This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "mysterydevil_" appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments exhibit a highly specific, nuanced, and deeply personal internal conflict that is consistent with the experiences of many detransitioners and desisters. The user's narrative is complex, emotionally charged, and spans a long period, detailing a painful struggle with identity, medical transition, social rejection, and the realization that their transition goals were not achievable. The raw emotion, self-contradiction, and detailed personal history are not typical of fabricated accounts.
About me
My journey started as a kid when I felt I was a boy, and I began transitioning at 14 hoping to finally become a man. I loved the changes from testosterone and for the first time, I felt like I recognized myself in the mirror. But after nearly five years on hormones, I never passed as male and the social rejection from my family and friends was devastating. I've had to accept the painful truth that I am a woman, not a man, and that chasing that fantasy ruined my social life. Now, I'm learning to live as a woman who is still on testosterone and planning top surgery, trying to find peace in reality.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and confusing, and it’s left me feeling pretty lonely. I never felt like any gender on the inside. I didn't have some female brain in a male body or anything like that. The only reason I transitioned was because I desperately wanted to be the other sex. I wanted to be a man, not just be seen as one.
It started when I was just a kid. I remember insisting I was a "boy with a girl's body" in elementary school, long before I even knew the word "transgender." When I was 14, I learned what being trans was and it felt like an answer. I thought, "This is it. This is how I become a real boy." I started transitioning socially in some spaces at 14, but I didn't have any outside influence or a social circle pushing me into it; I was the only trans person I knew. I was motivated by the idea that I could finally be who I always wanted to be.
My transition was never stable. I detransitioned at 18 because I wanted a normal college experience, retransitioned at 19 after I dropped out, then detransitioned again at 20 because I was tired of being seen as a "clown." I retransitioned for what I thought was the last time at 21 and started testosterone. For the first time, I finally felt like I recognized myself. I looked in the mirror a few months on T and saw me for the first time. It stopped the disassociation I always felt, where my body was just a flesh vessel I was controlling. I started taking care of myself and dressing how I wanted. I liked the changes from testosterone. I liked my deeper voice and my facial hair. I liked myself.
But I never passed. Not really. I was on testosterone for nearly five years, and I have a beard, but people still call me "ma'am" everywhere I go. I can't pinpoint one thing that gives me away—my hips, my chest, my height, maybe—but to everyone else, I just look like a woman. I was completely misinformed. I was told that taking T was like a magic drug that would turn me into a boy and that every trans man eventually passes if they try. That is a complete lie. It creates masculinizing features, but it rarely makes you look like a cis man. I feel like I was tricked, and not one doctor ever sat me down and said, "You realize this won't actually turn you into a man, right?"
This failure to pass is the core of why I'm detransitioning now at 24. I don't dislike being a man; I despise being a trans man. I hate the political climate, the stereotypes, and the fact that I will never be seen as just a normal man. I'm tired of the guilt and shame. I feel like a walking spectacle, a "comic stereotype of an abusive trans person" forcing people to play along with an agenda. I feel awful that my existence might confuse children. The social cost was immense. I lost almost all my friends and my family. My family never accepted me. They still see me as their daughter and are convinced I'm in a cult. I'm not allowed at family events anymore, and that loneliness is crushing.
I’ve come to a painful realization: I am not a man and I never was. I am a woman. My chromosomes are XX. I am a daughter and a sister; I will never be a son, a brother, or a father. The idea that "trans men are men" is a lie that hurt me deeply. Trans men are a type of woman, not a type of man. Accepting that reality, as harsh as it is, has finally given me some peace. I'm just a butch lesbian woman who changed her body with testosterone.
I don't regret the medical transition itself. I love what testosterone did for my body and I’m still taking it. I’m also planning to get top surgery because I’ve always hated having breasts and I would want a flat chest even as a cis woman. My regret isn't about changing my body; it's about believing the fantasy that I could ever truly change my sex or be accepted as a man. I ruined my social life chasing something impossible. I was significantly happier as a dysphoric cis woman than I ever have been as a non-passing trans man.
I am jealous of trans men who had successful transitions. I work with one who is younger than me but passes perfectly and is respected. I wanted that so badly it hurts. Seeing them is a constant reminder of my failure. If I passed, I would have never detransitioned. I would have gone stealth and lived my life happily. But that wasn't in the cards for me.
