This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts display a consistent, deeply personal, and emotionally complex narrative of transition and detransition. They express internal conflict, shame, and specific, relatable details about their life and mental state that are not typical of scripted bot behavior. Their engagement with niche concepts like autogynephilia and their nuanced, unsure opinions align with a genuine person struggling with their identity.
About me
I started transitioning because I was deeply depressed and isolated, thinking becoming a woman would fix my life. I enjoyed the attention I got and finally felt seen, but my underlying depression and loneliness never went away. I realized my desire might have been rooted in a fetish, which made me feel my transition wasn't valid. I stopped hormones cold turkey and am now struggling through detransition, which is its own painful process. I regret not exploring my mental health and living as a woman socially before making any permanent changes.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition has been complicated and painful. I started transitioning because I was in a really dark place. I was a recluse, working a job I hated as a dishwasher, with no close friends and no one looking out for me. I felt like a weird, shy loser and I was deeply depressed, with suicidal thoughts constantly in the back of my mind. I think a big part of my desire to transition was that it seemed far easier to be a cute, shy girl than the man I was. I started to like the idea of being seen as feminine.
When I started living as a woman and going on hormones, some things got better. I finally started going on dates and had my first sexual experiences with men. For the first time, I didn't feel invisible; I felt like I was getting a kind of attention I never had before. I enjoyed dressing like a woman every day and having fun with selfies.
But underneath that, not much actually changed. I was still isolated and depressed 90% of the time. I was stuck in a constant existential battle, questioning everything. I wondered if this was really who I was, or if I was just doing it for the attention, or if it was rooted in a fetish. I also struggled with a lot of shame around being feminine.
I got on hormones really easily through informed consent in a big city. Looking back, I feel like I fell through the cracks. I wasn't required to live in my new role first to see if it was really for me, and I think that's a problem. I should have explored my own feelings a lot more before doing anything medical. While I know some people experience real dysphoria, transition isn't the right answer for everyone.
A major part of my experience was coming to understand my feelings through the concept of autogynephilia. For me, my dysphoria wasn't just about masturbating; it was a deep, constant longing to be a woman that pervaded my thoughts. I believe this is the root cause for a lot of people who transition, even if it's not talked about much. Realizing that my feelings might stem from a fetish made it really hard to feel like I was "actualizing my true self" through transition. It made everything feel invalid.
I stopped taking my hormones cold turkey after my doctor stopped prescribing them. My life felt like it couldn't get any worse anyway. Now, detransitioning has been its own struggle. It's not exactly what I want either, because I still have that longing to be a woman. It's very hard on me. I'm worried about practical things, like changing my name back. Luckily I didn't change my birth certificate, but changing my name for a second time in a year is going to raise questions.
I don't have any firm beliefs about gender anymore. I'm conflicted about things like bathrooms; I don't think trans women should use the men's room, but I'm not sure about the women's room either out of respect for their space. For me, whether I see someone as a woman depends on their commitment and how they assimilate. By my own criteria, I wouldn't call myself a woman.
I do have regrets. I regret not exploring my feelings more deeply before starting hormones. I regret not trying to live as a woman in my daily life first to see if it was truly right for me. I think my low self-esteem, depression, and isolation drove me to make a permanent decision about my body when what I needed was to work on my mental health.
Age | Year | Event |
---|---|---|
(Age not stated) | (Year not stated) | Began taking estrogen and spironolactone (HRT) |
(Age not stated) | 2018 | Stopped HRT "cold turkey" |
(Age not stated) | 2018 | Began the process of social detransition, planning to change name back |
Top Comments by /u/missamandajones:
I am one of the people who “fell through the cracks.” It’s very easy to get on HRT in big cities. There is even informed consent. I’m not going to blame anyone, because I should have explored my own feelings more first.
It’s become more common for people to start HRT before RLE which I hope to see change. People need to see if presenting a certain way every day is for them (and really trying to pass) before doing anything invasive. A lot of people experience dysphoria but transition isn’t the best treatment for everyone.
I enjoyed finally going on dates and having my first sexual experiences with men. I no longer felt “invisible” at least in that way. I started liking dressing like a woman everyday, and I had fun with selfies.
Not a whole lot got better though. I was still in seclusion 90% of the time and very depressed. I was in sort of an existential battle the whole time, like is this who I really am? Do I want attention? Is this just a fetish? I also feel shame with being feminine.
Can I ask why you’re detransitioning?
Edit: looked through your post history. I’d say yes. Just work super hard on correcting your voice first, as you can do that for free
I was a bitter recluse too. I became very macabre and started watching The Fly a bunch. Dark times. Nothing was working out for me. I was working as a dishwasher, which I hated, had no close friends, no one was looking out for me.
I also had a suicide plot in the back of my mind, very similar to yours. I no longer plan on suicide but I am so broken now I don’t know what I’m going to do or how I’m going to live my life.
Sort of. I believe in the concept of autogynephilia and would guess the majority of MtF people I know have that issue as the root cause of their dysphoria (myself included). Honestly believing that my dysphoria stems from essentially a fetish makes it hard for me to really feel like I’m actualizing myself through transition.
I am a bit iffy on the bathroom thing. I don’t think trans women should use the men’s bathroom, but not sure about the women’s either, mostly out of respect for their own space. I think of some trans women as women, but others... not so much, to be frank. It really depends on the person’s commitment, poise, level of assimilation, etc... I wouldn’t call myself a woman based on my own criteria.
I’m going off cold turkey. I wasn’t taking spiro
Is it harder to change your name a second time? Luckily I didn’t change my birth certificate. I hope that helps, but I’m sure there will be questions as to why I’m changing my name for the second time in a year.
My story is so similar to yours. I was also super shy and most people thought I was gay. It was far easier being a cute shy girl than a weird shy loser at least in dating. Unfortunately after experiencing dating as a woman I’ll probably not want to as a man. It’s just a lot less fun when you have to do the work of pursuing and be dominant, etc.
Do you think you’ll detrans or are you still trying to adjust to your new life?
No I was taking it for a long time then I got a doctor who didn’t prescribe it for the last few months...
Oh well. Honestly my life couldn’t be worse anyway
It is and it isn’t my case. I do know it isn’t strictly limited to masturbating about myself as a woman because the idea of me being a woman (or really note wanting to be a man) pervades my thoughts constantly.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with transitioning as an AGP person. I would argue many trans women have it. Its most obviously apparent in those who have led a successful gender conforming life as a male, wife and kids included before transition (ie Caitlyn Jenner), but people are better able to transition earlier now. If you have a deep longing in your heart for something why not go for it?
Honestly detransitioning has not been easy because this isn’t exactly what I want either. I still have a longing to be a woman. It’s very hard on me. I don’t post to invalidate others or have an agenda, I’m struggling with my feelings and I’m looking for help. I also think detrans is a slightly more helpful forum than MtF or asktransgender (especially the former).