This story is from the comments by /u/mistofeli that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this user account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments display a long-term, nuanced, and deeply personal engagement with the complex and often painful experience of gender dysphoria, transition, and detransition. The user shares specific, consistent personal details over several years (e.g., having osteoporosis from blockers, being on T for ~2 years, being Australian, attending an all-girls school). Their perspective evolves over time, showing genuine reflection rather than a fixed, scripted narrative.
The user's tone is passionate and often critical of both trans and detrans communities, which aligns with the warning that detransitioners can be "very passionate and pissed off." They demonstrate empathy for those struggling with dysphoria while cautioning against medicalization, a common and authentic stance within the detrans community. The language is natural, complex, and lacks the repetition or simplicity typical of bots.
About me
I started identifying as trans at 14, driven by severe dysphoria and immersion in online communities that reinforced this path. I medically transitioned as a teenager with blockers, testosterone, and surgery, which caused lasting physical harm and made me obsessed with passing. I eventually realized my dysphoria was likely rooted in internalized issues and stopped testosterone at 19. Now, six years later, I’m medically detransitioned and no longer let gender control my life or how others see me. My goal is simply to live happily, having learned that there is no definitive answer to find inside yourself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was around 13 or 14 when I first started identifying as trans. I went to an all-girls school, and I think that environment played a big part in it. I developed a very abstract idea of what "being a man" meant because I wasn't really around boys my age. I had severe gender dysphoria; being called "she" or "miss" could ruin my entire day. The distress was visceral and real. I felt like I had to correct people on my name and pronouns not just for my own anxiety, but because it felt deeply unfair that other people's comfort was being put before my pain.
I was completely immersed in online trans communities, mainly on Tumblr. A lot of my friends were also identifying as trans or non-binary. I think there was a social contagion element to it; we were all introducing each other to these ideas. I was also really into fandom culture, which was heavily intertwined with trans politics. I think I, and a lot of my friends, were looking for an escape. I was a weird, nerdy tomboy, and fandom felt like a safe space, but it also reinforced the idea that my feelings meant I was trans.
My dysphoria got worse the more I transitioned and the more time I spent in those online spaces. I became obsessed with passing. I started binding my chest, which caused me physical pain and injury that I still deal with. I left school because of my dysphoria. I stopped doing things I loved, like singing and swimming, because I was so focused on controlling how people saw me. I thought if I could just pass as male, everything would be okay.
When I was around 15, I went on puberty blockers. I was told it was a harmless pause, but I developed osteoporosis because of them. My bone density is still low. I then started testosterone when I was about 16. I was on it for just under two years, but I’d been on blockers for about three years before that. I also had top surgery as a minor, when I was 17. I pushed down my doubts on the operating table because I was afraid of what my family would think if I backed out, and I worried I wouldn't get another chance.
For a while, transition did relieve my dysphoria enough for me to think more clearly. But eventually, I started to question things. I discovered detransitioners online and realised I couldn't say for sure if internalised misogyny was a cause of my dysphoria. I started to interrogate the medical model of transness and the idea of "brain sex." I realised that manhood wasn't a defined feeling you discover inside; we're all just people. Gender exists externally, and we react to it.
I stopped testosterone about six years ago, when I was 19. My main reasons were that I didn't relate to men or fit in with them, and there were physical effects I didn't want, like back hair and the threat of male pattern baldness. I also came to feel a connection to other women that I had been denying. It wasn't a feeling of "euphoria" to detransition; it was scary and confusing. I was filled with anxiety about losing my identity and community.
I don't regret my transition in the sense that I blame myself. I was a kid trying to cope with horrible dysphoria the best way I knew how. But I do have regrets. I regret the long-term physical harms: the osteoporosis from blockers and the binding injuries. I regret that I gave up my hobbies and made myself miserable trying to control how others perceived me. I regret that I didn't give other ways of coping a chance. I thought transition was the only answer, and I shut down any other possibilities.
Now, I'm medically detransitioned but not fully socially detransitioned. I've been off testosterone for six years. People usually read me as a teenage boy, sometimes as an androgynous woman. I don't correct people anymore; I let them use whatever pronouns they assume. Being called "she" doesn't bother me like it used to, but I don't have the energy to constantly explain myself. For the most part, I just don't want to think about gender at all. I'm okay with my top surgery decision; if I could press a button to reverse it, I don't think I would, but I do wonder if in a different scenario I could have learned to be happy without it.
I've come to see that a lot of my alienation from other women was my own shyness and social anxiety. The gender stuff didn't help, but I’d probably feel out of step regardless. I also think I have ADHD and that gender became a hyperfixation for me; the obsessive thinking didn't go away after transition. I’ve had to learn that you can't find a definitive answer to whether you're "really trans" because there's no such essence to discover. It's a rigged game.
