture” of hair removal and body sculpting, he began to think “this is not natural”. He believes it’s wrong for friends, parents and teachers to automatically “support” a young person’s wish to go trans."
“I’m really passionate about this because I have younger siblings, and they’re being taught about (trans) in school. Their minds are still developing: what if they grow up and want to have children naturally but their bodies have been changed?”
"Raised in a loving, religious family, Dean was conscious of early same-sex attraction. “Me being trans, it was like a thing for me to escape being homosexual; it seemed more acceptable for me to be a woman.”
Q. Would I have better chances for a relationship with these men if I was post-op?
A. I’ve tried. I’ve dated. I’ve been in love three times. But it’s hard. I had my sex reassignment surgery in 1997, and I thought my life would change drastically. It got better, but my love life dissipated. When I had a penis, before my operation, men were attracted to me because of that. When you hear “trans,” you want a girl with a penis, not a girl with a vagina. Now that I have a vagina, they don’t want me. They’re like, “Why do I want to be with you with a fake vagina when I can be with a woman who gives me babies?” Eventually—or while they’re with me, when they cheat on me—they go with a girl with a penis
You are aware that most of the FTMs are really lesbians, right?
So they can benefit from the company and counseling of other lesbians about how to handle their masculinity and sexuality.
A lot of males don't have that luxury. The gay male community largely operates on the "no fats and no fems" philosophy which leaves what Blanchard describes as the homosexual transsexual without much support. Likewise, who would an AGP male turn to for learning how to cope?
The FTMs are much better off in my opinion in terms of support.
I mingle online every day with the females that you describe as "terfs," and more of them than I count have supported me in my detransition. I'm appreciative of that being that I've left a trans community that now hates me.
To your next point, coping with AGP will be a lifelong part of detransitioning. It's a compulsive, addictive behavior. Like an alcoholic or drug addict, I'll have to fight the urges to relapse for probably the rest of my life.
Specialists I've talked to on these types of behaviors say it takes three years to rewire your brain from addictions.
Yeah, isn't it amazing that THE ONLY media outlets that consistently publish anything whatsoever about detransition/desisting are all conservative or faith-based, and because of that it's supposed to be grounds for discrediting them.
So, yeah, you're spot on, this is all about controlling what people think and what they read, just like they do in /r/asktransgender and the other like-minded subs.
The problem is you're coming at this through the MTF lens. The FTMs face far more destruction from testosterone than a male does estrogen. They end up having to get hysterectomies just to protect themselves from the cancer risk of testosterone. So apples and oranges.
A big part of what you're going to need to do is reprogram your thinking. You led yourself to believe that you are male when you adopted the FTM identity. Remember that, it's an identity, nothing more.
The FTM identity will put you in collision with everything, your body, society, etc. So the road to getting better means you have to stop lying to yourself via that false identity, accept who you are, and then work on the underlying problems leading you away from your biological reality.
Every time the thought comes into your head that you're not a female, immediately remind yourself that you are and tell yourself that it's okay.
Heal your hurts and things will be okay, or at least manageable.