This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments are highly personal, emotionally varied, and internally consistent with the perspective of a detransitioned/desisted female who transitioned to male. The language is nuanced, reflective, and shows a deep understanding of the complex personal and social issues involved, which is not typical of automated or impersonating accounts. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the genuine trauma often described in the community.
About me
I always felt different from other girls, and my discomfort with puberty and the pressure to be a certain kind of woman led me to transition. I took testosterone and lived as a man for a while, hoping it would fix my deep loneliness and relational struggles. I realized that changing my body wasn't the solution and that I needed to find self-acceptance instead of a new identity. I found immense healing by connecting with older butch women who showed me the beauty in my natural self. I'm now at peace as a masculine woman, and I believe the real answer is radical self-love, not changing your body.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was very young, around five years old. I always felt different from other girls and was deeply uncomfortable with puberty. I hated developing breasts and felt a deep sense of humiliation when I started being sexualized by my male peers in grade school for it. I felt like I could never live up to the impossible beauty standards for women that are everywhere in media—the pornographied, anorexic, photoshopped images. This discomfort with my body and my role as a woman was a huge part of my life.
I identified as a lesbian for a long time, but I struggled intensely in the dating world. I felt a lot of pressure to be more masculine for my partners and to perform a certain way in bed that felt violent and that I hated. I often felt like my female partners were pushing a type of sex on me that was influenced by porn, and it left me feeling used and ashamed. I came to believe that a lot of young women use sex as a form of self-harm, and I was participating in my own form of self-harm by going along with it. I also felt a deep loneliness and a sense that butch women like me weren't truly accepted, even in lesbian spaces. We face rejection from straight women and gay women, and it’s painful to hope for refuge in a relationship only to face more struggle.
A big part of my attraction to men was complicated by shame. I always felt humiliated having sex with men because of their expectations, which seemed to be shaped by porn. I felt like they expected me to perform like a porn star, and it created a massive incompatibility for me. I’ve come to realize that a lot of my identity and attraction was shaped by outside influences. When I was in elementary school, the first porn that ever excited me was yaoi, and I see now that something called autoandrophilia—being aroused by the idea of myself as male—was part of the root of my lesbian identity. I’m now realizing I might be more straight than I ever allowed myself to be.
All of these feelings—the body discomfort, the dating struggles, the internalized shame—led me to transition. I started taking testosterone, but my use was irregular and at different doses, which I know is dangerous and increases the risk of cancer. For a time, I lived as a stealth male. I was struck by the familial solidarity between men, the way they call each other "bro" and "buddy"; it felt like all men in the world were secretly friends and I was finally one of them.
But transitioning didn’t solve my problems. In fact, those relational issues I had only got worse. I realized that changing my body wasn't fixing the pain inside. The root of my issues was a need for self-acceptance and community, not body modification. I’ve come to understand that my feelings were often based on bad thoughts not rooted in reality. I had to learn to spot those thoughts and weed them out.
I began to detransition. I found immense healing in connecting with older lesbians and butch women who had similar experiences. Finally finding people who truly understood what it was like to be me, without any body modifications, was incredibly powerful. It helped me sink into my butch womanhood and see the unique beauty in it. I learned that the loneliness I felt was a big part of what made transition alluring—it seemed like an escape—but it was a false promise.
I don’t regret my transition because it showed me parts of myself and the world I never would have seen otherwise. It’s like I have a superpower now, understanding both sides. But I am angry at the ideology that suppresses honest conversation about this, especially for young people. I believe many are lured in by the promise that transition will make life better, when we are really a society of unhappy, emotionally dysregulated people looking for any solution.