My thoughts on gender now are that the categories of "cis" and "trans" aren't very meaningful. I see being female as my political reality. I reject the idea that women have a "natural" role; we are individuals. My sense of female identity comes from rejecting gender roles, not embracing them. I benefited from stepping away from online debates and focusing on building a life in the real world. The goal for me, and I think for anyone with dysphoria, is to find a way to live a happy life without letting these feelings control you.
Timeline of Events
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13-14 | Started identifying as transgender and socially transitioning. |
| 15 | Began puberty blockers. |
| 16 | Started testosterone (HRT). |
| 17 | Had top surgery. |
| 19 | Stopped testosterone; began medical detransition. |
| 19 - Present (25) | Living medically detransitioned, not socially detransitioned. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/mistofeli:
some people in the comments here are missing the joke in the caption, but it's a mean spirited joke so whatever.
made a comment on this earlier and got blocked within minutes. here's what i said:
i'd wager a guess i started transitioning before you even knew what that was, and the main reason i am "detrans" now is this bullshit. your casual bullying and inability to see beyond your own experience ruins this community
stand by that. i've been seeing more stuff than usual from the anti "AFAB" crowd lately. why are we expected to choose between tolerating this and full alt right insanity?
sometimes feels like transition is the only thing stopping people from recognising this kind of behaviour for the petty chauvinist crap it is. wouldn't tolerate it in a man, so why is it ok when trans women do it?
i would delay your top surgery until you feel more stable. i don't know how things would've panned out if i hadn't, but i pushed down my doubts on the operating table and i don't think that was healthy at all. i was afraid of what my family would think if i put things on hold, and i was worried that i wouldn't get another opportunity to have surgery if i backed out then and that i'd be stuck suffering until i could reschedule.
the truth is top surgery isn't going away anytime soon, and your wellbeing is more important than what people think of you. my advice would be to put it off until you feel confident about it. whether you ultimately decide to get top surgery or not, it's really not a good idea to go into major surgery under this amount of stress. how are you feeling now?
hey there. what you're saying makes total sense. the perspective you're describing is pretty much tailor made to trap people like us in loops.
i think you might it useful to move away from the idea that being trans is an "essence" you either have or don't have. i could go into detail about why this is the case, but i feel like that might just lead you down another rabbithole.
suffice it to say, you are looking for something that doesn't exist. there is no trans essence waiting to be discovered within you. transness is not one discreet quality people are born with, it is a narrative (more accurately, a collection of many different, changing, competing narratives) people come identify with for many different reasons.
in my experience and based on my reading and conversations with others, obsessive thoughts tend to coalesce around topics to which there are no definitive answers. this is one of those topics. searching within yourself for some definitive sign that you are "really trans" is like trying to catch smoke; you're not going to be able to get your hands on it because there's no such thing. the game is rigged.
you mentioned in another post that you have ocd. are you currently seeing an ocd specialist? if not, i encourage you to reach out to one. all the best
i agree that this post is scaremongering, but this just isn't true. i had gender affirming surgery as a minor and i personally know other people who did too. if you have a look on trans subreddits on here it's pretty easy to find posts from teenagers as young as 13 who have had gender affirming surgeries as well.
thank you for the sentiment and the support.
however, the notion that detransitioners don't have/never had "genuine gender dysphoria" is...pretty out of touch, in my opinion. i don't buy this dichotomy of genuine vs mistaken gender dysphoria and i find it pretty condescending.
hey, just want to let you know you're not alone. i've been in a similar situation - i was the first in my middle/high school friend group to transition and inspired five friends to identify as trans. then as an adult i detransitioned, and very directly influenced another friend to desist as well. i can also relate to what you said about encouraging a friend to identify as trans beyond the point of being accepting. when i was a teen, i really wanted my girlfriend to be transmasculine, mostly because i wanted to have someone to relate to. most of my friends already identified as trans, but they were all nonbinary girls at the time. and of course, the parents caught on to my encouragement and treated me in some pretty shitty ways as well.
sometimes i think about what my life would be like if i had never discovered being trans online, but for the most part it's hard to imagine because i think i would've come into contact with trans stuff one way or another eventually. i would encourage you to look at it like that - you may have played some role to introducing your friend to transition, but you were both part of a larger cultural moment happening at the time that was bigger than both of you. if you hadn't told your friend that cis people don't question their gender, it's probable they would've read or heard it (or similar) somewhere else down the line.
