This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The user (mjf0x) demonstrates:
- Personal, consistent experience: They share specific, first-person details about microdosing testosterone, their sensitivity to it, and their decision to stop.
- Nuanced, evolving philosophy: Their views on gender as a construct and the harm of labels are complex, deeply personal, and consistent across many comments.
- Empathetic engagement: They give tailored, thoughtful advice to others, often referencing the poster's specific history or situation.
- Human inconsistency: They reference their own changing identity (e.g., feeling like "double trans" and then the opposite) and admit to not having all the answers, which is not typical bot behavior.
The passion and specific philosophical viewpoint are consistent with a genuine desister/detransitioner reflecting on their experience.
About me
I started questioning my gender at 28 because I felt I didn't fit society's rules for being a woman. I thought I was trans and even tried testosterone, but it made me feel a terrible rage and my body rejected it. I realized my discomfort wasn't with my female body, but with the stereotypes and labels I was trying to fit into. Through therapy that encouraged questioning, I learned to let go of labels and find freedom in just being myself. Now, I'm at peace, understanding that my true self exists in the moment, not in any fixed identity.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started from a place of deep discomfort, but not necessarily with my body itself. I was born female and I always felt like the rules and boxes society had for being a woman just didn't fit me. I felt different, and I started to believe that the intense discomfort I felt was a sign that I was in the wrong body. I now see that a lot of that feeling was actually a rejection of the stereotypes and labels themselves, not of my physical self.
I eventually came to identify as trans and then, even more specifically, as "double trans," though I don't really hold onto that label anymore. I thought testosterone was the answer to finding my true self and achieving a sense of peace. I tried microdosing T for about six weeks, but it made me feel a deep, unsettling rage and extreme discomfort. My body is very sensitive, and it was clearly rejecting it. I'm so relieved I listened to my body and stopped when I did. I realized that what I actually needed was to understand my natural cycle and work with my body, not against it.
My whole perspective shifted when I started to let go of labels. I spent so much time trying to build a perfect, authentic version of myself, but I realized that's impossible because we are always changing. The real freedom came from stopping the search for the right label and just focusing on being myself in each moment. I believe that gender is a social construct, a set of made-up boxes that no one truly fits into perfectly. The euphoria I felt wasn't from moving into a new box; it was from the momentary freedom of breaking out of a box altogether. Chasing that feeling through transition became exhausting, and the euphoria always faded.
I benefited immensely from this kind of non-affirming therapy—therapy that wasn't about affirming an identity, but about questioning everything and deconstructing the labels I had built up. It helped me see that my fixation on my appearance and on finding the perfect label was what was holding me back from true self-acceptance. I also looked into concepts like mindfulness, presence, and ego death, which helped me understand that I am just an entity experiencing life in this body. The body is just a vessel, and the terms we use to describe ourselves are just concepts that can be helpful until they become harmful.
I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to this deeper understanding of myself. But I do see now that medically transitioning would have been a mistake for me. I never had surgery or took hormones long-term, so I didn't have to deal with serious health complications or infertility. My journey was more social and internal. I think I was heavily influenced by spending too much time in online communities, both trans and detrans, and I had to take a step back from all of that to really hear my own intuition.
Now, I’ve found a lot of peace. I go by MJ, which comes from my very feminine birth names, and I let people call me whatever they feel comfortable with. It doesn’t define me. My husband uses both names, and I love that it reflects his mood and perception of me. I’ve learned that my true self doesn't rely on any label. Authenticity exists in the moment, and that’s where I try to live.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 28 | First began to question my gender identity and feel deep discomfort with societal gender roles. |
| 30 | Came out as trans and later identified as "double trans." Began spending significant time in online trans communities. |
| 31 | Started microdosing testosterone gel. |
| 31 | Stopped testosterone after ~6 weeks due to feelings of rage and extreme physical discomfort. |
| 31 | Began the process of deconstructing gender labels, influenced by concepts of mindfulness and non-affirming therapy. |
| 32 | Fully let go of identifying with any trans labels, finding peace in existing without fixed definitions. |
Top Comments by /u/mjf0x:
Hey, OP, I just looked at your post history (hope that’s ok). It’s gonna be hard to get a good sense of where you’re at with gender identity and what you might want to do with hormones if you are drinking excessively. Drinking impacts our brains and bodies in pretty epic ways and can totally warp our perception of the world. I hope you can find some help with the booze because I suspect a lot of other answers may fall into place for you ♡
When we create a concept of who we are in our minds, we get stuck performing it. I love this post so much and look forward to a day when this type of discussion isn’t seen as “transphobic” because it needs to be explained to ALL people, whether they identify as trans* or not.