My thoughts on gender now are that it’s a social concept, but your sex is a biological reality. There’s nothing wrong with being an effeminate man or a masculine woman. The goal is to find peace with who you are. For me, that means being a woman who doesn’t conform to stereotypes. I benefited from pulling away from social media and trans rhetoric and learning to rely on my own perception. Learning to play an instrument helped tremendously with my anger. Above all, radical self-acceptance and self-love have been the real cure.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 5 | First began to feel discomfort with my gender and difference from other girls. |
| Grade School | Felt deep humiliation with puberty, developing breasts, and being sexualized by male peers. |
| Elementary School | Exposure to yaoi porn shaped my early sexuality and identity. |
| Teen Years | Identified as a lesbian but struggled with dating and pressure to perform masculinity. |
| Young Adulthood | Began taking testosterone irregularly and at different doses. Lived as a stealth male. |
| Mid-20s | Began to detransition after realizing body modification didn't solve internal pain. |
| Now (Age not specified) | Found healing and community with older lesbians and butch women. Embracing my identity as a butch woman. |
Top Comments by /u/moond0ggg:
Your partner was socialized male and does not understand how it feels to grow up as a woman subjected to intense mainstream beauty/body standards. Your partner doesn’t understand the humiliation of growing up as a young girl and feeling sexualized, confused, or humiliated by chronic media images of women’s bodies as pornographied, anorexic, photoshopped, and ultimately impossible to achieve. I remember when I started getting sexualized by my male peers in grade school for developing breast buds, and the deep feeling of humiliation that came along with that. Your partner will never understand these things. Your partner was not sexualized their whole life and so cannot imagine where your feelings might be coming from here. I would ditch this “lesbian” relationship and find someone who doesn’t make you feel badly about yourself. And work on your self esteem. Stop being too nice or a pushover. Stand up for yourself
Frustrated by the comments so far. Thank you for sharing your truth OP. 4chan has been an mtf breeding ground for years and it’s a highly predatory environment, you’re not the first to be groomed by that community and you won’t be the last, sadly. There are so many young men in your position unfortunately. There’s no shame in getting caught up with porn addiction and grooming, in fact, you should feel so proud of yourself that you snapped out of it so fast. You’ve got nothing but the future ahead of you so hold your head up high & just be proud that you’re back on the right track. I hope you continue to share your story and what happened to you, so that other young guys can relate and come back to their senses. Thanks for posting
Yes but that’s not what this is about. This guy is sharing his raw honest experience and he’s not alone in his experience of porn shaping identity, so it’s important that he speaks vulnerably and openly. We who understand the turmoils of de/transition should be supportive. Where else is he to go with this? You should be happy he’s acknowledged the problem and is taking steps to work on himself.
As far as taking testosterone, It’s a definite no. Never make a serious, life altering decision if you feel urgent or anxious about it. These types of decisions should be made with a clear head and solid foundation. You’re just a teenager so reality is you simply don’t have either just yet. I know this might be hard to imagine but you don’t want to end up 30 or 40 years old and regretting the body modifications you got when you were 16.
People are unhappy in contemporary society. We as a people are severely emotionally disregulated with no solution. It’s just getting worse and worse, so people are desperate for anything that could make them feel better. Transition provided a promise of life getting better, and that promise lured people in droves.
It’s never too late to take steps towards the life you want to create for yourself. You’re only 17, so you have a lot of growing up and changing to do anyway. It’s good that you’re reflecting and can admit where you’ve been wrong, if you see your mistakes you can change your behavior. Making new and better actions in the world will change your self image for the better, but it won’t happen overnight. Just keep taking small steps everyday towards the version of yourself that you want to be. You’re going to be okay
I am so angry at the smug ideologues who call us bigots and transphobes for acknowledging the reality of what they do to children. I hate that they suppress this information, not for the benefit of children, but for the benefit of those that profit and their own stupid egos. I’m angry at them although I know they will feel horrible once they realize, like the face of the person in the middle of this zoom call. I know they think they’re doing the right thing, but they couldn’t be farther from the truth. Pure sacrilege due to blind ignorance. Sad, dark, and human.
It’s so important to be honest and candid about this subject, which is what you have done here. Don’t stop hiding your opinions and experience. The truth is what we needed to begin with, and here you are now speaking to it. I hope people thinking about transition read this very carefully.
Transgender ideology is basically designed to scramble your brain. You might not agree with that but we can at least agree it’s negatively affecting your life, or to use your words it is a “detriment”. Take a step back. Read some old books, the classics, and definitely pull away from social media. Learn to rely on your own perception and try to develop your very own worldview, not informed by trans rhetoric or really anything political offered by the mainstream. Just take a break. Go on long walks by yourself. You’ll find your mind will become more clear and stable, and the answers to some of these complex problems will start to arrive more effortlessly. Good luck
Man I really relate to female partners pushing violent sex on me that ultimately left me feeling ashamed of myself. As a lesbian I always felt pressure to be more masculine for my partner and to perform violence in bed for them, but I hated both. Unfortunately a lot of young women are brainwashed by porn to think they want violent sex, so they ask for it, but truthfully I don’t even think they want it. I think these girls are performing and “leaning into” this cool girl persona and acting like it actually feels good to be hurt when we all know it doesn’t. I think a lot of young women use sex as a form of self harm, and it’s very painful to be brought into that expression of a partners self harm through sex. I believe my participation was also a form of self harm, one that I’ve ended. I let people know that I’m “vanilla” (aka want to have non-painful and respectful sex) right off the bat these days. I don’t let others push my boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with the way I am. Perhaps this extends to your expression of masculinity as well. Basically, don’t hurt yourself for others. Don’t perform. Be yourself and stand up for yourself. Fuck what anybody else thinks or wants because there’s nothing inherently wrong with you.