i also don't think being influenced to identify as trans by the internet/your social circle and actually transitioning are always completely linked. as i said, i played a role in influencing 5 of my friends to identify as trans, but in adult life three have completely desisted, one has partially desisted, and the other has no plans to transition. that makes me think there are probably preexisting factors at play separate and alongside the influence of ideas like the ones we introduced our friends to that distinguish people who want to transition from people who are trans-only-in-name (although i think it's very complicated and those states aren't necessarily static, permanent categories).
in the past couple of months a girl who i went to high school with has come out as nonbinary on facebook and started posting about it, and i've talked with a desisted friend of mine who also attended the same school about how bizarre it is to see someone in their 20s make exactly the same posts we made when we were 13, 14, and 15. it's impossible to say for sure, but things like that make me think it's likely your friend would have been attracted to these kinds of ideas whether they had been introduced to them by you in their teen years, or by someone else in their university years and even beyond.
that was all a bit of mess, but the point is i can empathise with worrying that your influence has harmed someone in this way. it makes you feel awful and guilty. just don't be too hard on yourself. it's impossible to know for sure whether your influence set your friend on a path they wouldn't have otherwise taken, but i think it's unlikely, and more to the point - it seems like your friend hasn't indicated that they have any regrets at this point, which is a good sign. all the best, and feel free to message me if you ever want to talk about it
hey there. i think u/1infinitel00p has said it best - you can always go back on testosterone after stopping, but you can't take back the changes that happen while you're on it.
in my opinion, disliking a change on testosterone right out of the gate is a strong sign to stop and take some time to think. it's important to listen to your feelings and instincts, and it sounds like they're telling you to put on the breaks.
if you don't mind me asking, who's prescribing your testosterone (eg. general practitioner, endocrinologist, informed consent service)? it's quite unusual for a teenager to start HRT without socially transitioning first. is there a reason you decided to start testosterone before socially transitioning?
i also noticed that you said in another comment that you haven't had any bloodwork yet. i'm a little concerned to hear that as that's not best practice. there can be a lot of medical negligence within trans healthcare and it's important to advocate for yourself to get the proper care. doctors cutting corners can be a risk to your safety.
good luck and all the best
what u/imbibitionn said. op, we aren't here to provide backup for whatever petty internet fight you're having on tumblr.
i can tell you've come here expecting to find a community of people who transitioned out of simple ignorance and foolishness. it's really condescending. we all have diverse experiences of dysphoria, past & ongoing, minor & debilitating, and we're much more complicated than whatever trenders and tucutes narrative you've whipped up in your head to explain us away. the vast majority of us genuinely have/had gender dysphoria.
to (sort of) answer your question: i never identified as a non-dysphoric trans person because i had severe dysphoria, but i know a decent amount of people who do. thus far no detransitioners. i don't think there's any special link between "tucute" ideology and detransition. actually, one of the first things i noticed when i started looking into detransition online was how many people mentioned being hardcore transmeds before.
i moved away from "tucute" ideas about the definition of trans because i realised trans people couldn't be a coherent social class if anyone could opt in, but ultimately it was thinking about and interrogating the medical model of transsexuality that lead me to detransition.
p.s. afaik trans as an umbrella term independent of gender dysphoria was popularised in the 90s by leslie feinberg, not tumblr circa 2011. google tells me it was used to distinguish between transsexuals and non-transitioners as early as 1969. it's not a new idea.
i can definitely relate; i felt very similarly 1 year off t.
as others have said, one year is pretty early on in terms of detransition. it can be a frustrating stage to be in, having been at it for a whole year already, yet still not necessarily being where you want.
i'm coming up on 5 years off t and i want to say it's only really been in the last year or so that i've noticed the scales consistently leaning towards strangers reading me as female. of course there are a million other variables and YMMV, but i tend to agree 2 years is a more realistic minimum for physical changes.
it's an uncomfortable position to be in but you will figure it out. when people, even lesbians, were still reading me as a cis guy, i felt like passing was going to alienate me forever. gender ambiguity can still be a bit of a weird social position to occupy, but i definitely don't feel so trapped anymore. hang in there friend
it sounds like you have some mixed feelings. if i'm understanding you right, you're saying you want to be an attractive girl, but you also want to be masculine/androgynous. you have some fears and misgivings about transitioning but you're also worried that if you don't you won't be being true to yourself.
my advice is to be yourself. don't push yourself into anything you don't want or don't know if you want. you don't have to present yourself in a way other people find attractive and you don't have to commit to taking testosterone if you have concerns.
it sounds like you associate being masculine/androgynous with being trans and being feminine with being a girl. just remember, you don't need to be trans to be masculine/androgynous and you don't need to be feminine to be a girl. don't feel like you have to change your name or the way you dress to be a girl - it's up to you. all the best