This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The comments display:
- A consistent, deeply personal narrative of detransition.
- Complex emotional reasoning and self-reflection.
- Specific, plausible details (e.g., autism, abuse, endometriosis, OCD symptoms) that align with known detransitioner experiences.
- A natural, conversational writing style with varied sentence structure.
About me
I never felt like I fit in as a girl, so I thought becoming a man was the answer and started taking testosterone. That decision led me into a living hell of severe mental health issues and physical pain. A powerful moment of clarity made me realize my transition was just a mask to hide my trauma and low self-esteem. I stopped hormones and am now trying to accept myself as a female, though I struggle with shame from harmful messages about my body. I deeply regret the permanent changes and lost years, but I'm finally dealing with the real issues.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition started because I never felt like I fit in as a girl. Looking back, I think a huge part of it was being autistic. I’ve always struggled to understand intangible ideas, and gender was one of them. I was raised by a narcissistic father and my parents had very strict, stereotypical views on how a girl should act and be. I never measured up. I experienced trauma, including abuse, which made everything more confusing. In a desperate attempt to mask my autism and finally "fit in," I decided that my problem was that I was actually a boy. It felt like a solution because it gave me a clear box to check and a new set of rules to follow, which was easier than dealing with the messiness of who I really was.
I started taking testosterone. For a while, I thought my problems were solved. But they weren't. Instead, transitioning made my life a living hell. I developed severe OCD symptoms, like constant checking and compulsions. I started experiencing psychosis and became suicidal. The medical side was hard too; I developed serious pelvic pain. I’m not sure if it was caused by the hormones or if I had an underlying condition like endometriosis that was made worse, but it’s been a difficult thing to manage.
The moment everything changed for me was when I had a powerful experience with a psychedelic drug, a pot brownie. I got really high and had a sudden moment of clarity. I had just gotten out of an intensely abusive relationship and was finally starting to think about what actually made me happy. I realized in that moment that nothing that brought me joy had anything to do with being a man. In fact, trying to be one was causing all my suffering. The biggest "oh fuck" moment was the crushing realization that I would never actually be male. I saw that my transition was just another mask I was putting on to hide my pain, my low self-esteem, and my history of trauma. It was a form of escapism that wasn't working.
I never got surgery. I hated my breasts for a long time and desperately wanted top surgery, but I'm so thankful now that I never went through with it. I don't hate my body parts anymore, but I do have a feeling of shame around my vulva. I think that's because females are taught that our parts are gross, dirty, and ugly, while male parts are seen as a symbol of power. It’s a hard thing to unlearn, but I'm trying to learn to love my body purely out of spite for those harmful messages.
I don’t really use labels for my sexuality anymore. I think my struggle was rooted in internalized homophobia; it was easier to try and become a straight man than to accept being a female who isn't heterosexual. I also struggle to understand non-binarism because every time I asked someone to define it, I got a completely different answer. I refuse to contribute to gender stereotypes now.
I absolutely regret transitioning. I regret the permanent changes from testosterone and the serious health complications I’m now dealing with. I regret the years I lost to psychosis and depression, thinking the problem was my body instead of my mind and my past trauma. I benefited from therapy that wasn't affirming; a therapist who challenged my thinking instead of just agreeing with me is what I needed. That, and the psychedelic experience, helped me see the truth.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15-16 | Began to socially transition to male due to social discomfort, autism masking, and trauma. |
| 17 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 18-20 | Developed severe OCD, psychosis, and suicidality. Experienced the onset of serious pelvic pain. |
| 20 | Had a pivotal psychedelic experience (pot brownie) that led to my immediate detransition. Realized transition was a mask and a form of escapism. |
| 21 | Stopped testosterone and began the process of accepting myself as a female. |
Top Comments by /u/moldynugg:
I theorise (due to my own experience as an autistic female) that it stemmed from a combination of lack of understanding of intangible constructs, a whole lot of trauma, masking, and being raised by a narc father, that caused my transition. Being autistic definitely impacted this in ways I didn't even expect, some being particularly vulnerable to narcissistic abuse and csa.
My parents were always very stereotypical and so, in a desperate attempt to mask and "fit in" due to never meeting expectations of what they think a female should be, I transitioned and thought my problems were solved, because I finally fit the "gender" that I acted as.
relatively the same reason as yours, I refuse to contribute once again to gender stereotypes, be it directly or indirectly. I tend to stray from using labels in any regard, aside (ofc) from contexts where it is necessary. I also admittedly struggle to understand nonbinarism as a whole, as every time I've asked to have it defined, it's been an entirely different answer.
I don't hate mine, I just have a feeling of shame around it. Females aren't taught to view their vulva/vaginas as a symbol of power like male are with their penises, they're taught that they are gross, dirty, and ugly.
It's hard to disconnect what society has written about our body parts, but I am learning to love mine purely out of spite.
I got really, super high, from a pot brownie and experienced one of those sudden insight moments. I had just started untying myself from a heavily abusive relationship, and was thinking about things that make me happy. I realised all at once that none of those were related to transitioning, in fact, it was making my life a living hell. I was experiencing OCD symptoms (checking, compulsions), psychosis, suicidality, all the fun stuff. The key thing that made me go "oh fuck" was the fact that I'd never EVER be sexed male. I was putting up yet another mask to cover my suffering.
Ah, that really sucks, I hope you manage it alright. I am unsure if I have had it my whole life (I am autistic and struggle with identifying pain/emotions) or if it came with HRT. Closest relation to me is my mother who suffered endometriosis.
It's been hard! I'm trying not to, but if an underlying condition has been exacerbated by hrt I may hold some grief for a while. Thanks for your response btw.