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Reddit user /u/naniiamo's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 19 -> Detransitioned: 21
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
influenced online
influenced by friends
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user shares a highly specific, nuanced, and emotionally charged personal narrative that evolves over time. The details about binding, consultations, hormone effects, and the internal conflict of social re-identification are consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister experience. The emotional tone—ranging from fear and insecurity to hope and self-acceptance—is complex and human.

About me

I started transitioning because I felt deep discomfort with my body and thought becoming a man was the only escape. I was heavily influenced by online communities and pushed to reject my femininity to fit in. A consultation for top surgery made me realize I had made a terrible mistake and was shutting down a huge part of who I am. After stopping testosterone, I struggled intensely with anxiety and feeling insecure in my changing body. Now, I’ve found peace by embracing my female self without any labels, and I’m finally happy just being me.

My detransition story

Of course. Here is a summary of my experience, based on my own comments.

My whole transition journey started from a place of real discomfort. I hated my breasts and felt incredibly anxious and out of place in my own body, especially during and after puberty. I think a lot of my initial feelings were tied to a deep-seated low self-esteem and a feeling that I just didn't fit in as a woman. I started identifying as non-binary, but that quickly shifted into identifying as a transgender man. It felt like an escape from all those uncomfortable feelings.

I was really influenced by the people I talked to online and by my friends in the community. There was a lot of pressure to conform to a male identity. I remember being actively discouraged from doing anything feminine because it wouldn't help me "pass" as male. It felt like I had to shut down a whole part of myself.

I socially transitioned completely and was living as a man at work and with most of my friends. I was binding my chest every day and had started the process to get top surgery. I even went to a consultation for it. But that consultation was a huge wake-up call for me. When the doctor was measuring my breasts and apologized, expecting me to be uncomfortable, I realized I didn't feel that disgust I was supposed to feel. I felt like I had lied to get myself there. That night, and for many nights after, I was haunted by the thought that I had made a terrible mistake and had taken everything way too far.

Around the same time, my girlfriend came out as gay. That was another moment of clarity. It felt like the universe was giving me permission to stop pretending. I realized I had nothing left to lose by being honest with her and with myself.

Telling people I was detransitioning was scary. I was terrified to tell my parents, even though they had been worried about me transitioning in the first place. I planned out a whole speech for them about how I made the right decision at the time but it wasn't right for me anymore. With my friends, it was easier; I told one of them very directly because I knew she'd be supportive, and I told the others when I was intoxicated so I wouldn't overthink it.

Stopping testosterone was really hard on me physically and emotionally. My anxiety got super bad about two weeks after I stopped and didn't let up. I felt ugly and disgusting. I felt incredibly insecure around my female friends because all I could see was how masculine I looked from the hormones. It was so difficult that part of me wanted to just go back to identifying as trans because it felt easier than dealing with all these new, hard feelings.

Re-acclimating to female pronouns was also a struggle. They felt wrong, but I think that was just leftover conditioning from years of training myself to hate them and see them as a sign I wasn't passing. My theory was that I just had to ignore pronouns for a while and let myself get used to everything again.

Now, I've come to a much more peaceful place. I don't really identify as anything specific. I'm just me. I've rediscovered the happiness I felt when I was first questioning and in that "genderfluid" phase, where I could just be without labels. The biggest change has been opening myself back up to femininity. I missed it so much when I was trying to be male. Now, I'm embracing my biology instead of running from it, and I am a thousand times happier for it.

I don't regret my transition because it led me to where I am now, and I needed to go through it to learn these things about myself. But I do regret how far I took it and that I was so influenced by outside voices instead of listening to my own. I never got top surgery, which I am profoundly grateful for now. My thoughts on gender now are that it doesn't have to be a big deal. For me, the healthiest thing was to stop focusing on identity labels and just focus on being a person, accepting the female body I have.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
(Puberty) Started experiencing significant discomfort with my body and developing breasts.
19 Began identifying as non-binary, then as a transgender man. Started social transition.
20 Was fully socialized as male at work and in life. Began binding daily.
21 Went to consultation for top surgery, which triggered my doubts. Stopped testosterone.
21 Girlfriend came out as gay; I began telling friends I was detransitioning.
21 Struggled with intense anxiety and insecurity as my body began to refeminize.
21 Worked on re-acclimating to female pronouns and embracing my femininity.
Now I live without a strict gender identity, simply as myself, and am much happier.

