This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments display:
- Personal, nuanced storytelling with specific, emotionally complex life experiences (e.g., family dynamics, specific trauma).
- Consistent themes of self-acceptance, healing from trauma, and the personal journey of detransition.
- A natural, empathetic tone that offers support and reflects on the user's own past feelings and reasoning, which aligns with a genuine detransitioner's perspective.
The passion and strong opinions are consistent with someone who has lived through a difficult experience.
About me
I was born female, and my journey started because my understanding of being a woman was shaped by early trauma and a desperate search for safety. I transitioned to male, thinking it would be a magical fix for my deep insecurities and self-hatred. I eventually realized my desire to escape being a woman was a response to that unresolved pain, not my true identity. Through therapy, I healed and came back to identifying as a woman, learning that my worth comes from my choices, not a perfect identity. I have some regrets about the permanent changes to my body, but now I focus on loving myself where I am and continuing to heal.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition is deeply tangled with trauma and a desperate search for an identity I could feel safe in. I was born female, and from a very young age, my understanding of what it meant to be a woman was shaped by painful and confusing experiences.
I was molested as a child by an adult female cousin. At the same time, my mother, who had her own bad experiences, constantly warned me that men were pigs and would rape you if you gave them a chance. My older sister, who was seen as a local beauty, was raped as a teenager and became very promiscuous afterwards. I saw the attention she got, even if it was born from trauma, and I felt completely invisible. I even put myself in dangerous situations, trying to get that same kind of sexual attention from men, but it never happened. This made me feel like a total freak. To be abused by a woman, but then have men not want me, completely warped my self-worth.
When I went through puberty, I remember looking at my body and genuinely thinking I was growing a penis. I hated my breasts; they felt wrong and alien. I couldn't connect with other girls or women. I was terrified of them. The only female friends I could have were other girls with gender issues; two of my best friends from high school are now trans men. I think I needed to be the "team mom" for people who were also struggling because it was the only way I knew how to be around women.
I started my transition as non-binary, but it quickly evolved. Creating an alternate identity—a bigendered, confident, sexually self-assured male persona—gave me a strength I never had as myself. Everyone seemed to love "boy me." He always knew what to do and what to say. It was a form of escapism from the depressed, anxious person I was. I believed that if I could just become this ideal man, all my insecurities would vanish. I thought transitioning would be a magical key to being desirable and finally fixing my life. I took testosterone and eventually got top surgery.
But it didn't fix the deep-down problems. I had to finally confront my childhood trauma. Through therapy and resources like Patrick Teahan's YouTube videos, I started to heal. I realized that a huge part of my transition was a response to that trauma, a way to escape being the woman I associated with pain and inadequacy. I came to understand that cis women struggle too—they cry in front of the mirror, they feel not good enough, they face rejection. Being a woman wasn't the problem; my unresolved pain was.
Healing led me back to identifying as a woman. I now have a much healthier view of women and myself. I learned that my worth isn't tied to an immutable identity, but to the choices I make every day. The key to happiness is getting excited about your own choices, not about fitting into a perfect box.
I do have some regrets about my transition, specifically about the permanent changes to my body, like my surgery. I can't change that now, so I focus on what I can do: loving myself where I am, with what I have. My journey taught me that you have infinite worth. Your body is a universe of meaning, and you deserve to heal.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on the events I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Very Young | Molested by an adult female cousin. |
| Puberty (approx. 12-13) | Experienced significant puberty discomfort; hated breast development; felt like I was "growing a penis." |
| High School Years | Could only befriend girls with gender issues; had low self-esteem and anxiety. |
| Young Adulthood (exact age unknown) | Started identifying as non-binary, then as a trans man. Began taking testosterone. |
| Young Adulthood (exact age unknown) | Underwent top surgery. |
| Before 2022 | Began the process of detransition after healing from childhood trauma. Stopped taking testosterone. |
Top Comments by /u/mmm128:
It's ironic. I transitioned (before I detransed) partially because I couldn't live up to the beauty and poise of women I believed were men's ideal. Do you understand that cis women cry in front of the mirror, that they feel not feminine and not good enough? That some cis women spend their whole lives dreaming of love, romance, and family only to have their hopes shattered again and again? That cis women endure the whispers, insults, and social rejection of women who deem themselves prettier?
Despite what the internet says, being a woman isn't the magical key to desirability. No one gets to force anyone to be sexually attracted to them, or to have a relationship with them. Men don't automatically want to have sex with every woman they meet. Humans get to decide who, if anyone, they want to settle down with.
You deserve to heal from childhood trauma, no matter what else you choose. My childhood trauma had a lot to do with my transition, and, for me, healing led me back to being a woman, and to a much healthier view of women in general. There are so many resources available for free that helped me. I recommend Patrick Teahan's videos on YouTube -- he's a social worker. All the love and good vibes to you.
You can never choose how people will see you. What people think about you is ultimately none of your business, and people are very capable of lying about their true opinions and intentions. The ideals you value can guide your decisions about your life-- you can't make anyone else believe anything.
You shared a vulnerable piece of yourself with honesty. I feel blessed by your words. I remember believing that transitioning to my "true" gender would take away my biggest insecurities. Almost like every life error I made pre transition now had an innocent excuse.
Some people are saying that you should just pick up a hobby, and I get what they mean and they're probably right, but I think it's an oversimplification.
You need to be able to get as excited about your own choices as you were by your immutable identity. That is not an easy task. In my experience, most people fail at it. But everyone I know who's really happy has learned to allow themselves to get caught up in the excitement of the choices they make every day.
I can see some of myself in your story, although yours is definitely 100% unique to you. I found that having an alternate identity--one where I was a bigendered, confident, sexually self assured person-- gave me the strength to try things I would never have tried before (like performing solo.) Everyone seemed to love boy me. I always seemed to know what to do, what to say, as boy me.
As a little girl, my big sister was known as a beauty. Almost a local celebrity. She was raped as a young teenager (I wasn't aware of this until recently), and she dealt with it by becoming reeally promiscuous.
My mother is very conservative and had bad experiences with men as a girl, so she would constantly talk about how men were pigs and if you gave them the slightest chance they would rape you. No men ever tried to rape me, even though I put myself in dangerous and embarrassing positions to try and get the kind of sexual attention my sister got. Because I thought something was wrong with me for not being abused by men.
Because I was molested, from a very young age, by an adult female cousin.
To be raped by a woman, but not have men go for it even when I was offering myself up made me sure I was some kind of freak.
I remember as my body went through puberty I thought I was growing a penis.
My ability to have friendships with cis women was non-existent. I was terrified of them. I had to be be the "team mom" for women with gender issues, or I didn't have female friends. Two of my highschool bff's are transmen now.
I guess my heart just goes out to you. You're not alone. Every part of your life is valid.
The person you are right now deserves the best she can do with what she has where she is. My heart goes out to you, so much of what you said made me feel like I could have written it. You aren't alone. It has helped me to say to myself "what would I do if I loved myself?" And then do that.
You have infinite worth. Every good, beautiful, valuable thing you have ever experienced is the result of your precious, unique body interpreting your surroundings to yourself. You are an entire universe of meaning.
It is time for you to take a step back and decide what things matter most to you. What are your values? What do you know is right? When suicidal feelings strike, taking actions that align with your values will bring you meaning and peace.
Take it from someone who has successfully come back from attempted suicide. You will experience joy you can't even imagine right now if you listen to yourself about what matters most to you, and act on those convictions.