This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's posts are highly personal, emotionally nuanced, and span a long period (2020-2022), detailing a coherent and evolving journey of detransition, including specific medical steps, psychological struggles, and long-term reflections. The language is conversational, contains personal anecdotes, and shows development in their perspective over time, which is consistent with a genuine human experience.
About me
I started transitioning because I felt deep discomfort with my female body and thought being a man was the answer. I quickly got on testosterone and had top surgery, which I don't regret, but I deeply regret the permanent changes from hormones. I realized I was trying to escape being a lesbian and that living as a man became its own prison. With a good therapist, I learned to reconnect with my body and accept myself. I now identify as a woman and have found peace, though I still live with the consequences of my medical decisions.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it started from a place of deep discomfort. I never felt like I fit in, especially when I hit puberty. I hated developing breasts; it felt wrong and foreign to me. This discomfort, along with depression, anxiety, and very low self-esteem, led me to believe that being a woman was the problem. I now see that a lot of this was internalized misogyny and homophobia. I'm a lesbian, but for a long time, I couldn't accept that. I even had disturbing rape fantasies about men, which I now understand was my brain's twisted way of trying to force a heterosexuality that wasn't there. Once I accepted my homosexuality, those fantasies completely disappeared.
I was heavily influenced by what I saw online and by the friends I had at the time. I sought out a gender therapist, and it was a mistake. I knew exactly what to say to get the approval for medical transition. After only three sessions, she wrote a letter of recommendation for hormones. I wasn't even living as a man socially yet. I started testosterone and eventually got top surgery. The chest dysphoria was so brutal that I don't regret the mastectomy; it was a relief. But everything else that followed, I deeply regret.
I was so focused on passing as a man that it became an obsession. I was never happy with how I looked. Living as a man went from feeling like liberation to feeling like a prison of its own. I destroyed my body to try and become a straight man, and it’s my biggest regret. The testosterone caused health issues, like a receding hairline, which was my final straw to stop. I went off T and switched to estrogen.
I benefited immensely from finding a therapist who wasn't a "gender specialist." She wasn't pro or anti-trans; she was just pro-me. She helped me focus on what my body can do rather than just what it looks like. She encouraged me to dance, do yoga, and go for walks to reconnect with my physical self. This non-affirming therapy was what I truly needed. I learned skills in body neutrality and radical acceptance. I don't have to love my body, but I can be thankful for it and treat it with kindness after everything it's been through.
Now, I identify as female. It took me a long time to get there. At first, I just said "I don't know" to gender. Then I became comfortable saying I was female. Now, I can call myself a woman. I define it simply as an adult human female. I don't shave, I rarely wear makeup, and I live in baggy clothes. I don't have breasts anymore and rarely wear prosthetics. I subvert gender roles every day and have no time for the patriarchy.
I don't believe in gender-affirming surgeries as a cure for mental distress. I think it's what got us into this mess. I would like breast reconstruction someday, but I know it won't fix everything. My voice has lightened since being on estrogen and is usually read as female, which is nice. By some miracle, I found an amazing girlfriend who loves me for who I am now, and that has been incredibly healing.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social construct that caused me a lot of pain. I regret ever taking testosterone and the permanent changes it caused. I don't regret my top surgery, but I regret the reasons why I felt I needed it. My journey taught me that I needed to deal with my underlying mental health issues, internalized homophobia, and self-hatred first, not change my body.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 25 | 2020 | Started testosterone (T) after 3 sessions with a gender therapist. |
| 28 | 2020 | Had top surgery. |
| 31 | 2020 | Realized living as male wasn't right for me; began detransition. Stopped T and switched to estrogen. |
| 31 | 2020 | Legally changed my name and gender marker. |
| 33 | 2022 | Felt comfortable starting to identify as female again. |
| 34 | 2022-2023 | Found peace with my body and identity, defining myself as a woman. |
Top Comments by /u/more-chaotic-energy:
Hello friend, That is a big realisation and I recenting had it to (ftmt?), living as male doesn't serve me anymore.
I think the first step, at least it was mine, was coming out to myself and radically accepting what needs to be done. For me that is switching to estrogen, changing my name/gender marker, laser hair removal, and letting go of gender so to speak. When i lived feminine, I was performing and not being authentic. Living as male turned from liberation, doing what feels right, to an obsession over my appearance/passing (in short).
I believe that with time you will look into yourself and find the path that will lead you to the life you want to live. Feeling free to slide into my DMs if you are looking for someone to talk to about all this. I am in the same (though opposite??) boat as you
💫projection 💫 But for real alot of trans spaces use mind control tactics whether knowingly or not. They hear detrans people refer to gender ideology as the "gender cult" because a lot of us see how our experiences fit into the BITE model. Even Dr.Hassan spoke out about weapon grade mind control in hypnosissyporn. He was extremely skeptical and thought it was transphobia until he actually listened and went oh shit this is a problem. Yet instead of a pinch of self reflection a lot of people just got "no u" lol. The cognitive dissonance is uncomfortable, I get it, but at least in detrans spaces you have freedom of thought.
WTF is wrong with people. This sub gave me somewhere to go when i was struggling with my trans identity and supported me through detransition. I literally couldn't have done it and still be here fighting the good fight without the detrans community. There was no terfs that ever talked to me from this form / chats it was all detransitioners, questioning folks, and trans people who support us.
