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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments display a consistent, deeply personal narrative with specific emotional details, self-reflection, and a logical progression of thought over several months. The user's passion and anger are consistent with the genuine trauma and regret described.
About me
I was a quiet guy who started identifying as non-binary at 18 to escape my depression and self-loathing. For four years, I was completely dissociated and took estrogen, influenced heavily by friends online. I finally woke up at 22 when my life stabilized and realized I had destroyed my relationships and permanently changed my body. I now see that my underlying struggles were likely due to being autistic, not from being the wrong sex. I'm rebuilding my life as a man again, filled with regret for the permanent changes and for how I acted.
My detransition story
My whole journey feels like a bad dream now. It started when I was around 18 and I didn't really wake up from it until I was 22. I was a really quiet, reclusive guy in high school, but I was happier then. I remember hearing an old favourite song from that time and it really hit me how much I had lost.
Looking back, I think a huge part of why I transitioned was to escape self-loathing. I had really low self-esteem and was deeply depressed. Instead of getting proper mental health help, I jumped straight to what felt like the final solution: transitioning. I now see that I was using it as an escape. For almost four years, from mid-2019 to January 2023, I was completely dissociated. It's all a haze, like I was possessed. 2022 was the peak of it; I was acting totally unhinged, oversharing everything, and even saying crazy things like I was "God's angel." I was an emotional trainwreck.
I was heavily influenced by people online and in my life. A situationship I had with someone who was a trans guy kept insisting I was a feminine non-binary or genderfluid person. They said all the signs were there that I wasn't really a guy. At the time, I just went along with it. People online and some friends just egged me on, telling me I was better this way, even though my behaviour was so chaotic. They encouraged the dissociative behaviour instead of questioning it.
I never had any surgeries, but I did take estrogen. I'm 22 now and I'm left with a B-cup chest, which is a constant, painful reminder of that time. I cry about it sometimes. It feels like I went to bed at 18 and woke up at 22 with my body permanently changed. I have what I guess you could call aging dysphoria, but I've had to accept there's nothing I can truly do about the changes that happened.
The moment I finally "woke up" was when my life finally got stable. I had been unstable, homeless on and off, and bouncing between jobs. Once I finally got stable footing, it was like a switch flipped, and I came-to and saw that everything was destroyed around me. I had pushed away my family and lost most of my friends. I was at rock bottom.
When I came to my senses and stopped identifying as trans, the friends I tried to keep turned incredibly hostile. My old roommate and a former friend still call me by "they/them" pronouns, and they'll always know I was on estrogen. I wish I had kept everything to myself. I regret it all terribly, not just because of what I did to my body, but because of how I was. I looked like shit and acted insane, and now there are people who will always remember me that way.
I've since started to realise that a lot of my issues might be explained by being autistic. I'm almost certain I am on the spectrum, and I think if I had known that before I started transitioning, I could have saved myself a lot of pain. It explains a lot of my childhood struggles that I used to just think were cringe-worthy mistakes. Now, I'm very careful with any new "phase" I feel coming on and I wait for it to pass, which has helped me build a stable life and a respectable image for the first time in years.
My thoughts on gender now are simple: I believe in informed bodily autonomy for people who just identify as transgender. They can do what they want, and we don't have to agree. But the people who push transition as a one-size-fits-all solution for mental illness are dangerous. They are the reason I'm holding back tears as I type this. I don't hate my past self, because going through all this got me to where I am now, but I have so many regrets. Fuck the people who encourage teenagers to make permanent changes to their bodies based on temporary feelings.
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 18 (around 2019) | I started identifying as non-binary/genderfluid, heavily influenced by a friend and online communities. |
| 18-22 (2019-2023) | A period of intense dissociation and mental instability. I began taking estrogen. |
| 22 (January 2023) | I suddenly "woke up" and realised I was not trans after my life became stable. This began my detransition. |
| 22 (Now) | Living as a man again. Dealing with the permanent physical effects of estrogen and rebuilding my life after losing friends and stability. |
Top Comments by /u/moooseyy:
I can relate to this. instead of seeking mental health assistance, I jumped straight to the final solution. turns out it was not a great idea. I have since started working on proper treatment and recognizing my own issues and what do you know, I'm on this very subreddit.