Now, I'm just trying to figure out how to live as a woman on testosterone. I'm a fucked-up looking woman, but I'm okay with that. I'm trying to carve out a new identity for myself, one that is finally based in reality and not a lie.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 10 | First identified as a lesbian. |
| 14 | Learned what transgender meant; began social transition in some spaces. |
| 18 | Detransitioned socially to try and have a normal college experience. |
| 19 | Retransitioned socially after dropping out of college. |
| 20 | Detransitioned again, tired of being seen as a "clown." |
| 21 | Retransitioned and began testosterone therapy. |
| 24 | Began my final social detransition, accepting I am a woman. |
| 24 | Currently still on testosterone and pursuing top surgery. |
Top Comments by /u/mysterydevil_:
Because I realized being trans isn't worth it. The trade off is treating gender dysphoria for a life of constant pain and loneliness. I don't believe in a lot of the same stuff that most of the trans community does but I'm not accepted by the majority of cis people just because I'm trans. I was awful to my friends and family and they turned away from me and now I'm alone and realizing it just wasn't worth it. I didn't reach my transition goals either, when I started I was 100% certain I'd be able to go stealth but ten years later I am still seen as a queer woman by everyone I interact with. Nothing in myself changed other than the realization that this transgender stuff is just complete utter bullshit.
I do not think we should be changing the definition of words to validate 1% of the population. If trans men were men then I would be a man but obviously I'm not; nobody sees me as a man and there's no way for me to physiologically become a man. It is healthier to accept the reality that trans men are just trans men. Because telling trans men they can be real men is how they end up exactly in the situation I'm in.
I know it's my own fault for believing it was so easy to pass but I feel like, I was lied to by everyone. I was led to believe it was easy by someone. I was told that testosterone would masculinize me. I can't believe not one doctor stopped and said "you realize this doesn't turn you into a man, right?" not even once. I am so confused as to how it is even possible. And yet there are trans people out there right now still lying to children about how changing sex is something possible.
Similar experience to me. It's very sudden how quickly wanting to detransition comes after the realization that trans people will never be their preferred gender. It was like once I realized it, oh my god, I am finally at peace with myself. This shit I've been fighting my entire life literally does not matter
One thing that bothers me is there is trans people who haven't had this realization who are just living life the way I wish I could live and I feel so much jealousy because I wish I could go back to when I was delusional and just forgot all the harm I did to my friends and family
It's because when away teams of female athletes play games, they usually go to the men's rooms (and the home teams to the women's rooms). To be honest I feel like this has very little to do with transgender people and the media is just conflating the two because transgender is a divisive topic right now.
"Wow this person looks like they're going through some shit right now and sharing something that they feel like they're ostracized for thinking. better shame them and make them feel even worse for thinking it meanwhile reminding them that I've had significantly better luck and a better life lmfao"
Never passed and realized I could never be happy as a non-passing trans person. If I had known from the beginning that I would never pass I would have kept all of these feelings to myself but I had no clue. I was under the impression that most if not all FtM eventually reach a point where they pass for male or at least androgynous but I was lied to. I detransitioned because genuinely felt like my only two choices were detrans women or trans freakizoid.
I have notice the complete opposite. In fact the reason I don't consider myself part of the trans community is because I feel like it is too focused on being visibly trans. I have heard so, so many trans people say they dislike being cis-passing for whatever reason. There are trans women who are proud of their "princess wands" and trans men who are proud of their "man titties," have you never heard of that before? I feel like it is everywhere. In fact many of the trans people who are just trying to be stealth are shoved out of trans spaces for not being trans enough.
The only reason I haven't gotten top surgery is because trans people have made top surgery scars so associated with transgenderism. I'm ashamed of my t-voice because they call it t-voice now, but ten years ago it was just known as vocal fry and cis guys had it too. Maybe ten or twenty years ago this would have been true, OP, but the modern trans movement 2015-now is all about being genderfunky and visible as trans.
They never used my name & pronouns and it has been about a year ago that I stopped "correcting" them, for the timeline. I don't know how long I have actually been detransitioning because truthfully I am not sure if I ever really transitioned correctly in the first place. I never reached the point of passing so I was basically just a woman insisting she was a man. And about a year ago I just gave up on all of it