I am a lesbian and started having rape fantasies about men when i hit puberty. It was before I had ever seen porn, so I wasn't porn-sick. It was like the only scenario my brain could come up with where I would be sexually attracted to a male was if he forced me to be and than i liked it. For a long time, the main reason I didn't consider myself a lesbian was the rape fantasies I experienced. When I learned about comphet, detransitioned, and started exploring my homosexuality, the rape fantasies I had disappeared. They always left me feeling disgusted and ashamed so being able to enjoy sex without the painful emotions has been very healing.
My assumption would be for these trans-identified females, is that they are dealing with similar internalised homophobia and/or misogyny. I know several other lesbians who also dealt with male rape fantasies before they were able to accept their homosexuality. To me this is a red flag that something is wrong and that they would benefit from honest connections with older females whether or not remaining trans-identified is right for them.
I dont believe in gender affirming surgeries as a cure for mental distress. I would like to get breast reconstruction if I could afford it but in general I think peddling surgery as a cure all of mental distress is what got us in this mess. Dont let these doctors profit more off of you. Tracheal shave is a risky operation and it won't restore you natural voice / eves apple pre-t. It also damages your laranx for aestetics which can cause problems with swallowing. Unfortunately cross sex horomone changes are permanent, though since I have been on estrodial for 2.5 years my voice has lightened. It is usually read as female which is nice 👌 I didn't go on cross sex horomones until I was 25 so my Adams apple is only slightly larger than typical, however I know that when you are on horomones earlier (especially teen years) it can have a more male typical appearance.
Hey pal, I am sitting here feeling super proud you picked a mh professional who isn't a gender specialist. That is super brave and a good starting point. My psychiatrist isn't pro or anti trans. As long as you are real with what you are going through and your therapist knows that it is okay to unpack your dysphoria without being called a transphobe you are on the right path Good luck to you
Hey, i am currently beginning my detrans journey. For me, i made the mistake of seeking out a gender therapist. I was able to say my feelings about my body and gender knowing she would immediately be on board with medical transition. I hadn't even socially transitioned when she wrote a letter of recc to my doctor. She asked about mh symptoms like depression, anxiety, trauma yet we literally only had 3 sessions before we ended treatment. Now that I have had good therapy for my mh I know that living as male isn't right for me. Not sure what my gender is or what I would have chosen if I was in my right mind. I for some they have mh concerns and are happy in transition however I also realise that my initial treatment was inappropriate for me. I needed top surgery, my chest dysphoria was brutal but everything else? Idk. No mh care, signing informed consent while under psychiatric hold, basically where I live when you seek out gender specialists they don't do a differential diagnosis, if you have gender dysphoria you are trans and the best course of action is transition. If you go to a therapist who isn't a gender therapist I have heard from other trans folks how wrong it can go. In my mind its lose lose. Each individual and the right course of treatment is different. I think that if someone is experiencing mh concerns they should be somewhat managed before medical intervention. Social transition, absolutely is great while going through mh treatment, but the big medical decisions should be made in a space my therapy calls "wise mind"
I want to give your the biggest hug. I so understand, I was beautiful and destroyed my body to be a straight man. Yeah this is like the worst operation that isn't genital surgery, it is super unethical. I just want to say I am here if you need someone to talk to. You arent alone in this. Recovery isn't easy, but it is possible. I desperately wish I could undo my transition but I also have moments where I feel okay as I am. The biggest thing I have learned is body neutrality and reality acceptance skills. I dont have to love my body but after everything I did to it, its still fighting to keep me alive. I try to be thankful and kind to my body which isn't easy. Maybe something you could try is noticing neutral things about your body, or things that you like about yourself that isnt looks based. I started by thanking my body for doing all these mundane things for me like digestion. I also do kind things for myself like soaking my feet on Tuesdays. When I am having a bad dysphoria day I practice gratitude and it helps me recentre myself to what matters. By some miracle in the universe I found the most amazing gf who had no idea what detrans was and only kinda knew about trans people. I was honest with her and for some reason she thinks I am pretty (?????) and loves me the way I am. Its wild. You are loveable, as you are. She is recovering from an ED so she can relate to alot of the body issues which is good. She is my #1 supporter ❤️
I spent the early days of detransition simply reconciling with my birthsex. I was basically like "umm gender i don't know her?" When i got more comfortable replying I am female when asked what my 'gender' is, the more i became at peace with my biological reality. I dont shave my body hair, no makeup, and wear baggy clothes (lots of men's t-shirts). I dont have breasts anymore and rarely wear my prosthetics. Once in a blue moon at some sort of LGBT function someone asks me what my pronouns are I politely decline from answering saying something like "use what feels natural to you" and it is always she/her lol. I have very recently (year 2 of detrans) started to start refering to myself as a woman using the definition adult human female. I plan on subverting gender roles and patriarchy until I am dead, nobody got time for that shit!
Wow. You summed up how I feel. I am accepting I am detrans. No idea what my gender is other than "not male". You should join the discord folks are do kind and supportive. Also feel free to DM me and we can navigate this together, even if we make different choices. I guess, I just want you to know, its okay. Either way, if you change your body or accept it as it is, its okay. You are okay. The panic, the dysphoria, the internalised misogyny, the internalised transphobia all of that makes us human. Who says what is or is not real? If you are feeling an emotion and suffering that is a real emotion. The question is, at the end of the day, is existential: who am I? I am trying to start simple. I like rocks. I am a person who collects rocks. That is a part of my identity. It isnt good or bad it is. I hope little neutral things we can identify will help us build a sense of identity. I would reccomend therapy however only if you are very careful many lgbt therapists will encourage you to transition 🙃