I would say to just keep an eye on your friends. most of the time, if it is for a mental health related reason, people can not be reasoned with and will usually ride it out when it comes to transition. I speak from experience. best wishes.
I see it as two types of interactions.
people who just identify as transgender - I believe in informed bodily autonomy. they can do whatever they want to. I don't have to interact with them and they don't have to interact with me. we don't have to agree.
but the types of people who go online and advocate this stuff willy nilly as a one-size-fits-all solution to mental illness are the same kinds of people who have lead me to hold back tears as I type this. I don't necessarily regret my actions in the sense that they at least helped me get where I am today. but I do regret so, so much stuff because of the insane hugboxxy influence on my younger self, my past actions have caused me great underlying pain. and when I came to my senses, the ones I did choose to keep being friends with turned incredibly hostile to me. so yeah. fuck the people telling teenagers to cut their body parts off forever and encouraging embarrassing disassociative behaviour online and in person.
Same exact thing here. I disassociated so fucking hard between mid 2019-january 2023. I know it happened but it's all such a haze. 2022 was the peak of it for me though, and when I was acting the most unhinged. I also remember telling people I was gods angel and stuff. it was such a mess. it's like I'm picking back up from where I left off. I think what made me finally wake back up so to speak was that I was no longer unstable / homeless on and off / bouncing between jobs. once I finally FINALLY got stable footing in life I suddenly was back to normal like nothing happened as if I went to bed at age 18 and woke up at 22.
I regret it all too, terribly. Not necessarily just because of what I was, but because of... HOW I was. I was acting totally insane, I looked like fucking shit, I overshared beyond reasonable limits. And now there are people out there who will always remember me as that.
for me, I kept thinking in the back of my mind "I could regret this one day, my future self might hate me for it".
I don't hate my past self but I was definitely right, I have many regrets and wish I never did it. just be absolutely sure it's what you want for YOU with no other outside factors involved. best wishes.
this is a good way of describing it!!! I literally just opened my eyes on a random morning back in January and was like .....oh god. It feels like I was possessed by something, then once it finally got out, I came-to and saw that everything was destroyed around me. I have no family I have no friends. I am at rock bottom. But I've managed to start climbing again...
I heard a song on a video that I had not heard in over 5 years. it used to be my favourite when I was in high school. it made me think hard about the past until eventually I started thinking about how much happier I was back then. this lead to deep, deep self reflection and the realization hit after a lot of that.
Exactly! I was acting so crazy and oversharing everything and was an emotional trainwreck but people just egged me on telling me I was better this way than being back to the quiet reclusive boy I've returned home to. Also thank you so much and you as well.
my roommate and also one former friend still call me they them. and one of them will forever know i was on E. i wish i kept shit to my fucking self. and as for that part about doing it to escape self loathing, yeah, thats exactly why i did it. still have aging dysphoria out the wazoo but ive realized there is just nothing i can truly do about it. and lastly, yeah, i didnt ever think i wanted to transition when i was young at all either. a situationship who was a transmasc would constantly insist i was a feminine non binary or genderfluid and say that the signs were there that i wasnt a guy, now i am a 22 years old dude with a b-cup. its all so tiresome. i cry thinking about it sometimes but ive successfully started removing bad influences from my life and started working my way back up as much as i can.
I actually made this connection too...
I am not looking more into it because I can't afford any more appointments, but I am 99% sure I am somewhere on the spectrum. I am almost certain I could have saved myself if I knew any of this prior to when I started. It explained a lot of my childhood memories that I used to brush off as cringe worthy mistakes as well. Since then though I have been very, very careful with any new phase I start to have and pay no mind until it passes. This has lead to me having a stable life and respectable image for the first time in years. Sending good wishes your way...