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Reddit user /u/might-say-anti-fire's Detransition Story

female
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
influenced online
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
only transitioned socially
bisexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this user account appears to be authentic.

There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The comments demonstrate:

  • Personal, detailed anecdotes about their own history with dysphoria, social transition, and desisting.
  • Consistent ideology that aligns with common detransitioner perspectives, including criticism of gender ideology and medicalization.
  • Emotional investment and passion, including anger and frustration, which is consistent with someone who feels they were harmed.
  • Engaged conversation where they respond directly to other users' specific situations and offer nuanced, multi-paragraph advice.

The user identifies as a desister who socially transitioned but did not medically transition, which is a valid and common experience. The tone and content are consistent with a genuine, passionate individual.

About me

I was a girl who never fit in and felt deep discomfort with my body, so I tried to become a man named Jackson in high school. I seriously considered hormones and surgery because I thought it was the only way to be myself. I eventually realized my problem wasn't being female, but was the pressure to fit a feminine stereotype. I am now a woman who is grateful I never medically transitioned, as my issues were with society, not my body. My journey taught me that I can be any kind of woman I want to be without changing who I am.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was really young. I never liked typical girly things and I always got along better with guys. I made my mom buy me boys' clothes starting in grade 8. I hated seeing femininity in my peers and would get angry when people expected me to be a princess. I felt deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially during puberty, and I hated my breasts. I tried to hide them by wearing heavy layers and sports bras.

When I got to high school, being trans and non-binary became more mainstream and I started to hear about it. Around that time, I also realized I was bisexual and strongly attracted to women. All of this combined made me think that I must be a guy inside. I even tried to socially transition for a while; I made my friends call me Jackson instead of Jasmine and presented as male. I was convinced that my discomfort with being a woman meant I was born in the wrong body.

I seriously considered medical transition. I looked into testosterone and top surgery. I thought it was the only way to fix the deep discomfort I felt. But something always held me back. I started to question the logic that because I didn't fit feminine stereotypes, I must not be a woman. I began to realize that my feelings weren't unique—a lot of women, especially those who are attracted to women or are gender non-conforming, feel this way.

I started to see that the idea of gender identity was reducing womanhood to stereotypes. It was saying that if you don't like makeup or dresses, you must be a man. That felt wrong to me. I began to understand that I could be a woman and still be myself—a woman who wears men's clothes, has short hair, and doesn't wear makeup. My body isn't wrong; the expectations placed on it are.

I never went through with medical transition. I am so grateful I didn't. I've seen the serious health complications it can cause, including infertility, and I know it wouldn't have solved my problems. My issues were with society's expectations, not my body itself. Learning to separate my sex from society's expectations was the most freeing thing I ever did.

I do have regrets about my social transition. I'm embarrassed by it now. It was a phase born from confusion, internalized homophobia, and a desperate desire to escape the pressures of being a woman in a sexist world. I regret ever thinking that I needed to change my body to be happy. I now believe that medical transition is presented as a quick fix for incredibly complex issues like trauma, low self-esteem, and internalized homophobia, and that it causes more harm than good for many people.

I now see that I am a woman because I was born female. That's it. Nothing about my personality, my interests, or how I dress changes that. My journey was about learning to accept that and to fight for a world where women can be anything, without having to change our bodies to fit in.

Age Event
13 (Grade 8) Started insisting on wearing boys' clothes and felt deep discomfort with femininity and my developing body.
High School Age Realized I was bisexual; was introduced to trans identities and began to socially transition (used name Jackson).
22 (Now) Fully accepted myself as a gender non-conforming woman; regret my social transition and am grateful I avoided medical intervention.

Top Comments by /u/might-say-anti-fire:

37 comments • Posting since April 2, 2022
Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) explains how medical transition is a modern-day lobotomy, arguing that barriers to treatment are wrongly seen as transphobia while underlying mental health issues go untreated.
105 pointsApr 24, 2022
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This rhetoric is everywhere. Every little barrier, to what are basically drugs for cosmetic purposes, is treated as transphobia, a literal human rights offence. This is our lobotomy, with a modern day twist to make it socially unquestionable and for the greater good. Many of us will look back on this treatment in horror, wondering why we didn’t have psychologists and doctors see what is so obvious, that people who gone decades on HRT, what they’ll be dealing with, should have been provided with more effective psychological treatment, or god knows any better alternative. Those poor women with treatable mental health and even normal emotional expressions getting connections severed in her brain. Those poor kids who have no idea what they are truly signing up for by taking puberty blocking medication and later transitioning, just because they do not relate to the interests of people of the same sex, or because they like their same sex.

Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) explains why they reject the modern concept of gender as an unscientific and oppressive social construct tied to stereotypes.
50 pointsMay 19, 2022
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I agree with you fully. Gender just used to be a softer word for biological sex. Whatever it's been transformed into is so unnecessary convoluted, unscientific, and wishy washy, with requirements changing on a whim, that it is not worth preserving as a way to describe our relationships to our bodies and our sexuality.

I am a woman because I am born one. I am not a female gender because I don't believe anything about the way I dress, act, relate to others, etc has almost anything to do with what society (especially men) ascribe to the female sex. Even if I do exhibit these traits, not one of them defines my biological reality. Everything else is superfluous window dressing that represents who I am, not what I am.

