This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates:
- Consistent Narrative: A detailed, personal, and evolving story of desisting, including introspection on childhood, internalized misogyny, and social pressures.
- Emotional Complexity: A range of genuine emotions like confusion, anger, insecurity, and eventual self-acceptance, which align with the described experiences of detransitioners/desisters.
- Personal Anecdotes: Specific, believable life experiences (e.g., the optician story, school environment, family dynamics) that are not generic.
- Engaged Conversation: Comments are responsive to others' posts and offer tailored advice, indicating a real person engaging with a community.
About me
I was a teenager who felt like a monster when puberty hit because I was tall and didn't fit the feminine ideal, so I thought I must be a man. I was deeply influenced by online trans communities and saw transitioning as an escape from being a "bad" woman. After I left for college, I found different perspectives and realized my discomfort wasn't with being female, but with society's narrow expectations of women. I never medically transitioned and I'm now completely comfortable being a woman who mixes masculine and feminine styles. I see now that my journey was fueled by internalized sexism and social pressure, and I've found peace by accepting my body as it is.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager, around 13 or 14. I grew up in a household where, even though I was allowed to do whatever I wanted, there were a lot of subtle sexist comments. I heard things like "don't cry like a little girl" and "women can't drive," which made me look down on anything feminine. I had a strong father I looked up to and a mother I saw as passive and helpless, and I was terrified of ending up like her. I became a total tomboy and shunned femininity.
When I hit puberty, I felt like a monster. I was scrawny, pimply, and awkward. From 13 to 16, I was bullied about my looks and sank into deep self-hatred. I thought I was too ugly and masculine to be a woman. I was tall for my age, about 5'10", with wide shoulders, a square jaw, and a deeper voice. I felt like if I cut my hair and wore boys' clothes, I'd pass as a guy easily. This was also the time I discovered trans communities online and at school. In my high school, especially in the artsy and outcast circles, being "trans" or "non-binary" was everywhere. It felt inescapable. I started to believe that because I didn't fit the stereotype of a woman, I must not be one. Transitioning seemed like a very enticing solution to all my problems.
For a few years, I identified as trans. I was deep in that mindset. I thought about taking testosterone and living as a man. A big part of it was that I thought I was a "bad" or "low quality" woman. I also saw it as an escape, especially from my teenage brother's sexist comments or when I got catcalled. It felt like becoming a man would make me stronger and protect me from that. I even had strange interactions, like once making a guy at an optician's cry, which I blamed on my masculine demeanor confusing his expectations of how a young woman should act.
But over time, especially after I left home for college around 18, these feelings started to fade. I found online detransition communities and read books that offered a different perspective. The biggest thing for me was realizing that I didn't have to fit any stereotype to be a woman. I reconnected with my biological sex. I realized that being a woman is just a biological fact—I have a vagina and XX chromosomes, and that's that. I can be as masculine as I want and still be a woman. I started to understand that my discomfort wasn't with being female, but with the superficial, sexualized expectations placed on women.
I never medically transitioned. I'm really glad I didn't. I'm now comfortable being a woman. I love mixing masculine and feminine elements in my clothing—like a dress with a men's jacket or combat boots. It gives me a sense of balance. My body also changed as I got older; my hips got wider and my face became more feminine. I still have a more muscular, "boyish" body type naturally, but I've come to see it as a type of feminine beauty, a more forceful kind. I've had guys appreciate my body for what it is.
I don't regret exploring the idea of transition because it led me to a better understanding of myself, but I absolutely regret ever thinking it was the answer. It was a distortion of reality fueled by internalized sexism, a difficult puberty, and social influence. My main thought on gender now is that it's not important. We should obsess about it less. We're less limited by our sex than ever before, so we should focus on more interesting things in life. I benefited from a kind of non-affirming therapy, not in a clinical setting, but by engaging with perspectives that challenged the idea that I needed to change my body.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Puberty begins; intense discomfort with body, bullying, and low self-esteem starts. |
| 13-16 | Deeply identified as transgender (FTM); influenced by online communities and school culture. |
| 16 | Body begins to change; hips widen, face becomes more feminine. |
| 18 | Left for college; feelings of being trans started to dissipate. Found detransition communities online. |
| 18-19 | Gradually desisted; realized I could be a masculine woman and accepted my biological sex. |
| 19+ | Comfortable as a woman; focused on self-acceptance and blending masculine/feminine expression. |
Top Comments by /u/nahaipe7:
women think their masculine expression and physical womanhood can't coexist
exactly. at this point, im scared to dress more like a tomboy, because ill automatically be perceived this way by many people, which is sad and ironic because ive only just accepted the opposite
Read somewhere how many straight girls are terrified/disgusted etc of the objectification and demeaning of women in heterosexual relations especially as portrayed in porn. So they turn to envisioning themselves in gay relationships as an escape.