I believe the vast majority of people who identify with their assigned gender/sex are also doing this, it just isn’t quite so obvious! This is what lays the groundwork for awakening.
Saw a post from David Bedrick the other day that this makes me think of:
I said to my soul: “Have I waited too long to die?” “Yes you have.”
You have a new body to learn to be okay in. Same challenge as before with some new factors thrown in. You seem to have a lot of clarity and seem to be doing a great job listening to your inner voice/intuition right now. You will be ok, just take this a day at a time ♡
I think the fixation on physical appearance evidenced throughout this post is quite possibly the very thing that is holding you back from accepting yourself. Pick your hormones based on how you feel in brain, body, and mind because if you’re chasing a certain physical manifestation, you’ll eventually be disappointed again regardless of which hormones you’re taking. Our bodies change a lot through the aging process.
I can see how you might have jumped to that analogy but it isn’t what I was going for. I mention this because I think that a lot of transitions happen once people label themselves as an “other.” Aka transness sets people apart from other people somehow. Then the transition are the next steps to solidify that difference.
Hanging out in virtual trans (or detrans!) spaces too much can absolutely influence your assessment of the situation.
Can you take a prolonged social media break to see how you’re actually feeling day-to-day? Maybe reassess the situation once you’ve done a cleanse of other people’s opinions and viewpoints?
In my experience, concepts or labels we use for ourselves are helpful until they are harmful. A willingness to let go of any and all labels we identify with creates a flexibility that allows us to pivot.
You could try to focus on your authentic self in the moment without any labels or terms to define you. Right now, as you are reading this, you are an entity within a body. The body is just part of your experience of the world and the terms you use to identify yourself are simply concepts or mental constructs. If you can find a way to be more grounded in the moment, the labels you use to make sense of your experience won’t carry so much weight. You may just realize you don’t need to worry about which ones are right and wrong.
Read about ego death!
It seems like you keep trying to build a version of yourself that seems authentically you, but that is not possible because we are constantly changing. Rather than trying to create an accurate image of who you are, you could try focusing on being yourself in the moment with no desire for consistency across time. You may find some relief in that space ♡
It seems like you are trying to fit your very real identity into made up conceptual boxes. Fixation on this can lead to a lot of confusion, in my experience. The entity you were at birth (and still are!) doesn’t have to follow society’s labeling rules. The concepts of man and woman are simply stereotypes that society hasn’t seen through yet. Freedom comes when you see through the stereotypes and realize that literally no one fits into those boxes, even if they seem to, even if they have somehow used an assortment of mental gymnastics and convinced themselves they have.
Living in the moment doesn’t leave space for this type of inner turmoil. Have you done any reading about the idea of mindfulness and presence? I can give you book suggestions if you’d like!
Best of luck to you on your search for understanding ♡
I know this is probably inflammatory but I have a suspicion that the euphoria people experience is actually being misread by people who go through a transition. I fully believe that gender boxes are made up concepts that truly don’t fully fit for any individual. People may have varying levels of comfort with the gender identity they were assigned at birth but it’s just a made up label at the end of the day. The euphoria I felt dissipated as I chased the idea of transition. Took crazy work to keep it alive. Then I realized that I got the same euphoria from breaking the new gender rules I’d set for myself. Then it dawned on me that the euphoria I was feeling was about not boxing myself. It wasn’t about being in the wrong box.
We are ever evolving creatures. Finding a way to be at peace with our feelings in the moment is more effective than attempting to remedy our feelings. Seems like you are doing that really effectively now so I’d be surprised if you’d be unable to do that again in the future. Congrats on your further self awareness.