I will never forgive those who see this relation to one's behaviour as indicating a disconnect with being a woman. I will never forgive those who made being a woman into a totem of the stereotypes and expectations that oppress us.

Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) comments that Blaire White's surgically-enhanced, stereotypically "sexy" look is a harmful ideal for both cis and trans women's body image.
46 pointsAug 28, 2022
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Not to sound terrible but even Blaire, I find they match the stereotype of a sexy woman, and one that’s had extensive plastic surgery. I… I would be upset to see that this is what is aimed for, cis nor trans woman alike, bc it does no good for a girl’s body image to be told That is what a real woman looks like.

Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) explains how immersing herself in women's communities, history, and biology helped her accept being an unconventional woman after questioning her non-binary identity.
35 pointsJul 1, 2023
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I was in your exact situation for years. My advice is to follow women, follow feminists, follow out and proud lesbians, follow mothers, follow childless women in their forties, follow older women, angry women, meet up with women in meet ups, watch and read media made by women, research womens history and our very very often overlooked roles in society, literally just engross yourself in what women have to offer. Easier said than done honestly! Men overwhelmingly make up the target audience of things we consider "true art", but try!

And recognize your body for what it is! And what it isn't! Your body can make children sure, but the female body is also remarkable in its ability to endure, its increased immunity, its strength. This has nothing to do with "femininity" or "the power of being feminine". Understand your biology but know there isn't a line of dna in your X chromosomes that encodes your interests, passions, and personhood. There are other women who feel like you.

The fact that this has to be said depresses me but fuck, we are not a lesser type of man, we are not a half of the species that needs to be fixed or live up to their standard. We are the other sex with unique challenges but equally full and capable human beings. Heres something I think is unique to women, I really think women are far more prone to forget this, and see within ourselves our complexity and our drives outside of societal expectations and think, oh, well other people of our sex aren't like this. We all are to some degree affected by this of course, bc we are people.

I hope some of this is good enough food for thought, I get it if this is like, not what you want to hear or considered unreasonable, but this is just how I learned to accept myself as a weird, awkward, adhd ridden, unfeminine, "unconventional" woman.

Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) comments on Matt Walsh's documentary, wishing it included a feminist perspective and criticizing its portrayal of the Women's March as brainwashed, while noting feminists are also fighting against gender ideology.
29 pointsJun 13, 2022
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Yep pretty much agree. Wish he had any semblance of feminism in there, besides the womens march which only paints women who care about our rights as also being brainwashed…. Like holy shit feminists ARE fighting this too

I’m personally ambivalent on whether it’s gonna be a net positive or negative for us but… it is going to do something

Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) comments on surgeon Marci Lee Bowers, calling out misogynistic remarks about reducing female genitalia to "a hole you can craft."
29 pointsJun 13, 2022
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Marci Lee Bowers, the gyno/surgeon who worked w Jazz Jennings, just says some of the most misogynistic shit I’ve ever heard. Sadly I can’t find a link to this particular interview. I just recall shouting at my screen because he just reduces female genitalia to a hole you can craft.

Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) explains her nuanced stance on men expressing femininity, stating she has no issue with it as long as it is not equated to womanhood, which she argues reduces women to stereotypes and threatens their rights and spaces.
26 pointsApr 6, 2022
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If I may say, even as I have fully begun to realize how harmful it is that many men will identify as female solely based on stereotypes, and it’s so infuriating that society is demanding we do so at the risk of ourselves as actual women, I personally have ZERO issues with men expressing femininity, looking like beautiful women, and doing what they want with their body (only of course until a harmful extreme). The only thing that I have against this is equating it to womanhood, this includes drag as well, because this reduces us to less than people, but to character traits. As long as you respect that and respect other women’s rights to their own spaces, safety and care, it is morally fine.

Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) explains why someone with AGP should not transition, warning of irreversible medical changes, a lifetime of being a patient, and the inappropriateness of entering women's spaces for a fetish.
24 pointsSep 7, 2022
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No, both for selfish reasons in that you shouldn’t be in women’s spaces that you are basically admitting might be a turn on for you, and genuinely, procedures won’t take you down the path you want. These treatments will cause MAJOR CHANGES, you can’t easily undo them (at least I know for detrans women). You risk a life time as a medical patient. And all this for a fetish? Please don’t, it is an insult to women and an insult to yourself.

Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) offers support and validation to a detransitioner, expressing collective anger at those who encourage transition.
20 pointsJun 10, 2022
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Don’t hate yourself, you only did what you felt would help and there was whole mass of people who are more than happy to encourage you, no matter how many of us get hurt. You have every right to be angry, and I am angry for you. We all are.

You will be okay, just do what you feel you need to do, take care of yourself and you will get through this. Many people here have shown there is always a way to heal and keep going, even at their most desperate.

I wish you the best, fuck these people.

Reddit user might-say-anti-fire (desisted female) explains that while gender norms have a biological basis, the term "gender" should only be used to describe personal expression, not to replace "sex" in discussions of attraction and biology, to avoid making transient expectations seem innate.
19 pointsMay 19, 2022
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Agreed. I definitely think that gender norms were sprung from a biological basis in a way, and it's a phrase most people get the idea of, but it should be solely used to communicate expression at the most. When we use it where it doesn't belong, such as in replacing "sex" in people's understanding of attraction and bodily functions, all we do is make these transient expectations innate and confuse ourselves.