I kind of had the same feelings, except I would imagine myself in straight relationships with girls, but still, same underlying cause
Everything described in Irreversible Damage. A bunch of factors combined. Especially the internet..
It's real problem: In my high school (among 2000 students), there were at least 3 "trans guys" who were already on testosterone, and at least 30 (now that I think about it, like MUCH more )they/them's and others using alternative pronouns (overwhelmingly biologically female), that I know of. There were also also at least 3 "trans girls", but most of the people playing with gender were girls.
The main alternative "group", which probably would've been emos or goths or rockers or whoever in the past, was the lgbt/GSA group/subculture whcih intermingled with the artsy kids, nerds, weebs,and others. Basically you were either reasonably popular, an outcast, or somehow affiliated with the gender/sexuality benders . How can you not soak that up after a while?
it's funny how a lot of the time "trans men" and "trans women" still so clearly behave/speak/write like their actual sex. Even when on hormones. it's like...who are you fooling? how do they not see how clearly typical to their birth sex their behavior is? I was probably guilty of this myself don't get me wrong..
Exactly . For one, we need to stop focusing on gender identity just as a society/a generation. It dawned on me recently that 'GENDER IDENTITY' IS NOT FUCKING IMPORTANT OR INTERESTING. There are so many much more beautiful and interesting things in this world that we can explore and discover , but instead we're focusing on genitals and "feelings". And even in terms of feelings-- I'm not discounting the value of poetry, and getting in touch with /expressing your feelings, but there are so many other ones to think about.
Who cares about gender, frankly? Especially nowadays? We re much less limited by our biological sex these days than ever before, so imo we should obsess about it LESS, not MORE. Clearly we re filling up a deeper hole in our lives or identities with the shallow activity of gender exploration
to an extent, yes. i wouldnt say that my household was patriarchal, but there were lots of "comments", such as "dont cry like a little girl", "women cant drive", "womens brains dont work the same", "be logical, not emotional like a woman", etc etc. though i was never told that I cant be something or do something because im a girl,and in fact i did whatever i wanted, the comments still affected me. as a kid, I shunned/looked down upon all things feminine, and im still trying to unlearn this. not sure if it was a result of my parents attitudes/the comments, but im sure they contributed.
While I agree that it was biased to an extent, that is, written by an outsider and more from the perspective of parents and not transitioning teens and young adults ourselves, I dont believe it was transphobic or unscientific. Medical profesionals were consulted and trans people as a whole weren't hated on.
Personally, while I understand where you are coming from, I think that one of the best things about this sub is that its open to pretty much all opinions, which these days is rare online (and off), especially in lgbt circles. Also, I believe that this sub does actually play a preventative role for many, that is, prevents many questioners from transitioning for the wrong reasons by offering a perspective that isn't seen almost anywhere else because it is silenced. Hence the value of the openness/ultra free speech aspect seen here. Many desistors, including myself, credit much or most of their decision to desist and thus not transition (ie prevention) to this sub. So like it or not it is a prevention sub to some extent and I think that's a good thing.
There's nothing strange about liking both men's clothing and red lipstick and heels. "Men's clothes" on women is trendy right now anyway, just check out the zara website (oversized blazers, jumpers, pants).I also like both women's and men's styles, depending on my mood. Try combining the two as well. Makes for a killer look.
You're 15. I saw your picture in your account. You're definitely not ugly. When I was 15 no one hit on me either. Now, at 19, I've had plenty of guys after me. It's not just about appearance. Its also about how you carry yourself, what you think about yourself, that affects whether others will pursue you. .
Also, you don't neccesarily have to wait for someone to ask you out. If you want a relationship, don't be afraid to take the first step yourself. That's how I got my first boyfriend. It's a stereotype that girls can't be the one who asks the guy out (if it's a guy you're after). Don't have experience with asking girls out, but im sure the same applies.
Otherwise, sometimes you just have to wait. Some things just come with time. I thought I was hopeless at 15. At 16 I had my first relationship and at 19 I actually don't consider myself an ugly piece of shit anymore and am pretty confident in dating. I would've never believed I'd get this far at your age.
Also life isn't easier for women. Some things are easier, some are harder. Just a different set of challenges. I guess one difference is that when we re young we re less invisible and we have more room to be bad at stuff since lower expectations are placed on us. But other than that, it's a mixed bag, like anything else.