I’m so sorry :( If it means anything there are lots of women like us who have a similar body and experience. I don’t think it makes you mutilated but that amount if media attention would make anyone feel horrible. If you need anyone to talk to, my inbox is open.

I don't agree with the other comment here and I get where you're coming from. I honestly think it's weird to mourn not having a kid because of what genitals you were born with. You're right, you're just as capable and can bond in the same ways that a son and father typically could, I have no idea what experiences other people have but lord knows having a period or getting boobs did not make me have a special bond with my mom LOL. It's sexism plain and simple and also strange to value having a boy instead of a girl and ESPECIALLY to express that to you, his kid. It's clear he's not meaning so they could talk about ?? puberty?? together.

For me it really is mostly 1. The anxiety over doing shots (I literally DREADED it every week)/ anxiety over medication and dosage 2. The realization that wanting to look more masculine did not necessarily mean not wanting to be a woman 3. Realizing a lot of the reasons I was convinced I was a trans man at first were due to the constrictive roles I was pressured into following. If I hated the role I was “born” into, I could just switch them out right? It was a progressive thing for me though, I went on testosterone, actually really enjoyed the effects, but kept seeing a woman in the mirror even if other people didn’t. And I liked what I looked like, it wasn’t like an “oh no what have I done!” thing I was just like, huh, weird, several years of HRT and I’m still seeing a girl. So I was like, this isn’t for me anymore. It’s hard because I like testosterone but it’s just not sustainable.

I think that if you really want to transition, and you've really thought it through for a while and weighed the risks, you should be able to make that decision for yourself. A lot of us did, with varying experiences as a result of it. But people's sources of gender dysphoria are different. Some of us couldn't understand a world in which we could be our sexes and also contradict the gender roles that had been given to us at birth. Some of us had experiences with gender-based trauma that led us this way. Some of us had a different sense of gender because of neruodiversities. Ultimately though, I don't think anyone should tell you what to do with your body. I do encourage you to sit and think about why it is you feel the way you do about your sex and gender, what ideas you have about the male and female sexes in general, and how you fall into those two categories. If you do that and decide that surgical or hormonal intervention is still necessary, I think it's okay to make that decision as long as you find yourself a strong support network that is open to hearing your thoughts even if they might be controversial.

I transitioned because I wanted to look more masculine and I'm thinking about detransitioning because I'm tired of doing shots. I had/have an intersex condition pre HRT and was already gendered as male pretty often before hormones. Honestly, if HRT was easier, I probably wouldn't mind taking it longer. I also wish that doctors were more competent about trans care and cross-sex hormones. I just don't really trust when they up my dose and don't explain to me why.

Part of why I'm considering detransition is also that transphobia is just hard to deal with and being trans makes my life harder. I think I will be less happy with my appearance if I stop HRT but maybe the social acceptance of not being trans will make up for it.

Oh, and at this point in my transition I just generally don't care about how people gender me. I'm not sure if that's because I'm more comfortable with myself post-hrt and surgery or if I have just grown to care less as passing became easier for me. I would be okay as a masculine women post HRT but I don't know if I would be this confident with myself had I not gone on HRT. Who knows.

I agree, I think also that just because some people don't regret their transition, that doesn't mean that those who do have done something wrong to feel that way. It's okay to have negative feelings toward detransition, and positive ones, but everyone's experiences of detransition are driven by different things, everyones values are different, and everyones levels of trauma surrounding transition/detransition will be different.

Obviously, people who have medically transitioned in childhood and then detransition will have stronger and more passionate feelings about the medical accessibility and expectations for children presenting with gender dysphoria. And there is a level of stigma to detransition which will most likely garner vitriol from both the trans and anti-trans community towards detransitioners. We're not all a monolith like we are often painted as, we're just a group of people with perspectives that are not often genuinely listened to, and which may be contrary to what broader society understands about sex and gender.

I honestly think that for the most part people here have been open to understanding everyone's situations but there will always be people who don't see eye to eye and, like you said, it's good to keep in mind that everyone has different feelings and experiences and it is okay to come to different conclusions.

I can understand where your beliefs come from and I think your voice on it is important.

Honestly, you don’t owe it to anyone to explain your gender though. My advice? Tell the friends you actually care about gendering you correctly, outside of that it’s no ones business. When you meet new people, if they call you he, correct them and say she. If they call you she just go on as usual. Eventually people will catch on and if they really care they'll ask. I’ve found this to be the least stress inducing way to do it, you shouldn’t have to make it a huge statement. Hell, if it’s easiest for you, ghost your doctor lol. I identified as trans for…. 8 years? And honestly have found this to be the least stress inducing.

3 years into my medical transition. Was happy with my body, voice, etc. Just finally felt good about myself. Started realizing I would be fine being called she/her/ a woman or he/him/a man. Decided I was cool with the changes that would stick but ultimately did not want to keep taking hormones because of the uncertainty of research around it + my anxiety over shots. So now I'm here :) I don't regret transitioning + had thought about going on hormones for 5 years before doing so.

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Edit: I also spent hours looking at this sub before going on hormones. It's funny we're in a similar boat in that way. I remember someone sent me a picture of them bald and was like "this is what 3 years of hormones did to me!!!!". I am not bald by any means btw lol.

I didn't say sex didn't matter, I said in the instance this person is talking about it should not matter. I also respect your perspective on this but personally some of my closest friends are men and I think a lot of the "male experience" you are talking about is not universal and definitely more prominent among heterosexual, western men. I did not grow up around heterosexual western men. I also think that many men often want a son because of sexism. Her dad does not seem like he wants to talk about the joys of manhood. It sounds like he needs help around the house, and like he has a rigid idea of what a man should be doing and what a woman should be doing. She has a right to be upset.

If your biggest concern is how people will think you're a bad person then you don't really care about how your feelings will affect those communities. You care about how they will perceive you. It's not worth it to force yourself to feel some type of way. I'm not sure who "they" are either, individual trans people have different beliefs. Don't support something just because you feel bad about it though... lol.