Top Comments by /u/naniiamo:

7 comments • Posting since April 20, 2019
Reddit user naniiamo explains how a top surgery consultation, a doctor's apology, and a partner's coming out led to their detransition realization.
10 pointsApr 25, 2019
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Going to my consultation for top surgery made me realize I had taken things way too far. I felt like I had lied to get myself there, and when the doctor apologized while measuring my breasts, I didn't feel that discomfort I should have. Since then thoughts of being wrong haunted me whenever I'd go to sleep. It got to the point I just couldn't take it, then my girlfriend came out as gay and I realized I had nothing to lose by telling her.

I'm still not 100% ready to make the social switch but I'm going to get there one day.

Reddit user naniiamo comments on finding happiness post-detransition by rejecting gender identity and embracing their refeminizing body.
9 pointsJun 4, 2019
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I really hope so, cause I find myself in pretty much the same boat! I remember being happiest when I was in that weird genderfluid phase when I was questioning, but of course I don't call it anything that weird now. I just choose to ignore gender or identity and I'm finding myself so much happier with myself and my body as it refeminizes! I'm just me 😊

Reddit user naniiamo comments on the difficulty of detransition, describing intense anxiety, body dysmorphia around masculine features, and the temptation to return to identifying as trans because it feels easier.
5 pointsApr 25, 2019
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I'm in the exact same place. My anxiety started being super bad after about 2 weeks off The and hasn't stopped yet. I feel ugly and disgusting and incredibly insecure about myself when I'm hanging out with my female friends. I can only see how masculine I look, and I hate it so much. I can feel myself wanting to retreat back to being trans cause at this point it's easier, but I don't think it's the way I need to go. I feel like I just want to embrace my body for what it is, accept my birth gender, and live at peace with it.

I don't think there is a normal for such a small group, but there's no harm in taking a break from identifying as anything and working on any mental health issues you might be having that could be causing what you're feeling. If you do change your mind again, T is good for transitioning at any age.

Reddit user naniiamo explains the emotional difficulty of gradually stopping chest binding while being fully socialized as male at work in a small town.
5 pointsApr 20, 2019
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I'm nervous cause I'm going to have to keep binding for a while before I can stop fully because I'm fully socialized as male at work, and I live in a tiny town so going out sans binder is going to be really difficult emotionally. It sucks that it's not going to be an overnight thing but it's going to be over eventually.

Reddit user naniiamo explains their plan to tell their parents about detransitioning, including their prepared statement and fears about the conversation.
4 pointsApr 25, 2019
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I told one of my friends pretty point blank, but I already knew she was going to support me, my other friends I told while I was really intoxicated so I didn't worry much about what I said.

For my parents... I haven't told them yet and I don't know when I will, but I'm planning something along the lines of;

"I made the right decision for myself at the time, bit at this point I don't think it's the right decision anymore and I'm going to be working on reversing and accepting the changes I've made to my body and start living as a woman again."

I doubt it'll go that well, and I'm terrified to say anything but they were really worried about me detransitioning so I think it'll go okay.

Reddit user naniiamo explains their struggle with both male and female pronouns after detransitioning, theorizing it's leftover conditioning from identifying as trans, and advises to ignore pronouns to reacclimate.
4 pointsMay 28, 2019
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I'm in a pretty similar situation, though male pronouns still feel a bit more comfortable to me. I'm struggling to think of a way to reidentify as a female if I don't really like female pronouns being used for me.

My theory is just left over from conditioning ourselves to be uncomfortable with female pronouns when we first realized we might be trans, then years of hating the words have made it difficult to reaclimate to them. My advice for both of us is to just try to ignore pronouns, and just let yourself to get used to it again.

Reddit user naniiamo explains how detransitioning to non-binary allowed them to embrace their femininity and biology, leading to greater happiness.
3 pointsJul 5, 2019
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One of the biggest things I missed while transitioning was being feminine. Every time I did something that didn't line up with my male identity I was discouraged and told I needed to change it to be perceived the way I wanted to be. Now being non-binary I've opened myself up to accepting my femininity and my biology instead of trying to run from it and I'm a thousand times happier.