This feels very similar to the things trans people say about detrans people as a whole. Its not super helpful to paint an entire group of people as being the same.

We do need to learn more about what we can look for to ensure people who do transition are likely to be happy with it. That said if youre advocating for no affirmative care, no gender therapists, ect. and thats something retransitioners have found helpful, it is naturally going to cause a lot of tension.

I dont know what the solution is, but on both sides the attempt to remove things that trans and detrans people have found helpful feels like its going to cause more problems than talking with each other, acknowledging the benefits of each approach, then finding a better approach for all.

I dont agree with the idea that adults cant be manipulated. They definitely can especially if there are other factors like trauma and mental illness at play.

That said if you're an adult and you had your wits about you, you are at least somewhat responsible for your choices. The buck stops with you after all. That doesnt mean that the professionals who cared for you didnt have a role to play. They do and steps nees to bw taken to make sure those professionals make sure that those who decide to undergo transition are mentally able to make that choice and are well informed.

I dont think its fair to blame everyone else for a choice when you were in a mentally able place and an adult. Its even more unfair to try to get thar choice taken away from others who benefit which I think is what OP was ultimately trying to get at.

I'd encourage you to drop labels for now. Just focus on what is making you feel positively and whats not. From your description, it seems like the changes from T arent giving you positive feelings. If thats the case, its best to stop now before more changes happen. You can always go back on later if you feel you want it. Id evaluate other things the same way. If a different names and he/him pronouns make you feel good with a fem presentation, then go for it. Labels and expections of others dont matter, what makes you the healthiest and happiest version of yourself does.

I wouldn't be worried about what other people or the community think, you need to do what's right for you whether that's to stop taking T or not. Realistically the labels don't matter, you could identify by nonbinary and still go by "Mom" versus something gender neutral. You can still identify as cis and have a more masculine appearance. Instead maybe focus on what makes your life better or worse and use that as a guide versus the labels.

I would encourage you to maybe weigh the costs and benefits. If your dysphoria isn't impacting your life heavily, the risk of potential health issues may outweigh the benefits you'd get from taking T. Again, that's for you to consider and decide.

Also regarding your observation I've been in way more trans spaces with trans women with not many trans men. It could be just my experience but I'm not sure if saying most AFAB trans people are younger and most AMAB trans people are older.

If hes not in distress and not asking you for your perspective on it, I wouldnt really bring it up. Your feelings about it make sense and are valid but I wouldnt project those onto him. Even if he gets top surgery and detransitions, theres no guarantee he wouldnt identify as nonbinary or be happy with the result. I think giving him a safe space to explore his feelings is the way to go. It would be less of a safe space if you start to push him one way or another, so its best to let whatever happens happen organically.

If youre doing HRT and its making ypu feel worse, then it makes sense to stop. Each choice you make shoulf be evaluated on how its benefitting you. If its not, then its time to choose something else.

That said, if dressing femininely and socially transitioning is benefitting you, theres no harm in continuing that. There are plenty of people who do those things and dont medically transition and thats fine.

In any case, I think therapy and perhaps an homest conversation with your doctor about stopping HRT or at least managing symptoms is in order.

This question probably isnt going to help you get the answers youre looking for. We simply dont know enough to determine either way. There are people who suffered no dysphoria and are happy with their transition years later and people who had crippling dysphoria who realized that it wasnt for them. Trans may or may not be real but your feelings are real regardless. Does that mean you should necessarily transition just based off your feelings? No.

It is probably worthwhile to explore all potential options. Coming off of HRT can sometimes throw your hormones out of whack which may impact how youre feeling. It may make sense to get those checked. Taking care of your body through healthy choices and exercise may also help with your anxiety and mood. If that is not helping there are medications and such you can ask about for anxiety and depression, though those have their own risks. I would also encourage you to seek out therapy to see if you can manage and address other potential causes.

If you've addressed everything above and are still struggling then there is a choice to be made. Are the potential negative effect risks worth the potential benefit? For any medication or medical treatment this is something you need to ask and weigh with yourself and your doctor. Even "safe" treatments carry risk. Thats why its important to assess your risks before doing anything medical. Only you can decide whether or not its worth it.

Just know that you're not alone. I am in a very similar position and Im sure there are others here who are in similar predicaments. I hope it works out for you regardless of what you choose. :)

I mean I liked anime in my teen years but I wasnt ever into yaoi because it felt too fetishy. If anything I was really into magical girl anime at a point and a big fan of some of the more popular shonen. My dysphoria wasnt ever connected to my love of anime though. The only small connection I can think of is that when i went to cons I wanted to dress as my fave male characters but I was always too afraid to because I didnt want to be read as a girl trying to crossdress. That and I was afraid if I did crossplay and wore a binder I would likely wear the binder outside of that and I didnt wanna deal with those feelings. It was never about me wanting to be a cool cute yaoi boy. I actively avoided anime subcuktures or things related to anime because I was afraid of my trans feelings.

There's no way to determine what the cause of this is. If he doesnt know if hes trans or not, maybe its not something hes thought much about. If this is something that would be a deal breaker for you, then I think thats something you should have a conversation with him about it openly and honestly.

If its not, then I wouldnt really bother him too much about it other than to reassure him youre there for him regardless and you want to make sure hes making the right choices for his sake. You can urge him to go skowly and consider all options while also being supportive. Transitioning doesnt always mean a person hates their body. They could love themselves and still feel the need to.

Regardless, I would try to make sure your boyfriend gets some professional help. It doesnt matter if hes trans or not he needs someone who can help him navigate his feelings. As his girlfriend Im not sure it would be fair or even helpful for you to try to play the role of therapist for him.

Dysphoria can be hard to pin down. That said it sounds like from what Im reading here youre struggling moreso with peoples expectations than identifying as a man. Most trans guys do experience positive emotions being referred to as male and want the changes of HRT. What youre describing here doesnt seem like it fits that, though youre the only one who can decide that. As always therapy is a great option for working through these things. Ive also recently discovered Brene Browns books which talk about how to deal with expectations and shame that have been helpful.

For full discolusre Ive desisted to this point and both of those things have made it easier. I am currently weighing my options regarding transition because Ive pursued other avenues and transition is looking more like the route I may go. Still, I wouldnt have been able to confidently evaluate it as an option if i didnt deal with my own shame, hang ups with gender roles and trauma. So no matter what you decide I think you should try to evaluate those things first. It wont be easy regardless but dealing with your issues will likely help long term.

Hope this helps!